Rabbit's Murder Memories

After Ji Ran died, I did not go back to Japan, but chose to go to a voluntary drug rehabilitation hospital in other places.

The hospital is located on a wild mountain, surrounded by deserted people and isolated from the world, but the hospital is extremely luxurious and picturesque.The patients drink mountain spring water, live in townhouses, and enjoy green trees and red flowers. Although the cost is expensive, there are many rich people who have been infected with drugs in China, so the ward area is not deserted at all.

However, I was still a little embarrassed on the first day after I arrived, because almost all the people living here except me were men, and there were many children who looked seventeen or eighteen, and they kept staring at me with strange eyes. Looking at me, if I wasn't following a female nurse, I really had the urge to turn around and run.

"Why are you all men?" I asked the nurse at the front desk uneasily.

The nurse said, "No, there is another one besides you."

I smiled, "Another one?"

She also smiled, "It's a little..."

After finishing all the formalities, she guided me to live in a newly built villa, which is brightly lit, has a wide view, has a separate bedroom and bathroom, and even has a living room, study room and audio-visual room.

On the afternoon after I checked in, I was wandering aimlessly in the courtyard alone, and I ran into the only female patient besides me. She seemed to be about the same age as me, with a tall figure and a beautiful face.

I went up to say hello to her, and then sat on the rattan chair beside her. She was wearing a hospital gown, and she was tilting her head to look at a group of patients playing billiards in the distance.

"Are you new here?" she confirmed blankly.

"Well, hello, my name is Miyuki." I extended my right hand to her friendly.

She stared at my hand in surprise for a few seconds, then smiled self-deprecatingly, grabbed my fingertips and shook them twice.Unexpectedly, her forearm was exposed because of this, and I saw that it was covered with dense needle holes. The skin that had not been needled was smooth and fair, while the rest was colorful and full of moth-eaten holes. .

I looked at her face again and found that the makeup on her face was very thick, but fortunately, the makeup technique is not bad. Although it is heavy makeup, it looks very natural, and it must have put a lot of effort into it.

"You came in because of skating?" she asked suddenly.

"how do you know?"

She pointed to her forearm full of holes, and suddenly smiled contemptuously, "Actually, it's not that difficult to guess, you have no trace of injection here, and the ratio of male to female who plays injection is eight to two, and the ratio of skating is Five to five."

After she finished speaking, the sarcasm just now was still hanging on the corner of her mouth, and it hadn't completely dissipated, just like snow falling on the road in the cold weather of March and September. Although it had long lost the shape of snow, it turned into ice, leaving in place.

I felt a chill in my heart, and smiled awkwardly, feeling that she was a bit difficult to get along with.

Not long after, there was a burst of cheerful laughter in the billiards area, and a dozen men were clapping excitedly to celebrate something. She suddenly said:

"I'm going out soon..."

"Oh, congratulations!" I said.

She frowned, "Congratulations? Actually, there is nothing to congratulate."

"It's cured, isn't it worthy of congratulations?" I asked puzzled.

"Okay?" She turned her head, still smiling sarcastically, then suddenly opened her mouth and stuck out her tongue.

I was startled. Her tongue was cracked, mottled and covered with ulcers like an old world map.

"I've lived in this damn place for almost 20 years, longer than I've lived in my own home. Do you think I'll be okay?"

"There is always hope!" I thought for a while, and finally encouraged with ambiguity.

She didn't answer, and watched billiards for a long time again, and at the end of another round, she spoke:

"Hey, Miyuki, can I ask you something?"

"What's the matter?" I asked strangely.

"My discharge notice is probably coming soon. I have a cat. If I leave, can I trouble you to take care of it?"

"Of course, I just happened to have a cat before." I smiled, I didn't expect to have a cat here.

After about a week, she was actually discharged from the hospital.

On the day she was discharged from the hospital, she called me to her villa and handed me a gray and white fold-eared cat.

The little guy is estimated to be about half a year old, his expression is a bit cute, his body is round and plump, and he looks like he usually eats well.In addition, I found that her room was full of cat puppets, on the floor, on the bedside, on the sofa, and they were covered all over.

"How much do you like cats?" I exclaimed.

"Do you want it, or should I give it all to you?"

I shook my head, "Forget it, I don't like puppets."

As I was taking her out of the hospital, it occurred to me that I didn't know the cat's name yet.

"What's the name of this folded ear?" I asked, grabbing her sleeve.

