Disqualification

[Dazai Osamu...? ]

Humans are changeable, but also constant. In one second, people can change thousands of thoughts, and even make choices between life and death; but human beings are also constant. The obsession has lasted for a thousand years, and Hei Si Mou, or Ji Guo Yan Sheng, has been a master with a straight back after 400 years.

His dignified posture and the back that has been measured by the scale can well conceal Jiguo Yansheng's inner unrest. Perhaps he has the same bloodline as Jiguo Yuanyi and has been endowed with a degraded version of the bloodline of the Son of God. Faster than all ghosts, he learned to let go of his mind and shield himself from the prying eyes of Mr. Wu Mi.

Naruto threw him back to his residence—a house in the deep mountains, which people called Zhushan Garden at that time. The five-needle pine was reflected in the pool water, and the dense pine needles formed a dark cloud covering the top, squeezing the moonlit night darkly, smooth The huge stone wall is washed by the mountain stream, and the corners are rounded like jade.

He lived in a courtyard designed by Master Zongde, and he wore purple silk and satin. In the Warring States Period, purple was a noble color, and the cost was a hundred times that of red brown earthen cloth. At first, he dressed differently from Yuanyi, but his father did it deliberately. One may know the meaning of red and brown, but never cared about it, and he has been wearing purple silk satin for hundreds of years with a despicable secret joy.

Ghosts never sleep at night. Yan Sheng often passes the time by practicing swords, challenging powerful swordsmen, and killing members of the ghost killing team. There are also meditations and memories. Among the endless memories, Ji Guoyuanyi occupies [-]% of the time. , and the remaining half is not his wife or children, but the teacher Osamu Dazai.

——He understands all my despicability, all my madness, all my jealousy and unwillingness, and he can sincerely say "I like you more than Yuanyi", frankly speaking, after confirming that his words are not from After sympathizing, Ji Guoyan briefly thought he was redeemed.

[so sorry. ]

After hundreds of years of time and space, he still remembered the apology that surged from his heart when he saw Dazai's bloody head, which was a deeper apology than abandoning his wife and son.

[Sorry, Dazai-sensei. ]

……

In midsummer when he was four years old, there was another diner in Ji's country.His family is said to be a well-known big family, but they are just one of countless small daimyos. They don't even have the qualifications to be mentioned by General Adachi. Eight taels.

The Great Confucianism dismissed them, but his father insisted on looking for a scholar who was proficient in Chinese poetry. The behavior of visiting scholars continued vigorously for half a year, and finally caught a hermit who was resting in the countryside. After reading the Four Books and Five Classics, Buddhist classics, and short poems of Waka, you will know everything about the books of Toto in Japan.

At that time, it was different from now. People were proud of mastering Chinese poetry, and highly respected the country across the sea.

I don't know what his father talked about with him. Anyway, when Ji Guoyan Sheng was four years old, he had an extra Chinese teacher. The teacher was too young, and he didn't have the white beard fluttering in his mind. Famous scholars are very old.

"Hello, Master Yan Sheng." He knelt down and greeted Yan Sheng, "My name is Osamu Dazai, and I have been your teacher for a long time."

[I was not very happy at the time. The former teacher taught me to follow the etiquette of superiority and inferiority. The teachers invited were regarded as my father’s retainers. I was the next generation. They all said respectful words to me. Only this man smiled and even overstepped The locals called me Yan Shengjun, and I thought about respecting my teacher, but I didn't get angry. ]

Afterwards, there was no chance of an attack again. Teacher Dazai's wisdom surpassed the sum of all Yan Sheng had seen, and there would never be any problems that could stump him.

Jiguo Yansheng respects knowledge and power. It is true that he likes swordsmanship the most, but he doesn't hate culture classes, so he can feel the power of Osamu Dazai.

