Rabbit's Murder Memories

I spent most of my life before the age of 20 in an international school, to put it more bluntly, a "noble school".

The school is located on a mountain in the outskirts of the city. It has a large campus area and a small lake. The national flags of China and Australia and the school flag are erected at the gate. The tuition fee is about [-] yuan per year. take an exam.

Probably because of bypassing the "college entrance examination", my high school life was peaceful and comfortable, without the urgency of "Bloody June" mentioned in the book.

But all this peace was suddenly broken by the arrival of a girl.

In my second year of high school, there was suddenly a girl transferred from Japan named Miyuki Fujiwara in my class.She was born in a famous family in Japan, with exquisite facial features, fair skin, tall stature, and always has a gentle smile on the corner of her mouth when dealing with people.

I think we Chinese always have a "special" feeling for Japanese girls, so that the boys all followed the demon when they saw her, and I heard some strange words from them intermittently , such as "AV", such as "linen belt"...

·

In the first week of Miyuki's arrival at the school, whether in or out of class, she was surrounded by a huge crowd.She said she had never been to a circus, only seen it in movies, but it didn't matter whether she had been, because she lived in the center of the circus every day.

Strictly speaking, Miyuki is not a purebred woman of Yamato nationality. Her father is Chinese and belongs to the family. She married Miyuki's mother, so she followed her mother and took the surname Fujiwara.

In ancient Japan, Fujiwara was an aristocratic surname, which has influenced Japanese politics for thousands of years in history, which is equivalent to the Langya Wang family in China.Some Japanese in history even took the initiative to change their surname to Fujiwara in order to make their identity appear noble.Of course, Miyuki's family is "real Fujiwara", not "false Fujiwara", as evidenced by the genealogy.

Although she lived in Japan since she was a child, Miyuki’s Chinese is not bad, but occasionally she doesn’t understand some idioms very well. Because of the reason of the international school, she will directly take the entrance examination of foreign universities after graduation, so Miyuki does not know idioms, but it is not a big deal big problem.

The first time Michelle and I spoke was on a rainy night half a year later. That day was Saturday, and I was lying in bed reading a book when someone knocked on the door. I opened it and it was Michelle.She was drenched in rain, and she was standing at the door shivering, so I quickly pulled her in.

"What's wrong?" I asked anxiously.

While shivering, she explained:

"I just went shopping...it suddenly rained...my roommate came home..."

"Where's your key?"

"I can't find it, I probably forgot it in the room."

I found her a clean bath towel and helped her dry the rain on her head. At this time, a roommate from another room came out. She is the daughter of a group president. She usually dislikes Miyuki, and today is no exception. .

However, Miyuki's trembling body really looked pale and pitiful on this rainy night. She didn't say anything, but looked dissatisfied at the drops of water falling from Miyuki's dress.I smiled at her, "I'll clean it up later."

She nodded, yawned, then turned around and walked back to the room, closing the door behind her.

Our school is a boarding school. You can go home on Saturdays and Sundays, or you can stay in the dormitory.Because the school’s dormitory conditions are average, two rooms and one living room, two people live, the living room only has a simple sofa, and there is no TV, so many people are not used to living in it, and go home on weekends, like me who often live in dormitories is considered a minority.But also because of this, I am better than their self-care ability.

While mopping the floor, I turned on the faucet in the bathroom for Miyuki, let her take a hot bath, then took out my nightgown and handed it to her, she bowed down politely as usual to thank her .Afterwards, she packed her wet clothes in a bag, and asked with some embarrassment:

"Chen Jia, can I sleep on your sofa today?"

I nodded, but looked at the torrential rain outside the window and Miyuki's long wet hair, and suddenly changed my mind.

"The living room is too cold, come and sleep on my bed, anyway, it's only one night..."

She lowered her head and hesitated for a moment, her eyes flashed with the desire to refuse, but she was a little timid looking at the huge water droplets on the glass and the dancing tree shadows in the distance.

I'm usually quite straightforward, so I didn't give her too much time to hesitate, I dragged her into the room, turned on the air conditioner, dried her hair, poured a cup of hot tea and handed it to her.

She still thanked her again and again, as polite as if she was eager to draw a line with me. I suddenly felt a little bored with this "politeness" in my heart, and even felt a little angry.

Later, she explained that it was not that she was born cautious, but that Japanese education instilled an independent spirit in everyone since she was a child. She was asked to do what she can do by herself since she was a child, and try not to trouble others. That's not good.

·

That night, she and I squeezed together on a small single bed, with her back facing me, sleeping peacefully like a baby.

But I almost stayed up all night, because of her fragrance of hair, her upbringing, her white neck like snow, and her well-developed, bumpy figure, which made my bottom very wet.

