tell me

--I'm very lonely.

Although I was surrounded by many so-called friends, I felt lonely.No one can understand me, they all like to impose their feelings on me and think they understand me, but in fact it is nothing.

Everyone, everyone only picks up what they want to listen to and watch what they want to watch.Because what they like is not the real me, but the way I should be in their imagination.

Whenever I act negatively, no one can see my struggle through the veiled words.All they did was back away.

Also, how can there be any real empathy.Whether it is to others or to myself, I have to carry what should be carried by myself, no matter how much others say, it is useless.

But I'm so lonely... Really lonely... Even if it's just my one-sided confession, at least I'll be happy to say it.But even for this, we have to consider whether the other party is willing to read the paragraphs of text, listen to the voices, and whether they will have any thoughts about me after reading and listening.

I am very tired.

what should I do?

I am really in pain.

——Tell me about your troubles.

I will always be here.

**

"He likes me?"

"This is illogical"

The other party said, "How do you say it? Why is it illogical?"

"Our gender is the same"

The other party "Oh, so"

The other party "Do you discriminate against homosexuals?"

"No, it's just that I didn't think about it"

Benfang "But even if I don't mention this, I still think he has no reason to like me"

The other party said, "You are not him, why do you think so?"

Ben Fang: "Why? Because I almost had a quarrel with him when we first met, because I never gave him a good face, and because he is a famous man, there are enough people who like him."

Ben Fang: "Furthermore, he has had a girlfriend before. It stands to reason that his sexual orientation should be normal, so why should it be me?"

The other party said, "That's just what you think, maybe it's just the opposite in his eyes?"

The other party "and he may not have considered gender, but just met the right person"

"That's just what you think."

The other party said, "Forget it, let's not talk about this for now. How about you?"

Benfang "What am I?"

The other person "Do you hate this kind of emotion? I mean if he really likes you"

"Me? I don't know"

"Honestly, I..."

……

Du Yu suddenly opened his eyes.

It was just dawn outside, and it was a drowsy morning.White light splashed a little from the curtains of the dormitory and hit the floor tiles that were not covered.

He picked up the phone next to his pillow and checked the time, it was 05:30.

It's early enough.

Rubbing his temples, he sat up with his arms stretched out, and leaned against the pillow at the head of the bed.

He vaguely remembered that he had a dream just now, about "telling me".But the strange thing is that he has become the one who inquired, but the listener who has always been him does not know who it is.

Thinking of this, he unlocked the phone, squinted his eyes and clicked into the software whose icon was a writing brush, and a page similar to a dream appeared in front of him.But the difference is that in reality, he not only has an employee number, but also can choose to take orders.

With his thumb moving on the smooth glass screen, he hesitated for a moment and clicked into a chat interface.

That was the client he listened to last night, a girl as young as ten years old.

The head portrait at the other end had already dimmed, and only the three words "Thank you" in the other party's bubble remained floating as if they could vaguely prove their presence.

is the last record.

Sure enough, he was stunned by work, he threw away the phone and sighed anxiously.This little girl not only made him miss the whole night, but also made him have a weird dream.

He closed his eyes weakly, frowning very occasionally.Finally, he opened it again resignedly, bent over to reach the poor object he threw away, and the faint light from the mobile phone hit his cheek again.

His two thumbs that were hanging in the air sank a few millimeters slightly, and then quickly retracted and pressed together.But in the end they landed heavily on the virtual keyboard, and the words "Trust your brother more, he will protect you with his whole life" jumped out with the sound of da da da.

With the soft sound of sending, he took a long breath until the air filled the entire lung cavity, and then exhaled slowly.

Regardless of whether the person on the other end could receive this message again, at least he got some peace in his heart.

So he opened the mosquito net, climbed down the escalator lightly and stepped on the ground, listening to the murmurs and thunderous snoring of his roommate in a daze, and the crunching sound of the bed board being pressed by his turning body.

After taking the toiletries, he quietly opened the door and walked out.

That dream seemed to be about feelings, but the specifics were blurred and I couldn't remember clearly.

The tap water gurgled out of the faucet and fell into the palm with slender fingers.

Du Yu soaked his face in the water, and every pore shrank from the coolness, so he decided not to think about it anymore, because that dream was destined to be just a dream to him.