[At that time, I thought, Mr. Dazai is so powerful, maybe he can cure Yuanyi. He has mastered excellent medical skills. He once helped my mother to see a doctor. After the treatment, my mother felt much more relaxed. ]

"Please go and see my brother." After one day's schoolwork, Yan Sheng solemnly made his request, "His condition is not very good, and he can't speak until now. May I ask the teacher if you can help me to see him. What's the problem?" He looked pleading, "Father hates Yuanyi very much, and he is unwilling to find a doctor for him, so I can only ask you."

"Your brother?" Dazai said, "Is he the child who lives in six and a half thatched huts?"

"You know?"

"It's not acquaintance." The corners of Dazai's mouth raised slightly, "It's just a coincidence that I saw that child poking his head out of the window. He looks very similar to you, so I remembered it." Dazai said something that Yan Sheng couldn't understand , "His line of sight is very strange."

[Did he discover the difference in Yuanyi since then, and foresee the tragedy in my life after that? ]

He deliberately went to see Yuanyi when his father was away. He hated this child very much, and he didn't even want Yuanyi to be known by anyone. If it wasn't for the proverb that "a tiger's poison doesn't eat its offspring", he might cut Yuanyi off with his own hands. With a slender neck, the subsequent retainers didn't know about Yuanyi, even if they knew it, they just pretended to be deaf and dumb, as if they had never heard of it.

Dazai was able to agree to Yan Sheng's request and accompany him to find his younger brother, which is really very happy.

"Yuan Yijun? Yuan Yijun?" The teacher waved his palm up and down slightly, "Can you see it?"

no response.He just stared blankly at Mr. Dazai without speaking.

"Hmm——" Teacher Dazai found many ways to stimulate Yuanyi, good, bad, funny, and sensational, but he still looked like that. Jiguo Yansheng was very sad. He wondered if his brother would be like this all his life. , Are you going to be dumb all your life?

"Sure enough, the point of sight is very strange." Dazai had a different judgment, and he even pulled Yan Sheng to ask, "Where is he looking at you?"

"It's too much to say..." Ji Guoyan Sheng didn't understand Dazai's meaning, "Is it face?"

"If he's looking at the face, I wouldn't say it's weird." Dazai looked at it for a while and said, "He's looking at the chest and lungs of people."

"?"

Unexpectedly, Dazai suddenly took Ji Guoyuan's hand, and the indifferent child, the moment his hands were connected, his pupils constricted, his neck was raised slightly, his chin turned until it was facing Dazai's face, slightly Then he quickly moved away, staring at Ji Guoyan Sheng fiercely, as if he wanted to imprint his face deeply on his heart.

"I basically understand." Osamu Dazai said, "This is a disease that I can't cure, Yan Sheng-kun." He adjusted his words carefully, "It's not so much a disease, but a curse from the gods, or a blessing? Forget it , I am more inclined to curse, and even his emotional disorder is based on a similar principle." He said to Ji Guoyan Sheng, "Your brother, Yuan Yijun, he is not unresponsive to emotions, but he is separated from the world. A membrane like an eggshell."

"Can't he directly touch the world?" Ji Guo Yan Sheng asked sadly.

"No." Dazai said, "He can't even directly understand human emotions, love and hate, joy and dislike, happiness, sadness, sadness, regret, ordinary people's emotions are ten, and he only has one."

[I made the most impossible and vain promise of my long life. ]

"If Yuanyi can only feel one part, just care about him ten times more." Ancient Japan has no concept of love, so Yan Sheng Jiguo regarded caring as friendship, and he said seriously, "Gain You can have the same experience as a normal person with ten times the back edge, right, Dazai-sensei."

"That's right." The young man seemed to be pleased by his words, raised the corners of his mouth, and showed a sincere smile, "I hope you can do it?"

When recalling what happened that day, Jiguo Yansheng couldn't be sure whether Dazai was mocking him. He had a deep understanding of his aggressive nature and the jealousy that lingered in his soul. Teacher Dazai had a unique talent for controlling people's hearts. Did you say this sentence after seeing through the future, or just out of good wishes?

Ji Guoyan Sheng didn't know.

