fly slowly

【24】

Lin Yimo returned home. In the winter morning, the sunrise was late, and it was as thick as the night. Looking out of the window, the house was pitch black, and there was nothing to look forward to.

Entering the room, he reached out to turn on the light. The sudden strong light made Lin Mo squint subconsciously, but when he saw the woman on the sofa, he was taken aback.

Things in this world are often full of chances and coincidences, and no one can explain clearly.

Wu Shuzhen raised her eyebrows and saw Lin Yimo, she rarely smiled and looked at him tenderly: "I'm back."

Lin Yimo grinned and forcefully pulled out a smile, still swayed into the room in a daze, threw the key in his hand, and smashed it on the family portrait framed in a small photo frame on the table, fell to the ground with a bang, and fell to pieces.

Lin Yimo walked over and bent down to pick it up, holding it heavy in his hand. He turned it over and took a look, as if he had found something, stared at it in a daze, and suddenly a terrible thought appeared in his mind, as if The trapped beast in the prison slammed into the restraint violently.

He tried his best to suppress the emotional fluctuations, put the photo frame back, and Wu Shuzhen took the broom and dustpan to clean up the glass shards on the ground.

"You son of a bitch, you are always so frizzy, why haven't you grown up yet..."

Lin Yimo snatched the broom, waved his mother away: "Sit back and don't move, don't you have slippers at home? Such an adult is still barefoot."

Speaking of slippers, Wu Shuzhen asked curiously like a girl: "I have an extra pair of slippers at home, are there any friends?"

Lin Yimo held the broom and vigorously swept all the glass shards in. He didn't want to hide it. Anyway, he would have to say it sooner or later, and continued: "We live together."

Wu Shuzhen stepped on the sofa cushion with her bare feet and crossed her legs with the pillow in her arms. The years didn't leave her much vicissitudes but added a bit of clarity: "Are you a boy?"

Lin Yimo turned around and sat next to her to answer her question after packing the glass shards in a bag and throwing them into the trash can: "It's a boy."

Wu Shuzhen smiled, didn't ask any more questions, and acted like a loving mother who just wants you to be happy.

Lin Yimo didn't want to say much about this matter, he and Chu Xiao didn't know how to tell her about the situation, but he just said lightly: "I provoked him first, I like him very much."

Wu Shuzhen stretched out her hand and rubbed his hair like a puppy, sighed, did not speak, her eyes were erratic, as if she was remembering something, after a while, she said: "Young people are good, love comes inexplicably but is indescribable …At the beginning, he said that he only loved me in his life, otherwise he would die a bad death, do you think he will die a bad death? "

Lin Yimo naturally knew who "he" was, and he couldn't comfort her, so he turned around and hugged her and stroked her back slowly, like coaxing a sad little princess.

He only loves one in his life, how fucking ridiculous... Thinking about it, he casually glanced at the broken family portrait on the cabinet, the unspeakable thought just now resurfaced, he stared at the photo, motionless, the trapped beast finally broke through the cage, It opened its bloody mouth wide, devouring everything.

——Everyone in the family portrait is smiling brightly, Lin Yimo's young parents, the young Lin Yimo, and a woman with gentle eyebrows.

——It was a woman who opened the door, a woman with all kinds of charms but gentle eyebrows. The woman stood on tiptoe and wrapped her arms around the man's neck, smiling lowly in the man's arms.

——Wu Shuzhen raised her eyebrows and saw Lin Yimo, she rarely stretched her eyebrows and looked at him tenderly: "I'm back."

Lin Yimo finally recalled when that man started and decided not to lie to himself anymore.

He felt his throat was dry and his body was stiff. He remembered that it was after his aunt died.

"Mom, I've seen that woman." He stared intently at the family portrait, "The woman my dad threw himself at... is [-]% similar to my aunt."

Wu Shuzhen felt that Lin Yimo was very absurd, so she asked in disbelief, "What do you mean?"

Lin Yimo pushed her away and stared into her eyes, only a faint light remained in the pupils: "Mom, have you noticed that you and aunt... are also very similar."

She remembered that when he told herself that he only loved her in his life, his eyes were as gentle as a pool of water, but now that he thought about it, he seemed to be looking at another person through her.She turned her head and looked at the family portrait that hid the deepest secret, surprisingly calm.

