add to the chaos

Qiu Cen shook his head with a wry smile, and told the truth: "It's not going well—very."

"..."

Chen Kanglin looked at him in astonishment, as if he hadn't expected him to say this at all.After all, from his observations today, Qiu Cen is in good condition, his eyes are not so gloomy and melancholy, and his gestures are relaxed.

In the last conversation, he had already learned about the relationship mode and current situation between Qiu Cen and Li Tian. After making some simple suggestions, Qiu Cen didn't look for him again. He thought that the two of them got along well.

Didn't expect him to say that at all.

"You know that feeling."

Qiu Cen didn't pay attention to his expression, but looked up at the basketball court in the distance, watching the students play aimlessly.

"Obviously that person is still there, you can call, send messages, hug, and kiss, but you suddenly have no position to do so. Even if there are 1 reasons for wanting to meet, you have no position. You can only watch from a distance ——I can’t even see it, I can only wait, wait, until a dispensable result, and then choose another path that will eventually drift away from that person, and walk down in a regular manner. This feeling is particularly uncomfortable, because from now on, there is really no such person in your life. Everything about him, everything about you, will no longer be known to each other...you don't matter anymore. "

"..."

Chen Kanglin looked at his silent expression, and suddenly felt that the heart of this lively and carefree person was not as consistent as he seemed.

He suppressed too much pain and disappointment in his heart, making him look the same as usual, once he releases the slightest bit of distress, it can infect outsiders, causing chest tightness and difficulty in breathing.

Before Chen Kanglin could figure out how to comfort Qiu Cen, he turned his head, looked at him blankly, and asked softly, "Doctor, am I sick too?"

Chen Kanglin had nothing to say.

He could only look at him with a complicated expression, and raised his hand to pat his thin shoulder.

He said apologetically, "I can't help you much with emotional matters."

"There are too many things you can't help yourself, but I think you deserve what you want and what suits you. No matter what the outcome is, you must not have any regrets, and do what you think is right without leaving room... But you should Know that one day, you will be separated from the one you love, and sooner or later you will leave this world.”

Qiu Cen was silent for a while, his brows were unconsciously frowned, thinking carefully about Chen Kanglin's words.

One day, we will be separated from the one we love...

Suddenly his expression changed, and his tone was slow, as if he had encountered some incomprehensible problem: "Love?"

Chen Kanglin: "Yes."

--Love.

Love?

"...I love him?" Qiu Cen murmured.

"I... love him?" He looked like an ignorant child, looking at Chen Kanglin anxiously, as if asking for proof: "Is it Li Tian?"

——He loves Li Tim?

Chen Kanglin shrugged, raised his eyebrows noncommittally, and said in a playful tone, "Don't you know?"

"I……"

do not know.

Love.

——This word is too heavy.

He always thought that he "liked" Li Tian.

Unlike liking, liking is relaxed and stress-free, while the word love is too deep and heavy.For example, when he "likes" Li Tian, ​​whenever he thinks of Li Tian, ​​he will involuntarily think of his eyes and face, the way he speaks and behaves, and wants to keep him by his side and watch him all the time, so that he cannot escape from where he is.Whenever he thinks of him, his heart is sour and swollen, but also very sweet.But "love" is too difficult for him to say.Love is too solemn and has a sense of ritual. He can't say "I love you" on his lips. When he thinks of "love", he feels that there is a label on his body, which guides him to give, to give and take whatever he wants, with all Li Tian's preferences In order to carry out the direction, it seems to turn himself into his accessory.My whole body felt like a stone was pressed down, and I couldn't breathe.

So he never thought about it, and he didn't dare to think about it.

He may be in love with Li Tian.

In the bit by bit of the two of them getting along, they fell in love with that person unknowingly.

"Qiu Cen?"

Chen Kanglin didn't know his mental activities, and wondered why his expression changed several times in a few seconds, so he had to call him.

"……Um?"

Qiu Cen snapped back to his senses, "What's wrong?"

"No," Chen Kanglin curled his lips, "I think you already have some ideas."

Seeing his eyes that seemed to know everything, Qiu Cen suddenly panicked and looked away uncomfortably, "That's nothing."

"is it?"

"...Of course, nothing means nothing."

"Really? Don't lie to yourself."

Qiu Cen clicked his tongue, "You talk a lot today."

Chen Kanglin sneered, and then the two brothers seemed to put their arms around his shoulders, their tone became relaxed, but pointed: "In short, don't leave any regrets."

"Will not."

The two gradually walked away, and when they reached the door of the dormitory, Chen Kanglin said that he still wanted to see his former teacher, so he said goodbye to Qiu Cen and left.

Qiu Cen entered the dormitory and saw that everyone was there. Fat Brother and Big Eye were playing games with one controller each, and greeted him when they heard the movement. Lin Jian was sitting on the bed against the wall, with his right ear I stuffed an earphone in my pocket, held the phone in my hand, and pressed the screen back and forth with both hands, playing games.

Qiu Cen felt isolated.

In fact, he also plays games. He used to play a lot. In the past year or so, he was busy with... so he seldom played games. Now that he has left it for a long time, he finds it boring and lazy to play.

No novelty.

Qiu Cen sat on his stool, tilted his head and stared at the wall, suddenly feeling very at a loss in his heart.

He paused and looked up at Lin Jian.

