give you a soft spot

When my sexual orientation was exposed, I was subjected to cynicism, sarcasm, and abuse in high school, and even fell into school violence, and I understood a truth.

Coming out to the world is much harder than coming out to family and friends.

Relatives and friends will still love you, but not necessarily in the whole world.

Although I don't need the whole world to love me, but I don't want the whole world not to love Xi Zhuo.

He is destined to stand in the light and be written into the legend. I love him deeply and can't see any shadow cast on him.

I understand too well the feeling of wanting to be recognized by the world as a homosexual. No one wants to be defined as heterogeneous, but in this era when the world is open and advocates equality in love, we are still heterogeneous.

All the freedom to be yourself and the courage to be yourself are slowly strengthened from the inside out over time.

Every eye with bullets and every word with a knife casts a body that may be invulnerable to all poisons, or may be covered with wounds and vulnerable.

This is how I, a person who is at the bottom, spread out my differences in the light of day, so what about Xi Zhuo.

He is the darling of the whole world. Wherever he goes, he is greeted with praise and smiles, and wherever he leaves, he is greeted with flowers and applause.

When he asked me if I thought about coming out to the world with him, it was equivalent to asking me if I thought about pulling him off a high platform and falling into the abyss.

I wish I could die with him, but I don't want him to die.I don't want him to choose to ruin his bright future easily for me.

I'm afraid that if I shake my head and say I haven't thought about it, he will be very sad.I was afraid that I would nod my head and say I thought about it, but he would really do it.

Sitting in the small park, I talked to him a lot, but I didn't answer that question directly.

When I was young, I used to look forward to love. I hoped that there would be a man who would hold my hand tightly and go against the flow of people. No matter how crowded, no matter how much wind and rain, he would lead me forward without fear.

But later, after seeing too much reality, my mind changed unconsciously, and I became fond of keeping a low profile. I don't need to make any difference, and I don't need to talk too much about the truth. Just be myself quietly.

I thought that I would never meet someone who was like me in this life, and I even really thought about learning the skills and earning enough money to be lonely for the rest of my life.

And I have Xi Zhuo.

I don't know if someone else would expect the relationship to come out in the open if I were someone else, but I don't want to.

Faced with Xi Zhuo's most important love story that he wanted to come out with me, I told him from the side.

"Brother Zhuo, if you can, then hide me for the rest of your life."

Xi Zhuo was obviously very optimistic about the word "Lifetime", so he asked me with a smile, "Then you will be with me forever?"

I nodded heavily: "I will."

In this relationship, I have always been clumsy and Xi Zhuo is flexible.So after I stated that I would follow him for the rest of my life, he became extremely happy, probably because the elm-like me finally gave him the promise he wanted most.

When I further revealed that he might be under surveillance, he gave the fastest rebuttal.

"Will not."

I was a little emboldened by his firmness: "But... But I clearly heard Brother Bai Yang playing the audio for me."

He raised his eyebrows and asked, "What is it about?"

"Uh......"

It took almost 2 minutes before I completely put aside my embarrassment and told the whole story in detail.

There was no fluctuation on Xi Zhuo's face, and he was still calm and composed. He was silent for a long time, not knowing what he was thinking, and finally didn't tell me, just nodded, saying that he knew.

My mother called and asked where we were, and then I armed Xi Zhuo again and pushed him to meet my mother.

When I went back, I ran into Bi Gong at the gate of the community. He whistled to me in the car, said hello to my mother, and then politely called Xi Zhuo Uncle Yuan.

I am glad that he misidentified Xi Zhuo who was moving on his own in a wheelchair, and after casually saying a few words to him, he speeded up to go home, and swore that in the remaining two days, he would not take Xi Zhuo with him again if he was killed. go downstairs.

I thought that as long as I stayed behind closed doors, I could avoid contact with the outside world, but an unexpected visitor came before dinner that day.

It's my second uncle's family of three.

It seemed that he was here to apologize, since he entered the door, he kept smiling and spoke kindly.My mother and I are always sitting on the sofa. As the hosts, we are really not very enthusiastic.

Yuan Miao said that she had been on duty at the hospital a few days ago, so she came here on the fourth day when she was free.She also knows the common topics that can arise with me, and desperately chats with me about Xi Zhuo.

There was a bad taste in my heart, thinking what would happen if this girl knew that the man she wanted to call her husband licked the screen countless times a day was behind her in my bedroom separated from her by a wall.

She: "He went to Europe."

Me: "Ah, yes."

She: "Seeing so many photos he posted, I want to go."

Me: "Oh."

She: "But I don't have time, and now I really regret studying medicine and nursing. It was fine when I was in school, and I have no time to pursue stars after work."

She: "I heard that you have started your own business now. What a good job you had before. Why didn't you stop doing it? If I can see Xi Zhuo every day, I can do whatever I want."

......

Some people always use their mouths as honesty, and my second aunt is like that.For so many years, she has said hurtful things both openly and secretly, and she will end with "With all due respect", "I'm just straight-hearted," and "Don't be as knowledgeable as I am".

In fact, no one is as knowledgeable as her. If they don't come, we don't take it seriously. Instead, we have to deal with it every day before sending them away.

After Xi Zhuo came, although there was only one more person, the house was much more lively.He really likes to eat the mixed vegetables made by my mother. He must have it for every meal during the few days he is here.

For this alone, I should give my mother full marks.Although she doesn't know what small thoughts are hidden, but I know she has a sense of proportion.

On the afternoon of the sixth day of the Lunar New Year, I helped Xi Zhuo pack his things.

He regrets not being able to visit my studio, and I regret not being able to walk with him.

I took out the small box in the drawer of the bedside table. At that time, he expressed his determination to let me wait with confidence and send the ring on his hand. Now that I have waited for him, the thing should be returned to the original owner, just like the accident when leaving.

But this time, Xi Zhuo didn't take it back, but directly grabbed my hand holding the ring.

"Put it away, it's by your side, it's me by your side."

Before I could speak, he put another thing in my hand, which was a phone card.

"Use this number to contact me in the future. I have already saved the way to contact me. Don't pay the fee. It will never stop."

"I'll find another chance to come and see you. Take care of yourself."

......

It made me feel very uncomfortable that he talked to me as if he was confessing his funeral. It will be more difficult to meet again this time. It is true that he does not want him to go, but it is also true that he has to go.

The reason why he brought two drivers was so that he could take a break in the middle without delaying the trip. After the car that brought him stopped downstairs again, he put his bag on his back and said goodbye to my mother and me, and then ran all the way down the road. He went upstairs and got into the car without looking back.