Bouquet

"...In that case, why do you think that I want to end this relationship."

After a long silence, the person above Sharibel asked calmly.

Because I see it.He stared at Zephyran's knuckles.Seeing what I have worn here, I know what it means, and I understand that if I want to accept the reality calmly, I can only blame myself.

"Because we're so different."

Once the most difficult words are uttered, the rest will be easy to say: "Your level, the world you are in, I can't reach it."

"The difference between us is not a day or two."

For the first time, the young staff member was so aggressive in private: "What made you bring up this idea now."

He's really sharp.

Sharibel closed his eyes, and tried to change into the most earnest tone: "Because I realized... There is someone who is more suitable for you than me. Like you, with higher education, doing a noble job, and living in a high-end apartment, like that Only those who deserve to be with you."

"Be with me, ha."

Zephyran's voice was cold: "Who decides that? Who 'fits' decides who I should be with, huh?"

He grabbed Saribel's wrist with his backhand: "Are you 'worthy'?"

The room was warm, but the makeup artist couldn't help shivering.The lover was suppressing his rage, and he could feel it from the clenched wrist; but the point of the other party's anger made him puzzled.If it wasn't for "compatibility", why would Zephyran choose the woman of the same type as him; if it wasn't for "unsuitability", why would he take it for granted that the other party abandoned him from the beginning.

Social class, public opinion, conventions... Who decides whether they are "fit" or not?The words of the young staff really overwhelmed him.

In the stalemate, he heard a sigh from above his head.

So tired, so...disappointed, even when the other party spoke again, he completely forgot that he should be in the position of questioning because of the emotions contained in it.

"I thought," Zephilan said, "that you are finally willing to be self-willed with me, and finally willing to let go of some insistence, enough to mean that we can go to the next step. I am very happy, and even some... But now the assumptions you said , what ends, what fits... Saribel, what are you thinking, I don't understand. Have I never understood?"

"……Yes."

Sharibel took a deep breath, still not daring to look up at the other party: "But that's not because you can't understand, but because I... never let you know."

"Why don't you let me know."

"Because we are too different." Sharibel said, "It's like a strange circle, right. I don't just refer to our jobs and classes, but also our character and personality... It should be said that these two are the most important things. The important thing is that no one can decide who you are 'worthy' with, but when I am with you, I am still conscious about whether I am compatible with you..."

"...Conscious? Could it be that you and others..."

"No!" Saribel denied eagerly, "I mean, before I was with you, I was...not a very good person in all aspects."

The other party breathed a sigh of relief: "It's been so long, you're still worried about this? There's no need to go back to what happened before the acquaintance. As long as now—"

"What I mean is," Sharibel interrupted him, looking up at Zephilan: "Because I was not a single-minded and dedicated person, so if you have other ideas, I... can understand, after all, I ...is not worthy of your devotion."

"You confused me." The tone of the young staff member became serious again, "Shali, what are you implying? Please say it clearly."

"I also think it's really enough to go around."

Saribel stood up, and his free hand covered Zephyran's hand, which was tightly clutching her: "Last Friday, I saw you go to pick out a ring with a woman."

Zephyran didn't seem to realize the relevance of this matter to the previous conversation.

"you saw it……?"

"Yeah. That day I was in the class for my colleague, and it happened to be nearby."

His lover blinked and gradually understood the whole incident.

"...So that's why. That night...that's why you said I chose to end. That's how it is."

The young staff slowly sat down on the sofa.As the opponent let go, Sharibel's arms also hung down to his side.

Looking down at the other person's expression, he felt a bone-chilling chill creep up his spine.

Now is the time for him to occupy the moral high ground and let the truth come to light, but since the conversation with Zephyran, and now witnessing the other party's closed eyes and frowning brows, he has become more and more suspicious that his hypothesis has stabbed deeply. people in front of you.

Is it another 50.00% possibility?

But how is that possible.That's even worse.

Sharibel's heart did not revive, but sank into a deeper abyss.

If, if everything was his misunderstanding and his mediocrity, then his concealment of Zephyran, the deliberate harm he inflicted, and the hint he just uttered by himself are all irreversible.

The other party's attitude as usual, "Finally willing to be self-willed with me", and rushing back after finishing work early... If there is one point in this matter that he guessed right, it may be that "the honest Zephyran will not treat him badly." hide".If the other party is not ashamed, it is not because of his outstanding acting skills, but because he really has a clear conscience?What if the other party tolerates his violence not because he finds it interesting, but because he is really willing to bear it for himself?

