Fanservice Paradox

(This chapter is the second update, children who directly click on the latest update may miss the previous chapter)

He finished writing subconsciously, but when he woke up and looked back, he was stung by what he had written.What's this?Why did he write this.

Pei Tingsong seemed to have crossed out the last sentence. After scratching out many times, he simply tore off that page, crumpled it into a ball and threw it to a corner of the table.

Through the earphones, he could hear the sound of something breaking outside the window. He stood up and poked his head out to look. There was a figure shaking on the balcony next door.Afraid that Fang Juexia would bump again, Pei Tingsong put down his things and went over there, and knocked on the door twice when he went in this time.

"Why are you making such a big noise." He deliberately complained, "It's so noisy."

Walking over and seeing Fang Juexia picking up the debris on the ground, Pei Tingsong was startled again, and quickly pulled him away, "Hey, don't use your hands."

"It's okay, the side of this flower pot is not very sharp." Fang Juexia threw the last piece of clay into the trash can.Only then did Pei Tingsong realize that what he smashed was a pot of cactus.

"What are you doing?" He knelt down and pointed at the cactus that fell to the ground, "Revenge."

"You have such a rich imagination." Fang Juexia swept up the soil on the ground and transferred it to a spare flower pot, but this cactus made him a little bit at a loss.So he began to instruct Pei Tingsong, "Pick this up."

"Why me?"

"Blind date." Fang Juexia poked a hole in the soil, "Put it here."

Pei Tingsong pinched the topmost long thorn with two fingers, and the cactus tremblingly fell into the trap that Fang Juexia had dug.

"You've been looking for these flowers and plants just now." Pei Tingsong glanced at it, and accidentally saw the Sudoku book he had placed on the beanbag sofa, but the strange thing was that it didn't fill in the numbers, it seemed to be written wrote a line.

"Hmm. What about you?" Fang Juexia blocked his sight, compacting the soil with both hands, "What were you doing just now?"

"Me?" Pei Tingsong didn't expect the topic to come back to him, so he hesitated.Fang Juexia didn't intend to wait for him to give the answer, so she stood up and closed the Sudoku book.Unexpectedly, he suddenly heard Pei Tingsong say behind him, "I want to write lyrics for your demo."

Fang Juexia turned her head in doubt, and saw Pei Tingsong sitting cross-legged on the ground, "But I have never been in love, and I don't know how to write the lyrics of love songs."

This was the first time he learned from Pei Tingsong that he had never been in love, and it still sounded very powerful.Fang Juexia sat back on the lazy sofa and was silent for a while, "That song may not necessarily be a love song."

Pei Tingsong raised his head and looked at him.Holding the Sudoku book, Fang Juexia said quietly, "After all, according to what you said, I should not be able to write a love song."

What does he mean... He hasn't been in love either?Pei Tingsong couldn't believe it. Few girls didn't like Fang Juexia's appearance when he was a student, and his personality was also gentle, except when he was too indifferent when treating him.

Pei Tingsong couldn't help questioning, "It's true...I don't believe that there are no girls in your school chasing you."

"Yes, I do. But I don't have time at all." Fang Juexia's expression was very frank, and he leaned back, "I started learning to dance very early, and I am very tired every day. I have to study hard, and I have to go to school immediately after school Dance studio. Later, as you know, my dream of being a dancer was shattered. Who knew that I was discovered by Astar scouts on the way to school and became a trainee. At that time, I was studying and practicing at the same time. I worked hard every day and slept. I don’t even get enough sleep, so I don’t have the energy to fall in love early.”

"So you want to fall in love but don't have time?" Pei Tingsong straightened out his thoughts, but still felt wrong, "If you really meet someone you like, you won't be able to find time."

"I do not want."

Fang Juexia's answer came out of nowhere, short and firm.Pei Tingsong was accidentally stung by a soft thorn of the cactus, and the thorn sank into the flesh.

He hesitated for a moment, but still asked, "Why?"

There was a pink-orange cloud floating in the sky, Fang Juexia stared at it, "Because..."

He hesitated, not knowing how to tell Pei Tingsong, or whether to tell.Fang Juexia hated the feeling of self-analysis, and once he opened up, he would risk an emotional collapse.

It's really scary to lose control, and he's afraid of becoming the kind of person who will lose control.

Pei Tingsong noticed something, so he wanted to change the subject by himself, "Actually, I don't want to." He added, "At least I didn't want to before. I read a psychology paper, and there was such a sentence in it-Children's emotional enlightenment It's a reflection of my parents' feelings. As for me, I haven't seen my parents very much since I was a child, and when I grow up, I realize that they didn't get married because of love."

