Qinse is in the imperial court, forgetting both favor and disgrace

My name is Gao Zheng, and I was an eunuch during my lifetime. When I was 17 years old, I drank dove wine and died.

The deep palace in the deep palace, the nine-fold forbidden area, the little yellow gate like me is full of pits and valleys, we who are neither male nor female, our lives are as cheap as ants, sometimes it is only the master's bad intentions, and some of us will die.

In many cases, they were beaten to death alive.

So my ending is actually quite good, the poisonous onset was very fast, although it was painful, the delay was not long after all.

More importantly, I died in the arms of my master and friend.

I have many masters, but only one friend in this life.

His name is Zhao Rang, he is a general, and he has a younger sister named Chang Le, who is my beloved girl.

An eunuch is no longer a man, not even a person, but I still have a heart as an eunuch.

I was of course born a normal boy, with two older brothers, the youngest in the family.

My family lives in Jinling City, and I rely on my parents to run a restaurant for a living.At the age of eight, the palace recruited servants. Boys between the ages of six and ten were required. As long as one was selected, not only would they be rewarded, but the whole family would be exempted from military service for three years without tax.

It was my father who sent me to purify my body. He told my mother that there are too many sons in the family, and the taxes and corvee are heavy. Instead of suffering together with the whole family, it is better to exchange for the benefits that you can see. Repair it?

My mother cried bitterly while hugging me. She fought for me until the last moment. I can't blame her.

My father and elder brother took me out together, but when we got there, my elder brother refused to go in. He desperately held my hand, his eyes were red.

"Do you still want to marry a wife? If you want to, let go!" The father scolded the elder brother, and the 17-year-old elder brother trembled and let go of his hand.

At the age of eight, I already knew many things. I didn't know what "purification" was, but I understood that I was abandoned by my family.

Fortunately or unfortunately, I was spotted right away, and my father went to accept the reward with a smile on his face, without looking back at me again.

The process of purging and recovering is a nightmare. When I was still ignorant, I had already lost the qualification to grow into a man.

This is not my will.

People who have not had such experience, even those who are also eunuchs but voluntarily purify themselves, do not understand how painful and humiliating it is to be forced to lose their inherent majesty, even if they are rich and powerful. God, nothing can fill this emptiness.

I once personally saw a chief eunuch whipping his father who had just entered the palace to meet him, crying and cursing as he whipped: "You son of a bitch, why do you have the heart to eunuch your own son?!"

After the beating, the father and son hugged their heads and cried loudly.

If possible, I also want to question my father, but I have no such opportunity.

But maybe, it's not that bad.

If I hadn't been a servant, I wouldn't have met the brothers and sisters.

When I was sent by the Inner Palace to serve General Zhao, I still wondered if the first man in Eastern Chu who was about to become a concubine was a person as beautiful as a fairy?

He should be very beautiful, otherwise how could he tempt the emperor?

But it wasn't until I actually served him that I realized how ridiculous my original guess was.

General Zhao is of course beautiful, but his beauty is not dazzling.In fact, if you only talk about appearance, he is probably not a beauty. His eyebrows and eyes are soft, and he is obviously a general. When he smiles, it is like the spring breeze blowing on the willows, and it seems like the new moon is rising.

Even to me, a lowly little servant, he was always polite, never reprimanded me loudly, and never tossed me because I was bored or in a bad mood.

Those of us who are neither male nor female are actually quite different from ordinary people. When people treat us well, we will follow the pole, but we will not take such people seriously; I feel that the master treats us as his own.

It's just that I'm timid, and I always think that General Zhao is on guard against me, so I speak nicely to me.

If I had known at the time that he was someone who could treat my little slave as a friend, how could I not cherish his friendship!

In distress, several partners who entered the palace at the same time urged me to try to provoke General Zhao's sister. If General Zhao is really the future master, the concubine who is about to be named, he will definitely punish me severely, and then I can He justifiably became his side person.

So, I couldn't help being tempted, and started to follow their methods and use various tricks to manipulate General Zhao's sister, Chang Le.

Changle... my beloved girl, I'm sorry that I approached you in such a way. In the days after I received your kind treatment, every time I think of this absurd thing, I can't wait to twitch my mouth.

The first time I paid attention to Changle, it was only because she was General Zhao's younger sister.

But she is more beautiful than General Zhao, even if there are similarities in facial features, I can't tell where they have been slightly shifted, Chang Le's face is not inferior to the famous and important empresses in the palace.

I like her eyes, her nose, her mouth, her smiling, crying, coquettish, frowning, her slender and white hands, her graceful body, and even the faint scent of a girl on her body when she is close to me. Enchanted.

At that time, I bullied Changle with my strength, she kicked and struggled desperately, but she never yelled.After all, I am a cowardly and incompetent eunuch. After being frozen for a long time, I stopped offending and asked her inexplicably: "You just need to call, can't the general hear you?"

Chang Le burst into tears, looked at me with anger and hatred, but also sadness, she said: "Xiao Gao, if you do this, if the eldest brother knows, what will he do?"

Instead, I was at a loss: "How do I know what General Zhao will do? Could it be that you think I'm an eunuch, so I can't...can't do anything to you?"

"Xiao Gao," Changle smiled at me, which made me feel unbelievably fearless, "Can't you see, elder brother treats you and me as family members, even if you can bear it, I can't let elder brother be disappointed and sad .”

"You lied to me." I let Changle go, but I didn't believe it, "General, he is about to become a concubine. He is my master, and I want him to be my master! But he scolds me, beats me, he He didn't torture me in any strange way, he didn't treat me as his own at all!"

