The Cowboy and The Pencil-pusher

"What are you doing?" I widened my eyes and wrinkled my face.I stretched my shirt with trembling hands, praying that I had gotten everything in order and not looking disheveled.

"Let me help." My dad turned to Kurt and held out his hand. "I'm Gregory Smith, Paul's father."

Kurt went to shake his hand without saying a word. "Cotter."

"You're Kurt?" My dad's haggard face showed interest. "Nice to finally meet you."

"Me...me too, Mr. Smith." Kurt looked at me nervously.

"Please, call me Gray."

"Okay." Kurt nodded.

"What were you talking about when I came over?" my dad asked enthusiastically.

I flushed all over my face.We're talking about my dick, Dad.It's not a big deal either. "No... nothing important."

My dad shook his head and nudged Kurt. "My son always likes to keep it a secret from me."

"No. It's nothing." I muttered.

Kurt touched the brim of his hat, trying to distract my dad. "Someone forgot to send proposals to the city. We're discussing that."

My heart tightened.I don't want my dad to know there's a problem.I understand that Kurt is just trying to divert the conversation away from our physical activities, but the last thing I want is for my dad to throw a fit over engineering. "Honestly, it's no big deal. I've talked to Lawrence about it."

"Lawrence." My dad narrowed his eyes. "He's the owner of the construction company that contracted the renovation, right?"

"Yes." Kurt nodded.I have to be thankful that he didn't put on a dirty face of disdain for Lawrence.

"It's settled. Benjie has the proposal while we're talking." I said as calmly as I could.

My dad pursed his lips. "How did Lawrence explain it?"

"He seems to think it has been sent." Kurt didn't seem to believe it at all. "But we couldn't find it anywhere."

I gave Kurt an impatient look. "Like I said, it's fixed."

"I see." My dad leaned on the armrest as if he was very tired.

I gestured to him. "You should come in out of the sun."

"Okay." My dad sighed wearily as he got into the trailer.He looked around, and a whiteboard I used to write out daily project details caught his attention. "It looks smooth and orderly. Well done, son."

"Thank you." I held my head up.I'd still rather he find fault with what I've done.Sometimes his praise is even more intimidating.

My dad sat down slowly in a folding chair nearby.His face was pale and his chest rose and fell rapidly.Smiling slightly, he wiped the sweat from his forehead with a handkerchief. "It's so far away."

"Did you ask the doctor before you came?" I was concerned about his weak state.On the surface, my dad didn't take health problems seriously, but in fact, I knew that he was not only tortured physically, but also mentally.

"Yes. I asked." He licked his lips. "He said traveling might be good for me if I didn't overdo it."

I don't quite trust him. "Did the doctor really say that?"

He shrugged. "You can't be so idle and do nothing."

I wanted to continue on the subject, but he was very strict and I knew I wouldn't get anywhere by lecturing him. "Where do you live?"

"'Rusty Nail Hotel.' Same as you." He rubbed his eyes wearily. "Benjie has it all arranged."

"He arranged it?" My would-be girlfriend didn't confide a word about my dad's visit. "So Benjy knew you were coming?"

My dad had a sly look in his eyes. "Yes, it's obvious."

"You told him not to tell me?"

My dad grinned and said, "I guess I said so."

Kurt moved uneasily and said slowly, "Ah, oh."

"Why?" I frowned, crossing my hands over my chest.

"I want to surprise you."

My stomach twisted up. "Are you here to supervise my work or something else?" In the past, one of my dad's favorite things was to secretly check the details of my work, so that he could use it to scold me.He stopped doing it after his illness, but the old paranoid thought patterns lingered.

"No." My dad's shoulders dropped, and he gave Kurt a sheepish look. "I'm afraid he has misunderstood the motive of my visit."

When Kurt looked at me, his eyes softened. "I think I can understand why Paul would be curious about your secret visit."

Watching him speak for me gave me a strange feeling of gratitude.Nobody ever spoke up for me, especially when my dad was around, they were always on his side. "Yeah, I just don't quite understand that."

My dad threw up his hands as if in surrender. "There is absolutely no conspiracy, I swear. I just don't want to be persuaded by you not to come, it's that simple." His tone is quite sincere.

"I would. It's true." I have many reasons to object.

My dad meets Kurt's eyes. "Look. I know my son."

Kurt's lips moved. "Perhaps you can help me read him."

"That's a funny joke," I grumbled.

My dad laughed out loud. "To understand him, you have to learn everything."

Kurt smiled, but he didn't speak.

My dad patted on the thigh and stood up slowly. "Anyway, I'm not here to point fingers or cause trouble. I just want to slowly settle into work."

Kurt took off his hat. "I appreciate the opportunity to thank you in person for the opportunity you gave my grandfather. For the first time in a long time, he has hope."

