My ex boyfriend won't let me fall in love

The cold wind was blowing all around, and Jie Jie's wild laughter sounded in the air.When he was falling, Lu Xingshen saw the ghost staring at him in mid-air, grinning wildly.

In a daze, he thought of the three months in the mental hospital four years ago, and felt that the reality was ridiculous.

Four years ago, in his last year of university, the hallucinations that had only occurred once in a while suddenly aggravated.

He was uncontrollably tense, trying to suppress his suddenly withdrawn and irritable temper.But at that time, he saw a person.

A man in his 40s.

Lu Xingshen remembered that in the early summer 17 years ago, when the gardenias were about to bloom, the old beggar who adopted him and him was beaten severely while picking up trash.

Because when picking up the bottle, he blocked the way of a little gangster.

Lu Xingshen was six years old at the time, and he followed the old beggar. When he was beaten, the old beggar held him firmly under his body. He was kicked until his body curled up in pain, and he did not let go.

A man in his 60s, who had suffered a lot in life, was in poor health, struggled in bed for two days, and went to the orphanage on the night of the third day, begging the police to send him to an orphanage.

Five-year-old Lu Xingshen passed by the glass wall of the store, and the people on the TV were talking about dreams. He told the old beggar that his dream was to study hard and build a garbage company for him in the future so that he could enjoy himself.

At the age of six, the old beggar died.

The police helped with the funeral and took him back to see the old beggar for the last time. He sneaked out while the police were not paying attention.There was a flower bed next to the place where he was beaten, and he hid himself in the flower bed, waiting from early morning until night, and finally he met the little bastard who walked into the disco with friends and friends.

He squatted in the flower bed for a long time, until there were no cars on the road, all the shops were closed, and the little gangster came out of the disco.Lu Xingshen followed him quietly, watching the man go home from a long distance.

Six-year-old Lu Xingchen knew that he was weak, he didn't even know how to avenge the old beggar, but it didn't matter, he thought, I will grow up, I will definitely grow up.

He made himself remember that face and where the punk lived.

Then I found the police station, was picked up by the anxious police, and sent to the orphanage.

Lu Xingshen from the orphanage studied hard and worked hard to grow up.

But when he was strong enough to return to that place, the neighbor told him that the gangster had moved three years ago to avoid debts.

Where did you move to?no one knows.

He stood by the flower bed where his six-year-old self used to hide for a day and a night, hiding the decisions that his six-year-old self had made in his heart, and no one knew.

In his senior year, he was 23 years old, and on the eve of his complete illness, he saw the little gangster again.That person was not expensively dressed, but well-groomed, and lived an ordinary life like any hard-working ordinary employee.

Live an ordinary life with one life on your back.

Lu Xingchen kicked and broke the man's leg, and was then held back by others.

The old gangster claims 50 yuan, otherwise he will be sued.

The school was noisy, and Chi Ye hired a lawyer for the old gangster, trying to beat Lu Xingshen into the dust.

and then?

Then Lu Xingshen's illness broke out.

The Gus and his wife found him, intervened in the matter, and transferred him to a mental hospital.

During the three months in the mental hospital, ghosts and ghosts were everywhere.

Lu Xingchen sat in the empty ward, and countless evil spirits rushed to bite his body. Those ferocious pale faces, sharp and dirty hands filled all the places he could see.In a trance, he seemed to see a fire burning evil spirits, and those ghosts who had done evil in life or lingered because of regrets crawled over the fire, gnawed his flesh with mottled teeth, and sucked his flesh with pale lips. The bone marrow was burned, and the sound of wailing was endless day and night.

The scene is as real and terrifying as purgatory on earth.

Sensibility tells him that ghosts are real, and everything he sees is also real.However, no matter how many times they pounced on them, their unscathed bodies and rationality told Lu Xingshen that everything was just an illusion.

Before those things happened, he noticed that the frequency of hallucinations was increasing, so he secretly went to see a doctor, searched for various materials, and set strict rules and regulations for himself.

