Disqualification

/ I am glad that I have gained the ability to dream again.

Or to put it another way, I'm happy to rediscover my old self and learn where I'm from, what kind of life I live, how many friends I have... /

Write here, Dazaiton pen.

/No, friends are not a happy part, it’s not that I hate Oda Saku, but for him, being friends with me is definitely a failure in his life. Anyone with the ability to think knows that there is only one life and only one death. Obviously, Mr. Odasaku has not only suffered one or two deaths, but it may be hundreds of times, thousands of times, or tens of thousands of times according to precise statistics. .

Why he would repeat the act of death, boldly thinking, must be closely related to the past "I". /

Dazai showed a joyless smile, if there was a second person here, seeing his expression, he would definitely have a strange feeling deep in his heart.

How can a person laugh as mockingly as he does?

There are still some words that Dazai didn't even have the courage to write on paper. He thought: Oda Saku's death is undoubtedly related to himself, and he can even make a leaping inference. If you know him, Odasaku will not die.

Then why did he appear here, opening his eyes in the distant Warring States period?The images in the dream clearly belonged to the distant future.

/ can make a guess:

Known 1: I have made time repeat countless times in order to save Oda.

Known 2: I am no longer human.

Question 1: What is the Holy Grail? /

Yes, his dream last night had little to do with Odasaku, it couldn't even be called a dream, it was just a sentence and a fragment.

"Holy Grail, to find the Holy Grail."

With Dazai's profound historical knowledge, it is impossible for him not to have heard of the name of the Holy Grail, the wine cup of Jesus, which once contained the blood of Christ, which frequently appears in mythology of various countries, and paranoid believers believe that drinking the wine cup contained in the Holy Grail Water provides immortality, resurrection from the dead and eternal life.

[What is my reason for seeking the Holy Grail? ]

/Corollary: I want to revive Odasaku. /

If this is used as an inference, many new questions will be extended, such as "Oda Zuo is obviously in modern times, how can I bring the Holy Grail back?" "Is the resurrected him really him? Not a monster created by the Holy Grail?"

[No, these philosophical questions are negligible. ]

Dazai reached out and rubbed his temples, and if he discussed it in depth, he would come to the conclusion that "today's Odasaku is not yesterday's Odasaku" and "he was resurrected in a certain parallel time and space, but the opponent in his own timeline is already dead" and so on. concept problem.

What is certain is that "Osamu Dazai" has gone crazy since the day when he started reincarnation countless times just to keep him alive. He is forever trapped on the day of death, grasping not hope, but obsession.

After figuring this out, Osamu Dazai lit the lighter and burned this "dream diary".

The fire ignited the lower right corner and meandered upwards. The first sentence engulfed by the fire was the last sentence he wrote.

/ That "Dazai" has gone mad. /

……

"This disappearance is not the same as before." Kanae and Dazai knelt face to face to analyze the situation, "According to our understanding, ghosts have the habit of living alone, and they often occupy a certain territory, preying on local or passing people, etc. After hunting down all the people in one area, then change the location."

"Disappearances tend to be in groups, and there is a regular pattern."

"From this point of view, the high incidence of missing persons among the relief groups conforms to the customary law of hunting and hunting. Maybe the ghosts are hiding in the charitable organizations behind it, but..."

Dazai continued kindly: "It's just that, if the speculation is true, the members of the Demon Slayer Squad can't carry out random investigations like in the past. The Relief Society itself has a serious Western color, and it can be regarded as an advanced imported product from the local area. Among the members behind the organization There are even a large number of Westerners, and the higher social status and strict organizational structure limit the investigation of hidden members, you want to say this, right?"

Butterfly Chanae nodded, "The Ghost Killing Squad is an organization that is not recognized by the government after all. The ghost killing and investigation operations are carried out in secret, and the difficulty will be doubled if it is revealed."

Dazai changed his posture and said, "It's understandable, but my idea is different from yours."

"?Please say?"

He stretched out his fingers and tapped the coffee table: "Have you tried to profile the character of Mumai Tsuji?"