Wu Shuzhen, who has been romantic and unrestrained for half her life, has traveled a lot, met many people, and heard many stories. She thought she was relieved, but at this moment, she understood what it means to drink water like a human being. It was wrong from the start.

Wu Shuzhen smiled happily: "This man..." What happened to this man, she didn't say it, and she couldn't say it.

Lin Yimo asked her not to laugh anymore, even if she cried once, he knew that Ms. Shu Zhen was very strong, but he didn't expect her to be so strong.

Wu Shuzhen laughed for a while, and she burst into tears. After realizing something, she wiped away two handfuls of tears, took a red rope tied with a jade ring from her neck, and put it in his hand. The jade ring The ice is cold, and it is difficult to catch the body temperature.

"Here, I prayed for you in a temple in Yunnan, and I said that I can keep you safe and happy."

Lin Yimo touched the jade ring and repeated it again, safe and sound, perfect and complete.

【25】

At dusk when the sun was about to set, Lin Mo rushed to the hospital in a frenzy.

In the gentle and soft backlight, sharp and cold light shone on the doctor's gold-rimmed glasses frame. Lin Moyi watched the doctor's lips open and close, but couldn't hear what he was saying. All the sounds were howling and receding. He could see clearly In the backlight, the doctor's hair was very clear one by one. He said, we have tried our best.

Lin Moyi sat quietly on a cold armchair in the hospital corridor. There were no windows in the corridor, only the vast and decisive cold white like the ocean. He was like an isolated island on the ocean, isolated from the world.

Lin Moyi's eyes seemed to have sand in them, and the continuous blurring made his eyeballs hurt. He suddenly trembled all over his body, as if he was facing the greatest tragedy in the world with the kind of fear and despair.

He saw the two shattered faces under the white cloth, it was a kind of tragedy of both jade and stone dying together.

He couldn't figure out why a woman could bear a man who no longer loves to cheat, but she couldn't bear that she was a substitute from the beginning. She would rather he loved and betrayed than never fell in love.

The love is deep, the hatred is deep, how deep is the love and hatred to have the courage to cut the brake belt, and pull that man together forever, since you will never get it, you can only destroy it.

The trembling state of the whole body stopped in a tight hug. The person holding him had a refreshing and clean smell in his memory. Lin Moyi looked up at Chu Xiao.

In an instant, all the fragility fell apart, and then a boundless black torrent poured in.

His eyes seemed to be inlaid with a broken black crystal, everything he could see was broken and dim, Lin Mo broke away from Chu Xiao's embrace, and stared at Chu Xiao with those eyes, for a long time Spit out a sentence: "Go away."

Chu Xiao pulled out a distressing smile, reached out and stroked Lin Moyi's eyebrows carefully.

"I know, I've always known, but I didn't expect this to happen." The corners of his eyes curled up in a smile.

Lin Moyi knocked off his hand, grabbed his collar, pressed his head, and kissed him hard.

In the vast and decisive cold white like the ocean, the two teenagers who were left with nothing but despair and loneliness kissed in grief and determination.The rust-sweet bloody smell in his mouth became stronger and stronger, Lin Moyi left his lips and held his face in his hands.

"You already knew, right? My father likes your mother because your mother looks like an aunt." Lin Mo wiped the blood on Chu Xiao's lips with his thumb, over and over again, but the blood was always oozing from his lips. How to wipe it off? He couldn't wipe it clean, but he still wiped it over and over again, "You hugged, kissed, and even went to bed with me, is it because you feel guilty and sorry for me... What are you, atonement?"

Do you, do you like me at all?

Lin Moyi suddenly approached Chu Xiao, and whispered in his ear, his posture was ambiguous but his tone was cold: "Chu Xiao, I don't know, I really almost fell in love with you."

"forgive me……"

"But you make me sad, you make me miserable, you make me sick."

Lin Mo rested his head on Chu Xiao's chest, tears surging like a river of grief.

"You know everything, but you still want to drag me down. Why, why on earth... I can't wait to die, I can't wait to drag you to die together!"

Chu Xiao stroked Lin Moyi's hair, still smiling, his eyes curved into beautiful arcs: "I know, I always knew."

Sure enough, we have reached a point of no return.

【26】

Lin Mo thought it was on a rainy evening that Lin Mo received the call, and his ears were filled with the sound of splashing water, the smell of water molecules in the air and the simple aroma rising from the soil. Head is a weary voice.

