especially clear

I have been alone since I was a child. I have parents, friends, and bed partners, but I have no one who is really mine.

Father and mother are just two nouns to me. They obviously live in this world, and everyone knows that I am their son, but in my more than twenty years of life, there is no memory about them. I have to rely on their photos to remember their appearance.

They are just two strangers to me. I used to live so hard, trying to make myself happy, trying to make myself better, trying to please them, just to get their praise and care, but there is nothing, what are they? No response either.

Sometimes I even feel that they are just my imagination, otherwise how could I be stingy with a word, but my doubts will always be dispelled in the large sum of money that is regularly received in the bank account every month.

Then I started to deliberately waste my studies, deliberately fight and make trouble, and deliberately associate with different men and women. Probably no one is as naughty as me. I thought that the school could find my parents, and people who knew my parents could pass on my dandyism. When I went to them, I didn't get praise or criticism. Maybe they would come back and discipline me, but they just destroyed my hopes bit by bit.

Money really is omnipotent. It can make me unscrupulous in a prestigious school. It can make people who are injured by me smile instead of holding me accountable. It can buy the body of any good-looking person. Let me do anything but fill the emptiness and loneliness in my heart.

I have been stupid three times in my life. One is to spoil myself to attract my parents' attention, the other is to underestimate Qin You's fear of water, and the third is to fall in love with Xiao Yu'an.

I love Xiao Yu'an, and no one will take it seriously, because I am promiscuous, promiscuous, men and women are not taboo, such a person will not fall in love with anyone in the eyes of others, and I hope I will not fall in love with anyone, Love is beautiful, but the price is too heavy.

I can't count the number of people I have dated, but there is only one person I love, and only Xiao Yu'an is the only one. The stupidest thing I have ever done is to fall in love with him and deceive myself into thinking that he belongs to me. I am too confident and think that I am I could really have another person, so I gave my heart and soul, all my time, money, and affection, I put them all as bets, just for him, but in the end I lost everything.

The day I first met Xiao Yu'an, I carried him into the hotel room. I really didn't have any evil thoughts about him. No matter how easy he was to bully, he wouldn't be ruined by a dirty person like me. I guessed that a person like him probably I was cheated once by someone, but at least not by me, I am lucky.

I finally let him lie on the bed, I just wanted to go home quickly to wash off my sweat and sleep comfortably, but when I left, he hugged me and cried and called me Dad, begging me not to Leaving him alone, he said that his mother had a new home, he had no home, he missed me, no, he missed his father, and I stayed in the end.

Because at that moment, I suddenly felt that we were the same kind of people, and we all lacked the love of our parents. Later, I realized that I was wrong, we were different, I had neither, he and his mother.

Xiaoyou really likes Qi Lang. The only friend I have in my life is Xiaoyou. If there is only one person in the world who can achieve happiness, then I hope it is him. There were many people who pursued Xiaoyou in the past. In my opinion, none of them can be happy. Not worthy of Xiaoyou, Xiaoyou has never liked anyone.

Qi Lang is not worthy either, he is too fraternal, but as long as Xiao You likes it, no one can take what Xiao You wants, so I deliberately approached Yu An, my original intention was to match Xiao You and Qi Lang, who would have paid for it? own.

Even though I sometimes resist vigilance in my heart, Yu'an and I are getting more and more familiar. On the day he came to my house for the first time, I controlled our relationship in time, but it caused him to misunderstand, and he became angry. If I let it go at that time, We can only be ordinary friends.

But when we were bungee jumping together, when we hugged him tightly in the air, I lost control and refused to let go of him after landing. I got closer and closer, he even lived in my house, he would help me with the housework I hated the most, he liked to eat the dishes I made, and I liked to cook for him, how wonderful it was then.

I began to like him and doted on him in every possible way. What I didn't want to admit was that he didn't like me. His face would change because of my touch, but he seemed to be trying to control his emotions. He didn't know, his body was stiff, How disgusting it is to have such a reaction.

When he looked at me, he often deliberately avoided my gaze, which was chilling. I tried my best to hide my feelings, but was it still discovered?That's why he hates me so much, and being liked by someone he doesn't like is really troublesome enough.

On Qi Lang's birthday, I kissed Yu'an by being drunk. I wanted to know if he really didn't like me at all. He pushed me away, not procrastinating at all, which was in line with his temperament. Many things really didn't go well. At the beginning, I was actually very sad, it's not like me.

