not lonely

This year marks the 20th year that I have been with Mingcan as a friend.

Although I am extremely reluctant to stay by his side in this capacity, this is the only character where I can guard him so closely.

In 20 years, the years rotate, and the cold and heat alternate.I thought there was no gap between us for outsiders to step in, but love is the most unpredictable thing in this world.

The relationship between the two of them, even if I was a stupid bird to fly first and set off 20 years earlier, in the end it was still far behind.

The day Zhong Qianyi left was already the tenth day he had been in a coma.Mingcan and the three of them guarded him for ten days without sleep in the hospital, reluctant to leave for a moment.I looked at him who was already tired and out of shape, but I couldn't even say a word of comfort.

Later, I watched Zhong Qianyi's heartbeat in the instrument drop rapidly and slowly return to zero, and the ear-piercing hum continued to permeate the oppressive ward.

I panicked, I couldn't believe what happened, I was so scared, I could only instinctively hug Du Mingcan beside me, I knew that he must have panicked and scared too, his panic and fear were greater than mine This outsider, I don't know how many times stronger.

At that moment, in this world, it seems that there are a few more lonely ghosts who have lost their souls, and they have been alone since then, with nowhere to return.

The doctor took off Zhong Qianyi's oxygen mask with a blank expression, removed the large and small tubes from his body, turned around, patted Du Mingcan's shoulder lightly, and said softly, condolences.

I know, this "sorrow", I'm afraid I can't save it.

Zhong Qianyi's funeral was very simple, but there were quite a few people who came to see him.Du Mingcan bowed to them one by one, with a calm expression on his face, everyone who came to express his condolences had a bitter expression, and some of them who had a close relationship with Zhong Qianyi even shed tears.Du Mingcan even comforted them with words.It seemed that he was the bystander of this farewell party.

But I know that he is just using the most silent way to slow down his heart.

Later, Du Mingcan went home and fell asleep for three days and three nights. On the fourth day, he started shopping like crazy.He said that he was going to travel, to see the most beautiful place in the world, and to fulfill their unfinished agreement on behalf of Zhong Qianyi.

Every day, he writes down the journey of the day on Moments, records the road he traveled with photos, and writes down what he sees and feels in words.Every day he would write a sentence at the end:

I will listen to you, watch everything you want to see for you, and then tell you frame by frame what the world you like looks like.So please, be sure to wait for me.

I really want to have the ability to control memory, and pull that memory belonging to two people out of Du Mingcan's mind.I know it's extremely cruel and unfair, but I just want the person who lives to be less painful.

Du Mingcan is probably the longest-lived person in the world, because he really understands what it means to live like a year.

During the days when Du Mingcan was away, a stranger came to the house.

It is not appropriate to say that they are strangers.He and I met once in the United States, and it can even be said that we did not know each other without fighting.

He is Gao Huan, the owner of the gallery that sold the painting of Sophia.

"Brother Xiao Yi has something to give to that Du Mingcan. Since he is not here, please help pass it on."

"what is this?"

"open to take a look."

I unwrapped the outer packaging layer by layer, and the corners of a painting were exposed in front of my eyes.That is the handwriting that I am very familiar with, from Du Mingcan, Sophia.

"This is..." I was so surprised that I didn't know what to say, and I quickly unpacked all the packages, revealing the complete painting. "You, you, you... Didn't you say you sold it? Why are you back again?"

"I paid three times the price to buy it back, and it also came with a work that I have treasured for many years. You don't know, the lips are worn out."

"You have such a good intention?" I looked at him suspiciously.

"I don't have the leisure to meddle in your business." Gao Huan shook his head and smiled, "It's not Brother Xiaoyi who guards the door of my gallery like a door god, blocking my way of making money. Just guarding for a week, I’ve been in the police station, and I still didn’t give up and came to find me. I was really beaten by him, so I agreed to help him.”

Later I handed the painting to Mingcan, and when I told him all this with careful words, he was stunned for a while, and then smiled.Laughed and laughed and cried again.

