gentle and affectionate

([-]) Qi said no clothes

Everyone will have regrets, because life is always unsatisfactory

[Science popularization before the article-Wuyi, from "The Book of Songs Wuyi", "Qiyue Wuyi, the same robe as the son", there are many interpretations of the original meaning, the common saying is written by soldiers, written to comrades-in-arms, saying: How can you What about no shirt?If not, then I am willing to wear a battle uniform with you, to a certain extent, it means to share suffering, live and die together]

How can you say you don't have a shirt?

Because my battle robe will be worn with you.

[So, even if it is used in a slightly misinterpreted way, it is quite consistent with the black method, um, sad and unrequited love, there are many glasses in this article, please enjoy it]

If he knew that things would come to this point, then Heigang would definitely not agree to him.

—Why let him go?

Why did you agree to let him accompany Little Wolf?Hei Gang thought, it would be fine if he was the one following him—by the way, it should have been himself, as usual.

If that was the case, this person would not have to risk his life to save the boy, would not be cruelly deprived of his eyes, would not be so fragile that he would shatter if touched lightly, leaning on his shoulder weakly like now, Panting for a while, even breathing seems to be a bit difficult... Hei Gang hugged him carefully, feeling the coolness coming from his body.He hadn't noticed before that he had lost so much weight, so thin that he could easily lift him up with only one hand.

regret.

Why didn't you notice his mood?Haven't you always been proud of your super insight?Then why didn't he see his heavy heart, why did he let him stay with the boy who was in danger in this lifeless Tokyo alone?

So now, neither he nor the boy can come back properly.

……

In my memory, the smiling magician is very talkative. Even in the Nightmare Kingdom where the language is difficult, even when the language is difficult at the beginning, he can talk for a long time in a language that he can't understand at all. Whether it's laughing or sad, Heigang can't understand his language, but he can still read his mood -- from those eyes that are more beautiful than gems.

And now...

Those eyes are as clean as a sunny day after rain. When looking at others, they are as gentle as if they can talk... Hei Gang thinks that he may also be bewitched by these eyes, because as long as he looks at him, his happiness will be His sadness is all in these eyes, even though they are usually as invisible as water, but at that time, Heigan felt that as long as the time is long enough, as long as he keeps looking at him like this, one day, he will be able to see to his heart.

Must be as good-looking as his eyes.

Heigang still thought so when he was in Night Demon Kingdom.

……

But, who would have thought?

Who would have thought that—after getting acquainted with each other gradually, and getting closer to each other, I would involuntarily want to know everything about him, to walk side by side with him, to share his feelings, and to know his past.

So he kept asking.

How much I want to know what happened to this person before, how I spent my childhood different from myself; I want to know what kind of joys and angers I have had in the years when I didn't have myself. A person like a big boy can show such a dark and heavy expression, and what kind of terrifying nightmare is it that he has the heart to cling to such a gentle person every day.

Then, what should it belong to? The past that he couldn't let go of even with his ingenuity.

……

He wants to know everything about him.

Even if he knows that other people's past belongs only to himself, but -- wanting to be closer to the one he loves is the wish of any person who has his own heart.

Ninjas are humans too and have feelings.

Therefore, Heigang, like every person with a deep heart, wants to understand the past that affects his heart, so he keeps guessing and questioning; They can all be avoided by him skillfully, perfectly avoided, leaving only a self who is eager to get close, and still can only look at him from that scorching distance.

That was the first time the proud and silent ninja hated his own clumsiness of speech.

I want to listen to him, but don't know how to respond; I want to reassure him, but I don't know how to comfort him; even the words of concern will turn into ruthless questioning, and then I will regret it as soon as I say it. The person he cared about the most was stabbed by his own words, and the sky blue in his eyes dimmed, becoming as deep as the sea.

A ninja who has never dealt with people never knows how to treat a person well. He thought that the intuition of penetrating people's hearts could eventually become a bargaining chip to get close to him, but he forgot that there is a difference between understanding the enemy and understanding the one he loves. It turned out to be so different.

Heigang originally thought that getting close to him like this would make him open his heart one day; he thought that by guessing his thoughts time and time again, he would be able to take one step closer to him; he thought that as long as he was by his side, he would be satisfied , because I thought that as long as I looked at him, I could feel the satisfaction in my heart... But who would have thought that this kind of concern would change?Hei Gang repeated that he didn't care about his past, as long as he had the present; so he also said that he didn't care, and didn't know whether to tell him or himself.

And who can tell Ninja that people in love are always the most greedy.

Why can't I even know myself? ——It is human nature to expect to be a special existence in the hearts of those who care about it, and Heigang is no exception.Therefore, every time the words were avoided by the magician, Heigang would become more irritable, so he would question more sharply, but instead push the distance between the two of them even more... As a result, the pale golden smile gradually moved away, his The smile was so pure that it was almost transparent, so she grabbed his arm unwillingly, in fact, she just didn't want him to disappear like this.

As a result, Heigan finally realized that he was wrong until he watched him being entangled in nightmares, his thin body curled up into a ball, and his slender eyebrows no longer stretching gracefully.Seeing the person who always smiled gently wrinkled his face in pain because of the nightmare, looking at the shoulders, he seemed to have lost weight again...