"Lin Yimo, I'm leaving, can you do it by yourself?"

What can't be done, Lin Yimo felt that he should hang up mercilessly, but he put his finger on the hang up button and couldn't bear to press it.

There was a lot of wind and rain on his side, and the heavy rain hit the rain deck, making a lot of noise: "She said she was willing to repay the debt and asked me to do it, saying that I would be able to be with you, and I didn't refuse, she grabbed My hand, with a knife, is bloody, my white shirt is stained with blood, I can't wash it, I can't wash it... Lin Yimo, I killed her, so don't hate her anymore. "

Lin Moyi listened to his incoherent words, a chill emerged from the cracks in his bones, and his face was as lifeless as dead gray in an instant.

"I'm leaving, don't come looking for me, I'm very tired, and I really don't want to see you anymore." Chu Xiao's whistling sound became louder, Lin Yimo heard some knocking sound, Chu Xiao coughed He said twice, and asked softly, "Lin Yimo, are you still there?"

Lin Yimo gasped, and heard him say again, softly and contentedly: "I have a secret that I didn't tell you."

"I love you."

The thunder was faint, the sky was cloudy, and amidst the heavy rain, Lin Yimo heard himself shouting hysterically. His fear was so extreme that his liver and gallbladder were almost torn apart, and he couldn't squeeze any air into his internal organs. It was more painful than death.

In the rain, Lin Yimo ran frantically and desperately, as if he was running and chasing with the last strength of his life.

Later, Lin Yimo hated others saying to him that it was too late for three words.

In the rain, Chu Xiao was drenched and thin, standing quietly on the roof of the building. His white fingers were rubbing his blood-stained clothes. When he looked down, he didn't feel afraid. Learn to fly slowly.

He closed his eyes, and seemed to see Lin Yimo, the wind on his shoulder, and the twinkling stars on the wind.

——I met Lin Yimo under the row of sycamore trees outside the school gate. He was pushing a mountain bike, showing his white teeth under the mottled shadows of the trees, and the single ear drill on his left ear was dazzling in the sun. He waved to Chu Xiao.

Standing in the sun, Chu Xiao smiled at Lin Yimo, with dimples, even the blue sky and white clouds were not as charming as his smile, and the corner of his white shirt was slightly rolled up mischievously.

That's it, goodbye.

【27】

The night outside the floor-to-ceiling windows is extremely gorgeous, and beautiful fireworks bloom one after another in the sky, like a gorgeous and grand funeral, which is suffocating.Lin Yimo sat on the floor and watched the fireworks bloom and extinguish quietly, the sparks in his eyes bright and dark.

He shook the wine in his hand, and after a while, his eyes rolled slightly, oh, so it’s the Chinese New Year, he thought so, crushed the beer can in his hand and threw it in the corner, smashing it into many empty wine bottles , Reached out and opened a can blankly.

His stomach suddenly seemed to be stirred and cut into pieces, and it convulsed violently and vividly. He was so painful that he curled up on the floor, crying endlessly in pain. The fragile posture, the cold and hard floor, and the cold air that continuously penetrated into his body Despair, a nightmare that hurts the heart when you wake up.

In a trance, he seemed to see Chu Xiao pushing the door in again, walking towards him with a soft and gentle warm light, his brows and eyes blurred, he smiled and said: "Get up soon, if you lie down again, you will catch a cold, do you hear me? "

Lin Yimo reached out to grab him with tears all over his face, almost pleading: "Take me away, Chu Xiao, okay, take me away!"

Chu Xiao's voice faded, like a sigh: "I told you, don't come to me, I don't want to see you, you are a liar, you even lied to yourself."

Lin Yimo let go of his hand and fainted. He seemed to see those overwhelming black torrents again, the roar faded away, and everything was silent.

"Yes, I even lied to myself. I am a complete liar. It's not that I almost fell in love with you."

I'm not lying to you this time.

Haruki Murakami said, I hope you don't change your name in your next life, so that it will be easier for me to find you.

In the many years after Chu Xiao's death, dilapidated residential buildings were demolished and re-planned, and there was no way to hide the dirt. The second year after the death of grandma, Rhubarb also left, followed by Ermao.Spring goes and autumn comes, time flies, and life is as usual, and the days are followed by the established track day by day.

Only in the beginning of summer, I will put down what I am doing and live alone in my grandma's small yard for a period of time.

