kiss you in the rain

9. But I can't be with you

Du Guangyan stood outside Yan Ge's house holding the note with Yan Ge's address that Yu Jin gave him before he left. His cheeks flowed down to his neck, and it rained suddenly on the way he came by bike. He, who never reads the weather forecast, could not escape the rain this time, but fortunately, the rain was not heavy this time. After a while, he pressed the doorbell without hesitation. Ten seconds later, he heard a familiar but long-lost voice coming from behind the door.

"Come here, who is it?" Just as the voice finished speaking, the door opened, and then Du Guangyan saw Yan Ge standing in front of him in a white vest. Before Yan Ge could speak, Du Guangyan opened his mouth first: "You have a fever gone?"

Yan Ge looked at Du Guangyan, whose hair was still dripping from the rain, who suddenly appeared at the door of his house. He forgot to speak for a moment. He kept the posture of opening the door, but his eyes were fixed on Du Guangyan. I couldn't believe it.

"Why do you still wear so little when you have a fever!" Du Guangyan was obviously a little angry when he looked at the vest on Yan Ge's body. He was now blaming Yan Ge in his heart for being sick but not taking good care of himself.

"Ah, I... why are you here? I thought..." Although Yan Ge slowed down a little bit, he was still shocked, so he didn't listen to Du Guangyan's question at all. To be honest, he feels it personally now What is the real surprise.

"Yu Jin, Yu Jin came to see me, he told me a lot about you, and then...then I..." Du Guangyan didn't know what to say now, he came to see Yan Ge impulsively under Yu Jin's instigation , but when we met, he didn't know what to say.

"Yu Jin? Why is he looking for you?" Yan Ge frowned. He couldn't figure out what Yu Jin could do with Du Guangyan. At this moment, Yan Ge suddenly found that Du Guangyan was still standing outside the door wet, so he hurriedly said, "Come in and wipe your body first."

Du Guangyan walked into Yan Ge's house. Yan Ge asked him to stand still, then took a towel from the bathroom and stood in front of Du Guangyan, saying, "May I wipe your hair for you?"

"You have a fever, I'll do it myself." Du Guangyan wanted to reach for the towel in Yan Ge's hand, but Yan Ge avoided it. Yan Ge looked at Du Guangyan and said, "Who told you that I have a fever?" ?”

"Yu Jin said he passed by your supermarket and listened to your mother."

"Then he didn't say when he heard about it?" Yan Ge seemed to understand something, stood there and sighed with his right hand on his forehead. Du Guangyan was obviously confused again. Could it be that he made a mistake?

"I did have a fever, but that happened yesterday. I'm fine now. If you don't believe me, touch my forehead." After that, Yan Ge grabbed Du Guangyan's hand and put it on his forehead, which was a little scary He looked at Du Guangyan, but the temperature from his hand was not hot, so he looked at Yan Ge with a tone of disbelief and said, "The fever is completely gone?"

"It's all over, I swear to God." After Yan Ge finished speaking, he put down Du Guangyan's hand, took the towel between the two of them, and said, "Then can I wipe your hair for you?"

"...I can do it myself."

"Just take it as compensation for your trip in vain, okay?"

Du Guangyan lowered his head and nodded, then Yan Ge gently wrapped Du Guangyan's wet hair with a towel, and wiped it carefully and carefully several times.

"Then do you know my relationship with Yu Jin now?" Yan Ge asked while wiping his hair.

"Well, he said a lot, including your breakup."

"I rely on this person to say it...ah sorry, I'm not losing my temper with you." Yan Ge immediately apologized after realizing his tone, but Du Guangyan raised his hand and grabbed his arm, Yan Ge rubbed his arm. The movement of the head stopped.

"He talked a lot, about your past, about your past, and about a lot of things I don't know, but he didn't blame you from the beginning to the end." Du Guangyan slowly moved Yan Ge's arm towards you. Press it down until Yan Ge's hands touch his cheeks, "Are you still blaming yourself?"

Yan Ge turned his face away without looking at Du Guangyan, and then said: "Why is he still playing cool and taking the responsibility on himself, as if he has been hurting me all the time."

"Are you still afraid?" Du Guangyan grabbed Yan Ge's hand harder.

"I..." Yan Ge couldn't answer. He is still resisting that period of the past. A type of person, aren't you afraid?"

"What am I afraid of?"

"I'm gay. If you're like this, I'll...I'll have expectations for you!"

"Don't you hold it?"

