my summer

In the first semester of my sophomore year, I passed CET-[-] with good scores.As a reward, my mother specially allocated a huge sum of money to let me buy the long-coveted notebook.

After I had a computer, I took it to the summer solstice dormitory from time to time, and during the short breaks, the two of us lay comfortably on the bed and watched movies.

"Hey, why are you two guys going to bed together?" said Li Youheng who was on the bed next to him, "Could it be that you are secretly watching a short movie? Why don't you dare to watch it below? Could it be possible to help each other do hand exercises by the way?" ?”

Every time I listen to Li Youheng speak, I always feel that he is eccentric, especially the last sentence, which immediately touched a nerve hidden in a corner of my body.

"Fart," I glared at him, "what's your business if we watch a movie? What if we watch a small movie? Haven't you seen it?"

"If you have the ability, let's take it down and watch it together," he said, "It's nothing for the two of you to watch secretly, so stingy..."

"So what if I'm just stingy?" The more I looked at him, the more disgusting he became, and the sexiness in his tone became stronger, "Why should I show you my computer?"

Xia Zhi touched me and motioned me to stop talking.Then he smiled at Li Youheng, "We just watched an ordinary movie. We wanted to be lazy so we watched it in bed. It's not what you think."

Li Youheng hummed lightly, "What am I thinking? I'm just joking, as for..."

joke?But why didn't I hear it at all?Every time I go to the summer solstice dormitory, his attitude towards me is more or less unfriendly, and he often speaks with meaning.Obviously, I have nothing to do with him, and somehow I offended him.

Just as I was about to speak, Xia Zhi grabbed my shoulders, "Stop arguing, let's continue watching the movie."

I watched him for a while, but didn't make any sound.It's just that I don't seem to have the slightest impression of what the next movie plot specifically talks about.

After watching the movie in a cloud of fog, I took my computer back to Fubei.

When I was sitting on the bus, my mind was full of what Li Youheng said, did the two men help each other to do that?No, no, I shouldn't be able to accept it.

Shouldn't such a private thing be done secretly under the quilt and done alone in the dead of night... That's right, I've done it a few times since the third year of junior high school.

But...if Xia Zhi is willing to help, there seems to be nothing wrong... Naturally, I will not resist helping him...

The dormitory was rarely empty.

I turned on the computer again, stared at the search box for a while, and then carefully typed three words, gay.

From the first message down, I checked one by one, and I didn't miss every word.By the time I noticed the stiffness in my neck, it was already dark outside.

I went to the balcony and lay my whole upper body on the fence, letting the cool night wind blow over my face.The scattered lights of the dormitory building opposite seemed so small in the darkness.

Sure enough, I like that one too?

Like men, is gay?

But I don't like other men. If Lei Ming touches my hand, I probably won't be used to it.

I think, I just like Xia Zhi alone.

But what kind of love do I have for the summer solstice?Could it be just a psychological hint that the relationship between brothers is too good?

But the truth is, I love holding his hand, and hugging him, and all the intimacy we have.Didn't this go beyond the normal range of behavior between brothers?

What does he think of me?Do you always treat me like an older brother or younger brother?Or best friend?Someone to talk about?

How to do?what do I do?

I didn't go to see Xia Zhi for a whole month, during which he called several times with his landline, and I said a few perfunctory words, saying that I was busy preparing for intermediate interpretation and didn't have much time.He also told me that he had found another tutor. On Saturday afternoon, he would stay in the library for self-study all day on Sunday. If I went to find him, I would go directly to the library on Sunday.I hurriedly responded, and then hung up the phone first.

In the middle of the mouth, I am indeed preparing, but it is not too busy. I just want to avoid the summer solstice and have a quiet time, and sort out the memories of me and him over the years.

Then I accidentally found a gay movie, "Lan Yu".I watched the movie three times over and over again, and cried every time I watched it.Only then did I know that there can be such a deep love between men.

But I don't understand why the author uses tragedy to define this story.After experiencing so many twists and turns, Lan Yu and Han Dong still love each other so much, why can't they have a happy ending?

Is it impossible for the same sex to embrace a bright future in the real world?

Yes, such feelings are destined to go against the society, and they can only hide in the corner where the sun cannot be seen, facing the cold darkness.But what if you are lucky enough to find the right person?

Even if there is no sunshine, even if there is no blessing, we can hug each other to keep warm, and move forward bravely with the help of each other in the dark.

Lying on the bed in the middle of the night, I carefully examined my heart, and secretly made up my mind that I would follow my heart.

The weather was fine on the weekend. I took the bus to Huaxi early in the morning. In the study room of the library, we saw the summer solstice by the window where we often sat.

It was still early, and it was not the end of the semester, so there were not many people who came to study by themselves.In the corner by the window, Xia Zhi was alone, quietly reading a book.Before he got there, he seemed to sense my approach, slowly raised his head, looked at me, and then gradually smiled.

The morning light came in from the window, wrapping his whole body in a cloud of golden warm mist, making him look warm and gentle, hazy and charming.

I slowed down and walked up to him, took his hand and walked out.He didn't resist, and obediently walked with me all the way to a hidden corner of the fire escape.

"Yangyang," he called me from behind, "where are you going? Why are you free today?"

I stopped in my tracks, collected myself, then turned around and looked at him, "Xia Zhi."

"Huh?" He seemed to notice my strangeness, and the smile froze on his face.

"Do you remember you owe me a request?" I said.

He froze for a moment, then nodded, "Remember, are you going to cash in now?"

"Yes," I said, "I demand cash now."

He looked at me for a while, "Speak."

I mustered all the courage in my body, took a deep breath, and said slowly, "I want you to kiss me now, mouth to mouth."

The author has something to say: Are you going to confess your love soon? O(≧mouth≦)O