famine

"What?" Jiang Xuan froze for a moment, frowning in confusion, "What are you afraid of?"

He looked blankly at the person sitting on the sofa, Monk Zhang Er was puzzled by his sudden question, he didn't react for a long time, he just sat upright in a daze, his steady heartbeat suddenly fluttered.

Cheng Lang's Adam's apple rolled up and down, his eyes became complicated, and he stood up directly after a long silence. The distance between the sofa and the long table was not long, and he could walk over in a few steps. When he stood beside Jiang Xuan, he had to Turning around to look up at him before stopping.

Jiang Xuan felt a sudden heat on the back of his neck. It turned out that Cheng Hong put his hand on it, and then rubbed it gently as if stroking a small animal. He saw Cheng Hong's lips move, and his ears followed closely. A gentle voice sounded: "Don't be afraid."

"..." Jiang Xuan's pupils shrank suddenly.

Cheng Lang felt the body under his hands stiffen suddenly, coupled with the tense muscles, he felt sore in his heart, as if densely packed bugs crawled under the bones, the feeling was painful and itchy, and they invaded the bone marrow. Crying out distressed.

Jiang Xuan struggled to find his voice, hoarse and dry, he pretended not to understand: "What are you talking about?"

There was another long silence, so long that he was in a trance and thought that time had stopped, and there was a dull and strange beast hiding in the corner, staring at him and waiting for an opportunity to move.

He fell straight into the bottom of the icy lake, his hands were obviously not bound by any ropes, but he couldn't struggle, he just grabbed the flesh on the sides of his legs fiercely, as if he was against someone, without saying a word.

Strangely, at some point, the frozen ice sculpture suddenly became warm, as if some foreign object recklessly invaded, starting from the back of the neck, followed by the head, shoulders, arms and waist.

——Cheng Lang leaned down and hugged him.

A dazzling and warm light suddenly shone obliquely into the dark lake in Jiang Xuan's heart, producing a strange and subtle beam of light like the Tyndall effect. This subtle feeling for no reason thawed him out. When he relaxed and began to melt slowly, the beam of light stretched out its soft tentacles, pulling him to the surface of the lake little by little.

"Are you tired?" There was another voice in the void, the voice was extremely gentle, and Jiang Xuan had never heard it before. When he heard the voice, he sighed for a long time, with a trace of pity in his helplessness, "We are together Isn't it? You and me, we are so close, we are so important to each other, so if you have any troubles, would you mind telling me? Jiang Xuan, you can rely on me, I don't like to see you always It's a very preoccupied look, and I'm very sad."

Cheng Hong stroked Jiang Xuan's back one after another, frowning slightly, and his tone was full of encouragement.He rarely confides his thoughts like this. He has no confidant in his life, and he has no relatives other than the two old people in the country. In fact, what about Jiang Xuan, the steelyard in his heart is clearer and fairer than anyone else. , engraved with his habits and the motto of facing difficulties alone, he is used to being himself.So when the person in his arms suddenly broke in, he would be helpless and at a loss what to say. He retreated again and again, breaking through the bottom line and the stubbornness he had always insisted on, until finally there was no way to retreat.

There is nothingness in front of you, and if you take half a step forward, you will fall to the bottom of the valley.

Jiang Xuan hated the feeling of being unable to control himself, and so did he.

He looked down at Jiang Xuan, and from his angle he could only see the swirling hair on the top of his head. Jiang Xuan's hair was of good quality, pure black like a crow's feather, soft and hard just right, and itchy to the touch.Every time he touched Jiang Xuan's head, the latter would look at him dissatisfied, and even if he didn't want to, he still let him touch it obediently.

Thinking of this, Cheng Lang curled his lips into a smile, and his light-colored lips drew a long arc to one side, his eyes seemed to contain a pool of spring water, which turned into delicate clear springs, nourishing in corners that Jiang Xuan could not see.

After a long time, Jiang Xuan moved and turned his head slightly. He didn't look at Cheng Hong, but he was obviously talking to him: "Do I make sense?"

He said this so abruptly that even Cheng Lang, who was well prepared, almost missed it.

The hand resting on Jiang Xuan's back moved again after a short pause, his long eyes were closed, his lips were pursed, and he affirmed softly: "Yes."

"what sense?"

"You are all here, eat what I have and use what I have. Do you think you are meaningless? If you are meaningless, what is the meaning of me?"

The person in his arms was silent for two seconds, then suddenly dropped his shoulders dejectedly, obviously he had put aside his face and didn't want to move his mind: "I don't understand."

Cheng Lang laughed a couple of times, obviously didn't believe it, but didn't expose it, and said instead: "I'll tell you a story... don't move, just stay like this."

"..."

"Old Wang loves to eat peaches. He has eaten peaches all his life. Everyone is happy when he eats peaches—Old Wang is eating peaches again. He was also very happy when he heard that. One day he ate a mango and cried very sadly. , because he didn’t expect there to be such a delicious fruit in the world. He loves to eat mangoes. But he didn’t dare to eat them. He only ate peaches, and he ate them happily in front of everyone. Then one day Lao Wang committed suicide. His suicide note said 'mangoes are delicious' - did you understand?"