"..." After hearing this sentence, Yan Ge turned his head in surprise and looked at Du Guangyan who had been looking at him all the time. He couldn't believe that Du Guangyan was so... so straightforward?Where did the timid Du Guangyan go?

"You like me, don't you?" Yan Ge was even more caught off guard by Du Guangyan's straight ball again. This question was too sudden and straightforward, and he was confused for a while. Do you know what you're talking about! You, you..."

"Do you still remember the things you brought up after you lost the PK?"

of course I remember!But now I will be very shy to mention this!At that time, I sent it on impulse because I was happy, but I regretted it for a long time later!Yan Ge wailed in his heart, he felt that there was nothing more embarrassing than this "public execution".

"I promise you, but..." Du Guangyan grabbed Yan Ge's hand and put it down, and then said word by word: "You must tell me all about your past, and you are not allowed to hide it. "

"..." Which trick is this again?Is it true that the little brats now think like this? Don’t you feel embarrassed to say such a shameful thing? !But Yan Ge is actually happy, because it means that he has a chance, and the chance of winning is very high, but he really wants to find out what is going on with Du Guangyan, who is so different from each other, so he Asked: "Before that, you tell me... You, why do you feel like a different person suddenly?"

"I was still so respectful when I was eating before, so why did I suddenly become so strong, I'm a little...uh a little surprised."

"Because I think that if you are polite to you, you may not be willing to tell me the truth. Besides, I was out of politeness before, and I am not the kind of mother-in-law. "Speaking of Du Guangyan's voice suddenly dropped, but he quickly raised the volume and said: "Why, why, don't you like it..."

"Oh no, it's good, it's good, it's cute." Yan Ge couldn't help laughing looking at Du Guangyan's appearance, then he caught a glimpse of Du Guangyan's clothes, and then remembered that this guy's clothes might still be wet, so he said : "Change your clothes? You take off your clothes and I'll wash them and return them to you tomorrow. Put on my clothes now."

"Ah, no, no, I'll do it in a short time in summer." Du Guangyan immediately refused when he thought of wearing Yan Ge's clothes, but Yan Ge said: "If you catch a cold, I will blame myself, for the rest of my life." .”

"...Then, that's fine."

Yan Ge handed the clean clothes to Du Guangyan and asked him to change in his bedroom. After changing, Du Guangyan opened the door and said to Yan Ge: "It's a bit big."

Yan Ge leaned on the door frame and looked at Du Guangyan, who was wearing his own clothes, with a satisfied smile and said, "It's okay, it doesn't matter if the T-shirt is bigger. Let's start then, Brother Yan's story club."

Du Guangyan and Yan Ge chatted for a long time in Yan Ge's room. Yan Ge revealed his past to Du Guangyan unreservedly. Du Guangyan listened calmly, because it was similar to what he heard from Yu Jin. However, there are a lot of Yan Ge's personal feelings. When he told the story of breaking up with Yu Jin, Yan Ge actually cried. You see, the result is that Yan Ge hugged Du Guangyan and wept bitterly, and he still muttered: "It was really the first time...the first time I loved someone so much, but I was too selfish. I thought love was As long as the two of you are together, nothing else matters."

"But Yu Jin was troubled by me like that, and I not only failed to find out, but also said such capricious things to him, I really...I really feel guilty."

"But! But that kid betrayed me today, even secretly contacted you!"

Du Guangyan was speechless, the turning point was too fast, he had no choice but to comfort him: "If he hadn't come to me, when do you think I will find out what you want?"

"Boss! You will find out..." Yan Ge's voice gradually quieted down. He wiped the tears from the corners of his eyes and realized that he was holding Du Guangyan and crying, and immediately walked away from Du Guangyan in shame, whispering Say, "Sorry, I didn't mean to."

"Then can you tell me that it will always be found out, and when exactly?"

Yan Ge stopped wiping his tears. He slowly raised his head and stared into Du Guangyan's eyes. Tears came out of his eyes silently again. He grinned and suppressed his crying and said, "Yes, I'm sorry..."

"Ah, why are you crying so much!" Du Guangyan took out several tissues from the tissue box next to him and handed them to Yan Ge, saying, "Calm down, listen to me, Yan Ge .”

"You're afraid that you'll hurt me if you come near me, and this is the first time I've been through that, we're both cowards in a way, we'll probably never take that step with each other, so that's why we need With the intervention of the third person, we need a person to push us, don't we?"

"But, but..." Yan Ge didn't know what he thought of and cried even more fiercely. Du Guangyan helped his forehead helplessly, and comforted him again: "If you cry again, if you cry again, I will take back what I just said!"