"I do not quite understand……"

"What kind of person is he? Or what kind of ghost is he?" He took out a pen from his left breast pocket. The material of the pen was very good, and it was heavy when he handled it.

"First of all, considering the time when the Demon Slayer Squad was established, he has survived at least from the Heiankyo era to the present." Taking Butterfly Kanae as a transit point, after many years, Osamu Dazai finally communicated a long letter with the head of the Ubuyashiki family, In the letter, he asked about some information, and Ubuyashiki gave detailed answers.

*

"If one day you change your mind, please be sure to write to the Wisteria House."

This is a secret handed down from the Warring States Period.

There are other immortal monsters besides Oni Wu Tsuji.

"No." He lay leaning against the tree, and in front of him was a large expanse of gorgeous wisteria flowers. The lavender petals hung from the branches like bunches of grapes, and the branches that supported them were more resilient than willow branches. As long as they were properly cared for, Throughout the year, even in the cold winter, the wisteria flowers will not wither.

The cycle of life is fast and short. When the last bunch withers, new flowers bloom immediately.

"I'm not interested." He repeated again.

*

Butterfly Kanae nodded. As Zhu, she knew a lot more about Ghost Dance Tsuji than ordinary members of the Ghost Killing Squad.

"Most people, normal creatures, cannot live beyond a thousand years." Dazai said, "Not only because of the limit of lifespan, but for intelligent creatures, infinite time is also frightening." He laughed softly, clear Laughter echoed in the square-inch space, "As long as people are alive, they will have connections with others, and to connect with others, they will face the sorrow of the death of their close ones. There are only two kinds of people who can go through a long time. , and there are still undead."

[...]

[For some reason, I feel uncomfortable. ]

Butterfly Kanae couldn't keep the smile on her face, she smiled beautifully, her eyes were narrowed like crescent moons, but in front of Dazai, she often opened her light purple eyes.

Maybe it's because she smiles all the time, her eyelids are slightly drooping, and she has a natural smile.

Dazai acted as if he didn’t feel anything, and continued: “I’ve seen some ghosts, some of them have jealousy as their obsession, some support each other to live together, and some have no human emotions and don’t care about life and death.” He said , "There are still ghosts who live only for revenge, to kill the enemy they have been thinking about..."

"Of course, it is impossible for everyone to have obsessions when they are alive, so it can be boldly inferred that when Gui Wu Tsuji Wumi created ghosts, he would seal up part of the ghost's memory and amplify his obsessions."

He tapped his finger on the table again: "It makes sense, the ghost who calls his name will even die, obviously he has a strong degree of control over the creatures he created."

Hearing this, Butterfly Kanae said: "The ghost dance Tsuji Wumi, what is his obsession?"

"I guess, his obsession is 'desire to survive'." He said, "Because he doesn't want to die, he wants to live, and because he is sick and weak, he longs for a particularly healthy body." He gestured, "You understand my What do you mean? He doesn’t pursue anything other than survival, so it’s absolutely impossible for him to slip a ghost under the nose of the government.”

"That would put him in additional danger."

"You mean, the disappearance of the Charity Society has nothing to do with ghosts?"

"I didn't say that." Dazai said, "At best, there is no direct relationship."

"I'm inclined, this matter may be related to ghosts, but those missing civilians are definitely not dead from the moment they disappeared. There are definitely more disappearance cases in Japan than you and I imagined, and those people are at most only Half became food for ghosts."

"That's all I want to say."

A line of words appeared in front of Butterfly Kanae, it was a letter from the Lord, the crow was the eyes of Miyayashiki, his nose, his mouth, his ears, his body was weak, he didn't go out of the house, but he knew everything about the world .

/ His vision is completely different from ours. / There is such a line written on the letter, / especially the interpretation of Onimui Tsuji, I hope you can trust his judgment as much as possible. /

"I..." Kanae said, "I was convinced." She apologized sincerely, "Thank you for your interpretation."

"I never thought about these things."

