Blind Faith

Isaac called me on Thursday night, and when I saw his name pop up on my phone screen, I thought for a moment that he was calling to cancel an appointment.I said "hi" and waited for him to say his decision.

But instead, he said, "I'm thinking of making baguette sandwiches for our Saturday lunch. Do you like beef, ham, chicken, or just salad?"

I smiled with relief.

"Is there anything funny?"

I laughed happily on the phone and said, "No, it's not funny. Isaac, I'll eat anything."

"Eat everything?"

"Yes."

"Then I'll prepare duck sauce and smoked caviar?"

"Uh, so," I flinched, "well, I don't eat everything either."

I can just picture him smiling like a winner. "So, do you choose beef, ham, chicken, or salad?"

"Ham and salad."

He sighed. "You just like making it harder for me, don't you?"

I laughed. "Yes." And I said, "Do you have seed mustard, or Dijon mustard for sandwiches?"

He exaggeratedly sighed. "Don't get too carried away, Carter, I'm not an order cook."

I laugh out loud. "I'm sure you'll make the best sandwiches ever."

"I don't know," he said, flicking his tongue playfully. "I might mix wasabi with wasabi."

I gasped sharply. "No way!"

This time it was his turn to smile. "It depends on how upset you make me."

"Okay," I said with a smile, "let me take a note," and I read aloud what I pretended to be writing, "To make Isaac very upset, bring a lot of water to mix the wasabi Rinse off."

He chuckled, then sighed and fell silent.So I asked him, "How's the job going?"

Then he told me what he did that day, and what he did that week.He speaks of his work and students with enviable enthusiasm.It's not that I don't love my job, I do, but I feel like Isaac gets more out of it than I do.

I also told him about my day and week.Like how I treat dogs and cats of different breeds, shapes, and sizes, but also rabbits, ferrets, gerbils, and birds.Isaac seemed engrossed in my story, and I didn't realize I had been talking for almost an hour until my phone rang for another call.

"Hey, I have to answer this call," I explained. "It's from Mark. I was supposed to call, but I didn't notice the time."

"Oh, no problem," Isaac replied, "I think it's time for me to get ready too. I need to make sure we have wasabi, I mean, wasabi."

I laugh out loud. "I'll be at your house by about twelve o'clock."

He chuckled softly on the phone. "Fine. Don't be late," he said, and I heard the line click and hang up.

I was still laughing when I hit the answer button. "Hello?"

"Where did you just die, and why do you sound so goofy?"

Ignoring his supposed greeting, I asked him, "Hey Mark, how's your day?"

"I'm great," he replied brightly, "so, where did you just die, why did it take you so long to answer the phone, and why did you sound so goofy?"

I laughed again. "I was just on the phone with someone, if you must know."

"Who is more important than me?"

I shook my head and rolled my eyes. "Absolutely no one is more important than you. God taught us not to hurt other people's face."

Mark laughed. "So who are you calling?"

I groaned helplessly.He just wouldn't let the subject go. "Isaac."

"Oh, in love," he said in a very affected, singing voice. "How is he doing in bed?"

I sigh. "We are not what you think."

"But he's gay, and you like him?"

"Uh...that's right..."

"So you haven't slept with him yet?" he asked bluntly. "You've been telling me about him for two weeks"

"It's different," I tried to explain to him. "He's special. He's different from everyone else."

"My God, Carter," Mark sighed, "you're a disgrace to all the gays in the world."

I was amused by the way my buddy talked.But I know I should confess to him.He's right, I do like Isaac.So my buddies should know the truth.

"Mark, there's something you should know about Isaac."

Mark was quiet for a moment, and I knew I had piqued his curiosity. "What's up with him?"

"Well, he's blind."

silence.

"blind?"

"Yes," I said slowly, "he can't see."

More silence.

Then he burst out laughing in disbelief. "Are you serious?" He didn't give me time to answer. "My God, you're serious."

"Mark, I told you he was special," I explained. "But he's stylish, funny and very smart."

"Still blind!"

"I don't see it that way," I start, but immediately regret my choice of words.

"Obviously he doesn't see it that way either."

