looking away

【No solution】

If not—

Alcohol numbs shame,

Impulse steamed the brain,

How could I be so relieved?

how do I--

with such a humble body

To meet...condense...our joy.

23. Keep an appointment

The next day, when he was busy with Liu Tong, Xiao Fan hesitated again and again, but still didn't say anything about Yufei's call.She vaguely felt that this meeting was definitely not what Liu Tong wanted to see.

At [-]:[-], at a table in the corner of the second floor of Pingnan Cafe, Xiao Fan saw Yufei.In the dark green over-the-knee coat, lined with a cream-yellow wrap sweater, the shawl-length hair is permed in the popular air curls, wearing a pair of metal narrow-rim glasses, and he is fumbling with his mobile phone with his head down.

"Waiting for a long time?" Xiao Fan greeted with a smile.

"Ah! No, I just came here too... Then, sit down, what do you want to drink?" Yufei's expression was tense and cramped.Xiao Fan remembered that when he met her before, he rarely saw her speak.

"A cup of Americano is fine." Xiao Fan took off his coat and sat opposite Yufei.

"Well, you must be surprised that I called you, right?" Yufei said slowly, looking down at the coffee in front of her.

"Um"

"I heard that you were with her, so I wanted to ask you for help."

"..."

Seeing that there was no sound from the other side, Yufei raised her head and glanced at Xiao Fan, only to see that Xiao Fan was stirring the coffee with one hand while staring at herself, and then hastily shifted her eyes away.

"Well, me. You know why we broke up, right?"

"I don't care." Xiao Fan remembered Liu Tong crying bitterly that time, his words became cold.

"Ah, I'm sorry. That's not what I meant. I did it because... well, let me show you something." Sensing the change in Xiao Fan's mood, Yufei quickly took out her phone.Called out a WeChat message and handed it to Xiao Fan.

——She is with someone else, you wait for me!

Xiao Fan returned the phone to Yufei and waited for her explanation.

"This is what my husband sent me the day before yesterday. The thing is like this. The year before last, I attended a junior high school classmate's reunion and met an old classmate." Yufei whispered, "You know, at that time, my little one and I Did Tong just break up, I was very sad, so he often came to accompany me, picked me up to and from work sooner or later, drank with me, and talked with me, "

Xiao Fan listened expressionlessly.

"Then, just... recently, my husband found some clues and started investigating me," Yufei raised her head, showing a nervous expression: "He came back last Wednesday night and said to me that if I don't confess To drag me back to my parents' house, and then reveal all the things I've done these years in front of my parents! I was terrified, you know, I was really terrified at the time, and I had to say, it's a kid Tong came back to look for me, but I didn't agree..."

Xiao Fan frowned: "Why?"

"Ah, why, I don't know why, I was terrified at the time, and I didn't dare to name that classmate, my husband knew him, I was so scared! So, I, I said Liu You know Tong's name, after all, Liu Tong is a woman, and I don't think my husband will do anything to her."

Xiao Fan was completely speechless, and Yu Fei's face gradually changed in her eyes, becoming blurred, distorted and hideous, not talking, but roaring with blood-red teeth bared.

why?Is this really the woman Liu Tong once liked?Is it really the woman Liu Tong would rather wrong herself than hurt?Is it really the kind, gentle and ignorant woman that Liu Tong said?

What does it mean to find someone to accompany you because you are sad?What does it mean to take the blame for being frightened?What do you mean you won't do anything because you are a woman?What else do you want?

Xiao Fan stood up angrily, and slammed his fist on the table: "You, how can you use Liu Tong as a shield in front of yourself! How dare you put shit on Liu Tong's head!"

Yufei was stunned for a moment and quickly stood up. She grabbed Xiao Fan's arms and begged: "I know I was wrong, I really know I was wrong! Don't be angry, listen to me."

Xiao Fan suppressed his anger and sat down again.

"At that time, my husband was very angry and kept yelling to kill Liu Tong. I was scared to death. But that day he received an order to go to City H for a two-month business trip. When I came back, I went to Liu Tong to settle the score. He was coming back soon. Who would have sent such a message. I didn’t believe it at the time, so I went to the bar to inquire and found out that Liu Tong was really with you.. ...You said, you two are together, what should I do?"

Xiao Fan took out a cigarette and suppressed the anger that was about to explode in his heart: "What are you going to do? What does it have to do with you?"