Dazai said, "Maybe it's because my way of thinking is similar to his." His smile was as unsettling as his words. Everyone needs to know him and what he wants to do."

"Please don't say that." Butterfly Kanae interrupted Dazai forcefully for the first time, "Please don't say that about yourself."

"Mr. Dazai has nothing in common with Tsuji Mumai, even you, don't belittle yourself." She said softly, "Muyou is a ghost, a sinner, and the source of tragedy, and Mr. Dazai, everything you have done Efforts are all about ending tragedy."

She actually didn't want to talk like that, don't you think the meaning of this sentence is "I know yourself better than yourself"?To be honest, Kanae does not have a too strong personality, she is tolerant and gentle, and has her own way of life.

But, but...

[I just don't want to see you belittle yourself, step on yourself, and bury your body and head in the ground. ]

……

Joo Se is a female physician with no license.

She opened a medical clinic and treated many patients who could not go to regular hospitals for treatment at extremely low prices.

"She is an amazing lady." Mr. Cecil, the leader of the medical rescue team, speaks fluent Japanese. He has a dual identity. Besides being a doctor, he is also a devout believer. He came to the Far East with the mentality of spreading the gospel. , has taken root here for nearly ten years, "Ms. Zhushi's medical level is very good, not only proficient in Japanese Kampo therapy, but also has a deep knowledge of our medical skills, her chemistry and biology knowledge is also beyond your imagination. It has to be deeper."

Mr. Cecil said: "It's hard to imagine that she didn't get a Japanese medical license, including you, Miss Kanae." He said, "You are all very good medical staff."

Before that, Kanae had never met Zhushi, she only heard the other person's name in the chat with others.

There are too few female doctors. If Kanae and her classmates hadn't joined the Charity Association for more practical opportunities, there would be only one Japanese female doctor, Zhushi, in the whole team.

"She has to take care of the clinic's business during the day, but every weekend night, she will come to help us see the doctor for free, and even provide medicine at her own expense." Cecil said, "I visited her clinic during the day, and even lived in the basement. It's full of poor patients." He said pityingly, "Those poor people can't afford more expensive places to live, and Ms. Zhushi even provides medicines at half the market price."

"This..." Butterfly Chana Hui felt admiration for Zhu Shi from the bottom of her heart.

"I should introduce you to a meeting." Cecil said, looking at the wall clock, he arranged vigorously, "Just in time, Ms. Zhu Shi will come to see the doctor tonight."

"You can learn how to dispense medicine from her." He added, "Miss Zhushi is a very powerful pharmacist."

At six o'clock, the sun was setting, and Butterfly Kanae saw Zhu Shi, and behind her was a young man who was said to be her assistant.

Butterfly Chanae is a little strange, not because of their relationship, but because of the feeling Zhu Shi gave her.

"This is Kanae." Before she could tell what was weird about her, the enthusiastic doctor introduced each other to them, "A medical student at Jisheng Academy, she wants to get a doctor's license."

"Hello." The woman in a white apron like a caregiver bowed slightly, and Yushirou stared at Butterfly Kanae unkindly.

"Hello."

No one doubts a compassionate doctor, especially if she's treating civilians in the basement in the morning.

……

They got to know each other quickly, and chatted about personal matters in their free time.

"I have two younger sisters, both of whom are very cute." Butterfly Kanae said, "For Shinobu, she aspires to become a doctor, and she is currently studying chemistry at a private school." She was talking about her identities on the surface.

"Shinobu is very, very smart." Kanae's smile was so gentle that it broke the heart, "I will definitely become a powerful person in the future."

"Chanaihu is still young, but I think that when she grows up, she will definitely find her own goal and her own life."

"That's it." Zhu Shi looked at her, showing a kind and beautiful smile, her eyes were foggy, and the pupils were filled with the last smoke of Heianjing, "I used to have a child." The beginning of this sentence made me Butterfly Chanae frowned slightly, "He is also very smart."

"You..." She thought about how to answer the words, it was not a good word, "You look very young."