What did he do for such a Zephyran?

He said he loves him, then he doubted him self-servingly, and finally poured cold water on his passion.

The realization at this moment is even more terrifying for Saribel than it was when he witnessed the incident last Friday.

He saw his lover appear together with the opposite sex of his type in a shop that bought some symbolic accessories.If the facts are simplified, it is just "Zefilan and a person go shopping".What made the situation suddenly become like this?

Yes.It is his own hidden worries, his own anxiety, his low self-esteem, and what he thinks are "worthy".These came together and immediately punched him to a conclusion.Because he was too sure that Zephyran would agree with the matter of "compatibility", he didn't dare to verify it at all, so he directly identified his speculation as Zephylan's idea.

He knew what Zefeilan was like, but he didn't believe it; he didn't believe it because he didn't think he was worthy or "worthy" of the other party's honesty.In the end he attributed what he had witnessed, which should have been innocuous, to Zephyran's infidelity.

Zephyrran didn't speak again.

He didn't even sit up straight, uncharacteristically, with a hand on his forehead covering his eyes.The other hand was clenched into a fist, tightly clenched.

Sharibel's heart seemed to be held in his hands.

It shouldn't be like this.It shouldn't be you who gets hurt, and it can't be you anyway.

He knelt down in front of the other party, and went to break the clenched fist, as if he believed that he could untie the knot in his heart through this move.Zephyran let him move without speaking or responding.He couldn't spy on the other person's thoughts, but the thought in his own heart was clear: If "we're done" could make the other person feel better, he really would rather they were done than torture him with his mistakes like now Beloved person.

Saribel, you can do it.Self-righteously mourning for a week, in the end it hurt him completely.

He has no idea how to appease the person in front of him, because words and assumptions are the root of what is causing the current situation.Behavior——in terms of just behavior, Zephilan thought that his previous atrocities were rare and willful, but he also confirmed at the moment that it was just a misunderstanding after a misunderstanding.

So is there anything else he can say and do?

No.

Knowing this, he still had to do something.The make-up artist pressed the cold hand of the other party on his neck, put his arms around his knees and called his name.He was afraid, terribly afraid.This time, he was not afraid that Zefeilan would leave him, but that Zefeilan would experience the pain he experienced last week.

"Zefiran, I..."

"I" what?

"I'm sorry", he said twice; "I was wrong", what was wrong?Is it wrong to speculate on simple facts?Saying it like this is not accusing the other party of being ambiguous in disguise, isn't it directly admitting one's own suspicion; "I love you", if you say it now, will the other party still believe it?Will it still be regarded as a confession, not an excuse?

"I" has no context, and he has no claims.The hand on his neck was soft and weak, and the gentle touch in the past when he was emotional was gone.Sharibel felt that the person in front of him was a dying person who needed to be rescued, but he didn't know where to rescue him.The wound is not on the outside, but in the heart.

What's more, as the perpetrator, he wanted to save the victim.Is there such a thing.

He straightened up and hugged the other party tightly, kissing his cheek and forehead, hoping that the intimacy would be exchanged for a positive reaction, but also afraid that the other party would wave away this hypocritical comfort.

Fortunately, Zephyran did not do this.After a long silence, he opened his eyes and looked at Saribel in front of him.

"We really need to have a good talk before we jump to any conclusions."

The drink on the coffee table was replaced by coffee.

Saribel sat on the sofa, side by side with Zephyran.The fact that the other party didn't deliberately distance himself reassured him a little, but he was still uneasy about the upcoming conversation.

His lover sighed.

"Shari, if you asked me, it would be easy to clarify the misunderstanding. But our problem is not there, and I think you understand."

"……Um."

"Before discussing your feelings or my feelings, we should have an understanding that we don't actually want to hurt each other, can I think so?"

"Yes." This time Saribel answered loudly and simply, "Zefilan, I—"

The young staff member raised his hand to stop his unspoken words.

"Just now, or even earlier, I didn't think about whether I gave you enough sense of security. Judging from today's results, it seems that the answer is no. But...it turns out that it wasn't my behavior that made you feel safe. Don't trust me, but what you call 'matching'."

Zephyran leaned on the sofa and looked up at the ceiling: "'Match'... I can always hear this kind of words. You are too. When we go to order clothes and buy furniture, the salesperson will also say 'this This item is very suitable for you', 'very suitable for you'. Maybe they say this for performance, maybe they really think this item is suitable for the person in front of them."

