Xiaoman

"Why do you want to live outside?" Liu Xiaoman asked in a daze.

"Only stay for a few days," Xia Liang said, "I'll go back when my parents leave."

When he was looking at the house just now, a thought flashed through his mind, if he came out and rented a room to live with Liu Xiaoman, it should be a very comfortable thing.

But this idea can only pass in my mind once.

Just like Liu Xiaoman couldn't do without his grandfather, Xia Liang couldn't let go of his grandfather either.

Although his grandfather only has fishing in his heart, and he can see him for less than half a day a day, but that is his only normal relative.

His mother is an only daughter, and once the annual leave is over, she will be so busy flying around the world that she won't see her for a few months.Grandpa didn't say anything, but Xia Liang also knew that he didn't want to be alone. When he just came back from the city to live, the old man was so ghostly that he stayed at home for two or three days and didn't go fishing.

People are afraid of being alone when they are old.

It is such a little fragility of being afraid of loneliness, together with the blood rolling in the bone marrow, condenses into a chain called "family affection", which binds everyone, and no one can truly be himself.

And Liu Xiaoman might not be willing either.

"I can't." Liu Xiaoman shook his head as expected, "I have to watch Grandpa."

When he mentioned his grandfather, he began to worry again, staring anxiously and absently at the chopsticks and plates in front of him, and he couldn't help but speed up his speech: "The doctor said that this disease needs to be prepared for various complications. I don't remember much of what he said. , I just remember a case of pneumonia, my grandfather usually coughs, but never..."

Xia Liang didn't interrupt him and listened to him quietly.

Liu Xiaoman seems to be a person who doesn't need to vent, nor does he seem to be able to vent. The scene of crying yesterday was already the biggest emotion he could express.But the illness of a loved one is a long torture, until the day of recovery or complete powerlessness, every day in this process is the superimposition of the anxiety of the first day.

Liu Xiaoman is not good at spreading his anxiety to other people. When he is with others, he will subconsciously hide himself and show his energetic side. It is easy to get distracted when he is in the sky.

Now his words increased significantly, Xia Liang had to let him speak.

Although it is useless, it is better to be willing to say it in front of him than to keep it in your heart.

But Liu Xiaoman didn't say a few words about himself, halfway through the conversation he suddenly frowned, looked at Xia Liang and said, "Didn't you get kicked out by your family?"

Xia Liang laughed, he really didn't want to tell Liu Xiaoman the specific reason, he couldn't explain it clearly.

"Only I want to leave, no one can drive me away." He said to Liu Xiaoman.

Liu Xiaoman still looked at him, blinked slowly: "It must be because of yesterday."

He didn't go home at night on the 29th, and came out to live in blood on his face in the [-]th. Unless what he was missing was not an arm, but half of his brain, no matter what Xia Liang said, he would not believe that it had nothing to do with him.

Xia Liang stopped his chopsticks to look at him for a while, took another bite of food, and said very slowly: "If you insist that there are, it's not that there are none."

The corners of Liu Xiaoman's eyes twitched suddenly.

"Have you not slept since yesterday?" He asked Liu Xiaoman.

Liu Xiaoman looked at him and said nothing.

After sleeping on Xia Liang's lap for two hours yesterday, he really didn't sleep again, and he couldn't sleep if he didn't want to.

"Me, it's because my parents are both here, and I'm annoyed by the quarrel." The hot coconut milk ordered was delivered, and Xia Liang poured a glass for Liu Xiaoman, "I used to go out to live when they both came back. After a few days, it will be clean before going back.”

"Sometimes I will call Luo Hao and the others when I go out, and I don't want to stay at home anyway." He passed the cup over, "But this time I just want to stay with you."

"You have to go to the hospital recently, so I booked a house nearby. If you are tired and want to sleep for a while, if you want to find me, you can find me directly." Xia Liang said, "If I want to find you, I can find you directly see you."

"Do you understand me?" He looked at Liu Xiaoman's expression and sighed in his heart.

Liu Xiaoman still didn't say anything, he picked up the beef that Xia Liang gave him and ate it.

After eating, he got up and sat next to Xia Liang with the coconut milk, his arms next to him.

Others might find it weird to see them eating next to each other, especially if they're two men.Liu Xiaoman never dared to sit like this before, but today, at this very moment, he doesn't want to bother.

He is a little impulsive now, probably because the only grandfather he cared about fell down. Facing such a good Xia Liang, he suddenly doesn't want to worry about anything. Whoever wants to watch him, he just wants to be next to Xia Liang.

next to him.

cling to him.

touch him.

Literally sit together.

This is his charging station.

Back to the hospital after dinner, Liu Xiaoman discussed with Aunt Mei for a while, the hospital must be empty, at least one family member must be there at any time, Liu Yong has also been there since last night, let him go back to catch up on sleep in the afternoon, and come back in the evening for myself.

