The director is too flirtatious

Mom always stays up all night, and why don't I?Parents are not the only ones tormented by coming out, are they?

When will this torture end, I don't know, I have worked very hard, but why can't I see results?I know that coming out is a fact that needs time to be confirmed, but this period of time is really too difficult.

It was so hard I thought I was going to die.

Waking up from sleep again, the image of my mother crying is still in my mind, lingering.I wiped my face in pain and sighed wearily.

Obviously my movements are so light, but the director seems to have noticed something.Her body moved, and then she hugged me.She put her arms around my waist and pulled me into her arms, and asked confusedly, "What's wrong?"

"Why did you wake up? Did it disturb you?" I asked with a bit of distress, and kissed her lips, "I'm fine, I just woke up suddenly, go to sleep, be good."

The director didn't open her eyes at first, but after hearing my words, she opened them reluctantly, "Why did you wake up?"

"Dreaming." I responded softly to her, and burrowed into her arms. I covered her palm with my palm, feeling her temperature, and my heart, which was already extremely uncomfortable, was a little calmed down. "But it's nothing, continue to sleep. Bar."

The director's bewildered expression gradually came to her senses. She rubbed my hair and asked, "Did you not sleep well recently?"

It's hard to hide this from the person next to me, but I really don't want her to worry.I have been depressed for too long because of coming out of the closet, and I can't find a way to relieve this depression. It is like a big rock hanging in my heart.

Whenever I slept, it seemed to be teetering above me, leaving me on edge and eventually waking up with a start.This feeling has been there since coming out.

"It's okay... Maybe it's a little stressful." I tried to speak as lightly as possible, and my tone was quite relaxed, "I'm so sleepy, let's stop talking, Yier, let's go to sleep."

The pain and complexity in the director's eyes flashed, and she squeezed me tighter, "It's okay, I'm here."

"Well, you're here."

But I couldn't fall asleep after all, after making sure the director had fallen asleep, I carefully broke free from her arms.He walked out of the room with his mobile phone, and simply walked out of the balcony to enjoy the air.

The late night in midsummer is actually quite cool. Standing on the balcony and looking at the sporadic lights outside and the street lights that would not go out, I was dazed.

I seem to think about a lot of things, and I don't seem to think about anything.

A gust of cool wind blew, I came back to my senses a little, and sent a message to Wang Xiaoya.

Me: [It's hard to imagine how you survived when you came out of the closet. Since I came out to now, I haven't really slept well at night.The picture of my mother crying kept running into my mind, and then I woke up. 】

Me: [I'm really afraid that I won't be able to bear it if this continues. I will work hard to become the manager in the second half of the year, and I have to cheer up to deal with my parents, but now I feel like I can't see it. It's hope. 】

Me: [I dare not tell Yier about my condition, but I can see how haggard I am even when I look in the mirror.I'm really sleepy and want to sleep, but I can't fall asleep, girl, why do you think it's so difficult to come out? 】

Me: [I thought I was already mentally prepared, after all, since I was with her until now, I have been preparing for coming out.But at the end of the day, I found that it was useless, and it was of no use at all. 】

Me: [I always comfort her that it will be over, and I will take her back to see my parents when the time comes.But even I was almost desperate, and my mother showed no sign of softening, but I was so worried that my mother would not be able to bear it. 】

Me: 【How did you get through it?As far as the situation is concerned, neither my parents forced me to see a psychiatrist. Isn't this better than your situation?But why am I still so uncomfortable.I can still talk and laugh when I see you, but I can't laugh anymore. 】

Me: [Yi has also become insecure, I can feel it.I have worked very hard and have never compromised or thought about compromising. I don't want her to suffer any harm, and I don't want me to be the source of her sadness.But I am also very sad, really sad. 】

Me: 【I'm so at a loss. 】

After sending these messages, I still stood on the balcony for a long time, and then slowly regained my senses.The body was a little cold from the summer wind, and the sky fell into the darkest period of time.I was so exhausted that I went back to sleep.

This sleep did not have a heavy dream, but was too exhausting, and it was the director who woke me up.

I looked at the clock on the bedside table, it was nearly 20 minutes later than usual.I could barely open my eyes, and said in a hoarse voice, "Why is it so late?"

"It's okay, if you have breakfast at the company, you'll have time." The director rubbed my hair affectionately, "Get up."

I changed my clothes and took a shower in a bit of a daze. The director seemed to get up early today. When I combed my hair, she had already put on her makeup.While combing my hair, the director took my comb, "Let me do it."