The reason why he dared to make such a promise was not for anything else, but because the simple word of emotion was something he dared not touch.

Therefore, when it comes to Du Yu, everyone can always think of his calm face, rational and decisive style.He seemed to keep a polite but distant distance from everyone, so plain that he was neither sad nor happy.

Many people didn't even dare to talk to him, just because his aura was too intimidating.

Even his roommates only know he has a sister, and that's the only one he can show affection for.

Du Yu's younger sister is Du You, his only remaining relative, and she is a sophomore in a key high school in N City.Excellent grades, lively and playful.

His roommate knew about this because one day Du You came to school to look for her brother, wearing a loose autumn and winter school uniform, and knocked on the door of their dormitory carelessly.

At that time, one of the roommates was Huang Haixin. When he opened the door, he was shocked to find that it was a pretty girl. He thought it was some brother in the dormitory who was not loyal and took the first step.As a result, the little girl opened her mouth and asked if Du Yu was there, which immediately stunned everyone in the room.

Du Yu was not in the room at the time, and the adolescents felt that waiting was not an option, and seeing that everyone was wearing their trousers obediently, they had to politely invite the little girl in to sit down.

The elders in their room were so nervous that they looked like young girls in a boudoir, looking at each other, scratching their ears and cheeks in embarrassment, not even daring to play games.On the contrary, this little girl was unrestrained, as soon as she sat on Du Yu's chair, she began to rummage through his things, staring at her roommate for a while, thinking that the treatment of a girlfriend is not normal.

It wasn't until Du Yu walked into the dormitory from the corridor with the laundry tub and kicked his slippers, that the little girl stopped what she was doing, and jumped up like a little sparrow, jumped in front of him and called brother.

The person involved, Huang Haixin, said frankly that Du Yu had laughed so many times in front of them, but that day was definitely the most gentle one.It was so gentle that even the ends of the eyes were glued together, and the blue-black eyelashes interlaced and cast a shadow.

If it is said that his laughter at other times was all from emotion, then that time it must have been from emotion.

Later, using his sister as a breakthrough point, the roommates gradually realized that Du Yu is busy saving money every day, so that Du You can have a better quality of life when he goes to college next year, so that he doesn't have to be so tight.

To this end, he is holding two jobs while holding a scholarship.One is to teach children to do homework in an educational institution, and the other is to be a listener in this app called "Talk to Me".

The time and location of this job are free. As long as the number of customers received per week reaches the established standard, you can get a basic salary, and sometimes you can receive happy rewards. It is a rare and good job.

He is usually able to solve some minor problems with his hands, but he couldn't help the little girl yesterday because the situation was too similar for him to know how to do it.

He can only teach her how to face pain, how to remain optimistic, how to be self-reliant and self-reliant, and in the end he added it selfishly, relying on her brother a little more.

It was, he dared say, the most impulsive and unsubstantiated piece of advice he had ever given.

Who can guarantee that every elder brother can consistently take care of the younger generation in difficult times, even if they are facing collapse and despair?If trust is exchanged for orders, violence, and betrayal, then he is personally pushing a child to the grave.

Du Yu never trusts others easily, he always remains skeptical.But this time he chose to believe, to believe in a stranger.Just because the girl has longing, hope, and love when describing her brother.

He knew that even if he didn't say it, the girl would trust and love her brother unconditionally.But he insisted on emphasizing it, because he had to let her know that someone still cared and loved her, which was the reason why she had to overcome many difficulties and live tenaciously.

Find, guard.

Love is the only reason people try to survive in this shitty world.

It is both a starting point and a return journey.

Sometimes Du Yu thinks this is good. He is well aware of his mistakes in dealing with people, but he still has no time and does not want to take care of real interpersonal relationships.He can only make it up in another way, a way that no one knows, a way that doesn't hurt his self-esteem.

Listening to other people's complaints is also saving himself, and solving confusion is his way of confession and atonement.

Except for Du You, he never even thought about who he loved in the past, nor could he imagine who he would fall in love with, let alone know how ugly he would be like that.He just wants to watch Du You grow up and get married and have a happy family.

And he, whatever.

But Du You knew that her brother was actually such a gentle and strong person, he deserved his own happiness.One day he will be able to live for himself and for his lover.