Lu Xing pondered, he was not taken away by a difficult and difficult life when he was young, he was not depraved and indulgent because of the lack of elders in his youth, his studies were not interrupted because he had to pay for his own expenses when he was a young man, he had no parents, but he never felt inferior, and no one specifically restrained and guided him. I have grown up for more than 20 years but never lost my way, and now I even have a lover.

He had not feared the dangers of life in the past, nor would he fear hallucinations and illnesses now.

Lu Xingchen walked alone on the desolate horizon with a trace of fire in his heart that would not be extinguished even though he was bitten by the evil spirit.

Beyond the horizon is the abyss.

He doesn't want to fall into the abyss.

More than three months later, on the 101st day, it was written in the medical record that Lu Xingshen's illness was under control, and he left the mental hospital step by step.

When I returned to the bedroom downstairs, it was raining heavily, and the sweet-scented osmanthus tree withered in the rain.

Lu Xingchen came back with a handful of anger, and saw Fang Lingfei by the window.

The sick days were very painful, but he remembered that Fang Lingfei once read poems to him, saying that the cold winter will eventually pass, and when spring comes, the flowers will bloom again.

But the poet didn't say what to do if the flowers died in the cold winter.

That day, Lu Xingshen woke up in the middle of the night and opened his eyes. He saw a red mark on Fang Lingfei's neck beside him, which was in the shape of a palm.The lover was asleep and unconscious, and his hand was no more than an inch away from that slender neck.

The devil is laughing at you, do you think you have controlled the disease?Do you think you can go back to your normal life?Do you think you can face it with him?

joke.

You will kill him one night.

The heart fire was quietly extinguished in the middle of the night, heavy snow fell, and tall icebergs grew out of the embers.

Lu Xingshen sat alone by the window waiting for dawn, and left alone after dawn.

For four years, Meng Bi once joked: Your symptoms really look like you have hit a ghost.

He was silent.

During those 101 days, Lu Xingshen would occasionally think, are those real?In the following four years, Lu Xingshen told himself that those were all fake.

He hovers on the edge of reality and illusion, stares at the abyss from the side of the abyss, refuses to succumb to sensibility, refuses to think that those things may be true.

When he thought he was under control, a handprint appeared on Fang Lingfei's neck. He thought he was mentally normal, but the hallucinations still visited him.

Acknowledging ghosts is a compromise.

Compromise to illness, compromise to incompetence.

The evil spirit in mid-air smiled wildly, and its flesh and blood passed through the dense branches and leaves of the forest, and landed on the ground with a heavy thud.

Lu Xing thought in a daze, falling down like this must be miserable and ugly.

He looked at the sky through the early summer leaves, the clouds cleared and the moon hung high.

He doesn't believe in ghosts and ghosts, saying that all ghosts are hallucinations, and then he is pushed off a cliff by a ghost.

Blood leaked out of the throat one by one, the pain was extreme, and the pain became a plausible illusion.The female ghost who called him a hooligan flew up and down around him, and anxiety could be seen on her pale face.

His body was shattered and leaking air, Lu Xingchen felt that he should be dead, but he could still think and breathe, although every trace was like swallowing charcoal and burning.

Swallowing the blood, he said to the female ghost, "Go find—Meng Bi—"

He knew he was going to die, and Meng Bi couldn't save him before it was too late, so why did he call?

Probably because those guys above and a person who called him cheap don't deserve to die here.

When the spirit became more and more blurred, ripples surged around, and Lu Xingshen suddenly saw an illusion.

In the illusion, there are three cars, a truck and two cars on the mountain road where he fell.

In the car behind was a couple arguing.

Lu Xingshen didn't know why he saw such an illusion, but the pain went away for a while, so he continued to watch.

"Bitch! Bitch! Tell me, who is your adulterer!"

"There is no adulterer, what nonsense are you talking about!"