I didn't refuse, I just closed my eyes because I was so sleepy.But when I was drowsy, I heard the director say: "Yi Nian, have you lost a lot of hair recently?"

"Huh?" Oh heart skipped a beat, and he opened his eyes.The director held two or three broken hairs in her hand, and when she let go, the hair fell out.I subconsciously looked down and saw the scattered hair on the ground.

Compared with the past, it is indeed a bit more.Given my recent stress and sleep, I certainly know why, but I can't say that.I pursed my lips, pretended to be a little dazed and said, "It seems to be oh, is it possible for anyone who is a designer to become bald?"

The director was not amused by my words. Looking at me in the mirror from the corner of my eye, I could see her calm face, but the complex meaning in her eyes was obvious.My heart jumped, and I couldn't help but joke again, "If I become bald, will you not want me?"

The director's appearance really scares me. I don't know what she is thinking, but I feel that what she thinks is not what I want.So I don't want her to maintain this state, I am a little panicked.

Coming out not only affects me and my parents, but also the director.

Fortunately, the director didn't last long like this, and I saw her smile, "If you lose all of them, go buy a wig, colorful and various styles, you can choose."

I was amused, and I was relieved, but I didn't know why I was a little sad. "Shouldn't you think of a way to keep your hair from falling out at this time? Eat more sesame paste or something, but let me buy a wig. Is there anyone like you?"

"Didn't you see it?" The director kissed the top of my head, "You look like this, how can I feel relieved to go to the branch office?"

"What's wrong with me? Am I fine?" I shook my head amusedly, "Hair loss has nothing to do with my ability to live. I'm extremely smart."

"But what should I do if I feel disgusted?" the director said quietly.

I froze for a moment, and then turned into anger, "Go away! I want to break up with you!"

The director couldn't help laughing, and hurriedly begged for mercy, "Okay, okay, stop making trouble. Comb your hair quickly."

The two chatted and made trouble as usual before going to work. Wang Xiaoya texted me back on the way.I avoided the director's gaze with a guilty conscience, and opened WeChat as if nothing happened.

Wang Xiaoya: 【Coming out is actually a battle to test your selfishness. 】

Wang Xiaoya: [The more filial a person is on weekdays, the easier it is to get involved in the war of coming out.How filial you are is how hard it is for you to come out.Parents always say that we are selfish when we come out of the closet. In fact, this is selfishness to them, and I don’t deny that I am selfish. 】

Wang Xiaoya: [Can you understand what I said?You can't really take what they say, mothers in the world are not in good health, once we don't do what she wants, their health will be in various ways.I can't deny that they are indeed old and not well, but they won't really be unable to live and take care of themselves. 】

Wang Xiaoya: [I also suffered from insomnia when I came out, which is almost unavoidable.But when I think about it, I am better than you because I am more selfish than you.Compared with my parents, I care more about myself. 】

Wang Xiaoya: [You have to be mentally prepared for the torture of coming out.I am free of movement now, and everything seems to be on track, but my family does not accept me.I'm still stuck in a tug of war.This may last for a year, two years, or even ten years, a lifetime. 】

Wang Xiaoya: [I'm mentally prepared for this. I've already thought of the look my parents showed me when I returned home after turning 30. Are you mentally prepared for this?You have to learn to ignore some emotions of your parents. I don’t know how much I have heard those who scold you and say that you have no conscience. 】

Wang Xiaoya: [It's just that your character is always too soft and filial, and you are always too concerned about your parents' ideas, so you will be very tired.When your heart is soft, think about your future, think about sister Yier, it will always pass. 】

Wang Xiaoya: [You have to adjust your mentality, if you fall into this kind of anxiety for a long time, you will collapse. 】

I know, of course I know what Wang Xiaoya said is right, if this continues, I will collapse.I was so panicked, I didn't want to tell the director about these things, Wang Xiaoya, who had a similar coming out experience as me, was the best person I could confide in, wasn't she?

Wang Xiaoya has never been the kind of person who speaks false words to comfort others, so to me, her words are somewhat cruel but have her own reasons.I watched the words she said, and slowly let out the breath I had been holding back.

The director noticed my expression and asked, "What's wrong?"

I texted Wang Xiaoya back, 【Well, I know, I will work hard... to harden my heart a little bit more. 】

After sending the message, I blacked out the phone screen, turned to the director and said, "I'm fine, I just said a few words to Xiaoya." After a pause, I smiled and said, "Yi Er, I love you. "

So I'll stick with it.

The director was stunned, she looked at my face, and found that I was unexpectedly firm, so she also smiled, her eyes were full of intoxicating tenderness and affection, "I love you too, so let's work hard together."