"Mark, don't make fun of blind people, please."

"Oh my God," he said softly, "you really like this man. Is he really blind?"

"He does," I admitted. "He has a guide dog, Brady. That's how we met. Isaac is on my family rounds."

A longer silence.

"My God, Carter, you're only telling me this now?"

"Well, we haven't officially hung out or anything; we're not dating," I defended myself, "I've been to his house a few times, we hung out for a while last weekend, and now we have A date for lunch—” I paused, then corrected, “on a Saturday for lunch. I’m not even sure what’s going to happen after that. I’m really not sure.”

"But you want to continue developing with him?"

"Uh... yes, maybe..."

"Then you need to act."

So that's the way it is, and Mark doesn't mind it.Once he knows it's what I want, he wants me to have it.That's Mark, and even when I'm wrong, he has his hands up.

Our conversation turned to what was happening in Hartford, some old friends and work, and then as we were saying goodbye, he told me he wanted to see Isaac.And there were three weeks until his weekend, and he was looking forward to it.

I told him it depends on how things go this weekend. "Anyway, I don't think it's suitable for him to meet you now."

"Oh please," he said angrily, "he'll like me. Everybody likes me."

I rolled my eyes, then sighed, "Are you sure you will behave yourself?"

"Yes," he said with a smile, "on the honor of the Boy Scouts."

"You never joined the Boy Scouts."

"Yeah, but I've been in a lot of Boy Scouts." Then he added, "I mean they were Boy Scouts when they were kids. Not still in Boy Scouts because that would be gross."

I laughed out loud. "Good night, Mark."

***

"Mark wants to see you."

We sat on a park bench, and Isaac turned his head. "What?"

"Mark, my buddy," I explained, "he wants to see you."

"Oh." He turned away, and after a long moment he said, "You mentioned me to him?"

"Yes. I tell him everything."

Isaac nodded slowly. "Oh, what did you tell him?"

"It's just us taking the dog to the park and having lunch together."

I'm not sure, but I think Isaac is trying to hold back his grin, like he's glad I mentioned him.But then his smile disappeared.

"Have you spoken to him?" he asked. "You know, the fact that I'm blind?"

I didn't tell him I'd just told him, but answered honestly and tried to make it sound like it wasn't a big deal. "Yes."

There was nothing to tell from Isaac's expression, which was always the case. "Then what?"

"Then what?" I worded carefully. "And then it's gone. If I don't mind, he doesn't mind."

Isaac looked like he was thinking for a moment. "you do not mind?"

"Absolutely not."

He tried not to laugh.But he failed.

We had lunch, no wasabi, while the dogs played, rolled, and napped at our feet in the lush grass.We must have spent two hours talking.Well, I was the one talking most of the time, and Isaac just listened and smiled.He seemed very interested in my childhood, my college days, and Mark's stupidity.He sat next to me, basking in the sun and smiling, looking carefree.

He was still cool with Brady, never patting him, never rewarding him, rarely even paying attention to his presence.I wanted to say something, but I didn't want to spoil the atmosphere.

So I took care of Brady as much as I could, like I did with Missy.Of course I won't do too much.I don't want to be seen through by Isaac.Yes, he can't see, but he's incredibly perceptive, and he's definitely not stupid.

As a veterinarian, I've seen a lot of animal cruelty.But it's clearly not any kind of physical abuse, and I don't know where to even classify that behavior.Brady's health couldn't have been better, he was well cared for, and his diet was better than most humans.But its owner, their human partner in the duo, showed no affection or admiration for it.

Besides, Isaac doesn't really care about it.He's not a hard-hearted jerk.He really isn't.He can't be hard-hearted.So I was thinking how futile it was when he blocked himself from any emotional exchange with Brady in order not to let his heart ache again.

Because he does love it.I know he loves it.Love is just under the surface.I guess he told himself not to have an emotional exchange with Brady, he didn't allow himself to feel those emotions.

So even though I really wanted to say something, I didn't.I had a great day.In fact, it was the best date I've been on in a long time, if that even counts.I didn't want to risk bringing it up for him by bringing it up.I want to stay there all afternoon.