……

Time passed day by day, and Yuanyi's situation did not improve. Jiguo Yansheng was a responsible elder brother and the next generation who kept his promise. He followed Jiguo Yuanyi to fly a kite, play Shuanglu, and recite Xiaocang Bairen with him, explaining The meaning of flower cards.

Osamu Dazai didn't come to him very often, and occasionally came at the request of He Jiguo Yansheng. Most of the time, he held a scroll, which may be "Wuliangshou Jing" or "The Story of Luowa" which was popular during the Changtoku period. ", watching Ji Guoyan Sheng wielding a knife in the courtyard, chopping once, twice, three times with the bamboo knife, after nine hundred and ninety-nine strokes, the sweat slipped from his cheeks, and when he took off his coat, he could see his coat stained by large water stains .

"Yan Shengjun likes swordsmanship very much?" Dazai asked.

"Yes." He said, "I want to be the number one warrior in the world."

"But an excellent samurai can't only be proficient in swordsmanship," Dazai said again, "Wen Tao and martial arts, conspiracies and schemes, there are too many ashigaru galloping on the battlefield, daimyo never need to fight like swords, take the lead in the charge , the five weak senses of human beings have their limits after all.”

[I heard what the teacher said, and I think it makes a lot of sense, but I was born to be a stubborn person. It’s not that swordsmanship is equal to being strong, but I don’t know why I’m obsessed with the level of swordsmanship. The former teacher once said that this is not true. I can't even refute the patriarch's heart. ]

"Teacher, you are right." Ji Guoyan Sheng said.

"That's right and wanting to do that are different concepts," Dazai said again, "It's like someone telling you not to be so competitive and live your life idle, no matter how complete and touching the truth is, Yan Shengjun, you still Can not accept."

"I don't hate you either."

……

The turning point happened when he was seven years old. Poor language can’t describe the chaos in Ji Guoyan Sheng’s mind that day. He will never forget his surprise when Yuan Yi spoke and the faint uneasiness in his heart. The deaf-mute spoke the first sentence Words are often scattered syllables that cannot be connected into sentences. Yuanyi's enunciation is clear, his voice is not hoarse, and his vocal cords tremble smoothly.

Mr. Dazai once mentioned inadvertently that if a person does not speak for a long time, even if he does not lose the ability to speak, the tone will be like a rotten and rusty blade hacking and sawing randomly on a piece of wood, making people want to cover their ears.

[If it wasn't for him secretly practicing speaking in the dead of night, or as his mother begged, he was protected by God Amaterasu, even if he didn't exercise, his body would maintain the peak state that others can only maintain without non-stop exercise for a long time. ]

He has never mentioned the secret anxiety in his heart to anyone. When Yuan Yi is looking for a companion with a kite, he can only raise the corners of his mouth reluctantly, showing an insincere smile.

Later, Ji Guoyan Sheng thought that his premonition was indeed right. His ugly jealousy and relentless pursuit all his life started from the day Yuan opened his mouth.

Like him, his father is not a qualified daimyo with strategy. He is impulsive and irritable, and regards swordsmanship as the highest pursuit of a samurai. In Dazai Osamu's view, the taboo of an extremely unwise leader is vividly reflected in him.

He couldn't wait to take Yuanyi out of the six-and-a-half-sized room, put him in a purple costume, let the elder Confucian teach him, and let the most powerful warrior under his father compete with him in swordsmanship.

[They were all taken away...]

[Everything has been taken away! ]

The retainers defected faster than he had imagined. They were six or seven-year-old children, and it was far from time for them to stand in line, but it was not difficult to please children from both sides at the same time. On the surface, the swordsmanship teacher was very good to Yan Sheng, but in When practicing swords, I can't help but praise Yuanyi.

He swung his sword [-] times a day, but it was not as powerful as Yuan Yi's sword, and the power he gained through studying hard day and night was not as good as his younger brother's casual swing of the sword when he was playing Shuanglu. Saying it's not worth mentioning.

[This is a disgrace! ]

To put it simply, Ji Guoyan Sheng's self-esteem was blown away.