That was the first time I saw Zhong Qianyi cry after he left.I don't know if he let go and looked away after the long tour of more than half a year, but seeing his tears, I hugged him worriedly and listened to his sobs.

He said, Zeyang, I feel bad.

I said what's wrong with you?Is it because the jet lag is not upside down when you just came back?You go to sleep for a while.

He said, Zeyang, tell me, does Zhong Qianyi love me?

If he loves me, how can he bear it, how can he bear to make me so sad?I lived in a daze, like a walking dead, walking through different cities. During the day, I tidied myself up and wandered among different scenery. At night, I was looking at photos in the hotel, drinking, smoking, drunk, hug Cry under the quilt, and then take a shower the next day to clean up and continue on the road.I'm going to show him where he wants to go, and then go and tell him in person.He has no reason to reject me again...

But when I was finally able to find him, he still refused to see me, and still wanted me to live on...

Do you understand Zeyang?Do you understand why he gave me this painting? "

I understand, I understand, I understand.

Du Mingcan was crying so hard that he couldn't help himself. He said, Zhong Qianyi was telling me that remembering is also a kind of eternal life.

The second day after Mingcan came back, we went to Zhong Qianyi's cemetery together. He placed the flowers he brought in front of his tomb, squatted down, and carefully stroked the photos on the tombstone.I come to this place often, and when I have nothing to do, I come to talk to Xiaoyi.I can often meet Liao Tongxun, and occasionally meet Shen Lu.

Probably because the longing was too long, whether it was Liao Tongxun, Shen Lu, or Du Mingcan in front of him, they couldn't help but burst into tears.But that smiling person was still quietly curling the corners of his mouth with shallow dimples, far away from all the pain.

I must guard Mingcan every step of the way. I am afraid that if I am distracted, I will no longer be able to hold his hand, just like he can no longer hold Zhong Qianyi's hand.Wherever he goes, I will follow.Even going to the bathroom followed.He couldn't sleep, so he asked the doctor to prescribe sleeping pills. I hid them and didn't give them to him. I took him to run nearby, three kilometers every night.He was angry with me, and he didn't eat in anger, and I didn't eat either. How long he was hungry, how long I stayed with him.

He said, Zeyang, don't do this, I don't want to owe you anything.

I said don't get me wrong, I don't think you owe me, I like you, so I do everything willingly.

He said, I know you are worried about something happening to me, don't worry, I will live well.

I said I am not worried, I will not stop you if you want to die, anyway, I like you, if you want to die, I will die with you, I will do what I say.

He said Zeyang, he is the only one who is full of my heart, I don't want to hurt you.

I said that I am also full of you and you are the only one, and I don't want to lie to myself.

He said, Zeyang, why are you bothering? I said, Du Mingcan, why are you bothering?

Those who can speak clearly and clearly are not called, the direction of the heart.All I know is that I want him.It is never the brain that guides through sensory nerves, but the heart that works through blood circulation.

I am an emotional person, so are you, and so is he, so don't ask why, it's not bitter at all.

I only look forward to, just like this moment, that the man I love will cheer up every morning, dress up and go to work, and when he gets busy, he will forget to eat and sleep, and stay up all night.When I am free, I will be in a daze quietly.I laugh when I watch a good TV show, and cry when I watch a sensational movie.Concentrate when playing games, and swear when you lose.Occasionally clubbing, not getting drunk, a lot of entertainment, I need to drive to pick up.When I am bored, I will smoke, with a fixed brand, up to two cigarettes.Sometimes I cook at home, more often I order takeaway.I often dream of him when I sleep, sometimes weeping softly, sometimes crying loudly, I wake up, and then I have insomnia, and then I chat with him until dawn.Go to the supermarket together on weekends, buy oil, salt, sauce and vinegar that are not commonly used, and buy instant noodles that will disappear soon.Regular travel, ancient towns, seaside, no planning, just go with the situation.

This is the life I love, and he is the man I love.

Although, he doesn't love me.

The author has something to say:

The last three episodes, when they are released, are completely over.