My dad laughed. "I'm delighted. Madi has worked hard all his life. He is the right fit for this project."

I looked at my dad as he spoke and had to admit that his tone and expression were [-]% sincere. "How did you come to the ranch today?" I asked.

"There was a lady in the hotel who was very kind to bring me here. I think she comes to clean the dormitory here a few days a week."

"I don't even know about that." I don't usually want to deal with hotel people.It never occurred to me to inquire about them.But how come my dad has already recognized the people here and learned about their work within less than a day?

"You mean Lacey?" Kurt nodded, putting his hat back on. "She's a nice person."

"Lacy, yes, that's her." My dad turned to me. "She was surprised to hear that we are a family."

I didn't respond to this and changed the subject. "How are you going to get back to the hotel?"

My dad bit his lip. "Ah. I think I should take your car."

"It's still early until I get off work." I still have a full day's work ahead of me. "You're exhausted from traveling all the way, and you can't hang around here all day."

He gave a dry laugh. "I really haven't thought about it carefully. I underestimated how much this journey has put me through."

"I'd be happy to take you back to your hotel," Kurt said. "It's my pleasure."

The fact that Kurt was going to take my dad home for me made me feel like a jerk. "No, I'll take Benji off when he gets the rental car back." I hope I don't sound as forced as I think I am.

Kurt laughed. "Really, I don't mind."

I scratched the back of my neck. "It's my job to take care of him."

My dad snorted. "Guys, I can call a taxi myself without bothering any of you."

"No trouble," Kurt said cheerfully. "Since I can take you off, why waste money calling for a car?"

I hesitated.I know Kurt and I both have busy schedules.But I have a bad conscience about seeing Dad back home as a burden while I have time to hang out with Kurt. "No. I'll come, he's my dad."

"Why do I think that after your last sentence you mean 'I'll have to fuck him'?" My dad grinned.

I blushed. "Why should I be accused of doing the right thing?"

"Sorry, son." My dad moved his lips.

I sighed and met Kurt's eyes. "Dad, do you mind if I have a private word with Kurt before taking you home?"

"No problem." My dad walked towards the door. "I can get some fresh air outside while I wait for you." He took a deep breath and immediately coughed like a heavy smoker.When he calmed down, he smiled weakly. "The oxygen levels are so high, it's beyond the air my lungs are certified for."

I frown. "Are you sure it's okay?"

"Son, I've been cured of cancer for a while. I need to get back into my normal work schedule."

Kurt touches the brim of his hat. "You need to take care of yourself first."

"I have." My dad looked at me with a strange expression. "But there are some things that are difficult to get right unless you do it yourself."

His eyes are so serious that I am at a loss.I knew he was alluding to our father-son relationship. "We'll be fine in a while."

"Of course, of course, you can do whatever you want." My dad left the trailer and walked down the steps.

As soon as he was gone, Kurt moved towards me. "I can understand if it doesn't work tonight. You need to have dinner with your dad."

"I know, but..." I was devastated because my dad suddenly showed up and canceled my date tonight. "Then do you want to come over later?"

"Are you sure? I don't want to affect the reunion of your father and son."

I laughed. "Forget it, there is no such particularity between me and him."

"Paul, obviously he's trying. You should be, too."

I frowned at the door and said, "Is he just doing a surprise attack and then I have to drop all plans to play with him?"

"He is your father."

"I know." I could hear the frustration in my voice.No one can understand that it is not so easy to talk about transformation with my dad.A year of benevolence cannot erase a lifetime of severity and fickleness.Maybe it's a bit selfish to look at it that way, but that's how I feel right now.

Kurt gave a long, hearty sigh and said, "Listen, have dinner with him, and I'll be at your place around nine, if you want to."

"Okay, of course I have."

"it is good."

"By then I'll be done playing good son," I grumbled.

Kurt shook his head, but declined to comment.He strode toward the door. "See you tonight."

"Great." A small wave of erotic excitement ran through me.

I grabbed the key and walked to my dad.Thank goodness he didn't show up 5 minutes earlier or it would have been so embarrassing.Thinking of our daring vigor at that time, I suppressed a laugh with a sullen face and embarrassment.The cowboy did some kind of magic on me, and I couldn't help but feel a little bit presumptuous.Memories of me having sex with Kurt make me shudder.His lips, his hands, his skin, all the rubbing made my cock hot between my legs.He's the perfect antidote to this boring town.I just hope that my dad's sudden arrival doesn't interfere with our fun-seeking activities.

***

After get off work, I took my dad to a little Italian restaurant called Luigi's, which is well known locally.I've eaten there a few times and the meals have been great.Within 5 minutes of us sitting down, my dad and the waitress had become good friends.He even praised and told small jokes, which made people blush and giggle.I almost don't know the kind and cheerful man opposite me.I expected him to change back to the way he was before, but the only thing he changed was that he became more and more likable.

