Shhh, it's a secret...

"Little Joe..."

He stood beside me, against the sunlight, unable to see his expression clearly.

Stubbornly pushing me to wake up from my deep sleep, I asked, "Are you my boyfriend?"

I turned around, turned my back to him, and continued to sleep on the desk, not wanting to talk to this person.

Since the relationship was confirmed at Christmas, he asked every day as if he had amnesia.

A few days ago, I patiently pinched his nice face and nodded to make fun of him, but I have never been a long-term person. Later, I gradually got bored and didn't want to answer his stupid question.

If you have any questions, just let me know!

It's not something aboveboard, it's not annoying to do it three or four times a day!

Suddenly, with a chill on his back, he heard the laughter of "Jie Jie" coming from behind, his scalp was numb, and he was too stiff to turn around.

After a while, his cold hands clung to my waist, leaned his chin on my shoulder, and breathed into my ear: "Little Qiao, are you my boyfriend?"

I nodded tremblingly.

But he didn't seem to be satisfied with it, he put his fingers in from the hem of my clothes, and gently scratched: "Baby, you must remember~"

"You know, I will always be by your side watching you~"

He stretched out the tip of his tongue to lick my earlobe, but the temperature was not like that of a living person.

Such thoughts made me feel cold all over my body, and I froze and turned my head to look at him.

Seeing his true face, he wanted to scream for a moment, but he couldn't. He roared silently, as if he was being shackled by something.

That can no longer be called human.

There was black air on the white skeleton, and the broken flesh and blood hung on it, dripping with rotten blood, the round eyes were in the huge eye sockets, without the cover of the eyelids, it seemed that they could come down at any time, and the tip of the tongue was powdery. Tender, as always.

I wanted to escape, but he locked me in my seat. The students around me were still in class quietly, as if they didn’t notice our abnormality. Sometimes one or two students looked over us and looked out the window.

That look, as if we do not exist, as if I, do not exist, in this world.

I opened my eyes suddenly, my mind went blank.

The students around were all writing their homework with pens, and the classroom was completely silent, which was rare.

Outside the window, there are luxuriant foliage, and the lush old trees cover the brick-red tile houses, and small birds are singing on the branches, one after another, crisp and melodious.

White clouds floated under the deep blue sky, the sun shone dazzlingly, casting shadows under the green trees, and the branches and leaves rustled when a gust of wind blew.

It turned out that it was a dream again.

I sat up with my heavy head propped up, looking at the "Basic Psychology" spread out in front of me, my eyes glazed over.

Shen Xinhe looked at me with a frown and asked, "Qiao Zuo, what's wrong with you? You've been wrong since the first day of school!"

I came back to my senses, glanced at the vibrant scene outside the window, and said, as if joking but also seriously: "I don't know, I just feel that my time is approaching."

Shen Xinhe put down his pen and patted my head: "Do you have a fever? What are you talking about!"

I dodged slightly to one side, pretending not to see the stiffness in his eyes: "No, I have always been in good health."

As I said that, I waved my hand: "Forget it, do your homework, I can't explain it to you."

There are too many things in life that you can only perceive by yourself, and there are too many things that you can't tell others, and you can't open your mouth, even if you say it desperately, no one can experience it personally.

Just like me and him.

Everything about me and him is only known to me.

Sometimes, even I am confused, how can I let others know?

Others can't understand, besides...

I also don't want to make it clear to others.

I think it will be the past that I don't want to mention in the deepest part of my memory, and it will slowly drift away with the years.

However, that now seems unlikely.

There is a pair of hands, uncovering the scars that have condensed, laughing at its blood dripping, laughing at my innocence and ignorance.

"Qiao Zuo, in your heart, am I not even a friend?"

I didn't know when the class was over, I stood up and wanted to go out, but was blocked by Shen Xinhe.

He lowered his head, I couldn't see his expression clearly, but I knew it was definitely not too optimistic.

"what?"

I pretended to be confused, hoping to fool the past, now my heart is full of that person surnamed Yin Mingyou, and I don't want to and have no time to flirt with him here.

"Jozo, you know."

He raised his head and stretched out his hand to hold me: "It's true that I like you. You don't like me, and I didn't force it, but what do you mean now? You don't even want to talk to me?"

I pulled his hand away: "Shen Xinhe, you are thinking too much."

"Sometimes I really want it because I think too much."

He said strangely, "Qiao Zuo, there are some things, don't think that you are the only one who knows."

I frowned, and a strange feeling flashed in my heart. Seeing him getting up to leave, I grabbed him subconsciously: "What do you mean?"