Since he doesn't like me, why should I hang on his tree? There are too many people who want to be with me. With this in mind, I attend various parties and flirt with various people. Inside, in my heart, it's all about him, I know I'm done.

After a few days, I calmed down and decided to keep this liking in my heart and continue to be friends with Yu’an, so that at least I could meet and chat with him. If I confessed my love, I’m afraid he would never want to see me again in this life.

I succeeded in comforting myself, but Yu'an refused to let me go. On the night I went to the garden party with Xiao You Qilang, Yu'an very clearly rejected me. What kind of twisted melons are not sweet, and giving up is good for everyone. I want to laugh, laugh, and at the same time, I am very angry, am I such a bad person in his mind?

I never thought of forcing him, but he looked down on me like this and refused to even face me. This is the first time I realized that the heart can hurt like bleeding without being stabbed by any sharp weapon.

When you can't get angry, let him go home by himself, and when you walk around the corner and get into the car, you worry about him again. There is always such a person that you like so much that you are willing to be cheap.

I drove the car and quietly followed his taxi until he entered the house. I parked on the side of the road and waited for him to turn off the lights before leaving. I was worried that he would go home by himself, so I followed him, he Sitting in a taxi, I was worried about whether the taxi driver was a suspect in a serial murder case, so I followed him home. I was afraid that he would pack up and leave, so I waited until he turned off the lights to make sure he didn't go out before rest assured.

Yu'an is not a complicated person, but I still can't figure out what he was thinking, for example, after rejecting me, he acted like nothing happened, and went back to my house to sleep peacefully.

Afterwards, I didn’t go back for a long time. I lived in Xiaoyou’s house for a long time. Our affairs turned around on Xiaoyou’s birthday. I probably didn’t have such a shame, so I took the initiative to pick him up shamelessly. Banquet scene.

None of us spoke during the traffic jam. I answered Xiaoyou’s call. The banquet had already started, but we hadn’t arrived yet. Xiaoyou was very worried. I was patiently explaining to him when Yu’an suddenly opened the car door and ran out. After hanging up the phone, I didn't care about anything and chased after him. I held his hand in the middle of the road.

"what happened to you?"

His expression looks very wronged, what is he wronged?It was obviously me who was rejected.

"Lin Hang, do you like Qin You so much? I just said that it's impossible for you, and you just ignored me for a few weeks. Qin You and the senior are doing well now, can't you take it easy? I admit that I His tone was very bad, but just because I persuaded you, you didn't go home or answer my calls, and completely severed ties with me, don't you think this is too cruel to me?"

It was the first time I saw Yu'an losing his temper, but what he said was unreasonable. I like Xiaoyou?If it's true, then there's nothing wrong with Qi Lang, how could Yu An misunderstand that I like Xiao You?

And I didn’t go home because I was sad. Why did I have to be reprimanded by him for calming down? No one would look for me anyway, but Yu'an did not expect to contact me.

The point is when did I become cruel to him?There has never been a person who made me treat him with all my heart and soul like him, and continued talking without waiting for me to defend Yu'an.

"Do you know how uncomfortable I am when you are like this? I love you so much, I hate you too, I like you so much, but you turn a blind eye to my heart, and even want to play with me when you are broken up, because Qin You deliberately Stay away from me, what did I do wrong to be trampled on by you like this?!"

I saw Yu'an crying all over his face and felt very worried. The moment I heard him say that he likes me, there was a thunder in my head. I couldn't believe what I heard. Yu'an also likes me. He said that he likes me Me, nothing surprised me more than this, I hugged him tightly.

"I don't like Xiaoyou, I like you! I only like you! Yu'an, I like you! I thought you were rejecting me when you said that day."

"Ah? You...you you like me?!"

"Well, I like you."

My Yu'an is really the cutest person in the world. We just hugged and kissed on the main road in full view of everyone.

We officially dated and spent the happiest time of our lives together. He no longer slept in the guest room, we slept on the same bed, we fell asleep together, woke up together, we watched movies together, and played with meat , doing all the things that couples do together. At that time, I was so happy that I was floating every day, and it was the first time I really felt the beauty of love.

I said that I hope he can always belong to me, and he said that he hopes to be willful in my arms all the time.

I like him more than I imagined, I love him.