"Thank you." Zhu Shi smiled, "That child's situation is very special, he was adopted by my husband and I."

She let out a long sigh: "It's all in the past."

She didn't seem to be going to talk about it, and Butterfly Chanae didn't ask. The two silently rounded the room to appease the patients who were moaning/groaning in pain.

"I'm not the same as you." Shizhu turned off the lights in the corridors and wards, and she and Butterfly Chanahui each carried a small glass lantern. The moon hangs alone, and the night is cool, and a small lamp can only illuminate the feet on the ground.

Zhu Shi's eyelashes fluttered: "I'm not doing these jobs out of my heart." She said, "I'm atonement."

"I... I made a lot of mistakes, and it is impossible for me to go to heaven in the future, but I hope I can meet them before I go to hell." She said, "I hope God can forgive me and give me a chance, as long as I let I'll just see them again."

Zhu Shi's expression at that time was deeply imprinted on Butterfly Kanae's heart.

……

Kanae has worked as a volunteer for a long time. She has learned about various difficult and miscellaneous diseases, and at the same time has a deeper understanding of pharmacology. About a month after getting to know Zhu Shi, the other party told her her own observations.

Seems like an inadvertent reminder.

"A lot of people are missing in the Hexia area."

"Hey?"

"Maybe some kind of group that kidnaps and sells women." Zhu Shi said, "I heard that the missing people in each family are young women with good looks."

Hearing this, Butterfly Kanae has already paid attention to it. The beginning of a ghost attack case is often a missing person, and the next generation of Tokyo River belongs to her jurisdiction.It is the largest and most chaotic slum in Tokyo. Migrant workers from other prefectures and poor marginalized people in Tokyo gather in the huts under the river to barely survive.

Several times before, their voluntary treatment groups have also been to Hexia, where infectious diseases are frequent, malaria and other diseases are rampant everywhere, and people lack basic hygiene knowledge.

Zhu Shi's caring was very ingenious, she said: "Be careful when you go back to the free clinic next time."

Butterfly Kanae didn't want to let go of this clue, she asked the bottom line: "Excuse me, did any strange things happen before the disappearance? Or, what are the common points?" In order to make up for the abruptness of the question, she said, "I want to call the police. Missing persons is enough to meet the police’s standard for filing a case.”

Zhu Shi is stitching up the wound.

She whispered: "I heard that they all received relief food."

"Relief food?"

"Yes."

……

"This is under the river?"

The Hexia area is a sunken basin in the urban area of ​​Tokyo. There are two meanings of the basin. One is a depression in the terrain: from the outer area to Hexia, one must first walk through a long staircase paved with old stone slabs. There are still remnants of the rock on the interface of the stairs, the surface is uneven, and moss grows in the cracks. Let alone rainy days, even when walking on sunny days, you must be extra careful when walking, and you will roll down the stairs if you are not careful.

The second meaning is abstract, but easier to understand: the economic basin, the low personality.

Dazai stood at the highest point of the steps, with the palm of his right hand at the same level as his forehead, and the back of his hand to block the sunlight. He saw the poor, dilapidated, and dark shantytowns as drawn by pencil. Climbing up the stairs, the clothes are broken, the back is bent, and the expression is numb.

"Is there still a need to investigate?" Osamu Dazai turned suddenly and said to Butterfly Kanae, "I don't think so, they won't care about this."

"I've heard that many poor families sell their children for money. Even if they don't do this, they are definitely not too bad." He said coolly, "Look, no one cares about the disappearance of girls except you .”

Butterfly Kanae looked at him, with no disapproval on her expression, she said, "No, of course some people would care." She said, "Some parents will sell their children in poverty, and some families, no matter how poor they are I will also be willing to give my children everything better."

"When we come to the free clinic, the most numerous people in the team are always fathers and mothers with children in their arms. Some of them are clearly injured more severely and have serious chronic diseases, but they don't care about themselves."

"I think, you and I will hear about people missing because their parents, brothers, sisters are still insisting, hoping to find the missing person."