Osamu Dazai was also assigned to teach Ji Guoyuan, and surprisingly, he was the only one among all the teachers who did not give him a full praise.

"How should I say it." He said to the daimyo of Jiguo, "Young Master Yuanyi is very smart, and his memory is also top-notch. He can learn the articles he taught once, and the progress of Chinese characters is also very fast." He said easily. He made a rebellious remark, "But in terms of authority, Young Master Yuanyi is not good at all."

Father was angry.

Ji Guo Yan Sheng, who has seen his anger countless times, knows better than anyone else what he should look like when he is angry, but because of Dazai Osamu's reputation, he didn't vent it immediately. Dazai dragged it out and chopped it up.

The name of Dazai's talent has been spread to the capital, and I don't know where I heard that he has the blood of Gongqing. The other samurai have already complained about the successor country's kidnapping him as a teacher. , I am afraid that following the country will leave behind generations of infamy.

"Tell me." The daimyo said stiffly.

[Stop talking, hurry up and admit your mistake to your father! ] Ji Guoyan Sheng shouted in his heart.

"If I really want to say it, it's the difference between a white-bone cypress fan and a black-bone cypress fan." He said words that made countless samurai feel ashamed and inferior before the Warring States Period. The cypress fan was popular in the Heiankyo period. The colorful clusters of flowers show the unique slenderness and elegance of nobility.At that time, warriors with mud legs wanted to imitate the appearance of the princes, and they also held cypress fans artfully, but they were tricked by craftsmen who disdain them, and paid a lot of money to buy cypress fans with bones painted black.

The white cypress fan and the black cypress fan symbolize the gap between nobles and warriors.

Jiguo Yansheng closed his eyes, he simply ascended to heaven where he was, and now he simply forgot about Yuanyi's jealousy, he was sure it wasn't Mr. Dazai trying to comfort himself, he simply wanted to die.

The daimyo's face was iron blue.

"He is like a black bone fan. He is smart, beautiful, good at learning, and possesses outstanding talents." He said, "But at the same time, he is also extremely dull, lacking the real sense of being alive, and has no ambitions like a plant, and is not good at strategy."

"No matter how powerful the military force is, it's just a show of courage, and the child's unaggressive nature of being content with the status quo will become a stumbling block in his way forward."

"He is the kind of person who will not feel sad even if he loses the city. I find it hard to believe that he will become an excellent Patriarch."

"Enough!" Accompanied by a violent roar, the radical retainers around the daimyo even unsheathed their swords. He stared at Dazai Osamu unkindly, with dissatisfaction, vigilance, embarrassment and eagerness written in his eyes, as if he wanted to kill him in the next second. This sour Confucian who insulted the lord was cut under the knife.

"You step back first!" Whether this sentence was addressed to Dazai Zhi or to his retainers, no one knows. Dazai Zhi saluted and left after a while, leaving only Jiguo Yansheng who was almost fainted and panting daimyo.

……

That night, Yan Sheng came to Dazai secretly, evading the servants' eyes and ears. His fingers were wet with sweat, and he was tightly pinching the knot of the burlap bag, which contained silver and copper plates with family crests smoothed out. There are also fake road guides. The narrow land of Japan is divided into countless small feudal states by the vassals. Without the certificate of daimyo's method, they can't even leave the city, let alone Shangluo, and flee to the bustling Kyoto.

The stillness of the night couldn't hide the child's immature voice. Jiguo Yansheng was infected with anxiety, making his voice more and more sharp, and finally almost broke. If he didn't remember to suppress the volume, he might be discovered.

"Leave quickly, Mr. Dazai." He said, "If you don't leave, Father will..."

The person whose life was really threatened was not in a hurry. He didn't even collect the dry food for travel and travel. At the last moment, he said something specious: "I like your character very much, Yan Shengjun."

[The next words I know I remember now, but later I thought, Mr. Dazai had seen through my future destiny very early on, and it made me shudder like a foretelling. ]

"Please remember that most people who walk on the ground are not gods. At best, they are evil spirits who cannot meet death. If there is something to chase, it must not be a phantom in memory or a ghost in imagination. Gods will never exist, just as there will never be any real perfection in this world."