"Uh, it has nothing to do with me, but what about my affairs? What should I say when my husband comes back? I really have nowhere to go. I called Liu Tong, but she didn't answer. I had to find you. You help me!"

Xiao Fan sneered and asked, "How can I help?"

"You break up with her first, just pretend, pretend that you broke up first, Liu Tong came to me, okay? Just wait until I hide this from my husband, okay? My husband has a friend who knows us well All the things in the circle, as long as you two break up, he will definitely tell my husband, so I can handle it easily! Please tell Liu Tong for me, this is really the last time I beg her, Let her be a good person to the end, and help me again!"

Xiao Fan heard something in Yufei's words: "What does it mean to be a good person to the end? What does it mean to help again?"

"Ah! Don't you know? I thought she told you!" Yufei hesitated for a moment, and then said: "Back then, my husband found out that it wasn't actually her..."

Xiao Fan's head is about to explode, what is this thing!Is Liu Tong blind?How can you never forget such a person!

24. Unworthy

"Yufei!" Xiao Fan said in a calm tone, indifferently: "Please, get out of Liu Tong's life. You don't deserve to ask her to help you!"

"..."

"I officially warn you! Starting today, nothing about you has anything to do with Liu Tong!

If, let me hear Liu Tong in your mouth again, let me see you come to Liu Tong again.

Instead of your husband looking for us, I will look for him!

I will tell him everything you said to me today, even the things you didn't say!

Yufei, listen up!Don't think I'm threatening you!

Liu Tong is a gentleman, I am not!I, Xiao Fan, can tell!can do it! After finishing speaking, Xiao Fan picked up his coat, turned around and left downstairs. Yu Fei was left in a corner, unable to make a sound for a long time.

All the way home, Xiao Fan was full of anger and couldn't vent her anger. When encountering overtaking, pressing the line, or cutting the road, she would honk the horn and roll down the window to curse loudly. The foot pedal slammed the car against the dumpster.

After getting out of the car and looking at the crater hit by the car door, Xiao Fan's anger subsided a lot.She took a photo with her mobile phone and sent it to the insurance company, after thinking about it, she forwarded it to Liu Tong.

Immediately the phone rang, "Where are you? Are you okay?" Liu Tong's tone was hurried and flustered.

Xiao Fan smiled: "The rear of the car hit the trash can, what can I do, I'm home."

"Damn! You scared me to death. It's a bad year! You, an old driver, even bumped into other people's trash cans." Liu Tong joked reassuringly.

Hearing Liu Tong's voice, Xiao Fan's mood became clearer: "Did things go well today?"

"Successful, Yueqing is too polite, please invite me to drink tonight, I can't refuse. I was about to call you and ask you to go with me, when I saw you sent a WeChat message."

Yue Qing is a friend of Xiao Fan's advertising department. The two of them were buddies who talked about everything when they were in college. This time, when Liu Tong's case was handed over to Yue Qing, Xiao Fan considered both public and private affairs.

"Okay, take a taxi and pick me up on the way."

At nine o'clock, Liu Tong, whose face was flushed from drinking, put one arm on Xiao Fan's shoulder, and walked unsteadily on the way home.

"Is his family quite poor?" Liu Tong asked Xiao Fan with narrowed eyes.

"Who?" Xiao Fan was taken aback by the question, and then realized that she was talking about Yue Qing, "It's okay. Why do you ask?"

Liu Tong said with a mysterious smile: "Well, he is super unconfident. These days, I have seen that he wears all the gaudy clothes and talks to people, but he is fine when he talks to me. I Probably because of you."

Xiao Fan smiled and said, "What kind of adjectives do you have, does he have any?"

"Yes!" Liu Tong said seriously, "Let me tell you, if it's not because of a bad family background, this kind of person is super unconfident and needs external packaging to arm and support himself!"

"Well, a little bit." Xiao Fan nodded.

The evening wind in early spring brought a burst of coolness.Liu Tong shivered and hugged his shoulders tightly.

Xiao Fan stretched out his arms to Liu Tong and said, "Take a taxi and go to my house, okay?" Liu Tong didn't respond, and his expression changed from calm and composed just now to awkwardness.

Xiao Fan frowned and didn't understand why.