I didn't expect that when I yelled in a low voice, Chang Le was stunned, her tears were condensed on her cheeks, her eyes were steaming, her beautifully shaped lips trembled slightly, until she covered her mouth with her hands——

"Xiao Gao, Xiao Gao..."

All of a sudden, this girl jumped up and hugged my neck tightly, her soft chest pressed against me tightly without any shyness. Suddenly, I wanted to push her away, but I wished she would hold me until the end of time.

I don’t know when I also cried with Changle, my girl, my beloved, you helped me find the long-lost emotion with your hug and your compassion, you let me know that I like someone, He wants to be nice to her, he wants to shield her from all the miseries in the world, he is willing to suffer so much that he will die without a place to bury him, and he will not bear her suffering even a little bit of pain.

After all, Changle and I failed to have any physical breakthrough, but I know that I am different from her.

Accompanied by her, we have experienced many things together.

When General Zhao was embraced by the emperor, and the young emperor proudly walked all the way to the bedroom, Changle trembled beside me, she still couldn't believe that the elder brother she admired would succumb to the imperial authority and become a concubine who followed the crowd.

It was I who comforted her, and I mentioned to her that we were involuntary, and we endured humiliation. I asked her, would I rather General Zhao endure the humiliation and seek death, or would he grit his teeth and hold on, hoping to see the light of day?

Chang Le wailed in my arms, and when she finished crying, she wiped away her tears, put on a smile, and went to see General Zhao.

When the empress forcibly married her and Changle was taken away, I hated nothing but hatred, hating myself for being nothing more than a servant, powerless and helpless!

There is nothing to do!Changle!My dear girl!

When she came back, apart from weeping bitterly, we had to make an agreement with each other not to let General Zhao know what happened to Changle. We have aspirations together. In this cold harem, we must protect our general and not let him, who values ​​love and righteousness, Take spot damage.

It’s just that I know that Changle’s hurt and pain, she never hides from me, the tears she couldn’t shed in front of the general flowed freely to me; also because of her, I deeply understand that falling in love with someone , how can you not be strong?After all, you have to share her sorrows and sorrows at any time. If you fall, who can she rely on?

From Jinghua Palace to Chengxian Palace, Changle and I have always followed General Zhao around.

General Zhao was exactly as Chang Le said, even to me, he treated me equally and politely, and even said that he regarded me as a friend.

He has always been frank, and probably never thought about what it means to be a friend of the eunuchs.

I also didn't expect that I didn't cry—yes, the general said I was a man, and he didn't look down on me. I knew then that one day I would be happy to die for him and Changle.

Anyway, my life is cheap, so it would be nice if I could die with some meaning?

Changle went to the Queen Mother's side, and half of my body seemed to be taken out. The general didn't scold me. He still taught me to read and write as before, and occasionally took me to practice boxing and kicking.

The general's handwriting is very beautiful. Although I don't know calligraphy, the strokes are vigorous and powerful, and it makes people feel comfortable to look at. Changle knows much more than me. She secretly told me that writing also pays attention to character.

The other day I saw a sentence on the general's desk: "Know how to advance and retreat, survive and die without losing the right."

In fact, I can't understand the meaning of these words, but the word "Zheng" is well written by the general, and I think of my own name, which is also "Zheng".

The general explained it to me for a long time, but I was too stupid to understand it.

It wasn't until my mother brought my eldest brother's child into the palace to see me that I finally understood where my "rightness" was.

In the nine years since entering the palace, only my mother has come to see me once, as if it was the second or third year in the first year. In this barren and dangerous deep palace, I have no comfort from my family at all.

My mother has long since become a shriveled woman, and my nephew looked at me curiously. He is only six years old, but he already knows the difference between me—my mother asked him to call me "Little Uncle", and my nephew said, "No, He smells so weird!"

Is it strange?There is no way around this, we lost our natural masculinity, but we are not women either. No matter how hard we try, we can’t get rid of it when we urinate. How could my nephew get used to this smell?

However, my mother hugged me. She didn't care about the smell on my body. She told me that it wasn't that she didn't want to come, but that every time she wanted to come, she was stopped by her father. Last year, when my father left, she could finally come to see me. From now on, she will find a chance to come to see me every year, and she will also bring her little nephew to meet me, so that when she is gone, if I am kicked out of the palace, there will still be a place to take me.

I really thought I had come to the end of my hardships, but then I received a secret order from the inner government, someone asked me to poison the general, if I didn't do it, the end of the mother and little nephew would come soon.

The deadline they gave was on the night of the Mid-Autumn Festival, and I knew that that would be my death date, and I didn’t want to die at all, I wanted to see Changle, I wanted to see my mother.

This night, Changle gave me a sachet through the general, so that I can take the gift of my beloved girl to see the King of Hades.I'm really proud that although I'm a eunuch, useless, and a lowly ant, I got a gift from the best girl in the world.

Changle never said that she liked me, but she said it hundreds of times with her eyes.

What makes me even more happy is that the general said that as long as he is not in the palace, he doesn't mind me being with Changle...Of course I know I won't, even if I am alive, how can I let my beloved girl be a widow?I'll stay by her side and serve her and her husband, just fine...

General, Changle, I finally understand the meaning of that sentence.Even if you lose, or even die, you must stick to what you should stick to—you are my "righteousness", I can't lose it, that is the only treasure I have left.

Changle, before black and white impermanence took me away, I insisted on going to Dikun Palace to take a look at you, it was so good, the last thing I saw was you smiling.Goodbye, my beloved girl, you will be happy forever.

General, please don't be sad, I am very satisfied to die in your arms, even if you are an eunuch, is he qualified to be the man in your heart?

If there is an afterlife...if we can meet again...