"Of course, it wouldn't be a bad thing if I really became the Kuafu of Chasing the Sun. I always like resilient human beings. I know that I can't do it. It's beautiful. Even the burning fire of jealousy is so beautiful. become amiable."

[At that time, I didn't understand what he was talking about, but I felt the most instinctive panic like a snake being stabbed in the dead, but I still had to pretend that I didn't understand what he was talking about, trying to persuade him The teacher leaves quickly. ]

[It's really ugly. ]

[If it was Yuanyi, it would never be like this. He is honest and cute, and he is as noble as the most perfect samurai. ]

……

Dazai-sensei's words of not telling him not to make his father angry, immediately clamored to hunt down and kill the magician who fooled him, but later on he didn't know whether he was persuaded or something else was ignored.

After a while, Yuan Yi also left. Two emotions lingered in my heart, almost tearing my soul in two, and I kept clamoring: Fortunately, he left. If there is no charity from Yuan Yi, how could you What to become the head of the family, Yuan Yi will definitely become the greatest daimyo in the history of the country.The other side is shouting again: Why are you leaving?Wouldn't it be nice to stay here and create brilliance?You are the son of the sun, the god of the world, and you should usher in glory!

Later, when I married a lady from a noble family, I occasionally thought in a daze: She should be Yuanyi's wife, and I took everything he should have, but then I thought, how can an ordinary person in the world be worthy of him?He is the Son of God and should not be defiled.

For the next ten years, I lived a divided life. I was crazily jealous of Yuanyi, and crazily hated myself for taking away his chance.

Occasionally, when I think of Mr. Dazai's words, I wonder if he has understood my nature long ago, and guessed that I look like a ghost now?He will definitely spurn me and be disappointed in me. What qualifications does such a man have to compete with Yuan Yi?

"You have grown into a very interesting appearance, Yan Shengjun." On the way to send troops to attack another daimyo, I saw a teacher whom I hadn't seen for a long time. Ten years hadn't left any marks on his face. His appearance vaguely made me Some fear, reminded me of the female ghosts in the mountains.

"Teacher Dazai." I held the apprenticeship, but kept muttering in my belly, what is an interesting look?

I'm not funny at all. When I look at the mirror made of silver discs, I always see invisible ghost horns on the top of my head. My jealousy is like a burning flame that never stops, and it's like the frozen ice on the top of Mount Fuji. Years 360 and five days, never calmed down, I guess I am about to become an ugly girl, after death, I am bound by chains and tied to Yuanyi's side, watching his back being loved by Amaterasu, feeling sorry for myself narrow and impoverished heart.

"In other words, the appearance of a human being." Dazai-sensei said, "I like the appearance of your humanity."

[I immediately determined that he was Mr. Dazai, and only he would chat with gods and gods. I heard that there is a saying in Sinology, but I have never learned it. I only rely on subjective assumptions that Mr. Dazai is a fan of philosophy. ]

Later life was a mess again. Not long after reuniting with his mentor, he went to attack the territory of Owari. Dazai joined the expedition team as a staff member. The art of war said that soldiers are expensive and fast, so they only brought a few elite warriors and marched in the form of cavalry, and even gave up. Ashigaru.

It's a pity that the expedition came to an abrupt end. The samurai camped out in the forest where the moonlight couldn't penetrate. Except for a small circle of candlelight, there was only darkness. The teacher and I are both.

Except for the absurdity of the ridiculous death, I can't think of anything, and I can't even recite the words of death. I often think that the life of a samurai should be like cherry blossoms. Even if they wither, they must bloom on the battlefield for a while. Looking at my life, apart from jealousy is shame, I have never even touched the leftovers of Enichihaori.

then……

Yuan Yiyue slays evil spirits like gods and Buddhas.

……

Leaving the territory and passing on the position of daimyo to my son, this behavior fully proves that I am not made to be a lord, I am selfish, crazy and narrow-minded, and I can't see anything except the swordsmanship of Yuan Tianren.