"It's called 'Shake Head Pill'."

"Shake Head Pill?" I couldn't help but burst out laughing with a "poof", I didn't expect that there are people in this world who name cats "Shake Head Pill".

But when I looked down at the little guy's round and chubby head, I felt that although the name was absurd, it also complemented it.

·

About a month later, one day I was doing an examination in a drug rehabilitation center, and I overheard some nurses talking about the girl, saying that she didn't go home after she left here, but drove directly to a bar, and after coming out of the bar , Even people and cars can't be found, it's like the world has evaporated.The people in her family were so anxious that they made several phone calls to the hospital every day, always asking if she was back.

"Is it the one who keeps cats in the villa?" an aunt next to me who was sweeping the floor asked suddenly.

Several nurses looked at her strangely and nodded.

She went on to say: "She was dead long ago."

Several nurses were taken aback by her words, and one of the petite nurses reminded: "Auntie, don't talk nonsense!"

"What am I talking nonsense!" The aunt retorted, "I heard from the dean that the little girl was just rescued from the river this morning, and she was soaked in the river for a month. It's rotten, but fortunately there are scars on the hands. The body is rotten, but the scars on the hands cannot be faked. The dean said: Her mother recognized her at a glance by the scars on her hands, and even the money for DNA testing It's all saved."

Having said that, several nurses glanced at me and quickly silenced her.

After I finished the inspection and went out, I just saw the aunt who was sweeping the floor sitting alone in the gazebo.

I walked over and said, "Hello, Auntie!"

She didn't speak, and smiled kindly at me.

I asked, "The lady who raised the cat really died?"

She closed her eyes, with a displeased expression on her face, "It's still fake, the dean has already shown me the news, that young lady's family is not ordinary, the media are rushing to report on her."

I couldn't help but sighed, "I didn't expect that she would be so..."

"Yeah, but this kind of thing doesn't happen once or twice. Everyone has seen it for a long time."

"Her cat is still with me. It seems that I can't return it to her." I couldn't help saying sadly.

Unexpectedly, the aunt gave me a surprised look, "She gave you the cat?"

I nodded, "What's wrong?"

"Then this cat is really lucky! You can be regarded as a meritorious person!"

My heart suddenly turned cold, "What do you mean by that, Auntie?"

"Do you know how many cats she used to have?"

I shook my head.

The aunt sighed and said, "There are no more people to count."

"Where are the cats?"

"Dead, all dead!"

"Dead? How... how did you die?"

"Needless to say? Of course she killed them all! Every time she kills one, she buys a cat doll online."

I suddenly recalled the puppet I saw in her room that day, and suddenly felt scalp numbness, and even an inexplicable feeling of vomiting.

I covered my mouth and asked, "Why did she kill those cats?"

"Do all the cats she raises have ears like this?" The aunt made a gesture of folding her ears and confirmed to me.

"I don't know what she raised before, but the one she gave me is indeed such a fold-eared cat."

"That's right! She used to only raise this kind of cat. She said that these cats are all hybrids, and they all have congenital genetic diseases. When they grow up, once they get sick, their bones will deform and develop bone spurs. One of them would hurt to death, so she killed them in advance to accumulate merit for herself."

"It's true that this cat has a genetic disease, but how can there be such a logic? The more she buys, the black-hearted businessman has to find a way to make more fold-eared cats?"

"Miss, this place is broken!" The aunt pointed to her head, "No one will believe what she said! I think she just thinks that she looks like this kind of cat, so she keeps buying and killing it. In fact, what she really wanted to kill was not those cats, but herself. This time, she finally got her wish."

The words of Auntie Sweeper surprised me. Although these truths sound creepy, I don’t know why I believed them, but I felt that something was wrong.

"Auntie, you said she looks a lot like a folded-eared cat, how is she like that?"

The aunt looked at me quite proudly, "You ask me so that it proves that you have never had an injection. People who have injected drugs have the same symptoms as this cat when they have drug addiction. It’s countless ants, and these countless ants go crazy and bite you together, think about it, how painful is that? I’m afraid, she might not live as happily as this cat!”

Her words seemed to have solved all the doubts in my heart, but they failed to make me happy in the end. I suddenly realized that the devil in my heart might be more terrifying than I imagined, and the source of all this was actually It's just the inconspicuous half of Ma Gu.