"But did you find out? In the final analysis, the matter of 'fitting' is his point of view, not mine. If I don't like it, I won't buy it just because he said 'fits me'; also He will not say 'not suitable', and give up what he likes, or even the person he likes. Even though many people in the world tend to be 'suitable' in other people's mouths, I am not one of them."

The young staff turned to look at Saribel: "I thought it was enough for us to choose each other. However, we didn't really agree with each other's choices, did we?"

Sharibel opened his mouth, but did not speak.

"Speak out." Zefilan turned his gaze away, "If we don't say it now, we really have no way to talk about it later."

Makeup artist's fingers churned together.

"I want to know why it's me." Sharibel said, "Sorry, let's go back to the original point, but in your position, there should be more and better choices...Why me?"

"You too." Zephyran said, "You have met and dated a lot of people, and I have to ask you, why me."

"How could it be the same?" Saribel sat up straight, "What position are you in, what kind of people are you serving, what kind of person are you, how could it be the same as me."

"Did you think about that when we went to bed?"

"I--"

He was at a loss for words in an instant, "How is it possible."

"We can be together not because of what you said. On the contrary, we are facing today's crisis because of these. When we first met, what did you see? What did you think?"

"I……"

"I wondered if I had ketchup from my lunch on my face, or why was this guy staring at me."

"Varied--"

"But I took a look at the screen while asking the security to file for the record, but there was nothing on my face. Then I looked up at you, and I thought your eyes were so beautiful, and your complexion was also very beautiful."

Saribel was a little dazed.

"What else can you see and think? That's all. Appearance, then conversation, and finally the way you work. Focused and serious. At that time, I thought it would be very satisfying to be looked at by such eyes. A pleasant thing."

"...I've never heard of..."

"I never said it." Zephilan raised his hand and covered half of his face, "I should have said it, and I should have shown it as often as you send messages. But, I'm afraid, I'm afraid that I will push too hard and let You feel constrained. In fact, I should admit, your refusal to fill this apartment with your stuff has kept me terrified that you might disappear at any moment."

"Afraid? Why?"

Saribel felt strange.Why should his lover, who was so beautiful and so remarkable, be disturbed by someone like himself who was everywhere.

"Why can't I be afraid."

Zefeilan smiled, "Is the fear of losing someone related to his annual income and graduation school?"

"But I...Zefiran..."

Sharibel took a deep breath and exhaled slowly: "In my opinion, you are irreplaceable, but there are too many people who can replace me..."

"Why do you think I don't think the same."

He didn't wait for Sharibel to reply, then continued: "Yes, it is really as you said, always going back to this origin, this 'matching', really makes me anxious. You said that we are too different, it is 'good' and' In the sense of “bad”; I also think that we are too different because of our respective pursuit levels... You are an artist, you choose your current career because of your desire for novelty and creation, what can I do to make you always have something for me? Go on interested? Apart from appearance, other than those things on the resume, do I have special value to you?"

"How can you say that." Saribel was anxious, "You didn't--"

"Me too." Zephyran's voice raised, "Why can't I feel frustrated? Why can't you be afraid that I will empathize with someone else? Just because I—" He stood up and faced the balcony Waving hands at the bright lights outside, "——Here, do you have these? In our relationship, in the love between any one person and another person, the person who has these can rest easy and be the one who is more superior?"

"I... no... I thought... because you are a considerate person, you have been dragging on because of my feelings..."

Zephyran looked down at him: "Stop looking down on people, Saribel."

This accusation tinged with willfulness and anger gradually ignited the ecstasy in his heart.

"I want to take your feelings into account, but it's not because of who I am, but who I'm dealing with. Do you understand?"

Saribel didn't answer.

He dragged Zephyran to him, burying his face in his belly.

The young staff stroked his hair.Gently.

"Sometimes, I really don't know whether to show weakness or strength to you. Now, after today, I seem to understand what to do."

me too.

He wrapped his arms around the opponent's waist, and the haze in his mind disappeared.

If his worry stems from the gap and difference between him and Zephyran, filling this gap can solve the problem.However, the way to fill it up, if he elevates himself to the same position as Zefeilan, is contrary to his own hobbies and abilities; if he pulls Zephylan down from the height, it will harm the other party's belief and pursuit.

But beyond these, in the eyes of others and the society, "good" and "bad", "worthy" and "unworthy", he and Zephyran have the same thing, and that thing makes two people so different People stand on the same plane, and that thing is the only reason they can start and keep going.