[Really bad. ]

Dazai thought.

[so terrible. ]

[She's the type of person I'm worst at dealing with. ]

If it was earlier, Osamu Dazai, who was confused and unable to die, might just smile numbly and not comment on Butterfly Kanae's words. In his life with no end in sight, he lost the strength to argue with others, but recently, With the return of the original memory and the gradual clarity of the purpose, he has undergone a little change.

Not sure if it's a good or bad change.

He clapped and said, "You're right." The praise and smile didn't reach his eyes.

[It's hard to understand, I don't want to understand, and I can't understand. I also have a dark and tragic past. Why don't I want to take revenge? Why can I still show a bright smile? How can I sympathize and pray to ghosts while waving a knife? ]

[The scariest thing, she's not a hypocrite—]

[Compassion and compassion are real, the belief that you want to protect is real, and the ideal of peaceful coexistence is also real. ]

"Mr. Dazai, Mr. Dazai." His disgusting, crazy thoughts were interrupted by two friendly calls.

"If you don't want to laugh." The woman opposite, Butterfly Kanae, showed a real smile that she didn't know whether it should be inclusive or considerate.

"Just don't laugh."

"I love seeing people smile, but a smile should come from the heart."

[I don't know how dark his past is, and he doesn't have the power to pull people out of the mud, but I can at least tell him that if you don't want to laugh, don't laugh. ]

……

Sew, sew, sew, sew...

Always mending.

"Mami! Mami!" The companions shouted from the bottom of the dirty river, "Hurry up, Tokyo Station is giving out free food again, it's flour mixed with wheat bran!" The flour mixed with wheat bran in their mouths was yellow Yes, wheat bran accounts for [-]/[-], and unground flour accounts for [-]/[-]. The cakes made are dry and unpalatable, which will damage the teeth.

But that's food.

Prices in Tokyo are getting higher and higher day by day, the house leaks and it rains at night, and the locust plague in the east is also a bit serious. Since last year, the price of food has soared as if it was tied to a bucket. These people who grow in the river area Food for the poor is getting less and less every day.

There are four people in Mami's family, mother, father paralyzed on the bed, and a young sister.

It wasn't Dad's intention to be paralyzed, but after being hit by a stagecoach, he couldn't stand up anymore, so only Mom and she could earn money, and Mom could still do sewing work, and she was not very good at crafting, so she could only work as a starcher .

The ten fingers were soaked in the icy water all day long, and they turned into white flowers. When the cold winter wind blows, they swelled into red carrot heads.

It took her some time to send the laundry back home, and then she ran barefoot towards Tokyo Station without wearing clogs, but when Mami arrived, there was already a long queue of people receiving food .

[I can't get it. ] She grabbed the dirty hem of the kimono with both hands, not disappointed, or numb from habit.

[always like this. ]

[Even if I wash 170 pieces of clothes a day, the money I earn is not even enough to buy one or two meters. There are four people in my family, my parents, my sister, and me. ]

[Yesterday's porridge was all white, and I couldn't even pick up the rice. ]

She squatted on the ground in a bit of a breakdown, as if she could get the food if she waited a little longer here. As for her hands, she inserted her fingers into her hair, which was dirty and greasy, sticking into a ball of twine, and maybe strand by strand There are wriggling bugs.

Their original life would not have been like this.

Before my father was hit by a car, the family of three worked. Even if they didn't live so well, they could at least have enough to eat. They rented a house with three tatami mats in the edge of Tokyo.

"Hello."

"I noticed that you seem to be here to receive relief food. Did you come down from the river?"

man's voice.

Looking up, it was a well-dressed "Master".

"I'm a reporter from the Asahi Daily, and I want to do an exclusive interview with Kawashita." He smiled and said, "Do you want to talk to me?"

"We can go to the public cafeteria to eat and talk."

[The thing I can't understand the most. ]

[When you look at their lives, how can you think of hope? ]

I can't see any light.

["I" begged for the Holy Grail, perhaps for the same reason. ]