between friendship and love

Qi Tian didn't know how he survived.

He was stunned when he heard the man's words. He seemed to say something like congratulations, and then asked where he was from and how old he was.He couldn't remember what the man answered, his whole mind was in a mess, and he was eager to grab something to rely on, but he couldn't grab anything.It seemed that the man asked him some questions again, and he nodded indiscriminately, and then he didn't remember whether he had eaten, whether he had drunk, or whether he had taken a bath.

When his thoughts were a little clearer, he was already lying on the bed, feeling cold, even if he couldn't cover his body with the blanket on the bed, he was still shivering from the cold.

Fear wandered endlessly and recklessly in his heart, crushing his whole mind.Then he finally woke up to one thing.

He was already late, there were already other people around Yang Lin.

He did push him away, but too far, and there was no coming back.In the future, there will be another person by his side, and he will no longer have his own place, and he will have his own happiness, which has nothing to do with him at all.

This cruel reality did not make him completely collapse, the pain has been numb, it seems that there is nothing wrong with a little more pain, at least it proves that he is still alive.

It's good to live, to stay by his side as his friend, and to live a lifetime.

Didn't he think so before?

But it is also very difficult to feel that he is still alive. Many times he is empty and numb, like a walking dead.He began to create pain to let himself feel it. At first, he scratched his body, scratching the skin one by one. Once when he couldn't help cutting vegetables, he rolled up his sleeve and slashed his arm.

Red blood flowed out from the broken skin, and it looked so beautiful against the white skin.And the pain is stronger, and I can feel that I am alive.

Later, this kind of behavior became like an addiction. When I felt uncomfortable, I would secretly cut a knife on my arm. The pain would drive away the deeper hole in my heart for a while, but it could not last long. As long as the wound healed, the hole would go away again. return.

Once when he went to the canteen, he saw cigarettes on the counter and bought a pack by accident.

When I got home, I couldn't wait to light it up and smoke it. I started to choke very hard, but I quickly fell in love with this feeling.

He didn't dare let Yang Lin find out that he was smoking, and he didn't dare let him find out that he was sick.He began to hide from Yang Lin, he no longer sat on the sofa waiting for someone who would come back when he didn't know when, but he was standing behind the door of the study room, paying attention to the movement in the living room.

I still can't sleep at night, my body is very tired, but my mind is active, thinking about fragments that are wild and unconstrained, but I can't connect them to a complete story.

On the 24th of the twelfth lunar month, Yang Lin's company started to take a vacation. His parents still haven't forgiven him. He hasn't had a call in the past few months. When he called back, he was quickly hung up. His mother even told him not to go back this year, so as not to watch He was in a bad mood, so he didn't plan to go home for the New Year this year.

And Xiaotian is here, he doesn't feel at ease leaving him here alone.

No work, free time.The company worked overtime for a long time before, which made him exhausted.But the biological clock woke him up early, and he thought it was still early, so he simply got up and cooked breakfast.

He hadn't been in the kitchen for a long time. He looked at the refrigerator and saw that there was nothing in it. He only found a bag of half-cooked noodles. The stove was clean, but he just felt that something was wrong.Putting away his doubts, he started cooking noodles.

Since there is no chopped green onion or other side dishes, he fried two poached eggs on top, served with a little chili sauce, which also looked very tempting.He hesitated for a moment, but went to knock on the door of the study.

He hasn't been near here for a long time, on the one hand he is busy, on the other hand he wants to avoid Qi Tian on purpose, so he basically just says hello when he comes back every day.But recently he came back late and Qi Tian went to bed early, the two of them haven't seen each other for several days.

There seemed to be noises coming from inside the house, but it took a while before Qi opened the door.

He was wearing pajamas and his hair was long, with bangs in front covering his eyebrows.Only then did Yang Lin realize that Qi Tian seemed to have lost a lot of weight, and couldn't help frowning.

Didn't Zhao Wen take good care of him?

Abandoning unnecessary thoughts, he said calmly: "Xiaotian, I cooked breakfast, let's eat together?"

Qi Tian nodded.

When the two sat at the dining table, Yang Lin deliberately observed him for a while, only to find that Qi Tian was in a bad state, not only thin, but also pale, and bloodshot eyes could be seen if you looked carefully.He hesitated for a moment before asking, "Did you not sleep well last night?"

