Zhen Guo Princess GL

What do I want?Before I was three years old, the problem was very simple. I wanted to go home, away from this strange era, and return to my previous home.From the age of three to 12, the problem is also very simple. I want to eat and wait to die, and spend the rest of my life quietly and happily—and then see if I can go home after I die. After I turned 12, I completely forgot about going home. The only thing I wanted was A Huan, and I wanted her from my body to my heart.Up to now, what I want most is still A Huan, but this kind of thinking seems to have quietly changed, and it has become an inexplicable and unclear feeling.Since leaving the palace, there have been many people and things around me. Although I try my best not to think about these things, they always find me inadvertently or inadvertently.Seriously, I am not yet 16 years old, not yet a teenager, but the carefree days of a teenager seem to have long since left me—of course I know that I am not sick, after all, I am older than my contemporaries The vast majority of 16-year-old girls, whether they are the daughters of noble families such as Cui Mingde, Wan'er, A Huan or even Dugu Shao, or the poor and slaves such as Xianxian and Xiaolang, are too happy, but sometimes I still bear it. I can't help but feel that this is abnormal. A 16-year-old should be studying happily, be loved unreservedly and unconditionally by his parents, and squander his stupid and middle-school youth recklessly. Instead of thinking about mother's mind from morning to night every day, speciously pondering these so-called national affairs, sneaking out at night to have an affair with his sister-in-law, and discussing with his lover how to frame his subordinates.

Going back 16 years, even if I killed myself, I would never have imagined that I would stand with the "Queen Dowager", "Emperor" and "Prime Minister" and participate in these national events that were not necessarily seen on the news broadcast before. As gossip or secret information about the content of Gongdou drama.

It is so easy to see things on TV and books, but in reality, even controlling the corners of one's mouth to smile properly and properly is a painful thing.And the people on TV never really die. After the story is told, the actors continue to come out, talking and laughing here and there, and talking about interesting things during the filming process, but here, "death" is "death", and it is a living person Disappear from the front, no actor will run out from the set, smiling and comforting the injured audience, "death" has many names, the royal family and important ministers can be "given to death", and those with minor crimes can be "hanged" The most unlucky "abandoned market" is even worse than "Ling Chi".And the death of one person is far from the end.

I used to think about how to become stronger day and night, and I forced myself to become stronger, strong enough to protect myself and Ah Huan, but sometimes, I also doubted how to be truly strong, and Is the price paid for being strong worth it?

A Huan didn't force me to answer, she just looked at me patiently, put her arm around me, let me pillow her hand, and gently patted my back with the other hand.In my homesick and cranky, moody childhood, my mother used to pat me gently, one by one, to lull me to sleep.My grandfather came from the grasslands, and his pronunciation was quite crooked, so my mother learned a lot of Bingzhou local accents. She never mentioned the past in Bingzhou on weekdays, and only at this time would she sing some plausible Bingzhou local songs softly.When she sang, her voice was really gentle from the heart. This gentleness clearly misled me, making me always think that she was just a queen who happened to be surnamed Wu and happened to be a little bit strong.This tenderness also misled Li Sheng and Li Rui, who always regarded her as a mother rather than a political enemy.

I gently raised my head to look at A Huan and looked into her shining eyes: "A Huan, can you sing?"

A Huan was startled, put her hand on my shoulder, and said softly: "I learned a few words from Qiniang before." She tilted her head, and softly sang a folk song, she didn't use the official rhyme, I didn’t understand many of the words she sang, and most of her tunes were wrong. There were a few places where there were obvious disconnections, and there were repetitions in some places. Once she stopped and thought about it for a moment before continuing to sing. , a little embarrassed and said: "Qiniang and the children in the outer lane learned it. They can't rhyme, they don't know how to read, and they don't know what it means when they sing it. Qiniang is young and ignorant, so I learned it from them. He sang to us, but my father found out, and even I took her, locked her up in the yard and knelt together, Wu Shengren came to deliver the food, but my father found out, the food was not delivered, and I was beaten for nothing - thanks to him I have read so many books for nothing, I am stupid than you, if I..."