Jiang Xuan was silent for a while, as if he was thinking carefully. Cheng Hong thought that he would be able to figure it out immediately, but he didn't hear him for a long time. When he looked down, the man was putting his head on his belly, squinting his eyes as if Almost asleep.

Cheng Lang choked for a moment, then slapped him on the back of the head mercilessly, and laughed: "Wake up, do you think I'll tell you a bedtime story?"

"Ah," Jiang Xuan came to his senses, his thoughts clearer, "I know, the meaning of this story is that people have to live for themselves, not for the eyes of others—is that the meaning?"

"It's not just the meaning of the story, it's also my meaning." Cheng Hong lowered his eyes, hesitated for a while and said, "Those things on your body may not be visible to others, but Jiang Xuan, I have been looking at you, I can see it , you can't hide it from me."

Jiang Xuan's expression suddenly froze when he finally relaxed.

He stared at the two glowing yellow light tubes on the top of the desk lamp. After staring for too long, it became difficult to focus. The warm light spread around and turned into an intangible yellow tulle. The wavering that appeared.

Can you trust Cheng Lang?

Do you trust this guy who's been looking at me?

"My mother is that man's mistress."

In the quiet study room, Jiang Xuan and Cheng Lang leaned side by side on the sofa in a relaxed posture. The sofa is small, and the two of them sit tight together, but neither of them has moved. It seems that as long as they are close together, their arms touch each other. Together, within the distance that the other party can see when they open their eyes, there is nothing that can invade or break such a quiet environment.As long as one of them is vulnerable or in pain, the other can hold him in his arms and give him the most real comfort.

As soon as Jiang Xuan opened his mouth, he saw the surprise flashing in the eyes of the people beside him, the corners of his mouth stiffened for a moment, and then relaxed quickly.He simply stopped looking at Cheng Hong's expression and started talking on his own.

This matter has been accumulated in his heart for a long time, throughout every moment of his 18 years, reminding him repeatedly to face it all the time, to stay awake and bear the pain related to him.Now, in such a place suitable to confide his mind, facing someone who can confide in his heart, he confides the secrets buried in his heart bit by bit, and the strange thing is that he doesn’t feel pain—it seems that he is just telling others’ stories Everything, every detail and every corner is described like a detective.

Like telling a story.

"My aunt and my mother are compatriots of the same mother. They have been like one person since they were young. They are so good that they can't wait to be together all the time. The two of them went from a small town in the south to go to school and work in Eucalyptus. Lover. It's just that one is the current little uncle, and the other is that man, that is, my father."

"At first, no one knew that he was actually married, had a wife, and was pregnant. I was also surprised how his cowardly door-to-door son-in-law dared to come out to have an affair. He met my mother, and the two had similar interests. He found that my mother was the perfect wife in his mind. So they got together, of course it was impossible to get a certificate, and they lived together. These are all from what my aunt said, she was not married at the time, and she was very supportive of my mother and his relationship Feelings. It was she who found out that Jiang Jianguo was married and had a child."

"..." Cheng Hong suddenly turned his head to look at him, hesitant to speak.

Jiang Xuan turned his head to look at him, then looked away calmly, "My aunt told my mother, she didn't believe it, she pretended not to know anything, lived in the house that Jiang Jianguo bought for her, and waited every few days Jiang Jianguo didn't know that my mother could bear it, but my aunt couldn't. During that time, she quarreled with my mother every time we met, and at the end of the quarrel, we never saw each other again."

"My mother started to lose her spirits when she was pregnant with me. Can you imagine a young woman who quit her job and locked herself in a cage, waiting for her master to visit her from time to time like a bird that lost her freedom? One glance, to tease myself. Everyone is crazy. But for some reason, she doesn’t feel that she is mentally ill, and even behaves very normal whenever she faces Jiang Jianguo. Jiang Jianguo can’t find it at all. He is also quite admirable to me. Surrounded by two women, he didn't overturn the car once. I even wondered if he had feelings for my mother, or pure responsibility."

"When my mother gave birth to me, Jiang Jianguo's wife finally found out the clues. Such a strong woman, she came to the hospital to make trouble with her child, but so what, I was born, Jiang Jianguo's own son. As for me Mom, prenatal depression, improper postpartum recovery, physical and mental illnesses are getting worse and worse, no one cares about me in the first few months after I was born, my mother is lying in the hospital, Jiang Jianguo is getting divorced, so basically all of them are being forced Auntie is taking care of it."

Cheng Lang looked at Jiang Xuan with a complicated expression, and finally couldn't help but ask: "Then your mother now..."

He finally understood why Sister Conch treated Jiang Xuan as if she were her own son, and wished that everything would be arranged for her. Whenever there was a holiday, she would call several times to urge him to come to the house for dinner.

There is also the time of Chinese New Year.

"Now?" Jiang Xuan said, "It's still the same, going crazy from time to time or something."

Cheng Lang suddenly looked down at the back of his hand.

"Yes, this is to save her from being scratched," Jiang Xuan noticed his gaze, raised his hand to signal, and said indifferently, "She locked herself in the room, I was afraid that she would die, so I opened the door with a kitchen knife, Accidentally rowed."

The author has something to say:

Splash the first bowl of dog blood