my coward

There is a saying called "the feeling of being close to the hometown is timid". When he was a child, Zhuo Guangyao only knew how to memorize it dully, and he gradually understood the affection in it when he grew up.My mother's illness broke out several times, and her physical condition is not as good as before. The business affairs are basically no longer taken care of, and now she is resting in the old house of the family with peace of mind.

He didn't expect April to pick him up in person this time.Compared to the girlish attire two years ago, now she is wearing a professional suit, her long hair is rolled up, and her eyebrows are lightly swept away. Those jingling ornaments before are gone, and her ears have been replaced with simple and noble diamond earrings. Nail, from a distance, there is a sense of maturity that does not match the age.

"I don't know why she suddenly mentioned you the day before yesterday, and I was also surprised." April rubbed her forehead, with tiredness that couldn't be hidden in her eyes.

"Dr. Huang said that my mother's recent indicators are not very good, and her blood pressure continues to rise. He advised me to follow her more to avoid another stroke. After returning from the hospital last time, she could not move her entire right arm... She is young. How strong it was back then, but now it is definitely unbearable. But at this time, a lot of things suddenly appeared in the company. This time the company went public, and several shareholders kept making small moves. Thinking about cashing out in the black market! Do you look down on my Zhuo family so much?!"

April gradually calmed down, and said carefully to Zhuo Guangyao, "Brother, I don't know what you think about me, and what about your mother. Good or bad, you belong to the Zhuo family. Mom taught us since childhood , must not let the Zhuo family be underestimated by others! I am going to fight against the outside world, and you are responsible for the safety of the house. Try to follow her in everything, and don't make trouble at this time."

Zhuo Guangyao nodded under April's stern eyes.Then, April's straight back finally relaxed, slowly leaning against the window glass, staring blankly at the busy traffic outside the window, and suddenly whispered: "Brother, do you know? I actually envy you... "

Zhuo Guangyao heard a few words that seem to have nothing but meanings put together... He felt that he must have heard it wrong.

The uncle driver drove the car responsibly with a blank expression on his face, galloping smoothly on the expressway, heading for the hidden destination in the countryside.

The car drove slowly through the country lane, and slowly stopped in front of a small red and white building with a sense of age.Zhuo Guangyao was shaken awake, and when he opened his eyes, his eyes were full of green. The creepers all over the sky filled the entire outer wall and surrounded the entire small building like they were showing their might.The faint whiteness between the red eaves and the gaps between the vines makes it difficult to tell people its original color.

Zhuo Guangyao thought, this is where he lived when he was a child.He remembers playing alone when he was a child, often walking around the house alone, and when he was tired, he would stop and straighten his head to look towards the roof.Wow!The red roof is the place connected to the sky!At that time, I really felt that this house was the largest and highest place in the world. The legendary widest sea should be this big, and the sky should be this high.When I grow up, I have seen the real sea and sky, and seen the comparison of scientific data, and then I realize how ridiculous I was when I was young.He felt inexplicably sad that the once magnificent house stood in front of him in such a dilapidated and lacklustre manner.

"Brother, Mom is already awake. Let's go in."

April had already stepped into the hall first, took off her coat like a hostess, and handed it to the servant beside her. She had already asked her mother's personal servant about the situation while washing her hands.Zhuo Guangyao was still standing outside the gate, timidly, as cautious as a sudden visitor. April thought about it for a while, then came over and pulled him in. After standing still, he seriously introduced to all the servants in the hall: "This is my brother, my dear brother. His name is Zhuo Guangyao. He will come here often in the future. You guys Treat him like you serve me and my mother. Do you understand?!"

"Yes, Miss Zhuo."

"Hello! Master Zhuo."

The servants spoke in unison as if they had been trained, even the rhythm was exactly the same, their faces were all calm, and they neither looked him up and down like looking at a stranger, nor whispered in any way.

"Okay, let's all go away." April waved her hands casually like a leader, very general.The servants also continued to do their own work one after another.

Zhuo Guangyao followed April and turned left and right to his mother's bedroom, feeling a little shocked in his heart, "They...have no expressions...but they are very obedient, have they been trained?"

April walked ahead steadily, and replied without looking back: "Now you are seeing the fourth batch. When my mother first came back to live, we found some old local women to clean and clean. As a result, Those people are not strict with their mouths, and any rumors in the family will be spread. You know that my mother is still a legal person of the company, and they gossip like this. Every time my mother has a health problem, the stock will fall for a few days. How can I bear it! So gradually we also learned a lesson, hired some younger foreign girls with high salaries, and invited special personnel from the butler school to train them, so that we have the 'high-quality' servants you see now. They are all paid for by money!"

"Is that so..."

"Well, when you fire those old women, you will be hated. I guess there are a lot of villains in the dark, haha! But this is the reality. The survival of the fittest is in line with the theory of biological evolution."

"……Um."

Zhuo Guangyao looked at the back of April's round head, and wondered if people like him were also eliminated?Thinking about it this way, the oppressive feeling in his heart when he was a child gradually became apparent, and he felt a little nauseous.

"Here we are." April turned around and slowly pushed him to the front, "Go in, Mom is inside."

"Aren't you going in?"

April shook her head, "You're already trembling with fear, I'm going in too, aren't you going to share a room with two tigresses?"

"..."

"Go. Don't forget, she's my mother, and it's yours."

Finally, he was pushed into the room.Compared with the outside, the light in this room is a little dim, and there is still a faint smell of bitter medicine in the air.