When the food was served, he turned his attention to me. "You look happier than I expected." He sliced ​​the cheese ravioli down the middle with a fork.

"Yes?" I raised an eyebrow.

"I thought you were going to be throwing a fit right now." He chewed and looked me over.

He was on to something.I should have gone crazy with boredom.But so far the project has been challenging without being tedious, and, most importantly, I'm really enjoying my current episode with Kurt. "I'm looking forward to going home, but it's okay to be here."

"Huh." He poured some red wine into our glasses. "You made a fuss about not wanting to come here, as if coming here would be the worst thing in the world."

I frown. "Do you care if I'm happy or not?"

He laughed. "No, I just want to know what it is about this place that pleases you so much."

I shrug. "The people here are nice."

He raised his eyebrows. "You mean Kurt?"

Food got stuck in my throat.Did I expose something before?God, don't tell me what he heard outside the trailer.I drank some water to let the food go down and waited a while.When I feel like I've made my expression tight, I meet his gaze. "I mean everyone."

He toyed with cherry tomatoes on a salad plate with a fork. "I didn't expect you to tell me if you had a crush on him anyway."

I set the silverware down carefully so as not to make a sound. "When did you like to inquire about my private life?"

He sighed, took a sip of red wine slowly, and looked at me nervously. "I know I've been an asshole since you were born." He swallowed hard. "I was raised like that."

"So you've been raised to be a homophobic brain, so should I forgive you for all the crap you said?"

A deep line appeared between his brows. "No. But I spent a lot of time introspecting." He struggled to a laugh. "Now I realize something."

I leaned against the back of the booth and stared at him suspiciously. "A cliché."

He sighed in frustration. "Paul, I have no other way to prove that I've changed than to act."

"Ok."

"I've become different to you, haven't I?"

"Yes," I said quietly.

"But you don't buy it?" He raised one corner of his mouth sadly.

My stomach churned with nervousness.I don't know what he wants me to say. "Look..." I cleared my throat. "We don't necessarily have to be heart-to-heart."

"No. But I wish we could be closer."

I blinked. "We can't force it. If you do change, then time will tell, right? Maybe we'll slowly...you know...get closer. God, I don't know."

"do you hate me?"

I stare. "Me what?" I frowned. "When did I ever say I hated you?"

"You really didn't say that." He lifted one shoulder wearily.

"I do not hate you."

"That's good."

I hold out my hands. "You have to admit, you didn't care about my feelings until recently. It might take a while for me to get used to it."

"I know. But you look at me as if I were your enemy."

I moved uneasily. "You...you are not always towards me."

"I try to teach you everything about life." He wiped his mouth with a tissue and continued. "Society is complicated. I want you to be prepared."

"Then I think you've done it. I've wrapped myself in a thick shell."

His jaw tightened. "You are like this."

"Look, mission accomplished."

"I'm worried that I'm making you too calculating about life. I'm busy building my own empire. I may not have mentioned it before, but there are more important things in life than money."

"Money is very important."

He leans over to me. "Material life is nice, of course. But that should come second."

I frown. "Then what is number one?"

He had a half-smile, as if he thought I was joking.But he scrunched his face when he realized I didn't. "People. People are more important than money. Son."

"Okay. Sometimes it's nice to have someone around. But I wouldn't say it's essential. Money is the opposite. I can live without people, but without money I'm sure to starve or freeze to death."

"I know we need money. I think I want you to understand that it's not enough."

"Honestly, I don't think I agree. I really like being alone." Kurt popped into my head. "most of the time."

He looked at me silently.

I sprinkled some cottage cheese on the pasta. "Can't answer? This is not like you."

"I...I don't know what to say."

"You should know. You taught me that."

He shook his head. "No. I want you to work hard and have a stable financial foundation, but... I don't want you to be cut off from society."

"I think you've over-whitewashed everything. You taught me that business is important. You never really emphasized the importance of building relationships. You work all day and expect me to be like you."

"God." He scowled. "I don't know what I was thinking at the time."

"Oh come on. At least I'm not a moron of society. You've given me so many motivational speeches over the years. I can remember many of them. Don't you remember your wise words?"

He sighed feebly. "I'd rather forget."

"Don't be funny." I laughed. "You have many golden sentences." I said and tapped my fingers. "'Sentimentality is the quality that priests and nurses need.''If you don't abandon all the things that love your children, they will drag you into the abyss sooner or later.''Emotions are the most useless shackles.' And my favorite One line: 'Amass your fortune first, then you'll always find someone to hit you with.'”

"What a load of shit. I can't believe I'm saying such useless stuff to you." He paled and looked at me silently.

"I didn't make this up."

"Then I'm really out of my mind. I think we have a long way to go."

I frown. "Or we don't mention it."

He shook his head. "No, son. We cannot avoid it."