When he got home, Xiao Fan quickly made a glass of ginger syrup and handed it to Liu Tong.Liu Tong deliberately sat at the table with his head down drinking water and did not speak.

Xiao Fan went into the bedroom and changed his clothes, and when he returned to the living room, he found that Liu Tong was about to leave.

"Going?"

"Well, it's too late." Liu Tong wiped the brushed cup and put it in the closet, and poured another cup of hot tea into Xiao Fan's cup.

Xiao Fan walked up to Liu Tong: "You, hide from me?"

Liu Tong froze for a moment, then raised his hand and punched Xiao Fan on the shoulder: "What are you talking about? Why are you hiding from you! I'm just too tired! Be good, I'll go first, let's make an appointment another day!" Then he hurried Bypassing Xiao Fan, he took his bag and wanted to leave.

Xiao Fan didn't want to let her go like this.Seeing that three months had passed, how could any friend get along so spiritually, she grabbed Liu Tong's hand and walked into the bedroom.

After several fights, Liu Tong knew that he was not strong enough, so he didn't break free at all, but quickly said: "I, take a bath first."

In the bathroom, Liu Tong looked at himself in the mirror, and gently slid his hands over his shoulders, the scar on his chest, and the fat on his waist and abdomen.She cursed with an embarrassing wry smile: What a fool...how could it be?How can I match it!

25. Embarrassment

The sound of water disappeared for a long time, and Xiao Fan did not see Liu Tong coming out.She stood at the door of the bathroom and said softly: Liu Tong.The pajamas are on the frame, come out early, don't catch cold.

"Got it." Liu Tong agreed.After a while, she came out wearing Xiao Fan's pajamas, with no expression on her face.

"What would you like to drink?" Xiao Fan asked.

"No need." Liu Tong stood opposite Xiao Fan, seeing that Xiao Fan was about to get up from the sofa, she immediately sat on Xiao Fan's lap.

It was rare to see Liu Tong take the initiative, and Xiao Fan's heart was stirred up.She was about to hug Liu Tong for a kiss, but Liu Tong pushed her back against the back of the sofa.The distance between the two was half body.

"Xiao Fan, look clearly." Liu Tong took off his pajamas, exposing his entire upper body.

"Xiao Fan, look clearly. This is me, with an ugly, terrifying, and unfeminine body..." Liu Tong said word by word, Xiao Fan wanted to stop Liu Tong, but was caught by Liu Tong. Tong stopped.

"Let me tell you, I know you want to get close to me these few months, but you can see clearly. Is this really the body you want? Xiao Fan!" Liu Tong stood up, and she pulled Xiao Fan came to the bathroom mirror,

"Xiao Fan, look clearly! This is a body that I don't even want to take a second look at! Don't lie to yourself, how could you be impulsive about it? I don't believe it! Do you know? As long as you have eyes, you won't be blind A normal person would be frightened by this body! Even if you really had desires when I was wearing clothes, then at this moment, they will make your desires disappear instantly!"

Liu Tong's face was full of tears, Xiao Fan wanted to hug her, but she refused to let her go; Xiao Fan wanted to pull up her clothes, but she knocked off Xiao Fan's hand, growling: "No! I want you Look! You see, you see clearly, and firmly remember their appearance! My appearance! Then you won't want to touch me again, embarrass me, or overwhelm me."

Xiao Fan pulled Liu Tong tightly into his arms, stroked her head and said in a coaxing tone: "Shh! Be good! Don't cry! That's why you hide from me, isn't it? "For a long time, Xiao Fan only heard Liu Tong's choked response.

She complained softly: "You are also in your 30s, why are you still so naive? You said, I will be frightened by your body, and will lose desire because of your scars. Then I ask you, as you do Say, in turn, I will also be unable to hold myself because of a perfect body?"

"Yeah!" Liu Tong nodded.

"Yeah! What kind of thinking are you thinking? If you follow what you said, I'll buy an inflatable doll, that's the most perfect."

"Alright!" Liu Tong nodded in agreement.

Xiao Fan was so angry that he could do nothing: "Human feelings are not as simple as you think. The people you loved before were all because of their invulnerable bodies?"

"..." Liu Tong thought for a while and said, "That's not true. However, you have to admit that the body is definitely a bonus item."

"Okay, even if you're right, how do you know that I think the same as you?"