A few years ago, when Lin Yimo went to find Chu Xiao in the rain, he lost his jade ring and was destined to be unsatisfactory. He took off his ear drill and made it into a pendant, which he wore on his chest.

He finally quit smoking and seldom drank alcohol. His stomach couldn't stand the torment. Every night, he looked forward to Chu Xiao's coming to see him in his dreams. Maybe he didn't want to see him anymore. will come.

Chu Xiao University majored in architecture, so Lin Yimo also chose architecture when he applied for the exam, went to the university he desperately wanted to get into, and found a part-time job like him back then.

Very tired, he always stays up late to complete the detailed and complicated drawings, running around non-stop, every sleepless night, he feels as if Chu Xiao is by his side, earnestly and patiently draws the design drawings of the interior decoration, and then Put it over and ask him, is it okay to decorate our home like this in the future?

He had no other answer but tears streaming down his face.

After graduating from university, Lin Yimo joined a private company as a planner. There would be entertainment, and occasionally push, if he couldn't push, he would accept.

As soon as his stomach touches the wine, it will be so hot that it hurts, but the others don't know, so they pour him down, but he takes it with a smile and doesn't explain. He just thinks that he can meet the person he wants to see after drinking to death.

This morning, just after dawn, Lin Yimo walked out of the bar with a wobbly body, gently rubbed his swollen temples, pulled his tie, and took out his mobile phone from his pocket.

"Well, I have roughly looked at the plan, and I will deal with it when I go back. Okay, it's dead."

He was walking slowly on the street, like a little old man, snowflakes began to float on top of his head, from strands to fluttering, beautiful and cold, he stretched out his hand to catch the snowflakes, held them in the palm of his hand, turned into a puddle of snow water, let go Fingers, snow water flows through the fingers.

Just walking slowly, before he knew it, Lin Yimo walked to the gate of the school where he used to go to high school. The school seemed to have changed a lot, but nothing seemed to change. He stood there with a layer of snow falling on his shoulders.

There is a young boy walking on campus, even though he is wearing a white padded jacket, he is still thin. He laughs with the people next to him, his eyes will bend when he laughs, and there is a boy with a dimple on his right cheek.

Lin Yimo grabbed the iron gate of the school and shouted loudly: "Chu Xiao! Chu Xiao!"

That was his boy, Lin Moyi's Chu Xiao.

The boy froze for a moment, looked at him, talked to the classmate next to him, ran over slowly, and looked at him through the iron gate.

"Did you call me?" His eyes were bright and his brows were smooth, just like the boy in his memory.

"You don't know me anymore?"

"Uncle, you've got the wrong person!" He smiled at Lin Mo, even the blue sky and white clouds were not as charming as his smile.

The word "Uncle" instantly awakened Lin Moyi's dream. He woke up and realized his gaffe.

"Feel sorry……"

His youth will only be forever young in memory.

When Lin Moyi left, he was suddenly overwhelmed by a flowing sadness. Perhaps, he should cry again, but he had forgotten how to cry.

"Uncle, my name is Lin Chuxiao..."

Lin Moyi turned around, looked at him, walked back, reached out to take off the necklace around his neck, and put it on his hand. There was a single ear diamond hanging from the necklace, shining in the snowflakes all over the sky.

"Your name, I like it very much."

He didn't want to deceive himself any longer, he had seen the same eyebrows and eyes as Chu Xiao, he had also seen the similar nose and lips, the similar voice, even today he even saw the completely similar face.

But none of them were him, Lin Yimo left without nostalgia, he was fascinated by the wind and snow.

The long and sharp sound of car horns came through the air, and he heard the panicked young man shouting behind him: "Be careful——"

He turned life into destiny, and finally waited for this day, the pain stopped abruptly before it had time to spread, and even the rioting crowd, Bai Xue couldn't hide the tragedy, and the memory of fate flowed around like a relief.

He saw his boy, standing in the white world, walking forward without looking back, suddenly turned around, smiled as usual, left a dimple, and stretched out his hand to him.

Lin Yimo took his hand and said with utmost tenderness, "I have a secret to tell you."

"I love you."

The author has something to say:

Hold on, Mo Fang.

On my shoulders is the wind, and on the wind are twinkling stars. ——Bei Dao · "The End or the Beginning · Dedicated to Yu Luoke"