I don't want to be one of his projects.The last thing I want is to be researched and audited. "What's the big deal? Why is our relationship so important now?" I squint at him, trying to figure out his motives.

"If cancer has taught me anything, it's that I can't live forever."

"Okay, but why do you suddenly need my support?" I played with the food on my plate. "Everyone likes the new you. Who cares what I think?"

The corners of his mouth curled down. "Because you are my son."

You didn't care about this before.

"I'm your heir." He looked embarrassed when I said that, but that's what he used to call me all the time.

He sighed heavily. "You still won't budge, do you?"

He looked depressed, which made me a little sad. "Look, I'm sure you really want to make things better. I just don't know what it has to do with me."

"Hey."

I pursed my lips into my mouth. "I'm putting it a little harder, but I don't mean that absolutely."

"Then tell me well."

"I'm not a five-year-old kid. I'm a grown man. Things I might have thought I needed as a kid, I don't need now. I don't need a nod from you or anybody else. I know who I am."

"Okay, but I'm not talking about nodding. I'm talking about relationships. With me. With other people."

"You're talking like Benji now." I sighed. "I'll tell you what I said to him again: I'm happy with where I am. I have everything I want. I like the freedom to be free. Whenever I want, I can Do whatever I want. How is that a bad thing?"

He narrowed his eyes. "Aren't you lonely?"

"No. I'm so busy that I can go alone when I have time."

"But there's always a moment when you stop worrying about work and you wish you had spent more time on the important things in your life."

"You're talking about the things you think are important in life."

He frowned. "You see, I do experience some of these moments, and I'm afraid that sooner or later you will too."

"Are you lonely?"

"Well, I'm not lonely to the point of drinking. But I wish I had paid a little attention to the two things of getting married and cultivating a father-son relationship with you."

Hearing his sentimental words, I couldn't help dodging a bit. "Wow."

He held out his hands. "This is the new me. I mean it."

I cleared my throat. "Well, if you need a companion, you should find a woman."

"You mean, I just leave you alone?"

I laughed. "Maybe."

"No one can replace my son."

"Oh, come on. There's no substitute for that." I pulled out a piece of kale and bit into it. "Dogs are fine from what I've heard. A lot of people think their pets are their children. You should have a Labrador."

"I don't want a broken dog. I want our father and son to be harmonious."

I sighed impatiently. "Even if I agree to cooperate with you in this attempt to 'everything is different'. What do you want from me? You want 'movie nights' and 'sleep talks' Do you want us to pigtail each other?"

He grunted and wiped his bald head. "There is no such condition."

"So what do you want?"

"Give me a chance. Don't shut me out because of who I was before. Try to understand who I am now."

I sighed and wiped my face wearily. "My God, what's wrong with you? It feels like your aura has suddenly become as small as a chicken."

He laughed a few times. "My God, are you always so sarcastic, brat?"

I crooked my mouth and suppressed a smile. "Honestly, I think I've spoken much better."

"My mother."

I snickered, then gave the waitress a polite nod as she took my plate away. "How long are you staying?"

He pursed his lips into his own and looked at me carefully. "Can't wait to kick me out?"

I frown. "You know, if you think everything I say is aimed at you, then you can't continue."

He raised his hands. "Okay, okay. Got it. I think I'll be here for at least a few weeks."

I nod. "Okay." I'm not sure what's going to happen, but if we're going to practice father-son relationships, then I think we'll have to spend some time together.

When the waiter came to pay the bill, my dad grabbed the bill and insisted on paying.He signed the receipt, and I studied him carefully.There are already some deep wrinkles on his forehead and the corners of his eyes, which only appeared in the last six months.While he was battling cancer, I had accepted that he might not be around.He seemed broken and hopeless, as if he had lost the will to live.But then the situation changed again, and he began to fight with all his might.I don't know what motivated him to fight, but I remember feeling relieved.

And now, he wants to mend our relationship.

As a kid, I was desperate to please him.If he had responded to me back then, telling me what he said today, I would have been so happy.But now I just feel numb.Will it really change if I give him a chance?Perhaps this feeling of alienation is nothing more than a defensive psychology brought about by the past.

My dad raised his glass and smiled while looking back at me. "I'm thrilled to get to know you better, son."

I hesitated, but I clinked glasses with him anyway. "I'm wondering if you'll still be so excited after you get along with me for a while."

His tired eyes darkened. "You're the reason I'm alive, Paul."

"Me?" I frowned.

"Correct."

His earnest gaze caught me off guard. "I find it hard to believe, but never mind."

"It's true." He grinned gruffly. "I guess you could say that our unresolved family issues saved my life."

I smiled unnaturally and raised my glass again. "Should I say 'You're welcome'?"

He clinked glasses with me without saying anything, but there was a gleam of pleasure in his eyes.