But unfortunately, the weather is not willing to cooperate with me. "We've got to get going," I told him.

Then he did a strange thing.He checked his watch.I've seen him wear a watch before, but I foolishly didn't give it a second thought.Everyone wears a watch, but not everyone is blind.Of course, he wasn't looking at his watch, but touching it.

"What kind of watch is that?"

"It's a Braille watch." He lifted the glass cover and touched the face of his watch. "I read the time in Braille," he said. "Do you like to have a look?"

"of course."

So he lifted his arm out in front of me and I took it.I rest my fingers on the side of his palm to look at his watch.I may not be able to describe what this watch looks like.I think it's blue or silver, with raised dots on the dial instead of numbers.Well, at least I think so.Because the moment I took his hand into mys, I forgot what I was going to do.

There was only one thought left in my mind: I was holding his hand.

I am touching him.And I knew right away that I wanted to touch him again.I want him to touch me too.

I was so eager to start various exchanges with him.

I want to chat with him about all kinds of things.I want to see him explaining to me with his hands while talking about his work with such enthusiasm.I want to make him laugh.I want to hold his hand and touch him.I want to know how he feels, how he feels under my touch, and how he feels about me.

I want to get to know him.

I want him to understand me.

I want to understand him.I want to get into his heart.

It was as if he was reaching deep inside of me.

"Carter?"

"Well, what's wrong?" I looked at him, and then saw that my hand was still holding his. "Oh." I let go of his hand. "A storm is coming," I changed the subject.

Isaac cleared his throat. "Yes, the wind has picked up."

I looked around the park, the branches were shaking in the wind, and the leaves were spinning and falling on the grass. "Yeah, we'd better hurry back." I packed the dog's water bowl and treats and packed them in a bag while Isaac put Brady on a leash. "Come on, let's take a short cut through the park."

When we started to walk back, I realized that the path I took was not very smooth. "There's a little slope here, and some trees."

"Oh," Isaac hesitated.Then he reached out with his free hand, found my arm and held my forearm, using me as his guide. "Is this okay?"

He looked smug, and I grinned. "Yes, of course."

I'm actually pretty sure he doesn't need my guidance, he's got Brady after all, but I'm fine with that.And I'm pretty sure he didn't have to put his hand on my arm the whole time, but that's what he did.And I was smiling the whole time.

When we got back to Isaac's house, Hannah offered to take the dogs out to the yard.She said she had just finished doing the laundry.But her eyes flicked between us, and after a grin at me, she hurried Missy and Brady out of the kitchen, leaving us alone.

"Would you like me to pour you a drink?" Isaac asked, walking towards the refrigerator. "Cold drink? Soda? Coffee? Or plain water?"

I scratched my hair. "Uh, why don't you wait," I said, and then I realized that meant I wanted to stay here a little longer. "Listen, Isaac," I said, and he stopped, then walked back to the kitchen counter and stood beside me.From the look on his face, he thought I was going to say goodbye to him. "I had a great day," I told him softly.

He looked down at the floor between us. "but?"

He was expecting a "thanks, but no" decline, and his frustration was palpable.It means he likes me.I laughed, but before I could answer, he went on with his own words.

"But what about me?" he asked bluntly. "Not your type? Difficult? Blind?"

This is where the problem lies.his temper.His "I'm going to hurt you before you can hurt me" strategy.

I smiled and shook my head. "It's not like that, Isaac," I answered him softly, putting my hand on his arm. "I'm going to say, I had a good day and -- you see it's an 'and', not a 'but' -- and I'd love to do it again."

"Oh."

"Yeah, so put away that 'fuck!' attitude of yours, okay?" I asked with a smile. "Save this kind of activity for at least the second date, don't you think?"

He pursed his lips, almost smiling. "My 'fuck!' attitude?"

I laughed, and while still stroking his arm, I moved a little closer to him, and said in a deeper voice. "That's right, you use this attitude to reject people thousands of miles away."

He could feel me standing closer to him.He kept his head down, but his cheeks were flushed, and he swallowed. "I didn't mean to push people away," he said softly.