Qi Tian nodded.His hand holding the chopsticks was also pale, with blue blood vessels clearly visible inside.Qi Tian picked out a few noodles and tried to swallow them into his mouth, lowering his head, afraid that the man would notice something unusual.

The man kept staring at him, "Is there something wrong with you? Have a cold?" He stretched out to touch his forehead, halfway through, then retracted.

Qi Tian said: "I'm fine, it was too late to catch up on the draft yesterday, and I didn't sleep well."

Yang Lin heaved a sigh of relief, started to eat breakfast, and asked, "Our company is on holiday, do you want to go out for a walk? Well, you can bring your girlfriend with you."

Qi Tian was stunned for a moment, and suddenly asked: "What about you? Are you bringing your boyfriend with you too?"

Yang Lin was stunned, "I'll ask him if he has time. If so, let's have dinner together in the evening."

"okay."

Qi Tian took advantage of Yang Lin's time to wash the dishes, ran to the toilet and vomited out all the food he had just eaten.He couldn't help it, his stomach convulsed when he heard the man mentioning other people, it seemed that there was a great pressure oppressing it.Press the flush button to wipe off the filth from the corners of his mouth, he doesn't even want to look at himself in the mirror now.

Back in the room, there was nothing to do again, there were more and more phantoms in front of my eyes, the whole world became floating, and the feeling of emptiness in my chest came out again.And he couldn't go to the kitchen to get a knife, so he had to use his nails to pinch his waist and abdomen.

As usual at noon, Yang Lin came to knock on the door and asked him to eat. He wrapped himself up tightly, making sure that those ugly scars would not be exposed, and then went out.

I forgot what food I ate, and even the taste. I just remembered that the man said that his boyfriend was free, and we would have dinner together at night, and asked him to bring Zhao Wen along.He nodded indiscriminately, his teeth bit the flesh in his mouth to bleed, and swallowed the blood that flowed out, and then he suppressed the emotion that was on the verge of collapse or explosion.

He thought that his father might really be a lunatic, otherwise why would he raise such a little lunatic?And lunatics shouldn't exist here, lunatics will harm people, they will hurt people, and death is the best.

He suddenly thought of his father's appearance before he died. He was thin and out of shape, his skin was blue and purple, and his eyes were protruding.He stretched out his arms and rolled up his sleeves, and saw that his hands were also blue-purple, with intertwined scars, some of which had healed, and some of which had not yet scabbed.

He felt that he was going to die, or that it would be best if he actually died.

Once this idea existed in his mind, he couldn't get rid of it. There seemed to be many voices screaming in his ears, telling him to die, and he would be liberated when he died. If he was completely liberated, there would be no pain in death.

This proposal was too tempting, and he began to seriously think about the wonderful world after his death.

At least those nasty phantoms and that huge hole in my chest will surely go away.

The restaurant Yang Lin booked is a 10-minute walk from the neighborhood. The place is easy to find. He has been there with Qi Tian before.He said that his boyfriend was a little far away, so he drove to pick him up, and asked Qi Tian if he could take Zhao Wen, Qi Tian nodded.

Qi Tian changed out of his pajamas and put them on thickly.Most of his winter clothes were bought by men for him, and they fit him perfectly, but now that he has lost a lot of weight, he looks a bit loose when he wears them.He also wore a scarf, which was also bought by Yang Lin.

On the way to the restaurant slowly, even though he is not in good spirits, but the road is too simple, he still knows the direction.On the way, he saw a middle-aged woman getting out of a car, wearing fashionable clothes and light makeup.He froze for a moment, and suddenly couldn't control himself and pulled the woman's arm, and called out blankly, "Mom..."

The woman glared at her, and shook his hand fiercely, "Did you recognize the wrong person? Who is your mother?" After speaking, she turned her head and ran away in a hurry.

Qi Tian stared blankly at her back disappearing into the crowd, his mother's face in his memory overlapped with the face just now, apart from being a bit older, there was no slight difference in facial features.

He thought of the panicked look on the woman's face just now, and he understood what she was thinking, smiled wryly, and continued walking forward.

The author has something to say:

Try to finish this one tomorrow! ! !