bunny kid

The sun was shining and the autumn breeze was blowing. It was an ordinary morning in Liu's mansion.

Last night, I spent my first night in my long-lost hometown. Apart from remembering it, it also made me worry about my future.After all, it was not without reason that I left my hometown, abandoned the affluent life of my hometown, and went to a strange place to start from scratch.Here are the things I want to escape from.

And that incident happened again without warning that day, breaking the usual morning.

I was reading the newspaper leisurely in the courtyard, but suddenly I saw my mother beckoning me to come over. I held up my crutches and followed her to the hall with a puzzled face.

On the solid wooden chair at the far side of the hall, I saw a familiar figure. A young woman wearing a cheongsam was sitting on the chair. Her long black and beautiful hair was slightly curled at the end, and her hair reached her shoulders, neatly and neatly. grace.The snow-white skin is painted with a touch of bright red, which complements the pink lips.A pair of clear and energetic almond eyes are even more unforgettable.

With such a beautiful woman, has it ever made people think that she is my childhood sweetheart?

When this beauty caught a glimpse of me, she smiled happily, and just rushed over, calling softly: "Brother Nian, long time no see, I miss you so much, you are getting more and more mature." She said accompanied by laughter.

I was a little flustered, scratched the back of my head, and greeted politely: "No, you haven't changed at all, Wen Huai."

She stared at me with a smile on her face, without saying a word, as if she was waiting for my next words.

I was half a beat slow in reacting, and after a while I realized: "Long time no see, I miss you too."

Wen Huai's crisp laughter resounded again. She took my arm, supported me carefully, and said, "I heard from my aunt that you had an accident in Beiping, so your leg was injured, right?"

She helped me up and walked towards the front yard, and said: "But it's okay! Even if your feet don't recover, I can take care of you for the rest of your life. You are still my only good husband."

Whether it's Wen Huai's pair of jade hands gently holding my palm, or the mother's gratifying smile not far away, they are like soft but deadly pillows, covering my face forcefully, making me unable to breathe.

Zhou Wenhuai, the only yellow-flowered daughter of Zhou Mansion, a big family in the town, is the same age as me, born only half a month after me, and is my fiancée who is married with my fingertips.

Liu Fu and Zhou Fu are family friends, and they have played with Wen Huai almost since they were sensible.But I'm a bit shy by nature, and I've known since I was a child that men and women can't get along, so I can't get along with Wen Huai.However, Wen Huai likes to cling to me, and I like to cling to my elder brother. Over time, the three of us formed a small circle, and I also felt more at ease because of my brother, a close and familiar person, by my side. I gradually opened my heart to Wen Huai and became familiar with him. stand up.

If there is no accident, Wen Huai and I will get married according to the wishes of our elders when we are 20 years old.Unfortunately, Wen Huai has always been just a younger sister to me.

I only found out that Wen Huai was my fiancée when I was 12 years old, and I learned about it from a distant relative.The relative I called my cousin, grinning with black and yellow teeth, teased me obscenely when I was young and ignorant.When other elders, especially my parents were not present, they always liked to say obscene words to me, such as intercourse, sexual intercourse, and methods of conceiving children. It smashed my small world hard.When he talks about these things, he always puts Wen Huai's name intentionally or unintentionally. It's nothing more than putting me and Wen Huai in his dirty fantasies, or blatantly talking about Wen Huai's body.

In the past ten years of education, I have never been exposed to these things. The education at home is very strict, and I have been studying at home since I was a child, and I have no friends of the same age. At the age of interest, I still only know how to read my Four Books and Five Classics sullenly.

I never thought that the first time I knew about sex, I knew it from such a smelly and nasty mouth.Every time he talks to me, it's like ten thousand maggots crawling across my chest, giving me goosebumps unexpectedly.Since then, sex has been an extremely disgusting and dirty thing for me.

At the age of thirteen, I experienced for the first time a great wave of guilt and fear.This irresistible physical desire suddenly popped up one night without warning, eroding my soul like a flood, prompting me to sink into desire over and over again, where the changes frightened me, and the overflowing liquid made me feel even worse. I'm scared, and I'm desperate to know what's wrong with my body, but what scares me even more is that my brain can't help but recall my cousin's dirty jokes, and I use those jokes to mess with my body, even if those There is malice towards Wenhuai in the words, and I still let myself indulge.Therefore, after each episode, I feel extremely guilty and guilty. I feel a deep sense of guilt. I hate myself for not being self-controlled, and I hate how dirty my thoughts are. Especially when I see Wen Huai, my guilt The feeling becomes stronger.

I don't know when, I began to vaguely understand the connection between this behavior and sex, so I summarized this behavior into dirty and disgusting things, and over time, this desire no longer appeared so frequently.

I thought I could finally get rid of this sin, but this hope was shattered by my brother when I was 15 years old.That day, he just told me a secret. As usual, we always share secrets with each other, but that secret, like a big rock, pierced through the wall of morality that I worked so hard to build.

He just leaned close to my ear, proudly said: "I just came back from the brothel, and I finally got out of my virginity."