"What are you talking about..." Yan Ge lost his sanity after crying.

"I agree to your marriage proposal."

"...Damn, marriage proposal, what kind of proposal... Can you be more tactful in your words." Yan Ge's tears seemed to stop a little because of embarrassment, Du Guangyan took a breath, and he complained: "It's really embarrassing to cry like this. Now I have to wonder whether it is true that Yu Jin said that you kissed him forcefully when you were chasing him before."

"What the hell are you talking about? Did he tell you about this?" Yan Ge was in no mood to cry immediately, and now he just wanted to punch Yu Jin and make him talk more.

"I've said it all, he said a lot about you, and of course how you chased him." Speaking of this, Du Guangyan suddenly thought of something, but this kind of thing is still very important to him. It's a little hard to say, but seeing Yan Ge's funny expression, he couldn't help but want to tease him, so he asked: "Then you, uh... kissed? I want to be honest."

"...Damn, of course! How can there be a couple who doesn't kiss on the lips."

"What about... the further relationship?"

"No! Absolutely not! I swear to God I never touched him!" Yan Ge immediately sat upright when he heard this question, as if he was eager to clarify his innocence, "Even if I was in high school, I would never take this Kind of a joke."

"Really?"

"If I lie, you will! Take back what you said."

"Huh? Which one?"

Damn, is this Du Guangyan the Du Guangyan I know?This is not a docile and cute little rabbit, but a little fox with a hidden knife in his smile!

"Just, just... um, that sentence."

"What? Didn't hear clearly."

"No, I can't say it."

"You dare to force a kiss, but you can't say a word, you are too inferior."

"It's not what it used to be!" Yan Ge understood today what it means to not be fooled by appearances. There must actually be a little devil living in Du Guangyan's bones.

"Okay, let's stop teasing you, what happened after you broke up with Yu Jin?"

Yan Ge was no longer crying because of Du Guangyan's words. He cleared his throat and took a deep breath and said: "The day before the start of the university, I confessed to my family. I confessed that I am gay. thing."

The harmonious and humorous atmosphere just now became tense because of this sentence. Du Guangyan clenched his hand involuntarily, and his nails dug into the flesh little by little. He was a little afraid of hearing the next words.

"Of course the ending was bad. I had a big fight with my parents. My mother was not in good health. I sent my mother to the hospital that night. Then the next day I went to a university alone. .”

"Since then, my family has never contacted me again. I never went home once during my freshman and sophomore years. I used all my spare time to work, and then I rented a house outside during the winter and summer vacations. I thought I would cut ties with my family and drift away alone."

"When the sophomore year was about to start, I didn't have enough money to pay the tuition fees. At that time, I was ready to drop out of school, but my name was on the payment list sent to the class. At that time, I really wanted to run away. I went home, but I was afraid of their eyes and their disappointed expressions, at that moment I realized how terrible what Yu Jin was worried about."

"At the end of the first semester of my junior year, I received a call from my mother. I haven't heard my mother's voice for two and a half years. At that time, I almost cried. My mother asked me if I would come back this year for the New Year, saying My grandpa missed me. I held back my voice and said yes, then my mother gave me some instructions and then hung up the phone. After I hung up the phone, I lay on the quilt and cried for a long time." Yan Ge suddenly laughed when he said this , he said with some embarrassment: "Maybe the crying is worse than now."

The originally very sad atmosphere was suddenly broken by Yan Ge's words. Du Guangyan couldn't help laughing: "That's too bad, ah no, I didn't mean that."

"Hahaha it's okay, it's all in the past. After I got home, my dad and my mom took me to chat for a long time. They asked me if I still haven't changed my mind. I nodded, and then they both sighed yes I said we can't control you anymore when you grow up, but grandpa misses you very much, don't tell grandpa about this."

"In this way, I survived the most difficult days. To be honest, it was really painful. I know that not all homosexuals can get the blessing of their parents in the end. I should be considered lucky. So I will no longer go through these times. Acting recklessly, I became very cautious, although on the surface I may still be a naughty boy or something."

"So Adu, can I call you Adu?" Du Guangyan nodded, and then Yan Ge continued: "I really like you, but I won't be as impulsive as before, and I hope you pass my Stories can be careful not to make irreversible actions out of impulse."

"However, I still made a mistake. You are not a person in this circle, but now because of me... It doesn't matter if you reject me now, because you have given me enough surprises, and if you go on, it may only ruin my life. Your relationship with your family. I don't want to see you become like this because of me."

