add to the chaos

"Li Tian?!"

Accompanied by the vigorous knock on the door, Qiu Cen's voice trembled uncontrollably, and countless bad thoughts burst out of his mind like a flood of beasts, all of which came to mind.

The loud noise of smashing things just now still lingered in his ears, and before he had time to think, a terrifying thought crawled into his whole body.

"Li Tian?!" Qiu Cen was still shouting, his face was a little pale, the hand that hit the door seemed to feel no pain, and he knocked on the door tirelessly, "Li Tian? Open the door!"

"Li Tian? Open the door! Let me in!"

There was a terrible silence in the room, the person who had just parted with him not long ago did not appear, and the door was still closed.

"Li Tian, ​​open the door! Let me in!" Qiu Cen kept shouting.

His worried and fearful voice echoed throughout the corridor, but the person he cared about never came out.

The household opposite the door heard the sound, opened the door and took a look, and saw the young boy standing at the opposite door knocking on the door uninterruptedly. There was endless fear in that trembling voice, as if he had been abandoned by the owner. Pet, longing for the owner to let him in quickly.

"Little brother, is this family not at home? Why don't you make a call." The stranger suggested.

Then, turning his back on the figure of him smashing the door, he rummaged through his pockets in a hurry, and when he took out the mobile phone from his jacket, he almost missed it and fell to the ground.

The stranger shook his head and closed the door.

Qiu Cen couldn't even hold the phone in his hands, and the fear in his heart was getting bigger and bigger. Li Tian's number was obviously easy to find, but he pressed it several times before dialing it out, and quickly stuck it to his ear.

The phone is on.

He kept repeating calmness and calmness in his heart, but Li Tian, ​​who was shrunk into a ball that day, kept appearing in his eyes, and his heart felt pain like a needle prick.

He hoped that someone would answer the phone and say a faint "Hello".

But no.

When the mechanical female voice came out from the phone, Qiu Cen collapsed as if he lost his strength.

Along the wall, it slowly slid down, and finally sat at the door with soft legs.

The phone was held loosely in his hand, and it fell to the ground with the movement, making a crisp "pop" sound.

The owner of the phone closed his eyes tightly.

Li Tian didn't want him to approach.

He didn't open the door for him, didn't answer the phone, and kept shrinking in his shell.

He didn't want him to know his pain, because Li Tian, ​​who was trembling like that, didn't allow himself to appear in front of others with a weak posture.Not even Qiu Cen.

After a long time, Qiu Cen laughed at himself.

He has been waiting for Li Tian to show him his weak side, but he seems to be against him, never letting him see that side.

The only time I met him, Li Tian also shrank in the seat where he was sitting now, and hugged himself tightly to prevent him from asking.

It's so frustrating to watch someone you like suffer but be powerless in front of you.

It's his fault for thinking that they are different, they are together, they can know each other's pain, and they can share it.

But now the tightly closed cold and blunt door told him that it was just his overthinking.

Passionate.

From the very beginning, he was self-indulgent.

Thinking of this, his thoughts also drifted slightly.

Although Li Tian didn't let him get close, he felt very uncomfortable, but he still didn't want to leave.

Still a little self-defeating, since Li Tian didn't open the door for him, he would just sit at the door and always see him.

After the initial confusion, he gradually began to reflect on himself.

It's also strange that he is relaxed every time he sees Li Tian recently, except for his increasingly pale face, he seems to be no different from usual, so he puts the abnormality of that day behind him, thinking that it was just a dream or a dream. his fantasy.

Now that heavy "bang" sound woke him up, declaring that his evasion and indifference could finally not pretend to not exist, and put all those painful things in front of him, forcing him to face them.

After an unknown amount of time, the door that couldn't be opened no matter how hard it was smashed opened from the inside.

Li Tian looked down at the person sitting at his feet with a pale face.

The man seemed to have just reacted, and slowly raised his head, his eyes changed from staring straight at the door to staring at him blankly.

Immediately afterwards, his trousers tightened, and it turned out that the man slowly raised his hand and grabbed his trousers.

Li Tian saw the reddened corners of his eyes and the hurt expression on his face, and his heart ached.

Qiu Cen looked at him for a while, then lowered his head again, leaned forward while sitting on the ground, and hugged Li Tian's calf with both hands.

Like holding a lost and found treasure, reluctant to let go, hugging very tightly.

"..."

Li Tian didn't speak, but his legs were limp, and it was only because of Qiu Cen's embrace that he didn't fall down.

He gently closed his eyes on the spot.

After a long time, Qiu Cen's muffled voice came: "Let's stop doing this, okay?"

His tone was full of fear and fear, and he completely forgot the self-defeating when he didn't see Li Tian.

From the moment he saw Li Tian, ​​all the sadness after being rejected in his mind disappeared.

The pale and thin face, the red eyes and the cold sweat streaming down the forehead, he just glanced at it, and his heart ached terribly.

Li Tian was in more pain than him.

But he had no way to help him, he could only let him shut himself up and endure the piercing pain.

Li Tian stretched out his hand, and then shrank back when he touched the man.

In the end, with struggle in his eyes, his hand still fell on the top of the man's hair.

My heart hurts.

Qiu Cen sat silently at his feet with such an appearance of being afraid of being thrown away. His heart, which has always been seldom fluctuating, hurts a lot.