I seem to be bound and suspended by countless silk threads full of desire all night, like a reborn chrysalis, being poured into absurd dreams.I frantically want to touch her, ravage her, even want to penetrate her, although I know I lack the organ that can enter her.

On that rainy night, I felt my complexity for the first time.

I got up at night and drank several glasses of water and went to the bathroom several times, but I still felt thirsty, hungry and thirsty, just like a prostitute who has served many years in prison and is about to be released from prison.

When I stood in front of the bed for the last time and looked at her naked white waistline, I could hardly bear it anymore. My hands trembled and I wanted to take off my pants. I fucking wanted to fuck her, Just want to go crazy.

In the end, I really couldn't hold back, I took off my pajama pants, got into bed, and slowly put my cock close to her ass.

The next morning, she slowly opened her beautiful eyes, and looked at my face in a daze.

I asked: "What's wrong?"

She said: "Chen Jia, your nest is so warm..."

I smiled awkwardly, touched her head like a big sister, and then suddenly held her chest with my hand, where it was plump and round with excellent elasticity.

She was startled, her cheeks were flushed, and she suddenly became silly, like an ostrich with its head stuck in the sand.

"What do you usually eat, and how did you develop so well?" I asked out of words.

She looked down at her chest strangely, "Is it big?"

I deliberately lowered my head to look at my breasts which were almost the same as hers, and lied:

"Well, it's huge."

·

After graduating, I went to Finland, a distant Nordic country, and entered Sibelius, the highest music school in Finland, where I spent five long years before returning to China and going to Guangzhou.

I thought that Miyuki would also go abroad for further studies, but the strange thing is that she stayed in China and took the college entrance examination. Her grades were not bad, and she entered an ordinary university in the city.

In Finland, I called overseas to ask her why she did not go abroad for further studies, and she said that her family disagreed.They think that staying in China will give them a better chance.

·

I later joined the Guangzhou Classical Orchestra, and a year later, I met Lao Hu.He is the newly promoted conductor of the orchestra and has a great reputation.

The first time he saw me, he excitedly asked:

"Chen Jia, has anyone ever told you that you look a lot like Miyamoto Shori?"

I shook my head.

He smiled awkwardly and frowned, as if dissatisfied.But this bad conversation did not affect his flowers, his praise, and his applause.

Finally, I fell.

Or more accurately, physically lost.

He also fell, just because the woman lying next to him at night looked like Miyamoto Xiaoli, and he still couldn't get Miyamoto Xiaoli.

I traded my clean body for the orchestra position I wanted, and in a short time, I became the first violinist in the orchestra.

In the following Spring Festival, I suddenly received a photo from an ordinary violinist in the orchestra.In the photo, she is naked and snuggling beside Lao Hu, who has a peaceful face and is fast asleep.

I texted her back:

"From this point of view, you look more like Miyamoto Xiaoli."

Then, I deleted the photos, deleted the text messages, and deleted all unrealistic fantasies about men.

Me and her are like running a 400-meter relay. I just handed her the baton pretending to be Miyamoto's smile, and then watched her cheer all the way and run towards the finish line.

False will always be false, why do so many people still take it seriously?

If the body is only dirty, it will be clean after washing. If the heart is dirty, what should be used to wash it?

·

Since then, the relationship between me and Lao Hu has become cold.

I still sleep with him, play with him, play hide and seek with him, cover for him.

Facing the sunshine, applause, and the beautiful bouquet he sent, I still laugh, but there is a place in my heart that is completely cold, and as for where that place is, he will never see it.

He is like a wild horse, and in my place, there is no grassland for him to gallop.

·

After half a year, Lao Hu asked me out alone.

We drank a lot at the bar that day, and I heard him repeat over and over again how much he loves me, misses me so much, and wants to marry me so much.

When he said a word of love, I laughed. We cooperated very well, just like his baton and my piano bow.

Finally, I asked him:

"Do you know what I'm thinking every time you lie on top of me?"

He looked at me suspiciously, but didn't speak.

"Every time I think, why can I still bear myself with you?"

"Don't you love me anymore?"

"I'm Les, besides using my body, how can I love you with my heart?" I looked at him mockingly, "If I can love you with my heart, am I still Les? Silly ·force……"

In the end he hit me.

His hand was so strong that I felt like half of my face was split.However, looking at his flushed face and extremely distorted facial features, I suddenly felt pleasure again from the pain.

At this time, Lou Yuqing came over.

I watched them blankly as they greeted, talked, and finally said goodbye.

Lou Yuqing sat across from me and ordered a glass of the same Pink Lady as I did.

I poured out my troubles to him, and his persuasion was so special that I suddenly burst into tears.

He didn't speak, just looked at me quietly, he must have thought that I was crying because I was beaten and wronged just now, but in fact I was not as fragile as he thought.

