Mumu's Baking Soda

My brother is gone, even though I was very sad for a while, but life is going on as usual, time will always pass, no matter who I can remember, when I am thrown to the other end of time, what I can do , just trying not to let myself forget him too quickly.

I still laugh, cry, and get angry.Although after reacting, I will secretly spurn myself, but... since the irreversible thing is destined to happen, I must look forward.

Even if I really don't want to admit it, I have to say that my brother's death is a bad thing on the one hand, and a good thing on the other.My mother finally couldn't bear such a blow, and she passed away in the autumn a few months later, and I naturally didn't have to learn piano anymore.

It is of course very gratifying that tired fingers can simply relax.

Dad was very sad, so the funeral was very grand.Whether I know it or not, I remember that day, a lot of people came, and my father even published an obituary in the newspaper. The impact of this incident is that I couldn’t get rid of that impact until I graduated from elementary school. .

Suddenly one day, everyone began to sympathize with me. Although I think the reason for this sympathy is ridiculous, if it can bring me enough peace, I sometimes feel that it is not impossible.What you get, what you get, is always like this in life. I accept it quickly and get used to it even faster.

This kind of life is very peaceful, even if I do the same thing every day, I will not feel bored.Play the piano when you are happy or unhappy, kendo, morning and evening, always miss people.Study, do homework, pick up a pen to write and draw on the map.I am so used to loneliness that I can no longer allow other people to appear in my life.

But that's it, since future changes are unforeseen, the kind of shocks you don't want to suffer will still come.

Dad, after being depressed for a while, still cast his eyes on me. He would often take me to clean up the cemetery of my mother and brother. He felt that, like him, I must be sad after losing two relatives one after another. Yes, so he would often tell me something about his mother and the expectations he had for his brother.I should be interested in these things, but I just can't arouse any interest.

When the living people were alive, I didn’t get that kind of understanding from them, and then I learned from other people’s mouths, without verification, I always felt that the person who said it was lying.Well, it's not a lie, after all, no matter how hysterical my mother is, my mother is gentle, and my brother, no matter how much he has encountered later, in his eyes, it is just a person who can be kidnapped by giving him a lollipop. Going dead child.These understandings completely conflict with mine. In my eyes, my mother is lying on the hospital bed all year round, just like a medicine jar. Besides, she doesn't care about my life and death. My brother, he is undoubtedly the most heroic and fearless. characters.

I was a kid then, so I just wanted to believe what my eyes saw.Over time, I saw disappointment in Dad's eyes.After this disappointment could not be excreted enough, my father brought back a woman, and the woman brought a child who was slightly older than me. The first sentence my father told me about them was: Mu Xi, your name is Mu Xi. Mother.

Of course I didn't call out, although to me, the meaning of the word mother is not very noble, but to let someone who doesn't give anything get it easily, I think it is probably a soft-hearted one.

I don't want to guard anything, I just want that woman and that boy to keep a little scruples about me, and don't want to be disturbed.But I never thought that in my father's eyes, I would be opposed first.

Dad told me, your mother can't... your mother will... In short, he said a lot.I saw the boy smiling shyly at me, and naturally I couldn't vent my anger on him or his mother.

I just said: "My mother, which mother is that?" After finishing speaking, Dad was speechless.

At first, the boy didn't live in my brother's bedroom, I was very glad, but this kind of deformed four-person life only lasted for a week before it broke down.

At a meal time when no father was present, at the dinner table, the usual dull atmosphere did not continue. The stepmother still spoke: "Xiaoxi, do you really hate us?"

After chewing the food in my mouth, I thought for a while and said, "No."

"Then why have you never given us a good face..."

"My personality has always been like this. If I can't get used to it, I can't help it."

"But girls your age shouldn't be more, uh, did I mean more lively?"

"Maybe I'm just at this age." I didn't really want to communicate much. After eating a few bites, I was about to leave, but as soon as I turned around, I heard the voice behind me: "Pull what, don't you just Is it too much to be a broken shoe?I do not know yet……

I don't know how indifferent my eyes are when I look back at the past, but I know that when I look back, he didn't want to shut up, even if his mother covered his mouth, I can still see it in his eyes There is enough contempt and ridicule in it.

