Nowhere to be found, only the heart of a young man

At ten o'clock on Sunday morning, I had already sat in the coffee shop I had agreed upon.

Looking out from the floor-to-ceiling glass windows of the cafe, the intersection at the corner, the crosswalk is still there, and cars are passing by on the road.Across the street is the former Wuyi Road Vegetable Market. Under the protection of our parents, Minmin and I spent five years of happy teenage years here.

At the starting point of the pedestrian crossing, the tall classmate Hurley once grabbed me here to prevent me from being run over by a speeding car on the road.

In the vegetable market that has now become a large-scale farmers' market, my classmate Hu Li and I met for the first time in the mirror of the barber shop on a hot afternoon 20 years ago.His long hair covered my eyes, and the moment the ends were cut off, I looked at him in the mirror and was amazed by his beautiful brown eyes.

At this moment, all this is close in front of our eyes, but it seems like a world away.

Just as I was contemplating this, a tall man stood in front of me.

Following his arrival, I slowly stood up.

"Lin whispered?"

"Harry?"

I looked at the tall and handsome man in front of me with a lot of emotion, and my left hand in my pocket began to tremble slightly.

This encounter scene that has haunted me countless times in the past years just appeared in front of me inadvertently.

I stretched out my right hand to shake him,

Holly was a little surprised by my reaction.However, he immediately extended his hand.

"Isn't that the way we used to greet each other?"

He spoke first, breaking the silence.

"How did we go before?"

I responded generously to his words.

Holly smiled, but didn't answer.

"How did you get so fat?"

He is still as straight as he was in his youth, without any concealment.

"Hey, this male classmate, it's rude to call a woman fat!"

I reluctantly replied to his question, but I was not angry.

"Isn't it? At that time, you were small and thin, with a pitiful look on your face."

I laughed and didn't answer, feeling a little sour in my heart.

"How have you been all these years? How have you been?"

He looked at me gently and asked frankly.

"Fortunately, I work as a German foreign language teacher in a university outside the province."

He seemed thoughtful when he heard the word "foreign language".

"How are you? How have you been all these years?"

My plain question made him suddenly laugh.

"It's okay, it's okay, it's just that I have more experience, so I'm fooling around outside."

"Fang Fang said that you are doing a good job now. You are the sales manager of a large company. You have a lot of entertainment and dinners. When you are busy, you often fly around the country and abroad."

"Haha, it's not as mysterious as what she said, just an ordinary wage earner."

"That's not bad. Unlike me, for so many years, I can only stay in an ivory tower all day long. I always live in my own small world of one-third of an acre of land."

For some reason, I unnaturally began to humble myself.

"But you are full of peaches and plums!"

Holly's polite answer made me suddenly feel the distance between myself and him.This made me unexpected, and it is also the most unbearable thing for me who has always buried him in my heart all these years.

"He Li, where did you go after graduating from junior high school? Why haven't I heard from you?"

I was a little reconciled, and I didn't want to pretend anymore, so I simply asked the question directly.

The man in front of me was startled by my sudden calling of him by his first name.

He sighed and fell silent.He took out the cigarette case from his pocket, lit the lighter himself, and lit a cigarette.

Suddenly, I found that the little finger of his right hand seemed to be missing a section.

I suddenly realized that things may not be as simple as I saw.

"After being admitted to Pugao, I dropped out of school within a few days."

I looked at him in amazement.

"and after?"

"Later, I took my dad's place and entered his factory."

"Then how did you get into the company after you came from the factory?"

My inquisition made the man who was puffing out the smoke in front of me suddenly laugh.

"I didn't go directly to the company, and the factory fired me. Because of fighting, I hurt others and went to prison."

My eyes widened in horror.

"So, I have never heard from you."

I couldn't help myself to say this sentence.

The man stopped talking and remained silent.

I felt my heart start to ache.

"Why did you fight? Why didn't you find me after graduating from junior high school? You know where I am! You can easily find me!"

I finally couldn't bear it anymore.

"I want to find you, but I can't go!"

The man suddenly raised his head and looked at me with wide eyes.

"why?"

I am not to be outdone.

"Because, because I promised that old teacher Yang! Not to affect your study."

"what?!"

I was a little confused by his words.

"You had such good grades at the time, but I can't go to you! I can't influence you! I can't ruin your life because of my recklessness!"

I was stunned.

"What are you talking about? When have you influenced me? Ruined my life?"

My eyes were red, my nose was sore, and I began to sob silently.I gradually realized that I touched the truth of the matter.

Seeing my sudden gaffe, Holly felt a little sorry.

"You, don't be sad."

He tried to comfort me.

"You are so big, why are you still as impulsive as a little girl? Your children should be quite old now? Are you almost catching up with you at that time?"

Holly tried to change the subject.At the same time, he pulled a tissue from his pocket and handed it to me.

I didn't say anything, just quietly took the tissue from his hand, put it on my face, and tried to wipe away the tears from the corners of my eyes.

The loudness of the two just now attracted the attention of other customers in the cafe.

"You see, people are watching us. If you are like this, others will think I have done something to you. Or, you and I will go out for a walk. If you want to know something, I can tell you on the way. I will tell you all my own stories."