It seemed that every fluctuation in his heart came from Qiu Cen.

The hair at the fingertips was soft and smooth, like gentle hands stroking his flesh, and the owner of the hair gently rubbed against his hands, which was extremely comfortable.

This is the most powerful consolation for him ever.

Qiu Cen didn't ask anything, but never gave up on him, he always greeted him with a smile, his whole body was radiant, but he still wanted to pull him towards the light.

I wish I could give him all the most beautiful things in the world.

After a long time, Li Tian spoke with a hoarse voice.

Just like that day when he didn't want him to see him in such a mess, he just wanted to escape from him quickly, but the man hugged him tightly.

It's what he uses to put him off, and it's what makes him feel uncomfortable and overwhelmed.

"It's cold on the ground."

He regretted it.

He shouldn't have locked Qiu Cen out.

"I don't know what's going on. Sometimes I feel very bad. The shapes of things around me change. There are many people's voices in my ears. I can't breathe, and I can't help shaking."

In a room mainly decorated with warm colors, Li Tian forced himself to lean on the relaxing chair, slowly telling his situation.

Opposite him sat a middle-aged man in a white coat. The man was sitting behind a log semi-enclosed desk between them, holding a ballpoint pen, occasionally carefully observing Li Tian's expression, and occasionally lowering his head to record something.

"Looking at your medical records, you often suffer from insomnia?" The man stated softly, in a soft voice.

Li Tian looked at him, seemed to be a little hesitant, and nodded after a while.

"Ah."

"How do you fall asleep when you have insomnia?"

"Take sleeping pills." Li Tian replied honestly, "But I haven't taken them recently."

The man nodded, looked up into Li Tian's eyes, and asked slowly after a long time: "Can you tell me about your family?"

"..."

Li Tian felt as if there was a string in his body, and it tightened immediately.

Seeing his resistance, the man smiled and said: "Let's do this first, come here first today, and we will notify you of the next treatment time."

Li Tian secretly breathed a sigh of relief, as if he had escaped some catastrophe, he relaxed all over.

He just nodded, stood up and left.

The door was opened, and Qiu Cen, who was sitting on a chair by the door, didn't expect him to come out so soon. He looked at his phone, and it was only 5 minutes.

Because the treatment process cannot be accompanied by others, and in order to keep the patient's confidentiality, Qiu Cen can only sit at the door and wait for him to come out.

He quickly stood up and walked over, approached with a smile, squeezed Li Tian's shoulder, and said relaxedly, "Let's go."

Li Tim was silent, looked at him and nodded.

He thought Qiu Cen would ask about the situation just now, but he didn't seem to care, with a smile on his face, as if saying "the weather is really nice today".

This made him feel a little hot inside.

Qiu Cen was afraid that he would be uncomfortable or scared if he asked him, so he never asked him what he didn't want to say.

He had a sense of being taken seriously and protected.

When I came out of the psychological clinic, the sun was shining outside, making me feel warm.

Li Tian's mood improved in an instant, and he couldn't help squinting under the sunlight.

The winter sun may be short, but it is warmer than the summer sun.

He once thought that the few days with Qiu Cen were the most relaxing time in his life.

So comfortable that he forgot his own flaws and weaknesses, and just wanted to sink down.

And the sudden tearing pain shattered all his fantasies, reminding him that he couldn't escape.

No matter how good life is, it will come to an end.

The bedside lamp that he hadn't knocked off hit the floor, and it hit his heart at the same time.

He didn't dare to let Qiu Cen who heard the sound see his embarrassed appearance.

I prayed in my heart that he would leave quickly.

After everything fell silent, he still couldn't help opening the door, and saw the person at the door sitting at his feet like an abandoned puppy.

When he saw the man's twinkling eyes, he felt that his persistence might be wrong.

Qiu Cen was unwilling to give up and was still with him.

Maybe he should struggle again for the important person in his heart.

Even if it's not for himself, for Qiu Cen, he still wants to be better.

He even offered to go to the psychological counseling room.

Not long ago, he didn't dare to think that he would step here and tell the psychiatrist about his pain.

He had seen his future, alone, alone, scarred.

As if it had been decided long ago, it rotted silently.

But now it is all because of this person by his side that he has the idea of ​​changing.

Li Tian, ​​who is lonely and lonely, hopes that in the future, there will be another person walking with him.

He and Qiu Cen can hold hands and live forever.

Although he knows that after working hard, he may not be able to achieve what he wants, but if he goes down, he will definitely lose this person.

He can lose a lot, and has been losing all the time, but Qiu Cen, he is very reluctant.

Thinking of this, Li Tian held Qiu Cen's hand on the street in front of everyone.

Qiu Cen, who was walking side by side with him, was taken aback for a moment, looked at the hand he was being held in a little surprise, and looked around hastily.

People came and went, and no one noticed the hands they held under their thick clothes.

"Why are you so weird today." Qiu Cen looked at him wonderingly.

Li Tian raised his eyebrows, and said lightly: "What's wrong?"

"It's so beautiful." Qiu Cen blurted out the earthy words.

But it was true as he said, Li Tian was handsome, with a slender and tall figure, and he was wearing a well-tailored solid-color windbreaker, which shone brightly under the constant sunlight in winter.

Qiu Cen looked at him and laughed.