"Isaac," I said in a whisper.Now I stand closer.I was speaking almost out of breath. "Don't reject me."

He didn't answer with words, but the way he shook his head was part of the answer.I could see his chest rising and falling with his rapid breathing.But he doesn't move away, so I slowly run my hand up his arm.

"Is that okay?" I whispered.

He nodded.

I moved my feet closer to him, closing the distance between our bodies, and my other hand touched his other arm.

"is this OK?"

He nodded again.

I lick my lips.I want to kiss him.I wonder how his lips feel, what he tastes like.

"Isaac," I murmured, "can I kiss you?"

He swallowed heavily, and after a long while, he nodded.He could feel my hands touching him all the time, my hands moving from his arms to his neck and jaw.I slowly cupped his face, lifted his chin, and closed my eyes as I leaned in to kiss him.

"Wow, my god!" Hannah called out to us in the kitchen.She held a basket of laundry in her hand.

Isaac and I both took a step back, and then, despite my disappointment and embarrassment, I found myself amused by Hannah's embarrassment.She still held the basket of clothes, but looked towards the refrigerator.

"Oh shit," she said, "I spoiled the atmosphere, didn't I? Damn, damn, damn! I'm so sorry."

"You're still ruining the atmosphere," Isaac muttered, and I can imagine him rolling his eyes behind his dark glasses.

I laughed and said, "It's okay, Hannah."

Isaac turned to me with a big "what do you mean it's okay" expression.I chuckled again.

"No, it doesn't matter," Hannah said quickly, and began to retreat out of the room. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry. I just walked in. I didn't even notice where I was going, and then I was standing there and you were about to... oh my god, I was so embarrassed. "

She kept saying I'm sorry, I'm sorry, as she continued to exit the kitchen, and after one last apologetic bow, she finally left.

"Well, the atmosphere has been ruined." Isaac muttered to the floor.

I laughed, and without hesitation, I stood in front of him, cupped his face in my hands, and kissed him.

He froze for a moment, but when I ran my lips against his, he softened and started kissing me back.It was a gentle first kiss, gentle and slow.His lips were warm and moist, and his hands rested on my side.I didn't deepen the kiss, but I cupped his face and rubbed my lips against each other, continuing the sweet feeling.

It made me forget to breathe.

I slowly parted our lips and our faces were almost touching like this.I could see through the black lenses of his dark glasses that his eyes were tightly shut.His lips are slightly parted, shining with moist luster, his hand is clutching the fabric of the T-shirt beside me, and he is panting rapidly.

I smiled and said, "Feeling alright?"

Isaac licked his lips and nodded, though he still looked distracted.He let go of my T-shirt and I took his hand and asked, "Do you want to sit on the couch?"

He nodded again, so I shook his hand and led him into the living room, and as we sat down, Hannah yelled from the sun room in the back, "Can I come in?"

Isaac wailed and I chuckled and called back to her, "Yes, Hannah, come in. We're in the living room."

"There's a storm coming," she told us, as she walked into the room, Missy and Brady at her side. "So I gotta bring these two guys in. I'm leaving right away, okay?"

"Very well, thank you very much," Isaac said.

"Carter, do you want to stay longer?" she asked.She wasn't meddling.Her top priority is her brother.

I replied, "Yes, I will stay a little longer."

Then she looked down at Isaac's hand, which was still in my hand, and laughed. "No problem, that's great," she said, her voice almost trembling with excitement.She did a strange joyful dance, then, grinning all the while, grabbed her bag from the kitchen counter. "Okay, Isaac, dinner is in the fridge and your Braille board is on the coffee table. I'll call you tomorrow morning." With another big smile and joyous stride, she finally left.

Isaac groaned and sighed, but a smile appeared on his face. "Is she doing that weird swing dance?"

I tucked my leg under the other, turned my body towards him so I could look him straight in the eye, and smiled, "Jumped twice."

"Ugh." Isaac groaned again with a laugh, then leaned over to me, laughing to keep himself from embarrassment.

I cupped his face in my hands and kissed him again.The fact that we were finally able to be alone hasn't blown my mind yet. "So Isaac, what do you want to do next?"