One of the eternal themes on stage, "Love".

He thought it was blinding.Because the other party is an elite in the eyes of the public but I am not, I doubt the purity and authenticity of that relationship.However, on the other hand, looking at the reason why he was attracted to Zephyran, it has something to do with the source of his inferiority complex.When he saw him, he first saw his appearance, then he noticed his irony of attitude, and finally his old-fashioned and cute personality.The beginning of love is from these ordinary and ordinary things.Everyone is like this, regardless of the princes and nobles, or the poor, when they look at each other, they only see "I" and "you", and what they yearn for is only "the other party", not the background, class, concept, etc. in the eyes of others. thing.

Above his head, Zephyran suddenly laughed.

"what happened?"

"No. I just suddenly felt that the two of us are like Maureen and Joanne."

Saribel also smiled: "Before you came back, I thought so too. I can understand Joanne's state of mind."

"No matter how you look at it, I should be Joanne's supporting role." Zefeilan looked down at him, "The 'Miss Ivy' who is always making lists in her dreams, a well-organized lawyer, isn't it who I am in the eyes of others? ?”

"You are also the heartthrob." Sharibel was not convinced, "'You are my choice, men are jealous of your position and are mad with jealousy', Maureen sees Joanne that way."

"If you're talking about a heartthrob and an artist, Maureen should still be you—" the young aide smiled again, "What are we arguing about? There's no such thing as a supporting role in a relationship."

"No."

For a long time, he was too used to putting himself and the other party into a preset role.What should social elites do, what should artists do, but they forget that life is different from the stage.

It's not to act out to become a certain character, but to act out such a story because I am such a character.

They were both Maureen and Joanne at the same time.

"But it's not a bad feeling to have an argument with you."

"It's better than thinking about it yourself."

"...Why didn't I know your mouth was so poisonous before."

"I didn't know it before, but you're not as indifferent as you seem."

"Things you don't know, you will know slowly in the future."

Saribel stood up and walked to the bedroom with his lover: "You don't know that I used to put on makeup for myself."

"I really know this. Why didn't it melt later?"

"What, how do you—"

"The background investigation of the record." The young staff showed a sly expression, "As I said, he is an important person, we must be careful, and the investigation is naturally done meticulously. Even the competition video of your college days-"

"It's better for you not to know about this dark history..."

At the end of the month, Sharibel went to the Civic Activity Center to perform his duties as scheduled.As expected, the attendees were all familiar faces from the stage circle. The girls from the bridesmaid group were all actors from the same show as the bride, and they even knew Sharibel. As close as a girlfriend.

In the part where the bride threw the bouquet, Saribel was also forcibly pulled over.

"Celebrate equal rights!" cried one of the bridesmaids, "You too!"

"Drunks, stop messing around, and—"

Before he could finish his sentence, he was hit on the head by a bouquet of flowers.

The next day was Monday, and Zephyran usually went to work early, and he also usually slept until noon.

The buttoned silk pajamas were draped over the armchair, and the one in his wallet was naturally returned to its original owner.The bedroom was a little messy, with oddly shaped decorations, and he and Zephyran even had an argument over what should go where.

In this case, the young staff compromised first.Sharibel admitted that he quite enjoyed the funny look of seeing the other party disagree but had to go against his will because of himself.

"I'm proud of being favored." He triumphantly kissed the other party's lips, and put a wall clock imitating Dali's paintings on the low cabinet.

When he went to open the refrigerator, he noticed a bouquet of flowers in a glass vase on the dining table by the window in the dining room integrated with the kitchen.

That was the murder weapon that hit him on the head yesterday, and he threw it on the coffee table after getting it back. "The one who grabs the bridal bouquet will be the next to enter the marriage hall." In the game of blessing between the bride and the bridesmaids, he took advantage of it in the end.But marriage, he never thought about it.Happy enough now that he's got something bigger than promises and rituals.

When he poured milk and cereal and walked over, he suddenly noticed something strange.

The largest lily in the bouquet was pulled out a little, the stem drooping slightly from something tied with a blue ribbon.

It was a ring-shaped metal object, reflecting the midday sun shining through the glass, lighting up Saribel's eyes.

A platinum ring.

He has an impression of the small engraving on the inside of the ring.It is a designer brand, and its selling point is unique private customization.

And that jewelry store was the one he had witnessed Zefeilan visit a month ago.

END