"Yes, Guang Yao?"

"Yes, yes." Zhuo Guangyao himself felt his throat tighten.

The old woman on the bed panted a little, with joy in her voice. "It's really brilliant! Quick, come here, let me have a look."

Zhuo Guangyao hesitated to go forward, his unfilial son who left without saying goodbye really didn't have the face to face his mother who raised him.

"Ah! Is it because the light in the room is too dark to see clearly! I told them not to draw the curtains today... It's okay, I'll just open them."

Zhuo Guangyao hurriedly said, "No! The light is pretty good, I... I'm coming, don't move."

He got closer and closer to the strong old woman, and saw her lying there softly, with white hair on her temples, a kind face, looking at him with a smile in her eyes.

"Glory..."

The moment Zhuo Guangyao blurted out these three words, tears burst like a bank, and his face was wet.Since he was a child, he has always felt that he was wronged, but apart from the strictness that he had to teach him to become a talent, she is actually a very gentle and kind mother.

"Ouch, why are you crying all of a sudden. Come on, mom hugs you."

Zhuo Guangyao thought that he was so big, how could he be hugged by his mother, it was too shameful.But the old woman had already sat up, forcibly holding his head in her arms, stroking him once and for all.

"You, just like your dead ghost father, have a cold face and a soft heart. You look heartless, but you are actually very small-minded."

"I don't even remember what he looks like."

"I remember, I remember." The eyes of the old woman are full of memories, "Your father, he is good-looking, smart, and caring since he was a child. His family is rich, and he is willing to let go of the things he likes." Kung fu, those who don't like it don't bother to look at it. The temper is stubborn and self-willed, but the character is good. He is infatuated with the person he likes..."

The old woman sighed deeply, "What a pity! The object of his infatuation is not me."

Zhuo Guangyao raised his head in shock, as far as he could remember, his father had never had an affair.

The old woman laughed and continued, "You are so old, you should know that there are nine out of ten unsatisfactory things in life. There are eight kinds of hardships in life, birth, old age, sickness and death, sorrow and sorrow, resentment and hatred, separation of love and not getting what you want. No one can escape them all. He When I was a teenager, I met a girl, and the two fell in love at first sight. They were so affectionate, and they made a secret promise for life. Just as you were obsessed with me, my family beat me with a stick and forced her to marry me. Although his ancestors have been officials for generations, they are scholars. First, but in his father’s generation, it’s not enough anymore, and he has to put on a show, and often can’t make ends meet. Unfortunately, there are a few bad gambling uncles, and the family property is almost ruined. It’s just that he is the youngest son in the family, and no one follows him. That's all he said. And my father was a well-known upstart in the local area by reselling mines. When I was young, I traveled around with my father. Our wives and children have been on the bed for a long time. You don’t know that my father was so anxious at that time! Finally, one day, a matchmaker came up with an idea, saying that the youngest son of the Zhuo family was not married yet. Although we found someone outside, but The family disagreed, so she thought she could talk about it. My father gave her a gold bar at that time, and the matchmaker was so happy that her face was wrinkled and she said a lot of auspicious words."

The old woman touched Zhuo Guangyao's face inch by inch, and continued: "When I first met your father, he was about your age, and I thought to myself: 'This man is so handsome!' She spoke softly. , unhurried, really nice. Somehow, I feel a little shy. Now that I think about it, I like it. I don’t mind that he has found women outside. Although I am one year older than him, I believe With my ability, I will definitely make him see my goodness and slowly fall in love with me."

"In the end, I didn't get pregnant for two whole years. Of course I couldn't, and he never touched me. Even so, I'm still willing to endure it, and I'm still willing to take care of the dowry business and earn more money for him Uncles pay off debts. The first thing that shook me was your birth."

Zhuo Guangyao looked at his mother suspiciously, but there was no joy in her wise eyes at this moment.

"One day he brought a baby to me and begged me to recognize you and take care of you like my own son. I really broke down and felt that all my persistence and patience were in vain. This man actually took Children born to wild women out there come to insult me."

Zhuo Guangyao's eyes widened, unable to believe that this was a story about himself.

The old woman covered his eyes with distress, "That's it. I was probably too angry at the time, so I broke the jar and went out to negotiate terms with him. I told him that I also wanted a child of my own. He just kept silent." After a while, I agreed."

"He actually agreed, you know? But I'm actually not happy at all..."

The old woman's voice choked slightly, and the palms covering his eyes trembled slightly. "I adopted you and raised you in a responsible manner until ten years later, a full ten years! He only fulfilled his promise to give me Yaohua. When you were pregnant with her, your father had a car accident..."

Hearing the sound of tears dripping on the sheets, Zhuo Guangyao felt a pang of sadness in his heart.

"Later I heard other people say that that woman...had a difficult labor when she gave birth to you, and she gave birth to you with all her strength, and she passed away not long after. I was strict with you when I was young. On the one hand, it probably meant some venting. After having Yaohua, I became a real mother for the first time, so I realized that some things are innate. Thinking about that woman who is also a mother, but has no chance to watch you grow up, it is also pitiful. People. Gradually, I no longer hate them.”

Zhuo Guangyao felt that the warmth covering his eyes was gone, he slowly opened his eyes, and saw the old woman looking at him with tears in her eyes, her lips trembling, and finally said: "I hope, you don't hate me too .”

The author has something to say:

This passage is the best written.