"I like you, but I can't be with you." After Yan Ge finished speaking, he lowered his head. He didn't dare to look directly at Du Guangyan's face now. He was afraid to see any eyes that gave him hope.

"Then let's get together later, how about it?" However, Du Guangyan said such words suddenly, Yan Ge couldn't help but raised his head and asked, "Wait?"

"Well, until I graduate, or until I confess to my family, or until my family accepts us."

"What are you talking about, not all parents are so cheerful!"

"If they don't agree, then we'll elope."

"Don't talk nonsense! Who is not the only child now? You are the only one in your family who continues the family tradition. What if your parents are old after you leave?"

"Aren't you the only one in your family?"

"Me! I've broken the can, but you still have room to save."

"Pfft, why are you so nervous? Of course I won't elope with you. My grandma likes me very much. I can't make my grandma sad."

"Yes, so you shouldn't..." Yan Ge wanted to say something excitedly but was interrupted by Du Guangyan: "So I will tell them well and beg for their understanding, if they still can't understand me , kick me out, or ignore me, I accept it."

"Are you crazy!? This stupid idea is about to strangle me in the cradle!" Yan Ge anxiously grabbed Du Guangyan's shoulder, and looked at Du Guangyan with pleading eyes: "I beg you... Please don't say such capricious words, don't decide your future so casually..."

"Yan Ge, Yan Ge, calm down and listen to me." Du Guangyan stroked Yan Ge's trembling hands and said, "I promised you one thing, so can you promise me one thing too? No Denying me like this, I mustered up the courage to come to see you."

Yan Ge looked at Du Guangyan's sincere eyes, bit his lips and nodded, then Du Guangyan said slowly: "I don't have to be with you or even contact you or meet you before I graduate, but when I graduate Come face it with me, okay?"

"I need you to hold my hand and give me courage."

At that moment, Yan Ge felt that something in his heart was broken, and countless cracks opened little by little, and finally countless shining rays of light burst out from that thing, hiding Yan Ge in the dark. I took a picture of Chu's heart, which gave Yan Ge a feeling that he hadn't seen for a long time-no matter the wind or rain, I want to be with this person in front of me and face the unknown.

Yan Ge lowered his head and smiled lightly, then he raised his head to meet Du Guangyan's gaze, and said with a smile, "Okay, I promise you. Can I hug you now?"

Du Guangyan rolled his eyes and said, "I don't know which girl was crying on my shoulder just now."

"Young... girl?! Fuck, did Yu Jin tell you?"

"Don't you realize that you are really a girl sometimes?"

"I... I don't think so! Hurry up and forget about that incident just now! Damn it, I have another black history."

"Then you can delete it from my mind yourself, if you can."

"Then do you like me like this?"

"Well...not annoying."

As soon as Yan Ge finished speaking, he opened his arms and hugged Du Guangyan on the side. He gently stroked Du Guangyan's almost dry hair with his hands, and said softly against Du Guangyan's ear: "Then I can kiss you ?"

"No."

"Hey! Why?" Yan Ge lay on Du Guangyan's shoulder with some disappointment, and gently rubbed his cheek against Du Guangyan's exposed shoulder, and then he heard Du Guangyan say: "We were just ordinary friends before I graduated , Ordinary friends can only hug at most."

"What? Start now?!"

"Yeah, so hurry up and cherish the time now, maybe I won't contact you or see you tomorrow."

"This fucking...this fucking is too deceptive, woo hoo." Yan Ge pretended to cry and buried his face in Du Guangyan's neck, then Du Guangyan gently pushed Yan Ge's body away, and slowly approached Yan Ge. Ge's face covered his own lips on his soft lips.

But he just touched Du Guangyan lightly and then moved his lips away. He looked at Yan Ge's surprised reaction and said with a smile: "It was just an accident just now, but from now on there will be no such accidents."

While talking cunningly, Yan Ge reached out to touch the back of Du Guangyan's head and pushed his head towards himself, then pressed his forehead against Du Guangyan's forehead, closed his eyes and said softly, "I'll wait for you to graduate."

The rain outside the window kept falling, and the glass was full of raindrops that were falling in a hurry. Because the temperature of the air conditioner in the room was too low, the people inside couldn't help wrapping their blankets tightly, and the laughter echoed in the room. The people who talked in front of each other smiled and stared at each other.

It turns out that some good things happen when it rains.Yan Ge, who used to think otherwise, suddenly began to think so now.