I just cried because Miyuki got married that day, and the groom, not me.

·

When we arrived at the hotel, I slept with Lou Yuqing, and I teased him with all my might.

In the end, I failed.It turns out that this is not a story about a single woman meeting another single man in a bar, but a weird story about Lala meeting a rabbit in a bar.

I suddenly laughed, laughing wildly, laughing as freely as in a dream.

In the end, he laughed out loud.

Lou Yuqing handled the dirty things carefully, undressed me, and carried me into the bathroom like a baby.

He is so gentle, almost like the sound of his piano.

So that night, I spoke for him.

That was the first time I gave mouth to a man, because I felt dirty.

·

When I woke up the next morning, he was adjusting the meter.

He is wearing a Breguet mechanical watch with a sapphire blue dial, which contains a part of the world map and the only production number in the world.

I saw him turn on the phone first, call out Beijing time and put it on the table. Then when the second hand reached [-] o'clock, he pulled out the crown and readjusted the hour hand, minute hand, date, and moon phase. When the hour is full, press the crown and wind up the clockwork.

During the whole process, he held his breath and concentrated, like a cheetah in the grass.

"Didn't you wear this watch all the time yesterday, is there a time error?" I asked strangely.

"No, one second is not bad." He shook his head, as if full of regret that the watch was so accurate.

"Then what's the point of readjusting the watch?" I asked incredulously.

"Meaning? Why must it be meaningful?" He asked rhetorically, with an unbelievable expression on his face.

I rolled my eyes helplessly, feeling that the man in front of me was speaking a little vexatiously.

While rinsing my body in the bathroom, I suddenly remembered his calm and stable expression last night when he handled my dirty things, and suddenly felt a little sorry for him.While applying my face cream, I made up my mind to apologize to him before leaving.

I walked out of the bathroom door and saw him sitting on a chair calmly and polishing his leather shoes. I silently packed up everything. Before I could speak, he suddenly asked indifferently:

"Hey, Chen Jia, has anyone ever told you what you look like?"

I sneered, "Yes, they said I look like Miyamoto..."

"Miyamoto's smile?" He raised his head and asked inexplicably, "That violinist from Japan?"

"Yeah." I agreed blankly.

"Who says you look like her, old Hu?"

I nodded.

"I don't think you look like her, I just think you look like a little hedgehog..."

"Hedgehog?" I asked in surprise.

"It's the kind of small animal covered with spikes..."

"Of course I know what a hedgehog is." I interrupted him funny, "Just why do you think I look like a hedgehog?"

"Because whether you are placed in the palm of your hand or held in your arms, the people around you will always be bloodied by your injuries."

I was silent, not knowing how to answer.

After a while, I put my violin on my back, picked up my bag, and forgot my promise to apologize just now, but when I walked to the door, I turned around and said goodbye to him politely:

"Goodbye, Teacher Lou."

Without looking up, he continued to carefully polish his shiny black leather shoes, and said firmly:

"Chen Jia, if I want to hold that little hedgehog in my arms, will you let me hold it?"

My body trembled, and the bag in my hand suddenly fell to the ground.After I was stunned for a few seconds, I forced a laugh, but even I felt that the laughter was full of embarrassment. I asked him:

"Aren't you afraid that the little hedgehog will go berserk and prick your finger with blood?"

"Don't be afraid! Only after going through hell-like training can you gain the power to create heaven; only with bloody fingers can you play the swan song of the world. Did Tagore say that?"

Facing his question, I didn't answer, because tears had already blurred my eyes.I could only bite my lower lip with my teeth, and kept berating myself for being weak in my heart.

"Fool, we...are not the same way." I murmured, and then rushed out the door.

I almost used up all my strength that day to persuade myself not to stay.

But I know that some things have been left forever, and I can't take them away.

In other words, it is no longer intended to be taken away.

·

When I took the elevator downstairs to check out, Lou Yuqing sent a message on WeChat, it was very simple, just three words.

"watch the news"

I immediately opened the news hotspot, and there was a piece of news that was rapidly rising in popularity—the famous pianist Lou Yuqing announced his love affair!

Trembling, I clicked on the news, and it turned out to be a photo of me and Lou Yuqing in bed!He was taking a selfie with his naked upper body hugging me, and I was sleeping soundly in his arms, even with a smile that I had never seen before.

"This lunatic..."

I squatted in the hotel lobby and couldn't help crying again.

·

The subsequent development of things is similar to what I expected.

I was gay, but Lao Hu didn't say anything about it in the end. Lou Yuqing had already embarrassed him with a bed photo, and he didn't want to add something that would make him even more embarrassed.

Although my job was saved for the time being, Lou Yuqing ruined himself while saving me with the bed photo.His fans exploded on Weibo, his career plummeted, and even for a long time, he rarely received invitations to concerts.