Hearing this sentence, Fang Juexia turned around and looked at Pei Tingsong in a curled up posture, "Then why do you want to get married?"

"It's ironic to say. My mother's ancestors are the first generation of overseas Chinese immigrants. They were also rich and powerful in China before. After immigrating, they have been doing business in the United States for many years. The family is huge, and they call it Oldmoney. My grandfather is his The youngest and only son of a generation, but he really has no business acumen and no interest. When he was young, his business always failed and several companies closed down."

Several companies.Fang Juexia thought, sure enough, he is rich and can afford it.

"It feels the same, your grandpa..." He paused in the middle of speaking. He originally wanted to say that his grandpa looked gentle, but he accidentally saw that photo.

"What about my grandfather?"

Fang Juexia leaned on the sofa and shook his head, "It should feel the same as you."

"He was much better than me. He was very talented in literature. He failed in business but wrote a good book. He published novels and poetry collections under a pseudonym. Later, he had no business intentions and only thought about living his romantic life. "Pei Tingsong took a deep breath, "He only has one child, my mother, so he is used to being like a princess. He has nothing but a pretty face. The elders of the family think that their commercial building cannot just collapse like this, so Choose a new rich man to marry her in business."

"My grandfather told me that he was very opposed to it at the time. It would be very painful for two people who don't love each other to be together. It turns out that it is true. Before I was born, I still lived together reluctantly. After I was born, my mother Traveling all over the world, enjoying life, and living a luxurious life that she likes. My dad is busy earning money, earning more than he can spend in his next life."

It's hard for Fang Juexia to imagine what it's like to grow up in such a family.

"Then you can't see your parents since you were a child, don't you miss them?"

Pei Tingsong smiled, "I've forgotten what it's like to miss my parents." He continued, "I can't do it alone at home, so grandpa came to stay with me."

"I later fell in love with hip-hop, and thought it was the most expressive carrier in the world. So I didn't have the heart to waste myself in a series of fruitless relationships. I wanted to find an outlet and express it."

Fang Juexia finally understood why Pei Tingsong was so contradictory.Like his grandfather, he was placed in an inappropriate mold, but his choice was to resist fiercely, against the parents who never grew up with him, against this golden cage, to pursue what he really liked, No matter the cost.He suddenly wanted to hug him. He knew that his sympathy was overflowing and he might be disgusted by Pei Tingsong, so he just sat up and didn't dare to go forward.

He knew why Pei Tingsong didn't believe in love anymore.How can one believe in something they have not seen.

Pei Tingsong shook his hands and said in a relaxed tone, "Actually, many famous philosophers were never married. Plato, Descartes, Spinoza, Kant, Schopenhauer, Sartre...they are too numerous to count." As he spoke, he seemed to have thought of a pretty good argument, "Do you know the poet Lermontov? He said a word - love and happiness make me lose my mind."

This is a very novel and realistic statement.

Fang Juexia pondered what he said over and over again in her heart, and seemed to feel that her memories were nothing important.Although Pei Tingsong didn't ask, he still chose to cut himself apart. He didn't want to be just a storyteller.

"Did I... never mention my father?"

Pei Tingsong didn't expect him to say it, he had already noticed that the word father was like an obstacle to Fang Juexia, every time he said it, he would habitually avoid it.

"Correct."

Fang Juexia folded her hands on her knees, "He used to be a very talented dancer, my mother loved him very much, they fell in love with each other very much, as I said last time, they were together desperately."

Such a statement is like a love story in fairy tales and poetry.But Pei Tingsong had already seen the end.

"After having me, our family was very happy. Looking back now, I feel that it is not an exaggeration to describe my childhood with the word happiness. I was also a child who grew up in love." Fang Juexia's eyes drifted into the distance At the last light of day, the Adam's apple rolled, "As I said later, I found out night blindness and lost the election. This is actually not a big blow to a family. But my father, he got a very good opportunity , a life-changing opportunity for him.”

Fang Juexia looked at him, "A very famous dance drama asked him to play the leading role. He practiced for this dance drama for a full four months. I look forward to the day of the first performance every day, counting the days to go to school, just to wait for that One day. I remember it very clearly. At that time, I lay down on the table and made the last cross on the calendar. The phone rang. After listening to a few words, my mother slid down the wall and sat on the ground. "

He tried to describe it to Pei Tingsong, gesticulating with both hands, "The end of the dance drama is a falling movement, and you have to fall back into a net. My dad had the last rehearsal before the opening, and everything was perfect. He finally ran Going up to the high platform and falling down, but the net is not fixed." Fang Juexia's tone was still not too turbulent, and he spoke in a straightforward manner, as if stating something that had nothing to do with him, "He fell hard from a height of several meters. I fell down and broke my leg."

