give you a soft spot

"I didn't say it was a joke."

Xi Zhuo’s lingering voice began to ring in my ears repeatedly after I picked up the button. The replay of the real scene made me unable to calm down. I walked very slowly on the way back to the hotel, absent-minded and focused.

After getting along with Xi Zhuo at close range, I have felt this kind of mood more than once, words cannot describe it accurately, I can only affirm it very tacky, I am very happy.

It was good to see him, it was good to hear him, it was good to think of him.

But obviously there is some kind of unspeakable expectation, but I really hope that he is not really implying something. I know that there is an unflattering mountain and sea between me and him.

In the line of sight, the ancient buildings in the film and television city are smudged with retro beauty in the afterglow of the setting sun. The weather here is more than 30 degrees above zero, and there is a thick layer of humidity and heat covering the earth from morning to night.

The location of the hotel is on the edge of the film and television city. After crossing three film areas, I couldn’t help but take off the clothes wrapped around me and wanted to go back to take a shower. When I went upstairs, I remembered something. Instead of going back to the room, I knocked on opened the door of Xiaoyou's room.

If you want to ask me which city I want to visit the most, I will say Paris without hesitation.I've never been there but I'm fascinated by it.

Xiaoyou said that she has a very successful friend in fashion design who just opened a fashion design studio in Paris, and she wanted to introduce me to it.

My first feeling is gratitude, at least she, who is not relatives or relatives, can think of me when she has a good opportunity.Of course I understand what she means. It is indeed much better to study there in the past than to be a small clothing assistant here.

The most important thing is that Xiaoyou captured the essence of the dream I told her once. If you want to engage in fashion design, you must broaden your horizons and really walk on the big road, instead of looking forward and backward on the small road without purpose.

But I had a strong feeling that I wanted to stay, even if it was just to continue to be a costume assistant.I didn't even have the idea to go back and think about it before giving an answer. I was very embarrassed and told me on the spot that I didn't want to go.

After hearing this, Xiaoyou smiled and said: "Why do you look guilty? I told you that of course I was asking for your opinion, and I would respect your choice. I just thought that it would be great if I could help your dream. "

I quickly said: "Xiaoyou, thank you very much for your willingness to help me, and I'm extremely sorry for wasting your kindness."

"It's okay," Xiaoyou continued to speak very calmly, "But to be honest, I really didn't think you would not want to go."

Not to mention that Xiaoyou didn't expect it, even I didn't think that I would not want to go. After I came out of Xiaoyou's room, I stood in a daze in the corridor.

My mother asked me whether I want to go to Paris or not when I was in my senior year.I also chose not to go, because I didn’t want such a grown-up person to spend her hard-earned money when going abroad. The idea at the time was to find a job first and save money to go abroad when I had the opportunity.

It can be said that what Xiaoyou provided was indeed an opportunity, and I also had my own savings.I still choose not to go, so I can't help but start to doubt my sincerity to my dream.

"Xiao Ge, what are you standing here for?"

I smiled at Sun Ji who was passing by, and casually asked him where he was going in a hurry.He stopped and patted me on the shoulder: "Let's go, watch Brother Zhuo play, there are several big names here, let's join in the fun."

I shook my head and said I would not go.Sun Ji was a little over-enthusiastic, and dragged me a few meters away in a daze. He said as he walked, "Let me tell you, if you want to get along well in the circle, you must first learn how to fit in."

In the end, I half pushed and followed Sun Ji out of the hotel and took a car straight to the city center.

When we arrived at the private indoor basketball hall, the people on the court had been playing for a while, and everyone was sweating profusely.I habitually looked for Xi Zhuo among those running figures, saw him wearing very commoner shorts and a vest, and sighed that even Boss Xi's rough appearance was so eye-catching.

Except for a few actors in the film crew, the rest of the players who played with Xi Zhuo were staff members, either photographers or department assistants. Regardless of their identities, everyone was familiar with them, and they talked and laughed freely while playing ball.

Those sitting or standing on the sidelines are all insiders of the crew, and I am also watching the scene.I don't know who other people are looking at, I never take my eyes off Xi Zhuo, seeing his neat dribbling and precise shooting, seeing the sweat running across his perfect jaw line under the bright light, seeing his looming Abdominal muscles, look at his slender and powerful calves tensed while running.

After realizing that I am infatuated with a man with no lower limit, I would rather believe that people like beautiful things than believe that I have some unspeakable selfishness towards Xi Zhuo.

But things have turned bad, and I seem to really care too much about him.It's not the same as when I was just a fan of him before, but now I have more possessive desire to get closer.

Am I crazy, what am I thinking, the sound of the soles of the sneakers scraping the floor on the court stimulates my nerves, I stand there uneasy, as if my mind is exposed to bright lights.

The exclamation of the audience made my sluggish eyes refocus on the field, and when I saw Xi Zhuo almost fell, my vision was quickly blocked and there was no gap.

"It's okay, I'm just tired, take a rest." Xi Zhuo steadied his body and sat on the ground, raised his hand and said with a smile.

He should be tired. After filming a martial arts scene all day, he was almost exhausted, and he was running around for nearly an hour.He sat there still staring at the court, his fascination with basketball was written with excitement on his face.

Xi Zhuo likes playing basketball very much. He said that he often uses it in his spare time to relieve stress.Many people don't understand what his so-called pressure is, including me. I can't imagine how difficult the road will be for such an outstanding him.

In the eyes of the outside world, Xi Zhuo has always played steadily and smoothly. He seems to be born to live in the spotlight. He has no scandals and roots. He has clear goals and does not do useless work.

And me, what am I?I began to panic, why should I compare with him, the magnified inferiority complex made me breathless, and I stood alone looking at the crowd of people not far away.Everyone is surrounding Xi Zhuo, some are talking to each other, some are stuffing tissues, some are passing water...

I never questioned why so many people are crazy about him, because I am too.I finally dared to face my heart. I didn't want to go to Paris because he was here.

I don't know since when, Xi Zhuo has become my impulse to see when I don't see him, my secret and dangerous desire.Surprised that lovesickness is not revealed, it turns out that it is only because it is already deep in the bone.Why things are going here, I can't answer myself.

There are so many people in the world who love this man with all their strength. When I was in the sea of ​​people, when I met his gaze when I turned around, I suddenly had the urge to squeeze to the front, and I wanted to get away from him. A little closer, a little closer, I want to live in a world with him.