About a month later, he and I appeared at the Guangzhou Radio Station concert at the same time.But this time it was me who sat on the stage and played the violin with all my heart, while he sat quietly under the stage and became a professional audience.

At the end of the show, I carried the piano case on my back and happened to pass him by. Looking at his back, which was all alone and gradually receding, I felt that the guilt in my heart was like the cold rain outside the building, drenching my whole body.That feeling is far more embarrassing to me than being the mistress of a certain man. He almost sacrificed his artistic life to save me, but how can I still sit on the stage so calmly and hold my hand so securely? bow?

I walked quickly to the outside of the building and found that he hadn't left. He was sitting under the umbrella of the nearby cafe drinking coffee. I held up a transparent umbrella and walked towards him step by step.

He put down his coffee cup slowly and looked at me intently.

I was silent for a long time, and finally with tears in my eyes, I said softly to him:

"I am willing!"

He smiled and didn't speak, but that smile was as transparent as a child's, full of sadness, and heartbreaking.

I put away the umbrella, walked up suddenly, hugged his head tightly to my chest, and couldn't help crying.

I said: "Let me be your little hedgehog, I am willing to be with you for the rest of my life, I will be very good, and I will always only listen to you."

·

About half a month later, I married him.

The wedding was held on a stretch of white sand beach, elegant and grand.That day, he was also dressed in white, like a prince quietly walking from the other side of the sea.

Our married life was plain but sweet. I quit my job and accompanied him to various performances with peace of mind.

He is still gentle, like his piano, but my body still can't fully accept this kind of gentleness, and neither does he.

Also, we fell in love with drinking, he drank whiskey and I drank sauvignon blanc.

The wine is not high-end, but you can raise your glasses and look at each other and make a couple.

Even two people often get drunk, embrace each other, and make love in a daze.

Occasionally, I feel that such loneliness is also an ideal.

At a class reunion after I got married, I was so drunk that I lost my temper after drinking and slept with a woman. When I woke up, both of them were naked and looked at each other.

"Yuqing, I cheated..."

When I got home, I told him the whole thing without hiding anything.

He just smiled and made an appointment with me for three chapters.

One, you can have your own playmates, but you cannot take them home.

Second, when having sex with other people, you must wear a condom to prevent infectious diseases.

Three, you don't have to go home at night, but you must make a phone call and make excuses so that the other person will not worry about waiting for a long time.

In short, you can play, enjoy, and be comfortable, but you must take care of the other person's feelings, know how to be restrained and considerate.

·

Three months after we got married, his tongue suddenly became inflamed, and sometimes it was so painful that he couldn't eat. I asked him to stick it out, and found that some parts of his tongue were cracked, like dry land.

On the same day, I accompanied him for a comprehensive examination at the municipal hospital, and the result came out a few days later, tongue cancer, advanced.

After he came out of the hospital, he had a nonchalant expression on his face, as if someone else had cancer.

After returning home, he also bought vegetables and cooked meals.

After dinner, we had our last "conversation"—the last conversation with questions and answers, with sound.

He said, "Chen Jia, let's break up..."

I smiled inexplicably, "Fool, it's not a breakup, it's a divorce."

"Yes, it's a divorce." He agreed with a smile.

I lowered my head and didn't answer. I suddenly felt very uncomfortable in my heart, and finally I couldn't help crying slowly.

He didn't make a sound to comfort me. When I looked up, I found him standing there with a panicked face, looking at me in a daze.

He and I sat at the two ends of the dining table like this, looking at each other through a bunch of white lilies of the valley. The dining table was so big that we couldn’t reach each other at all. Just the right amount of warmth.

Staring at the sunlight on the table, I gradually stopped crying.

"There is something I want to tell you, although it doesn't make any sense anymore." I wiped away my tears, looked at him and said, "At the last class reunion, she and I just happened to sleep together. None of that happened."

He looked at me strangely and didn't speak.

"Since marrying you, I've never slept with anyone else, man or woman," I continued.

His expression froze, and finally said in a deep voice:

"Me too"

His answer made me shy suddenly. This was the first time I felt embarrassed in front of grown men, and I suddenly wanted to ask him:

"Then you still drive me away?"

Before I could speak, he suddenly asked directly as if he had guessed my thoughts:

"Chen Jia, are you willing to stay with me and watch me die? If you are willing, then we will continue to be together."

My tears flowed again, and this time, I still said:

"I am willing."

After speaking, I sat on the chair and cried like a child.

In front of him, I always seemed not strong enough, always playing the tearful role.

Normally, I hate this kind of fragility, but today, I suddenly like it.

Because he was up and was reaching out, across the table, and stroking my head.

It turned out that it was possible to touch each other across such a long dining table, but only he could bridge that distance.