Pei Tingsong looked at Fang Juexia, trying to find a trace of sadness on his face so that he could comfort him.But he was so calm that he didn't even frown.

"Not only did he miss the best opportunity and highlight moment of his career, but he also couldn't continue to dance. The problem left over from that leg is very serious, which can be regarded as ruining his career."

"What happened later? Did he change careers?"

Fang Juexia tugged on his sleeves, feeling a little cold, "Later...he started drinking and smoking a lot every day, and he smoked at home. My mother said it was bad for the child, but he didn't care. They quarreled every day, Most of the time it was for me, he even told me once when he was drunk, that I would be a useless person like him in the future. He was teased by God, and I was born not qualified to dance on the stage."

Fang Juexia's voice finally trembled a little, he sniffed, "I'm afraid of seeing him, and I'm also afraid of seeing alcohol at home. Once he quarreled with my mother, he couldn't help moving his hands, and when he woke up, he hugged him again." Watching her cry. Contradictory, right? People will become like this." After speaking, he looked at Pei Tingsong, smiled, and shook his head again.

"My mother still loves him very much and hopes that he can cheer up. But it doesn't work. He tried again and again and failed again and again, and then even got into contraband. One day I came home from school and found that all the valuable electrical appliances in the house were empty. It's gone. I thought it was a thief, so I checked what else was missing." Fang Juexia poked the tip of his slippers with his index finger, lowered his head, "I saw in the closet, all his clothes were gone. He didn't have any more return."

"Love is really fragile, and the shelf life is very short. Sometimes it can't wait for it to change, and a straw can crush it." Fang Juexia calmed like an outsider, "My mother is still waiting for him now, she doesn't want to When she moved, she stayed in that small house in Guangzhou. When she was free, she could look at the door for a day. For those few short years of happiness, she exchanged a lifetime of pain."

Pei Tingsong got up, walked over and squatted in front of Fang Juexia, and stretched out his hand to rub the top of his hair.

"The story I tell is ordinary, right? It's not as vigorous as you expected."

The beginning of the love story is so beautiful that they are all the same, burning at the touch of a touch, soul and flesh colliding, wishing to live a lifetime in a second, and end life in a kiss.But the final chapters of the tragedies are different in their own way, and they are vigorous and have a sense of ritual ending.Most afraid of mediocrity, sloppy ending.

Pei Tingsong understands why Fang Juexia has kept himself closed and why he manages his emotions like a machine, because he feels he has no choice.

For so many years, he has not only groped in the dark, but he has regarded his departed father as his own mirror, a mirror that can only reflect failures, and hides it in his heart, and he cuts it out from time to time to take a picture and restrain himself.

Pei Tingsong gently touched his head, his voice was low and gentle, "So, this is why you don't believe in love, because you live in a failure case."

Fang Juexia felt scared after knowing it.He actually cut open all the deepest part of himself to Pei Tingsong in this way, revealing his fragile life.He seemed to be talking to Pei Tingsong, but also to himself.

Don't fall into a relationship casually.

When Fang Juexia poked his finger on the ground, he lowered his head, drew a horizontal line, and said to himself, "You can give many examples of rational numbers, but you can't exhaustively list them all, right?"

Pei Tingsong nodded, "Yes."

"But do you know? Given a number line, if you pick a point arbitrarily, the probability that the selected point is a rational number is zero."

Fang Juexia raised her head, her cold eyes reflected the completely darkened sky.

"That's called true love."

The author has something to say: [About why the probability of getting a rational number at any point on the number axis is zero. 】

The first is equal to zero.

This problem is a measure problem, and the rational numbers have measure zero.It is difficult for me to explain a mathematical problem in an easy-to-understand way because it is too imprecise. I suggest you search for it. There will be a lot of theoretical analysis, and Zhihu also has discussions.Measure is a problem in functional analysis, and children in the mathematics department should learn it.

Let me explain to you that an event with a probability of zero is not equal to an impossible event. This is a matter of probability theory. You can also search for specific proofs and theories.

Finally confessed to each other completely, took a new big step, and the hearing is about to start healing each other.

Both of them are first loves, and they are a little different from other children, so they will be a little slower, but they will be more desperate when they really love. [Although zc has not saved the manuscript, the memo on the phone is full of conversations after falling in love...