The shy smile I saw a week ago was probably my illusion.It has only been a week since I transferred to another school, and it has become like this. It is impossible for my nature to be very good.

The woman looked terrified, and she bent a pale smile to me: "Brother didn't do it on purpose..."

I went back to the room before I said the last half of the sentence. At this time, I would think, brother, I will only have Mu Chen.The other delusion is to become him, even if it is only associated with others, it is an unforgivable sin.There is an impulse in my heart, something called tyranny is stirring in my chest.It is precisely because I know that my brother will never say that about me, so it is even more difficult for me to bear the existence of such a person.

But when I wanted to do something to them more and more, I knew I couldn't do anything.I, after all, am not my brother.I feel very lost.As time went by, after they finally confirmed my place in Dad's heart after a long trial, I fell from one hell to another.

I should not be valued by my father as a matter of course.Dad has a mother and a brother in his heart, but there is no me. Although he will still look at me, it is mostly hurt when he touches the scene, and all he can miss are not good memories. Therefore, the relationship between us, apart from that Natural blood that is not easy to change, I really don't know what he is positioning me for.

The incident started at a meal time with my father present. The woman made my mother's favorite cream of mushroom soup. Her stupid son spilled it on me. The soup was not hot, but it was spilled on me. Me, the stepmother just defended her reckless son, and I still wash the clothes myself.I wanted my father to give me an explanation, but I looked at him at that time, but he kept his head down.

My heart was so cold, I didn't want to know what my father was thinking at all, but at that time I just felt that he didn't even fulfill his responsibility as my father.

I can find reasons to be partial to my mother, elder brother, or even Jiang Yupei, but looking at the large stains on my body, I don't know. What is the reason for this partiality?After the reorganization of a family of four, only I became an outsider.

As long as my things are not in the room, they are always tampered with. The photos on the wall in the living room can’t find mine. The boy must have a copy of the things bought for me, and what the boy has, I don’t have. It doesn't matter at all, my living expenses have to be obtained from my stepmother, the piano is occupied, and the dojo is transformed into a small workshop on the pretext that it takes up too much space... I didn't say much about these.

Until one day, my brother's bedroom was used as a utility room, and the compartment between the utility room and the stairs was combined into a big house for the boy to live in. I finally couldn't help it.

The so-called elder brother said: "I don't want to live in a room where the dead have lived."

Hearing this kind of words, my father just lowered his eyes and didn't express his approval or disapproval. I was very angry. I can't say what it was like, but I got angry all of a sudden. I took out the display cabinet as my father's collection. The porcelain plate that mother loved the most back then suddenly hit the boy's head.

The plate was broken, and Dad's face finally changed. I saw "brother" screaming because of the blood on his head, and before my stepmother came out of the kitchen, I turned and ran away.

Running out of the house, running through many streets that I am familiar with or unfamiliar, I can hear all kinds of voices echoing and whistling in my ears, that is when I realized that it is already winter, my eyes are covered with silver, After a year, there are still many days left. I really don’t know how I persisted.

I stopped, and suddenly felt a little cold on my body. It turned out that I only came out wearing a single piece of clothing. Fortunately, my body is still strong from exercise. I clasped my hands, hehe, the heat can still support me .I just don't know where to go.

Home, it was impossible to go back at that time.My description is a bit embarrassing, but it is not a very eye-catching place. I am walking on the street, and not many people look at me.I started to feel cold. There was a large shopping mall in front of me. There was a lot of heat at the door. Although there were many homeless people, I had no choice. The heat was transmitted to my body. I gradually recovered, and my numb thinking began to be flexible. At this moment, I saw a little girl squatting on the ground crying, her mother pulled her a little funny: "I know you don't like to wear skirts, but don't you have a show on New Year's Day? It's okay not to wear skirts." Can't get through."

"Then I don't want the show?"

"No."

Wow, although the little girl didn't cry, she was sad enough.She was almost dragged into the shopping mall by her mother as a mop. I met her face to face. For some reason, she, who was still sad for a second, suddenly blinked at me.

I froze for a long time.I should not know her.