"I don't know what you think. But the reality is like this! You can't change the low self-esteem and embarrassment that have been deeply rooted in me for more than ten years. You can't say that you can still burn yourself when you see me like this! Let's all be realistic, okay What? Don't embarrass yourself that you have to face me like this, and I don't have to embarrass yourself to face your polite desire!" Liu Tong broke out of Xiao Fan's embrace and roared angrily.

Xiao Fan looked at Liu Tong's face, his expression became serious.She ignored Liu Tong's clamor, turned and left the bathroom, went to the kitchen to pour a glass of red wine, and drank it all in one gulp.

Seeing Xiao Fan suddenly ignoring him, Liu Tong suddenly felt awkward standing here half naked.So he had no choice but to put on his pajamas resentfully, and followed him to the restaurant.

"Sit down." Xiao Fan pointed to the opposite chair.

"You're right, they scared me." Xiao Fan said slowly, Liu Tong curled the corner of his mouth with an expression that he had already guessed.

Xiao Fan ignored her, and continued: "But, that was the first time I saw it. I was scared when I saw the scar on your chest when you were taking care of me. I fell in love, but then I saw the uncomfortable expression on your face. Liu Tong, that's when I knew I fell in love with you. Because those scars are not disgusting or scary in my eyes, they are just yours. It's uncomfortable, so I feel distressed."

Liu Tong began to look at Xiao Fan seriously, expecting her next words.

26. Confession

"That night, I searched the Internet for a long time, and I also consulted a friend who is a doctor. I learned that they are scar constitutions caused by genetic problems, and I know that people suffering from this disease are very painful." Xiao Fan looked at Liu Tong gradually lowered his head.

"The more I checked, the more I felt sorry for you, and the more I hated you for not taking care of yourself. You can't suffer any trauma, even if acne bumps are touched and infected with the dermis, it will induce scarring, and what about you? Even if the scar on your chest is puberty, you can't The result of avoiding, but what about the shoulder? Fighting! What about the arm? Self-mutilation! Looking at your current life, you clearly know that this scar cannot drink, smoke, eat spicy seafood, but you have not lost any of it !

In the past two months, I have consulted many hospitals. Although there is no cure, it can also control the development.do you know?If you let this problem go on, your chest will be wrapped in knotted and growing scars, and your arms will not be able to lift and stretch because of the hardening of the scars.You, do you really want to do this? "

"Liu Tong, I really don't understand. You care so much about this scar, why don't you treat yourself well? Why don't you go for treatment? Why do you deliberately indulge your personality and make them worse and worse. You are very If you are a smart person, why do you have to make life difficult for yourself!"

The more Xiao Fan talked, the angrier he became. In the past few months, the more she knew about Liu Tong's problems, the more angry she felt about her.Whenever she thinks of Liu Tong's sunshine and self-confidence in front of others, she can't imagine that there is a soul that abandons herself and loses behind it.

"Didn't you fall in love with me because of my care for you?" Liu Tong hesitated for a while, but still said another knot in his heart.During these days, she was deeply afraid that Xiao Fan would mistake gratitude for love because of her care in those days.She has experienced this kind of thing too many times, and she is afraid that Xiao Fan will do the same.

"What did you say?" Xiao Fan couldn't get out of his anger for a while, and was confused by Liu Tong's inexplicable question.

"I said, did you develop feelings because of my concern for you, and then mistake gratitude for love?"

"You, are you crazy? Are you scared stupid by Yu Li? Thank you? Thank you! Damn!" Xiao Fan was so angry that he didn't know what to say, "What about you? What about you? Buddy concern?"

"Well, it was then." Liu Tong replied seriously.

"Okay, I admit it! Then, what about you now?" Xiao Fan stared at Liu Tong and asked.

"Now, not now." Liu Tong's voice gradually became smaller.

"What is it now?" Xiao Fan insisted on asking for a result.

"Now, there is desire in liking." Although Liu Tong's voice was small, he said it extremely seriously. "However, I am even more afraid because of this. Xiao Fan, I know in my heart that what you said is right, but you are not me after all. I have been sick for more than ten years, and I never wanted to cure them. But, it is impossible !

You said that controlled treatment is an intervening temporary control. I tried to treat it for half a year five years ago, but it got worse when the medicine was stopped.So, I give up on myself and do whatever I want.Anyway, there is no hope of getting better, so let's live happily every day.