I agreed to his proposal, stood up, and grabbed my handbag.Holly called the waiter and paid for the two coffees.I walked out of the store together with him, just like the two of us when we were young, one tall and one short, walking slowly along the curb and along the endless road.

Along the way, the man talked endlessly, talking about many past events that I never knew before.He also told me almost all of his later experiences without reservation.

"He Li, do you remember that time? You fought with Wang Zheng, and then chased after us in our class."

"of course I remember."

"I just never understood why you chased me back later?"

"You want to know? Well, the matter is actually very simple. After Wang Zheng arrived at the Academic Affairs Office, this guy messed around in front of the teacher in order to shirk his responsibility, insisting on slandering you and us as a gang. In the end, I got angry. Just after he left, he chased after him."

As I walked, I looked at him stubbornly.

"This guy really deserves to be beaten! If it were me, I would have to beat him too!"

The man smiled.

"But, where did you find the stick? It's so thick, it looks scary."

Harry looked back at me.

"Haha! This is my only secret, and I won't tell you."

"Can't even I say it?"

He bowed his head and remained silent.

"You have been in touch with Dajun, haven't you?"

"Let's keep in touch! It hasn't been broken. He's doing well in the army."

"But you don't want to contact me."

The man was silent.

"You were in high school back then, why didn't you calm down and study hard? You were so smart when you were young, why did you delay yourself?"

I question him.

"Hey, so what if you're smart? I don't have that kind of thought anymore. I didn't want to learn at that time."

"Then you can also choose to join the army like the army?"

"Ha! I'm used to being free and loose in my life, and I can't bear the constraints of the army. Besides, at that time, I didn't want to leave this city either. I just wanted to stay here."

I kept silent, understood what he meant, and my eyes turned red again in disbelief.

"See my hand?"

Holly stretched out his right hand to me.

"How did you get hurt?"

I asked him cautiously.

"An old house in prison."

"why?"

"You have to be obedient when you go in."

He answered very simply.

"Does it hurt?"

I remembered asking him that question when I was a kid.

"It doesn't hurt now."

He left me at a loss as to what to say.

"Where did you go after you left?"

"After I came out, I couldn't stay here anymore. I went back to Nanjing and went south to Shenzhen. For my livelihood, I went north again and stayed in Dalian and Tianjin for a while. Later, through the introduction of a few friends, I went to I moved to Beijing, and after a few years of being around, I joined the current company and lived a good life.”

"It turned out that it became Beidiao in the end."

"Hehe, it's not completely counted. My sister stayed in Beijing after graduation. My parents thought that if I went, they would be companions. In fact, they just wanted my sister to watch over me and fear that I would mess around."

Throughout the narration, I was amused by his candor, sometimes laughing and sometimes blurred with tears.Just like when we were young when we came home from school and walked together together, 20 years later, we are no longer cramped, no longer worry about the future, but open our hearts and chat freely about the unforgettable bits and pieces of each other's lives.

"He Li, if, I mean, if, at that time, both you and I have entered the key class, your fate may be different. If I say this, it won't make you sad, right?"

For some reason, I suddenly thought of our childhood separation.

Hearing this, He Li lowered his head and did not speak.

"I always knew that they wouldn't want me. They would rather want Jiang Linlin with the same rank than me."

I cried.

These words made me see the scars that have been in his heart for many years.I know that he once tried his best for his own destiny.

"He Li, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry! I know it's unfair for them to do this. Today...today, I can't change all of this. But, here, I want to apologize to you for them, sincere apology !"

I look into his eyes.He looked at me too, his eyes flushed.

Until today, I really understood the man in front of me.

Through his narration, I saw his growth, saw the ups and downs he experienced, saw his decadence when he fell down, saw his choice to fight hard, and saw the various efforts he made to change the status quo over the past few decades .

In the end, I also understood the special place I once had in his heart.

And after many years, through him in front of me, I really saw all the real features of my life for many years.

I finally understand that behind my so-called excellence over the years is the sacrifice of countless people who love me no matter the cost.

Time can't turn back, but I can't help but want to cry for myself and their past.

Finally, when it was time to part, we were still at that intersection, where we had parted countless times when we were children, and we couldn't help but hug each other politely.I know that this hug will let me bid farewell to my ignorant self when I was young.From now on, the little girl and the tall and thin boy, the laughing girl in the pink dress and the cheerful, robust, handsome and generous boy in white will be here, holding hands, dissipated and vanished. no deposit.They walked into my memory forever side by side, and stayed in it forever.

Starting tomorrow, we will each return to our middle-aged lives.This time, it was really goodbye.

Reluctantly, I stood at the crossroads, looking at the tall and tall figure of He Li who was going away again, I couldn't help but burst into tears.

The farmer's market across the street was still crowded with people, and the environment was extremely lively.As in the past, the sound of buying and selling here came one after another, and the crowds of people crowded the market.Looking at the gate of the bazaar, people who bought the goods returned happily, while those who did not find what they needed could only leave disappointed.And so, day after day, year after year.

With tears in my eyes, I seem to see, just above it, in the old factory dormitory, a girl is opening the window, lying on the window, following the direction of the market, looking out curiously and demurely at everything in front of her. ...