"No." Aunt Mei shook her head, "You have to go back and rest. Adults can endure it, but how can children endure it like this? Auntie can just watch here."

Liu Xiaoman guessed that he had a hot meal with Xia Liang, and he didn't feel tired at first, but now his stomach felt numb and tired from heart to brain.

But he didn't dare to let Aunt Mei here by herself. After all, she was an outsider and had no relationship with grandpa. If something really happened, he definitely couldn't be so dedicated.

"No need." He waved his hand, "You guys discuss how to arrange it, I will replace him with him."

Aunt Mei looked at him and opened her mouth: "Xiao Man, actually your father..."

Liu Xiaoman didn't answer or ask questions, just waiting to see what she wanted to say.

"It's not easy for him." Aunt Mei glanced in Liu Yong's direction, "I know you have your difficulties with him, but in fact... it is difficult for him to be outside all these years, and he also misses home. But I can't go back. It was like that at the beginning. How can it be so easy for someone who left home to come back? He didn't dare to go back. He brought me and Cancan back, and he felt ashamed. Before coming, he couldn't sleep well for several nights. We really I didn’t come back just to make a plan...Anyway, I didn’t make a plan, otherwise I wouldn’t be able to follow him. It’s really... It’s time for Cancan to go to school, we can do whatever we want, children can’t delay, Xiaoman. Listen to me. It might be frustrating, but…”

Aunt Mei is a woman on the construction site, she has no culture, and she repeats her words upside down several times without getting to the point.

In the end, she couldn't speak anymore, so she simply brushed her loose hair over her ears and said, "I'm back anyway, no matter what, your grandfather's place is my husband's house, and I'm his daughter-in-law. Do you recognize that?" Admit it, I am also your stepmother. I will do what I have to do, natural disasters and man-made disasters will be our fate, and if something happens, we will bear it, and our family will live like this."

Liu Xiaoman didn't fluctuate when he heard the previous words, he couldn't understand, and he didn't have the anger he had when he listened to Liu Yong that day.Because reason clearly told him that it really had nothing to do with Aunt Mei.

From the beginning to the end, it was the matter between Liu Yong, him and his grandfather, and the blood relationship between their grandparents and grandchildren was unclear.

Because of this, when she heard her say the words "our family", he felt like laughing in his confusion.

It's not a sneer, it's because I'm really confused to a certain extent, and I feel that I can't understand.

What kind of family?

For so many years, he and his grandfather have survived together. The three of you are outside, and the two groups squeeze back under the same roof abruptly and stiffly. My family has fallen, and you and I have become a "family"?

As long as grandpa doesn't wake up for a day, Liu Xiaoman can't let go of it for a day. He doesn't want to and can't think about Aunt Mei's words now. Maybe some theories are right, such as this kind of life, if something happens, he will bear it.

As for the others, no matter Liu Yong or Cancan, it has nothing to do with him now.

Even if Liu Yong went back in the afternoon to pack up his things and run away with his family, he wouldn't feel anything.

He only cares about grandpa now.

Probably because he was too pessimistic with such a thought, when Liu Yong changed his clothes and came back with food in the evening, Liu Xiaoman looked at his face that seemed to have changed a lot overnight, and felt that it was not easy for him.

"Go and have a rest." Liu Yong knew that Liu Xiaoman didn't want to talk to him, so he didn't say anything else, just handed him the lunch box in his hand, "The dumplings made by your aunt Mei, anyway, you eat them during the Chinese New Year. a little."

Liu Xiaoman looked at the lunch box and wondered whether he should pick it up, not because of Liu Yong, but mainly because he didn't eat it when Aunt Mei came to deliver it at noon, and was still thinking about delivering it at night. If she didn't pick it up, it would be quite hurtful .

Still hesitating, Xia Liang took it from the side.

Liu Xiaoman raised his eyelids to look at him.

"He's going to my place at night, so he won't go home." Xia Liang said to Liu Yong without looking at him.

Liu Yong stared at him for a while, then looked at Liu Xiaoman, the corner of his mouth twitched: "Alright."

Xia Liangding's house is just behind the hospital, and they can walk there in 10 minutes. Before they went, they went back to Liu Xiaoman's house to get some clothes for a change.

Xia Liang didn't go downstairs when they got home, so Liu Xiaoman went up to get it by himself, it took a while, maybe Aunt Mei dragged her back and said something.On the way to the hotel after taking the clothes, Liu Xiaoman glanced at the lunch box in Xia Liang's hand from time to time, and couldn't tell what he felt.

Xia Liang didn't mention it again, some situations are fait accompli, people standing outside can see clearly, if people trapped in it don't want to understand, it's useless to say anything, he can only accept it slowly.

