Rebirth of the Lost Me

He was very tired at first, but this night, Yang Qing didn't sleep as well as he imagined. He was dreaming all night, and the dream was the previous life that he deliberately wanted to forget.After Yang Qing woke up, he didn't feel sleepy anymore. He just looked at the ceiling like that. It was so dark that he couldn't see anything.

Only then did Yang Qing remember that he still had those experiences.

If you talk about what Yang Qing regretted the most in his previous life, it was nothing more than the quarrel between his parents that night.That happened when he was not in junior high school. Before that, he felt that his parents had a good relationship. If his father was not around one day, his mother would definitely call him and chat while eating. Sometimes the phone would be handed to him or Yang Ran to talk to his father. Because of this, Yang Qing felt that his parents had a good relationship, so when that happened, he was completely dumbfounded. Helpless not knowing what to do.

That night, Yang Qing's younger brother had already fallen asleep, and he went back to his room to go to sleep, but who knew that there was a quarrel outside the room before he fell asleep. Yang Qing thought it was just two people bickering, and didn't take it seriously. But as time went on, he felt something was wrong, and he didn't dare to go out, so he listened carefully to the voice outside the door through the door. The voice became louder and louder, and the quarrel eventually turned into hands-on. These were not the parents he was familiar with, and he didn't even know them. Dare to go out.

How long did the storm last, and Yang Qing stood behind his door for a long time. Later, his mother came in crying, and Yang Qing just walked silently. His mother begged him to speak to her, but his throat choked. As if being strangled by someone, I couldn't utter half a word.

Later, they didn't get divorced, more than half a year passed, but in this half a year, even if his father and his mother spoke a few words alone, Yang Qing felt as if they were arguing, and then walked away lightly. After going to the door, listen to the movement outside.On the other hand, he is obviously afraid that his younger brother will be affected, but he often instructs his younger brother to do things he doesn't want to do, and asks Yang Ran to talk to them. Will quietly watch everything.

After living like this for more than half a year, it was finally over. When his mother took his brother away, Yang Qing didn't know whether it was relief or what was in his heart. Immediately afterwards, he was occupied by a feeling of being abandoned, and even more so. I don't like talking anymore.

Later, I fell in love with Zhang Rin in junior high school. At that time, I was still young. I didn't know what the word homosexuality meant in a small town. I just thought it was true love, but it was of no use.Later, Yang Qing thought, he must have started to become depressed at that time. From that time on, until he was isolated by his fellow dormitory in high school, this depression finally swelled to the extreme, to the point where he could no longer bear it.After all, people are social animals, and the feeling of being isolated is not a person who has experienced it personally, and only regards this feeling as a word.

The reason for the isolation is very simple. A classmate in junior high school is also studying here in high school, so I don’t know when it started, there are more and more rumors that he likes men, and even the head teacher finds him to talk to him.

When I was in junior high school, although Yang Qing told Zhang Rin that he liked him, Zhang Rin was not the kind of person who didn't know the importance of him. At most, others thought that Yang Qing was a little too nice to Zhang Rin, and Zhang Rin was too ignorant. At least it was a little bit better, and no more exaggerated words came out, so when everything happened suddenly, Yang Qing didn't even know how to defend, because what they said was the truth.

When someone starts talking to you, it feels like everyone in the world is looking at you through colored glasses.

During that time, Yang Qing felt that life was very difficult. It was better in the classroom, and he could read books and do the questions. Although his mind was messed up and the correct rate of the questions was not high, he still had something to do, but when he returned to the dormitory, he had a good chat The noisy classmates suddenly quieted down, which made him more uncomfortable than beating him, but they were all far away from him, so there was no possibility of physical contact.Yang Qing sometimes thinks it's ridiculous, it's true that he likes men, but it doesn't mean that he likes all men.

Yang Qing lay in bed for a long time without any sleepiness. He never deliberately thought about what happened back then. Everything was different in this life. He thought that those things did not exist. But since it happened, even if he was the only one who remembered it, it happened. of.

I don't know why, but Yang Qing's craving for cigarettes suddenly surged up. There was no cigarettes in the house, but when he was addicted to cigarettes, he felt like a cat scratching his heart without smoking a few cigarettes. He got up, took some change, and took his mobile phone , just go outside.

In the middle of the night, the scenery of Nanjing is covered by neon lights. When you look up, you can see billboards scrolling on the big screen in the neighborhood. The sound and color are intertwined, and the prosperity is undiminished. Walking alone seems out of place with this city, like being abandoned outside.

Yang Qing walked forward with two legs like that. He was still wearing sleeping clothes, not special pajamas, but a T-shirt that was too big. The fat T-shirt made his body thin, as if a gust of wind could blow him away. He walks in a normal way with a pair of loose shorts underneath. His attire is completely different from the suits and leather shoes of all kinds of elites on the street, which attracts passers-by to glance at him unconsciously.

In fact, there is a convenience store outside the community, but Yang Qing walked stubbornly. He experienced those things again in his dream. He only felt that the pain tore his whole body apart, and those wounds were exposed naked, just like his This person looks fine on the outside, but the inside has long since rotted away.

Yang Qing hates this kind of himself, and what's even more annoying is that he relies on Zhang Rin's liking to lead him to live this kind of life together.

This night, only the occasional sound of passing bicycles and the sound of wind, Yang Qing walked aimlessly, he wanted to end all this, he had delayed Zhang Rin for more than two years, and did not want to delay him any more, without him , Zhang Rin will live better.But now if there is no Zhang Rin, how can he live on?Yang Qing sadly discovered that in this rebirth, he has always been dependent on others, and has never lived a proper life by himself.

After buying cigarettes and a lighter, Yang Qing sat on the side of the road and lit the cigarette. He couldn't stand the stimulation after not smoking for a long time. He choked to tears, but in this strange city, no one would come to ask and care about him. of.

It has been night for a long time, but the ground is still warm under the buttocks, and the wind is blowing, but there is a layer of goose bumps on the body, which is really a wonderful feeling.

While smoking a cigarette, he was thinking about how to tell Zhang Rin about the separation. Yang Qing found that Zhang Rin seemed unlikely to listen to him. Yang Qing really hoped that the soul in his body was not him. Clear, he can still respond to Zhang Rin.

He continued to smoke, there was already a small pile of cigarette butts on the ground, Yang Qing didn't care, but suddenly a car stopped in front of him, Yang Qing was upset for a while, there are so many parking spaces nearby, why stop in front of him, until A pair of leather shoes appeared in front of his eyes, and a deep male voice sounded above his head, "Yang Qing", so he looked up.