I sought comfort and generally confirmed to her: "Auntie, the doctor told me that as long as 90.00% of people who leave here will not smoke again."

She curled her lips and smiled, "Girl, is your family rich?"

I thought about it, and finally nodded slightly.

She smiled and said, "If they know that your family has gone bankrupt and can't even afford the treatment fee for the second half of the year, they will tell you that [-]% of people who leave here will relapse."

"Then how many people have quit?" I couldn't help asking strangely.

"You can't say that. No one knows how many people got addicted to drugs and finally quit. There may be 100 million, [-], or none."

"How could it be?" I widened my eyes and felt the muscles on my cheeks tremble. "China is so big, and there are so many people who take drugs. There must be some who succeed in detoxification, right?"

A sneer suddenly appeared on the aunt's face, "Don't talk about our voluntary drug rehabilitation center, just say that the prison-like forced rehabilitation center, assuming that 1 of them succeed in drug rehabilitation every year, these 1 people today After releasing it, if you look at it a year later, you will find that [-] have already returned. What about the remaining [-]? Have they all successfully detoxified? I don’t think so.

Some of these 2000 people must have taken the most comfortable path, like the lady who kept the cat, taking the last breath after going out, and then going on the road by themselves.Calculated in this way, the 1 people will only have 1000 left in the end. Now assuming that those 20 people can hold back for three to five years and successfully escape the government's censorship, can they hold back for ten or eight years?Well, even if they can hold back for ten or eight years, so what? There are many people who have relapsed in 30 or even [-] years, but is there government statistics?Not counted.This does not mean that the government is not good. It is good for people to manage you for three to five years. Who else can control you for the rest of your life except yourself!

All the deans often say in private that once a drug is taken, drug rehab is life-long, as long as a person does not die, it cannot be regarded as a successful drug rehab.In the final analysis, drugs are a magical obstacle, an unsolvable magical obstacle, once you hit it, no one can escape. "

"Is there no other way?" I felt extremely frustrated by what she said.

"I heard from the attending doctor that a new method has recently emerged abroad."

I asked: "What way?"

She approached me mysteriously, and whispered in my ear: "It's just to make two holes in your head, and then inject a cooling agent to freeze the part of your brain that wants to take drugs, so you don't want to take drugs anymore." .”

I was taken aback, "That would be like cutting your brain..."

She smiled triumphantly, "The doctors here will never tell you the truth, they will only give you high-pressure chicken soup. In fact, there is no such thing as a 'complete cure' in drug detoxification, because drugs have already damaged your brain structure. It’s changed. To put it bluntly, it’s not you who want to smoke, it’s your brain that wants to smoke. Can a person control his own hands, but can he also control his own brain? If a person can control his own brain, is he still a human?”

I was suddenly a little angry, so I couldn't help standing up, looking at her triumphant expression, and asked in a cold tone: "Do you think this method is really effective?"

She twitched disdainfully with the corner of her mouth, "If detoxification is really that simple, you can just cut two holes in your head and undergo an operation, then why do you need so many rehab centers? Everyone should go to the hospital and line up. Actually To put it bluntly, this kind of surgery is not for people to get rid of drugs, but for people to permanently lose the ability to take drugs, which means to make people stupid and unable to complete such a simple thing as taking drugs.”

After speaking, she walked to the side of the hospital.

I stared blankly at her hurried back, suddenly felt a little tired, and wanted to go back to the villa to rest for a while.

I just stood up when I suddenly heard someone coming from behind me. I turned around and found that it was a middle-aged man who was playing billiards just now. He was not tall, with short hair, wearing a baseball cap, and holding two Bottle of mineral water.

"Hello!" he greeted while handing me a bottle of water.

I said "thank you" in a low voice, and then I looked down at the bottle cap of the mineral water. The water was brand new and hadn't been unscrewed.

"What did you say to the cleaner just now?" He asked curiously.

"It's nothing, just chatting casually. I feel that she knows a lot, just like a doctor." I was suddenly accosted by a strange man, and I replied a little cautiously.

The man suddenly laughed loudly very impolitely, my hand trembled, and the mineral water almost fell on the ground.

"What's wrong?" I asked strangely.

"She, she is not a doctor, she is also a drug addict like us." The man said without hesitation.

"No way?"

"You haven't been here for a long time, and it's not surprising if you don't know. She has been here for ten years, and she has been here since I first arrived here. The dean kicked her out, and she didn't leave, she said She had no place to go, so the dean asked her to clean and provide food and shelter, but she was not paid."