Xiao Fan, my inferiority complex gradually became deeply rooted as they tortured me.I really can't open my clothes to face you, you know I've had several girlfriends, and I never showed myself in front of them.

To you, alas!I couldn't have done those two times without the cover-up of alcohol.Even so, you can feel my nervousness.When I was so happy, my whole body was tense, and I didn't dare to look into your eyes, and didn't dare to feel your hand touching me!

Xiao Fan, afterward, I was so fucking annoyed.I am not willing to be entangled in desire and embarrassment.

Why should it be so difficult?you tell me!

what do I do?you tell me!

Xiao Fan, if I don't hide!what do I do?How can I face you? "Liu Tong finished all the words in a calm voice, and suddenly relaxed, she poured herself a glass of wine, and slowly brought it to her lips.

27. Dispelling rumors

Xiao Fan went around the dining table, sat next to Liu Tong, stroked Liu Tong's shoulder tentatively and said, "If I have a way, for our relationship, are you willing to try?"

"Say."

"Liu Tong, I won't embarrass you again."

"Huh, you've finally figured it out." Liu Tong let out a sigh of relief, "Xiao Fan, don't worry, we can still be buddies. It won't affect other things..."

Xiao Fan raised a finger and pressed Liu Tong's mouth: "Listen to me. I won't embarrass you again, which means I won't take off your shirt again. We just want to have fun and not be embarrassed when we do ai. "

"what!"

"Don't interrupt me, I'm not done yet. You said you tried treatment five years ago, and it was five years ago. Medical development is fast, and I want you to start treatment for yourself. I'm with you !"

"Hey, why are you more stubborn than me!" Facing Xiao Fan's persistence and love, Liu Tong had no choice but to nod in obedience, a little warmth sprouted in her heart.

At three in the morning, Liu Tong woke up.Looking at Xiao Fan's handsome facial features lying beside her, she couldn't help but smile.Floating in the air, she traced Xiao Fan's appearance with her fingers, thinking that love is so different.

For many years, the love that Liu Tong thought of himself was never like this.Those loves are tenderness, demands, requirements, and dependence.And the love in front of him is the possession of oneself, the restraint of behavior, and the almost domineering control.And all this is because of the concern for their own health.

In contrast, this love is more charming and warm, and it attracts Liu Tong to fall deeply into it.

"Not finished yet?" Xiao Fan said suddenly with his eyes closed.

Liu Tong was startled, shook his hand, and slapped Xiao Fan on the face, "Are you awake?"

Xiao Fan opened his eyes, and pulled Liu Tong's hand into the quilt, "Hands are so cold. Why don't you sleep?"

"I can't sleep long after drinking." Liu Tong took advantage of the situation and lay down on Xiao Fan's shoulder.

"By the way, I heard a rumor that you are not in T?" Xiao Fan remembered what Xiao Zhi said, and asked Liu Tong curiously.

"Well. Right or wrong. I don't have a choice on purpose. It's just that all these years, I really don't have any interest."

"No! I heard that you hit a buddy on the head with a wine bottle just because he wanted to have sex with you?"

Liu Tong sat up suddenly: "Who said that? How can there be anything wrong?"

Xiao Fan smiled and crossed his hands under his head: "Look, hurry up! People can have their noses and eyes when they tell me. It can't all be made up."

"Damn, it's really good things don't go out and bad things spread thousands of miles." Liu Tong gritted his teeth and said, "But it's not as evil as you said, I threw the wine bottle on the ground instead of hitting her on the head. That grandson is scared, scared He ran away. Before he ran, he told me to wait. I was so fucking obedient. After waiting for more than an hour, I didn’t see the grandson come back. I left.”

"Then, throwing down 1 yuan is also fake?"

"What 1 yuan, where did you get 1 yuan? The rumors are terrible. Who told you? Why did you tell me about me? I must have bad intentions. I have not waited for this brilliant performance. If you confess yourself, someone will inform you. Who is it?"

"go to bed!"

"Oh, tell me, who is it? Is it Xiaozhi? It must be her, this grandson, nothing can stop her mouth! You wait until I settle accounts with her."

Xiao Fan hugged Liu Tong and said with a smile: "Good boy, don't think about it! Go to sleep!"

The author has something to say:

If not—

Alcohol numbs shame,

Impulse steamed the brain,

How could I be so relieved?