The wife has no idea, and is even happy to see it come true. Her family's retainers are supposed to help the little daimyo who has just succeeded to the throne.

Mr. Dazai also joined the Demon Slayer Squad, and he also has a letter of recommendation from the House of Wisteria Flowers.

His past was nothing to explore after all, and my mind was not with the teacher.

During that time, I watched Yuanyi feverishly, eager to learn the breath of the sun, but unfortunately no one except Yuanyi could learn it, our bodies and lungs are not strong enough.

"The way you stare at him is very strange." Dazai said, "Forget it, it doesn't matter if you don't restrain yourself, anyway, Yuanyi-kun can't feel it." He paused for a while and then said, "Have you asked Yuanichi-kun? "

"What?" I gave him some attention.

"Why did he leave the successor country and what has he been doing for the past ten years?"

"No." I answered perfectly, "The reason why he left the successor country was just to avoid embarrassing me. He has been gentle like a god since he was a child, and his life after that is nothing more than killing ghosts and honing his sword skills."

"Yuanyi was born to cut off misfortune." If the radiance of the sun god fills every gully in the earth in the morning, he exists to become a great man to be admired and admired.

"Okay." Dazai couldn't help but laugh, "If it's what you think, you're quite interesting."

"?"

"Can a man chase the sun?" he said, "or are you ready to burn your blood, your body, and give everything you can to chase him?"

"That's what I thought."

[From very early on, from the moment I saw him pick up the sword and hit the teacher, I became a steadfast light chaser. ]

"I really like you, Yan Shengjun." Dazai raised the corners of his mouth, but his smile was not pure, ridiculing, pity, anticipation for the future, and half of schadenfreude, no one could tell what he was thinking.

But he is also the only one who thinks that I surpass Yuanyi.

"You are much more interesting than Yuanyi-kun."

……

After Wuyou left, I stumbled back to the house of wisteria flowers where the ghost killer team rested. Dazai played the role of a healer in the wisteria house, and healed the injured samurai leisurely.

I washed my face before I came back, and my complexion was as usual. When I came back, the teacher hadn’t fallen asleep, sitting on the veranda facing a lonely moon and the lush and quiet forest not far away. Quack, quack, flapping its wings through the lush summer woods.

I hesitated and said to the teacher: "Are you going to leave for a while?"

When I make a choice, the unruly people in the ghost killing team will definitely attack the people around me. The ugly people will never think about improving themselves, and will only pin their hatred on the outstanding gods. I despise Yuanyi's ugly thoughts, and I have taught several times.

Dazai got very close to Yuanyi because of me, and someone knew that he was our enlightened teacher, so we have a mentor-student friendship with him, and maybe we will be retaliated against.

As for seppuku, he's not a samurai, so of course he wouldn't do it.

He glanced at me and saw through something, but Dazai didn't say anything, and even looked forward to it: "I will think about it." He said to me, "You have to live longer, I also want to see In the end, let's see if human beings who have been tempered and tempered can surpass geniuses."

"I like to see the brilliance of humanity in the struggle most."

[here we go again. ]

[He seemed to know what I was going to do. ]

……

A month later, I got the news that the group of ants forced Yuan to cut his belly, and Dazai was pressed into a cross cut. Purgatory couldn't stop him, so he could only act as his intermediary. Without him, others would even have to watch Dazai Bleeding for four hours, struggling until the last second.

I killed everyone involved in this.

……

When Hei Si Mou finished recalling, he found that he had never forgotten the memory of 400 years ago even for a second, and among the countless blurred faces covered in fog, Osamu Dazai's face was still very clear, and his words were vivid. In the eyes.

He never believed Wu Mi's set of sayings, that the blue Bana flower was born for him, he just deduced a certain sentence from a corner of his memory.

"Truly divine people never claim that they have the ability to stand shoulder to shoulder with gods and Buddhas, but just walk in the world, never aware of their own strength."

Like Enichi, like Dazai.

……

[Will you witness my end? ]