After a while, he asked in a low voice, "Where are you playing games?"

"Ah."

Lin Jian answered concisely and stared at the screen without blinking. Visually, he should be at a critical stage.

But Qiu Cen didn't care about the key point, he was silent, as if he was thinking about how to speak, and asked: "...with Hu Dawei?"

"Ah."

"You guys have become chicken friends... Where is he in the hospital?"

"...In the grass on the opposite side! Yes, it fell down, it's okay..."

Qiu Cen: "..."

Lin Jian: "nice! I'll just say it's safe..."

Halfway through speaking, he looked up at Qiu Cen, "What did you ask me just now?"

"I'm asking you...forget it, it's all right."

"Tsk." Lin Jian glanced at him, looking disgusted, immediately pulled out the earphones, and asked Hu Dawei over there: "Are you still here?"

Immediately afterwards, Hu Dawei's slightly excited voice came out: "Wait a while and I'll pull you. Brother Tian'er is almost finished with his beer. I'll come back when I change it for him."

Qiu Cen's heart tightened when he heard this.

Ears moved, listening carefully to the voice on the other end.

"Okay." Lin Jian smacked his lips, "How is brother Tian'er today?"

"It's okay. I've been infused with fluids for the past few days, nutrient solution glucose and so on, and I haven't eaten much... I still don't talk to him very much when I talk to him."

"Oh."

Lin Jian shrugged and looked at Qiu Cen with raised eyebrows.

Qiu Cen also looked at him, his expression was dim and uncertain, and he couldn't see any emotion, but the hand holding the arm of the chair was tight, and the joints were white.

Lin Jian saw that he was right, and had an idea in his mind, and asked again: "The last time you said what happened to him, he was hospitalized suddenly? I forgot, I was thinking about going to see him soon."

"Didn't Qiu Cen tell you?" Hu Dawei paused, "It's okay, the doctor said that he was a little malnourished, his body was too weak, and his heart was uncomfortable. Don't come to see him. Take care of you...you tell Qiu Cen, is he not having trouble with brother Tian'er anymore? You tell him not to worry, it's fine. "

"Okay, then you can pull me for a while, I will keep my voice open."

Lin Jian ended the conversation, plugged in the earphone again, put on one ear, continued to hold the phone, and stopped talking.

Seeing his movements, Qiu Cen lowered his eyes and understood.

Hu Dawei could tell that he and Li Tian had "quarreled" and it was impossible for Lin Jian not to see it.

The reason why he did this was not to blame him, he was angry because he was angry, but he just wanted him to feel at ease.

Even Lin Jian could see that he took Li Tian seriously.

He himself is still deceiving himself, thinking that Li Tian may not be that important.

Fat Brother and Big Eye obviously also heard the movement, turned their heads and asked curiously: "What's wrong with Li Tian?"

Qiu Cen remained silent for a while, then pulled out an ugly smile: "It's nothing, just a little problem."

The two disagreed, and turned back to continue playing games.

Qiu Cen sat for a while, really didn't know what to do, and his mind was in a mess, so he simply climbed onto the bed and pulled the quilt to wrap himself up.

He needs to think carefully.

Sort out his thoughts, think about himself, think about Li Tian.

How did they get to this point.

From the throbbing in the heart when we met at the beginning, to getting along little by little, to being inseparable, and finally having to stay away from each other.

Emotion is really a complicated thing, there is no real definition, it is too illusory, there are countless possibilities, all the antecedents and consequences are one-to-one correspondence, people can never find the most perfect solution, they can only rely on their own ideas a little bit Fumble, and must bear the consequences.

Qiu Cen is now bearing the consequences.

So is Li Tian.

But the difference between the two is that Li Tian thinks that the mistake he made was to hold Qiu Cen back and make him bear the responsibility of his own mistakes.

He made the mistake of being with Qiu Cen.

The fault lies in "good", "can" and "OK".

But he never asked Qiu Cen if he minded being pulled in and implicated.

But Qiu Cen thought that it was his own fault that he fell in love with Li Tian, ​​but he didn't stick to it.

——He may have fallen in love with Li Tian.

This sudden love, like a soothing potion, penetrated directly into Qiu Cen's heart, awakening his silent emotions and bursting out.

Qiu Cen sat up abruptly.

But being tightly bound by the quilt on his body, he only got up halfway, then fell back, his head tilted and knocked against the railing at the head of the bed, and at the same time as there was a muffled sound, the swishing pain also spread to his body through the back of his head .

"hiss……"

"Where is Sahuan?"

Lin Jian on the opposite side was still sitting against the wall, facing him, obviously also heard the solid muffled sound, hurriedly only had time to look at him, and hurried back to the screen.

"The brain is dead, I bumped it, and it will be obedient if I threaten it." Qiu Cen replied seriously.

Lin Jian didn't talk to him anymore, obviously still angry that he kept something from him.

Qiu Cen pursed his lips secretly, and stretched out his hand to rub the painful spot on the back of his head, which was indeed swollen into a big lump.

"It won't hit amnesia..."

he grumbled.

But the mood is like seeing the sun behind the clouds, and the sun is shining brightly.

The mood that had been depressed for a long time gradually returned to calm, like a river that had been frozen for a long time finally thawed out, and the thinking was divided.

—Maybe it's not as bad as you think.