"Then why did she take drugs, and also with her husband?"

The man smiled, "She doesn't have a husband. It is said that she was a mistress with someone. She has a child with that man, and his son let her suck it."

"Impossible, is there such a thing?" I shook my head in disbelief.

The man narrowed his eyes, and retorted angrily, "How is that impossible? His son told her that skating can help you lose weight."

Hearing this sentence, I suddenly fell silent.

The man continued: "This is a good boy, really filial! But he didn't lie to his mother, skating really loses weight, if you don't have perseverance, you will lose your life!"

I gave a dry laugh, but still didn't speak.

He was a little embarrassed, and then joked: "Little sister, do you also skate to lose weight?"

I shook my head, "I'm not fat."

"Is that for that?" He made a wretched gesture with his hands.

I stood up and wanted to leave him immediately, but he grabbed my wrist suddenly, and he said, "Come to my room tonight, I'll give you something good to eat."

After speaking, he pretended to be skating, and even imitated his expression vividly.

I sat down again, "You can get it here too?"

He smiled, "Villa [-], I'll wait for you tonight."

I twisted my fingers, thought for a while, and finally shook my head, "I've made up my mind to quit. If I skate here, I might as well not come."

He squeezed my wrist with a contemptuous expression, "A woman who takes drugs is not as good as a chicken, why are you pretending to me! Just that auntie, she didn't even let her own son go to loose ice. You can really forget that feeling." Got it?"

I withdrew my wrist, stood up again, and walked towards the villa alone.

·

Not long after, I had my first friend waiting in a rehab center.

When he came, it was still a rainy day. I was lying on the sofa in the living room watching a TV series. Suddenly someone knocked on the door. I opened the door and saw that Pei Ye was standing alone at the door, holding in his hand the blue An umbrella, but he was still wet, as if he didn't have an umbrella.

"Why are you here?" I asked in surprise.

He didn't speak, just smiled sadly.

I didn't know what to say for a moment, and he and I froze there at the same time.

After a long time, he asked gently: "Aren't you going to invite me in for a meeting?"

I forced a smile and said lightly, "Please come in."

"Tea or coffee?" After Pei Ye sat down, I asked again.

"casual."

I pull a cup of cold brew from the fridge and pass it to him.

"Cold brew, eight hours, cocoa."

He smiled warmly, "It seems that you don't like fruit wine..."

"Yeah." I nodded and said, "What I like is different from what you like after all."

"Miyuki, follow me..."

"Pei Ye, have you heard a word?"

"What?"

"Women who take drugs are worse than chickens."

His warm smile just now suddenly became bleak, he grinned, and didn't speak anymore, but drank his coffee very slowly, as if he was deliberately delaying time.

I sat silently in a corner of the sofa, staring at the raindrops hanging from the blue umbrella at his feet, motionless.

After he finished his coffee, I walked him to the parking lot.

In front of his car, I looked at him and said:

"Pei Ye, forget about me, just pretend that I have never appeared before."

"What if...you can't forget?"

"If I can't forget..., I don't know."

The moment the taillights of his Mercedes disappeared at the corner of the hospital, I started to walk back, alone, rubbing my arms that were getting colder and colder, and slowly walking back in the courtyard full of cold rain.

The moment I opened the door, I couldn't bear the tearing pain in my heart any longer, and I leaned behind the door, covering my face and crying bitterly.

I hate Ji Ran!

I hate Chu Han!

I hate Pei Ye!

Hate myself too!

……

After an unknown amount of time, accompanied by a soft meow, a little furry paw suddenly tugged on my trousers.

I raised my head to look at the cute little face of "Shaking Head Pill", and couldn't help reaching out to touch its head. It let out another soft cry, and slowly lowered its little head. There seemed to be tears streaming from the eyes.

I hugged it gently in my arms, and gently comforted it with the same sentimentality that I had nowhere to put.

I said: "Shaking Head Wan, did you know that he said that men and women can't give umbrellas because umbrella and San have the same pronunciation, and sending an umbrella means breaking up with that person."

I smiled sadly and couldn't help crying again.

"But, shake head pill, but that umbrella is obviously made of cloth, and the name of that umbrella is 'No Umbrella', why...he just can't figure it out?

It's not that I don't love him, it's that I'm afraid that I love him, why... why doesn't he understand? "