He just wanted Liu Xiaoman not to be too tired.

"When it's over, eat something and go to bed." He said to Liu Xiaoman.

"What about you?" Liu Xiaoman asked him.

"Of course I'll be with you." Xia Liang smiled, and slapped him on the buttocks, "It's just a bed, and you want to keep it to yourself?"

Liu Xiaoman dodged to the side, and looked around guiltily: "It's on the street."

Saying so, when he got to the place, Xia Liang unlocked the door according to the code sent from his mobile phone, and as soon as he went in and turned on the light, Liu Xiaoman hugged him silently.

He wanted to hug Xia Liang for a day.

Xia Liang was taken aback by his sudden initiative, and with a "hey" he turned around from behind and hugged him: "Just to make a report, I thought there was someone hiding in the house, and he took advantage of me when he came in."

Liu Xiaoman didn't speak, just buried his face and hugged him.Xia Liang leaned against the shoe cabinet and was held by him, gently scratching Liu Xiaoman's hair.

After hugging for a few minutes, he lifted Liu Xiaoman's head: "Aren't you asleep?"

"No." Liu Xiaoman smiled, let go of his hands and looked at the house, "I just don't want to move."

"Go take a shower first and then come back to hug me." Xia Liang went to turn on the air conditioner, took off his coat and threw it on the sofa, then took off Liu Xiaoman's coat, and poked his fingers into the collar of his sweater, "I'm in the hospital One day, I don't want to reach out and touch you."

Liu Xiaoman was turning his neck and wanted to ask why this house was different from the hotels and hotels he watched on TV, it looked like other people's homes.Hearing Xia Lianglai's words, he forgot what he was thinking, pursed his lips, and looked at him from the corners of his eyes while flapping his eyelashes.

"What kind of face?" Xia Liang pulled him over and kissed him, "with an expression that really wants to be touched."

"Crazy." Liu Xiaoman felt like laughing at what he said, so he pulled his arm out and continued wandering around the room.

In fact, there is also a little bit of meaning.

he thought guilty.

When I was in the hospital, there was rumbling around, and I could only think of grandpa.Now that the two of them were alone, he suddenly breathed a sigh of relief, and he couldn't help but want to stick to Xia Liang's body, want to touch, want to get close.

Maybe the essence of liking is longing—longing for this person, longing to be with him, and longing for the power he brings to oneself.

When the longing changed from having no place to vent to being conditional, it turned into an itchy heart, bumping head to head in his chest, arching the heavy anxiety and suffering, and making him start to worry about grandpa again, always wanting to do something What the hell, squeeze this emotion out.

Illness is a protracted battle, he has to find a way to untangle himself, he can't be overwhelmed by madness at the beginning, otherwise he won't be able to survive the two years when his arm was broken.

When he went into the bathroom to take a shower, he was a little bit interested, but when he turned off the shower after washing, Liu Xiaoman only felt that his brain was completely dull.

He hadn't closed his eyes for nearly 24 hours, running around and worrying about other things, being scalded by hot water, all the terrible exhaustion came up, and his eyebrows felt heavy.

When he opened the bathroom door, he felt that he couldn't open his eyelids, and he had to lie down when he went out.

As soon as the door was opened, the living room was very fragrant, the food was set on the table, the TV was playing the Spring Festival Gala lively, Xia Liang was smoking a cigarette in front of the window and making a phone call, just said "hang up" and turned around, seeing him coming out, Throw the phone on the sofa and walk towards the dining table: "Come here, eat."

Liu Xiaoman didn't know what it was like.

He suddenly wanted to cry, and felt that this moment was more effective than a hot bath, and he really felt "relief from fatigue".

If I hadn't met Xia Liang, and hadn't been with Xia Liang, what would it be like this New Year's Eve?

A cold home.

Strange "family".

Hospital corridors filled with the smell of disinfectant.

And grandpa lying on the bed and not opening his eyes.

He took a shallow breath, let the astringent throat flow, and went to hug Xia Liang again.

"Hey, today." Xia Liang was opening the lid of the rice, looked at Liu Xiaoman's hand on his stomach, and couldn't help laughing, "You're clingy."

"I really want to grow two arms now." Liu Xiaoman pressed his forehead against him from behind, and said in a muffled voice.

"One hand is not enough for you to hug?" Xia Liang said.

"En." Liu Xiaoman's arms tightened again, wishing to rub Xia Liang with him, "I really want to hug you completely."

Xia Liang's hand paused.

"What does a complete hug feel like?" Liu Xiaoman rubbed his shoulder twice.

Xia Liang put down the rice, turned around and hugged Liu Xiaoman with his left arm, hugged him tightly, and put his neck close to him.

"That's it," he said.