"What do I mean? I still want to ask you, if you keep saying that you are not gay, then who are you calling out every night? Don't tell me that this is a pure friendship. I, Shen Xinhe, are not that stupid yet!"

Shen Xinhe looked at me, the hostility in his eyes overwhelmed me.

But what made me feel cold all over was his words, calling a name at night?

Who am I calling?The answer doesn't seem to be difficult to answer, it's ready to come out, it's just that I don't want to face it.

"Who did I call?"

I asked him, and he sneered: "Qiao Zuo, why are you pretending to be stupid, don't you know who you are called?!"

As he said that, he took the "Basic Psychology" on my desk, flipped to the first page, and threw it into my arms: "You should take a good look at what you wrote!"

I suddenly had a bad premonition, but I still picked it up and glanced at it. What caught my eye made me tremble, and the book in my hand fell to the ground with a dull sound.

A breeze blew, and the first page of the book on the floor was opened. It was densely packed with the word Yin You written on it. It covered the original blank, which was shocking.

My eyes were glued to it tightly, and I couldn't move it away.

Seeing me like this, Shen Xinhe sneered even more: "Qiao Zuo, what else do you have to say? Don't tell me that he is a woman."

I ignored him, just knelt down to pick up the book, closed the devastated page, looked directly into Shen Xinhe's crazier eyes, and said, "Shen Xinhe, believe it or not, I, Qiao Zuo, have never been Gay."

He grabbed me who was about to leave again: "Then tell me, what is this?"

I brushed back my shattered hair that was blown by the wind, and said, "I love him, but he just happens to be a man."

The voice was gentle and cruel. I hugged the book, crossed the desk with one hand propped on the desk, walked around him and left gracefully under the surprised eyes of the whole class.

Saying this sentence should mean breaking up with him completely.

I don't know why, but suddenly, my heart is tired, I don't want to pretend that I don't know anything, and I don't want to play flirty games with him anymore.

It's okay without a backer, even if he finds someone to beat me up, I'll admit it.

Really, when I'm tired, I don't care about anything.

And that sentence I love him, I thought I would never say it in my life, but unexpectedly, in this situation, I said it to a person who is nothing.

It's just that he has been dead for several years.

When he was there, I didn't tell him.

Not even if it was a lie or as a joke.

It is possible to know the preciousness only after losing it. I miss him more and more in the three years after his death.

Yesterday I went to a well-known temple in this urban area.

It took nearly a month of living expenses to find the abbot there.

I looked at him with a vicissitudes of life, took a deep breath, and slowly said the lingering nightmare: "Abbot, the Dao is three thousand, can you break the nightmare?"

He didn't answer my question, but just invited me to sit opposite the tea table. He put down the prayer beads, picked up the teapot warmed on the small red clay stove, poured a cup of tea, and pushed it in front of me, motioning for me to taste it.

I was restless in my heart. I basically haven't had a good night's sleep since the beginning of school.

Seeing that I didn't drink, and didn't urge me, he picked up the beads and recited a few times before asking: "Almsgiver, you can trust ghosts and gods."

I was stunned, and said honestly: "I didn't believe it before, but what happened now is so weird that I have to believe it."

He continued with a gentle voice: "The benefactor knows that there are no ghosts and gods in this world."

I glanced at the clothes on his body, shook my head and smiled: "I still believe what other people say, but Master, you are a believer in Buddha, and Buddhas are gods. You believe in him, but say he doesn't exist, it's ridiculous!"

He didn't blame me for my arrogance, and said: "The benefactor forgot, some things, if you believe in him, you will have them, if you don't believe in him, you won't have them. If you never believe in something, and you really see it, that is human obsession." .”

I was stunned, looking at the corners of his wrinkled but loving eyes, I couldn't react.

What do you mean?

"I think what troubles the benefactor these days should be the obsession in the benefactor's heart."

Back in the dormitory, I put the book on the table, thinking about what the abbot said yesterday.

obsession.

maybe.

I didn't think there was anything before, but if it was really an obsession, I really answered a sentence: only when you lose it will you know how to cherish it.

I reached out and stroked the first page of the book, stroking the stained handwriting like a lover.

"Youyou, do you miss me? Or do you blame me for not seeing you?"

The air is silent, and no one answers me.

I continued to ask and answer myself: "Youyou, you must have missed me, otherwise, why did you write your name all over my book?"

"Are you afraid that I will forget you?"

"Don't worry, I won't forget."

Yin You is often left-handed, which few people know.

He does everything with his right hand, and the most common thing he does with his left hand is to imitate my handwriting to help me with my homework. It can be said that it is basically exactly the same as my handwriting.

But I can still see it. After all, it is not something I wrote, no matter how similar it is.