I was amazed that my elder brother, whom I had always loved and admired, would easily abandon my virginity and be proud of it.When I thought of my brother doing that thing with other women, my face turned red, and my sudden gaffe made me instantly incoherent. No one would be happy to preach to someone who was younger, so my brother was very annoyed by my pretending to be an adult.

"You who have a fiancée have no right to speak of me! After you marry Wen Huai, aren't you a piss? You have Wen Huai as a wife but I don't! I'm seventeen years old, so what do I have to do with you?"

I was choked up for a moment, and without much thought, I put forward the so-called beliefs I was proud of at the time. I thought that what I knew was the truth, but who knew it was just the ignorance of a young and ignorant child Zhiyan: "I'm different from you! Even if I'm married, I wouldn't do that kind of dirty thing."

As soon as the words fell, the old brother laughed and turned backwards and forwards. I was puzzled by his bright sneer, and I was also shy because I was afraid that I might say something wrong.

My brother took a deep breath and calmed down, then laughed and taunted me and said, "Dan Nian, Wan Nian, let your brother tell you that if you don't do that kind of thing, you won't have children, understand? Everyone will get married, too. Everyone wants to have intercourse, understand? What are you afraid of? It's you who fucks someone else and not someone else fucks you, haha! I'm going to kill you."

I was extremely astonished at what my brother took for granted, and at the same time, I heard the sound of the collapse of the world view. It is true that I was still completely ignorant of this kind of thing at the time, but when the truth suddenly appeared, it still caught me by surprise .

A feeling of nausea suddenly surged up from my chest, I covered my mouth tightly and wanted to vomit, somehow in my mind, I recalled my cousin's obscene smile and the obscene words that spewed out of his mouth.

All this made me, and even if it was dirty mud, I did make it out of it.I hate using the word distorted to describe myself because I don't feel distorted, everything I do is out of fear, I'm just scared.

So I escaped.

My escape from marriage was, in fact, my escape from fear.When I was 20 years old, I occasionally read an anecdote about Peking students from the newspaper, telling how they supported the abolition of feudalism and how they supported the opening of their minds. In a short paragraph, there were four words that surprised me Uplifting --- "Freedom in Love".Like carrying a pot for initiation, I seem to have stepped into a new world and realized what true openness is there.Since then, I have been full of longing and longing for Peking, and this idea has also become a reason for me to regret my marriage.

I keep instilling this kind of thinking to the people around me, including my parents, but they have long been eaten away by the feudal society. It is unreliable for them to ignore my proposition, or to keep their mouth shut , not open to new ideas.

In fact, I just naively thought that they would realize that marriage with fingertips is a old-fashioned and shabby thing, so they would cancel my marriage with Wen Huai. Of course, things did not happen as I expected.And that year, we ushered in a happy day for me and Wen Huai.

The night before the salute, I fled, leaving only a piece of letter paper in the room, explaining that I was going to live in Peiping, and that I planned to start a career from nothing.How grandiose the writing is, how guilty I am, I just want to give a legitimate reason to run away from marriage, so I talk about liberating my mind and unstoppable ambition. In fact, it is all because I am dominated by my own childhood shadow. .

I am very aware of the harm I have caused Wen Huai. On the eve of the wedding, the groom escaped from marriage, and the people in the village must have gossiped about her, so I didn't see her face at all. This is the main reason why I have never dared to go back to my hometown. .

I never expected Wen Huai to have such a strong obsession with me. She has been waiting for me to go back all these years, but she delayed her youth. I am really ashamed of her, and it is no wonder that she is so happy.

"Brother Nian, when will you be free to visit my house? My parents haven't seen you for a long time." Wen Huai continued to hold my hand and said with great interest.

I was a little embarrassed, so I found an excuse: "I have bad legs now, and I can't walk far."

"How far is it? It's just around the corner."

Knowing that I couldn't avoid Wen Huai's offensive, I had no choice but to compromise first and say, "I...I'm free."

"Will it really come?"

My smile is a little dry: "Of course."

Wen Huai seemed to see through my thoughts, she frowned, watching me remain motionless, and suddenly, she threw herself into my arms, which shocked me.I heard Wen Huai's choked voice, and pitifully told how I missed me: "Brother Nian, I miss you so much, I can't let you go for the past six years, why did you leave? Am I just so annoying to you? "

"No, it's not." I was completely at a loss.

"So, are you not going to disappear again?"

I seemed to feel Wen Huai's loneliness, her voice was full of helplessness and loneliness, and I knew it was all because of me, so I was so heartbroken, I gently put my hand on her shoulder, and promised, "Well, I won't disappear again."

After hearing this, Wen Huai let go of her arms, and looked at me with a smile, maybe she was embarrassed herself, turned her head away shyly, took my hand, and led me to the stone chair to continue chatting.

At this moment, I caught a glimpse of Lin Zhi's figure hiding in the hall. He stared at me blankly without any expression, but after meeting my eyes, he turned away briskly and slowly disappeared from my sight Inside.

The author has something to say:

Is there anyone who didn't understand this chapter?To put it simply, Liu Mo-nian was sexually harassed by his relatives during his sexual enlightenment period, which cast a shadow on him and created a fear of sex.