The middle-aged man's eyes were tearing apart: "I saw your text message, and you still dare to quibble, bitch! bitch!"

The woman's hair was disheveled, and she blushed and shouted: "Yes, I cheated, so what! The most regret in my life is to marry you, a gambler, so what can you do if I cheated!"

The middle-aged man was furious, gasping for breath, and strangled the woman's neck.

He let go of the steering wheel and everything was out of control at this point.

Three cars collided.

The car was half-hanging on the edge of the cliff, and the wind blew by, making it crumbling.

The middle-aged man watched as his younger brother climbed out of another car, opened his car door, and pulled his wife out without looking at him.

He wanted to yell "Help me, save me", but the blood blocked his throat, and all he could do was grunt.

Unwilling to die here, the middle-aged man crawled out with all his strength, he climbed out half of his body, and his hand had already grasped the broken part of the guardrail.

A gust of wind blew by, the car shook violently and did not fall, but the middle-aged man who thought he could escape was hit by the car, and his body lost his balance and fell down.

He fell off the cliff, and in his vision were the backs of the other two who escaped alone.

Halfway through, he was blocked by layers of branches and leaves of trees, and when he fell into the soft sandy stream, although he was in great pain, he was not dead yet.

But the rickety car above finally couldn't hold back and fell down. It landed seven or eight meters away from the man, and the iron pieces splashed by the explosion penetrated straight into his stomach. He died with unwillingness and resentment, and his body was soaked in the stream. In, eaten by swimming fish.

From the time the man in the illusion fell off the cliff, Lu Xingshen's perspective suddenly became the same as him, as if he had become that person.Together with that person, I experienced the pain of falling off the cliff and hitting the ground, and my internal organs were broken. Together with that person, I was stabbed in the stomach by a piece of iron and eaten by swimming fish.

The moment the environment shattered, something fell from the cliff above with the sound of breaking wind.

Lu Xingshen was vaguely recognized by his blood-blurred vision, it was a car.

That car is falling.

The evil spirits entrenched here are still resentful and want Lu Xingshen to die in the same way.

"Boom!" The flames of the explosion illuminated the night, and sparks splashed onto Lu Xingchen.

He spat out a mouthful of blood, and the evil spirit watched here in mid-air, wanting to witness the prey die in agony while wailing.

Lu Xingshen's hand suddenly dug into the soil tightly. When he realized that his hallucinations had worsened four years ago, he refused to lose his faith. In the mental hospital, he was bitten by countless evil spirits and turned into a quagmire trying to drag him down and melt him. When he was rotting, he refused to accept his fate, and refused to succumb to the "illusion".

No matter how severe the storm was, Lu Xingchen believed that he could walk through it and dry his clothes.

He never doubted his sanity, nor his firmness.

But today, he was going to die here, at the hands of an evil ghost.

Not reconciled.

In the chest cavity, where the heart was located, a cluster of small flames suddenly ignited, red gold.The flames flowed along the blood vessels, mixed in the blood, and slowly flowed all over Lu Xingchen's body.

This change happened secretly and silently, known only to the sky and the forest.

The body that is so painful that it is almost unconscious slowly rises to more severe pain, but in the pain there is a kind of warmth like returning to the mother's amniotic fluid.

This warmth is like soft whispers, coaxing him to sleep, after sleeping, everything will pass when he wakes up.

Lu Xingshen, however, refused to fall asleep. He looked at the orange-yellow moon, his eyes were bleeding, his focus gradually lost, the blood blurred his pupils, the moon turned into a yellow spot, the starry sky faded, the trees bared their teeth and claws like ghosts, and only the darkness remained.

Remember the enemy when you are beaten, and you must overcome the disease when you are sick and struggling.As death is as important as birth, Lu Xingshen is unwilling to spend it in a slumber of ignorance.

Looking back on the past, fate has never given him special treatment, but he is unwilling to let himself fall.

Even if I die, I want to die awake, Lu Xing said to himself deeply.