She stopped talking and hugged my shoulder tightly, tears streaming down her eyes, she quickly turned her face away, I sat up, hugged her from back to front, and let her lean on my shoulder superior.When I held her in my arms, I realized that I was already taller than her. Although I was not much taller, I could already see it when I was sitting.I lightly patted her on the back, heard her sobbing gradually subsided, and hurriedly coaxed her: "Wushengren is not stupid. When I recommended him, the official department checked the papers and said that he did a good job in strategizing. The handwriting is also beautiful. You brothers and sisters are all so outstanding, and Auntie must be gratified in the spirit of the sky."

I quietly called her A Niang as "A Niang". I don't know if she heard it. Anyway, I blushed and went to wipe her tears clumsily. , why did Wu Shengren call him this name? Is it a nickname?"

She shook her head in my arms, and said softly: "A Niang is not very good at reading, but I have learned the "Contemplation of the Infinite Life Buddha Sutra" from several masters. Our brothers and sisters were all named after A Niang, so we named ourselves from the sutra. After I lived with my mother, Fang named it 'Huan' from Sanniang, which was not originally called this."

I smiled and said, "I see, you must have been called Wei Wushangmei originally, that's why you were born so beautiful."

She gave me a blank look: "I was originally called Wuliangshou, and Qiniang was called Guanyin maidservant. Later, my mother thought that maidservant didn't sound good, and said that I was from a maidservant's family, so I couldn't use this word anymore, so I changed it to Guanyin. The name is vulgar, you Just forget about it."

I recited the three characters "Wuliangshou" again, only to feel that the ordinary three characters sounded like a supreme fairy, and half-jokingly said: "When I was young, I went to worship Buddha, and I couldn't bear to see anything else. Immeasurable Life Buddha, I feel as if I have seen it in the previous life, very kind, so it is because of you."

She pushed me: "I'm not afraid of being blamed by the Buddha for being nonsense all day long." As soon as she said this, her face suddenly changed, she bowed to the west calmly, muttered a few words, and dragged me away again. bye.I didn't know that she was so pious, so I followed her and bowed a few times, then smiled and said, "Then I won't call you A Huan from now on, but I will call you A Shou, okay?"

She glared at me, pushed me on the bed, and pressed me tightly with the quilt: "Sleep."

I drilled around the bottom, finally hugged her again, kissed her body again and again, I suddenly had a flash of inspiration, and whispered: "May you live forever, and be happy forever when you touch the light."

She turned around and glanced at me, squeezed my hand and said: "May your life be transformed into a man, and be born from the lotus in the Seven Treasure Pond."

I looked at her dumbfounded, and was about to refute, but in a flash, I just smiled and hugged her tightly: "May there be no one in the world wishing that 'the country has no women' and 'women turn into men'." .”

She moved her body and said very softly: "Sleeping."

The author has something to say: Notes:

Both Taiping and A Huan recited some of the 48 vows in the Buddhist scriptures. The following is from Baidu:

When I became a Buddha, my radiance was boundless, illuminating the ten directions, surpassing all Buddhas.It is better than the brightness of the sun and the moon, thousands of billions of times.If there are sentient beings who see my light and touch their bodies, they will feel happy and do good with compassion, and they will be reborn in our country in the future.If you don't, you don't get enlightenment. (Thirteen, Vow of Boundless Light; Fourteen, Vow of Touching the Light and Peace of Mind)

When I become a Buddha, my lifespan is infinite.There are countless voices, hearers, gods and humans in the country, and their life spans are also infinite.If all the beings in the three thousand great thousand worlds are predestined to become enlightened, they will be counted for hundreds of thousands of kalpas. If they can know the amount, they will not attain true enlightenment. (fifteen, wish for infinite life; sixteen, wish for countless voices)

When I became a Buddha, there were no women in the country.If there is a woman who hears my name, gains pure faith, develops Bodhicitta, and hates the female body, she wishes to be born in our country.A man who is about to die at the end of his life, come to my land.All living beings in the worlds of the ten directions, who were born in our country, were born in the lotus flower of the seven-treasure pond.If you don't, you don't get enlightenment. (22. The country has no women; 23. The wish to turn from misogyny to men; 24. The wish to transform into a lotus flower)

So you know where the so-called "high status of women" in the Tang Dynasty was ←_←

grateful……………………………………………………………………