I don't know when I fell in love with him, and I don't know why I love him. I thought for a long time before I came up with the answer. Maybe I'm too dirty, and I naturally yearn for those pure and clean things in my bones, so I was attracted by Xiao Yu'an. I love him to the point of sickness, I miss him crazily every moment, I want to see him, I want to hear his voice, so he can't take it anymore, he must think I'm terrible, only to find that it's better to be a woman, so I left Me, although I did feel very happy when we were together, I still regret falling in love with him, and if I go back in time, I will never fall in love with him.

I don’t know when he stopped coming to live with me. He said he was too busy with his studies. I believed him. Later, we only met on weekends. I admitted it. Who made me fall in love with a medical student, but I never I never thought that he was just preparing for the breakup.

When I got home from get off work that day, I saw him packing his luggage and sitting on the sofa waiting for me.

"Yu'an, where are you going?"

"let's break up."

I didn't take it seriously, how could I take it seriously, he gave me love, and said he would give me a home, he even accompanied me through the most difficult times, how can someone who treats me like this break up with me? ?

I think he must still be angry, because the matter between me and Mo Ran, although it was a misunderstanding, he probably still took it to heart, because I like me, and I always think highly of myself.

"What's the matter? Be good, I'm so busy with the company today, please don't quarrel with me, okay? I really only love you."

"I'm serious, we break up."

"Even if you are angry for a while, don't just say goodbye, what should I do if I take it seriously?"

I took his hand, trying to keep my tone relaxed, his eyes were so strange, so strange that it was scary, he pulled my hand away, calm as if he had never had those happy times with me.

"My mother has returned to China and introduced me to a girl. I plan to stay with her for a while. If nothing else, I will get married soon."

"Married? Hehe, can you fucking be hard on women? Your mother and her new husband have been ignoring you for so many years abroad, and now you are asked to marry? Xiao Yu'an, don't you think it's ridiculous? ?"

I tried my best to say nasty things to him and seemed to be that stupid kid who spoiled himself to get the attention of his parents again, and Yuan, he turned into someone I didn't know at all, he didn't respond to my words , looked at me calmly and said nothing.

I guess he is waiting for my consent, he is still him, his principle is mutual consent, mutual consent when together, mutual consent when we break up, it seems that he has decided to go, I have given him everything, and this one is not bad promise.

"Okay! Break up! You get out of my house! Take all your things away!"

I saw Rourou who was huddled in the cat's litter, strode over and picked it up. I have never been so rough with it. It was probably frightened and kept barking. My heart ached, but Yu'an still had a look on his face calm.

"This is your cat, take it too!"

"My mom is allergic to cat hair, so I'm leaving."

He left our home so resolutely, I hugged Rourou, howled and cried bitterly.

I think Xiao Yu'an just likes me a little bit, but if he has loved me before, he would never let me be so desperate and sad. I really have nothing. I was sitting on the edge of the roof, and when I wanted to end everything, I received a call from Qi Lang. On the phone, he and Xiaoyou had a bad fight, I can't ignore Xiaoyou, I have to hold on.

This support lasted for so long.

Not long after we separated from Xiao Yu'an, Mo Ran and I were together, and I lived with him in another place, and I would quarrel with him occasionally, but when I was sober, that was when I knew he was not Xiao Yu'an, most of the time I love him all the time, looking at his back that is exactly the same as Yu'an, I can't get angry, I just want to keep him by my side, Mo Ran is the most innocent, I blame myself for Mo Ran Guilt, longing for Yu'an and deep love, he can only drown his sorrows with alcohol to anesthetize himself.

Every time I get drunk, my sanity is still there, and this night is the same. After I get drunk, I still can't get rid of the depression in my heart. The lovesickness accumulated for so long prompted me to drive back to the place where we confessed to each other. On that road, I seemed to see the couple embracing each other again, looking so in love.

I really want to go back to the past. I really can’t go on with this kind of life anymore. There was a piercing friction sound in my ears. I don’t know what happened. I lay on the ground with only a few stars in my eyes. It was wet, and I subconsciously felt that I should make a call, whoever it was.

The movement to hold the phone stopped abruptly, not because I lacked strength, but because I suddenly felt that this is it, what's the point of being a walking dead?He's getting married to someone else next month and wants to stop time as if we're still together and nothing has changed.

I seem to be wearing the cuffs he gave me, um, really, I can feel it as soon as I touch it, haha, it’s obviously late at night, why is it so noisy, it seems that someone is calling me, forget it, I don’t want to do this again Tortured myself, so be it... so cold...

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Alas, there is one more text and the end of QAQ