How much I want to hold him in my arms.

However, no one told Heigang why it couldn't be the same as it was back then—it was obviously what he did when he was in Yingdu Country, not to mention that he didn't even realize the feelings in his heart at that time, even though he had felt that way that day. He hesitated, and the next day he was upset and anxious because of that inexplicable heartbeat, and then he was alone in the Night Demon Kingdom for half a year, and it was not that he did not gently trace his perfect facial features when he fell asleep... But no matter which time , not as embarrassing as last night.

Yesterday, it was early morning when I came back. The magician who fled from the country of memory and has been busy taking care of the two children for half a night has not closed his eyes for two days, and has fallen into a deep sleep. Anwen... It was only then that Heigang finally realized that it is impossible for people who are immersed in the past to see the present.

The former self—the self before meeting him, isn't it the same?

……

I love you so much and know nothing about you.

Hei Gang sat beside him and watched for most of the night, but he couldn't even reach out to smooth his hair.

It was probably because of this that he agreed to his whim-like proposal.

"Master Hei, can we exchange things today? I'll go out with Xiaolang, and you can stay and watch Sakura, okay?"

"Hei Pu, don't be awkward, just thank you for covering me with the quilt last night, okay?"

……

Fool, I have covered you with the quilt so many times, when will I ask you to thank you.

But Hei Gang couldn't even say a word "no"—probably because he thought of the sad expression he was forced to have last night, because the person who had been guarding midnight couldn't even sleep peacefully in his dreams...so his heart ached, So I couldn't bear it, thinking that I blamed myself for persecuting him too impatiently, that's why he didn't even have a chance to breathe, so I had to force myself to smile even more.

Therefore, Heigang felt that he didn't even have the option to refuse.

He wanted to see his bright smile more than anyone else.

……

As a result, it is said in the morning and regretted in the evening.

When we meet again, it is already the sound of death resounding in the pool of blood.

Why didn't you stop him?Knowing that he is a person who always puts himself last, he uses magic that has long been out of use in order to help the children at all costs and to keep them alive; but now, as long as there is a glimmer of hope to bring the wolf back, even if he insists Hold on to that glimmer of hope.

In order to reassure those around him, he can smile gently even when he is dying.

This is the person who made Hei Gang unable to look away.

……

When you see the person you cherish the most in your heart being held in your hand like a broken toy, no matter how careful your thoughts are, you can no longer remain calm... The only thought left is to save this person and hold him tightly. Hold him, protect him until he dies.

Willing to use this body as a shield to protect him.

Getting angry because of a person, restless because of a person, worrying about him, being angry because of him, being gentle and worthless because of him without asking for anything in return, disappointing like being betrayed... like a ray of wind blowing The quiet lake, with bursts of ripples, is floating in gold.

So... Probably from the first time I met this person, the ninja was no longer the ninja he used to be-it would be great if it was me. This is the second time in more than 20 years of life that Heigang regretted to the point of despair.

Hei Gang hated the practice of disregarding himself for the sake of others - he could only watch, with no way to do anything, just like how he could only watch his mother step by step towards death, helplessly, and could only feel distressed... distressed It was broken into several pieces, and he became an executioner in frustration, because he thought, if he was strong enough at that time, wouldn't his father and mother not die?

But now that he is strong enough, he will lose his hard-earned heart again.

—losing him.

How could this be?

……

So don't give up on yourself with that smile, okay?

Don't tell your own death in such an indifferent tone, because I can't be indifferent.

……

Therefore, this person cannot die.

You must save him—the price, it doesn’t matter, you can pay anything; if he wants to die, it doesn’t matter, then let yourself protect him; He hates, even resents, even if he won't respond to himself in this life...it doesn't matter.

As long as he's alive, it doesn't matter.

……

I wanted to hug him tightly, but I couldn't anymore.

I can no longer see him smiling at me with those eyes that are as beautiful as the sky. Hei Gang has killed so many people, but for the first time, he feels that the lonely blood hole is so terrible; knowing that life is the most painful thing, but still wishful thinking Let him survive... But even if he would hate him, Hei Gang would do it, even if it was the thing he disliked the most.

The last time he guarded him like this was when he first arrived in the Night Demon Kingdom—at that time, every time he took the medicine, he would cry out in pain, and he had to work hard to control the hand strength that had long been out of control... Then I knew he was doing it on purpose when I was young, and I scolded him for being too noisy countless times, but I didn't expect how much I miss him now.

Just now he was in such pain that he grabbed himself vigorously, but he didn't even say a word.

After seeing off the princess, I went back to the room and put the person I had been holding on to on the bed. Seeing that his breathing had stabilized, if you ignored the extra eye mask and the blood on his clothes, you would almost think that he was just as usual fell asleep.Regarding the matter of the princess going alone to replace the price, Hei Gang originally disagreed, he was afraid that the girl would have an accident like... the person in front of him; but she was so firm.

What she promised, she will do it——Hei Gang thought so, so he didn't stop him any more, not to mention he could only think this way.It was still raining, the sky was already bright, staying up late and anxious made his eyes dry and painful, but Hei Gang stubbornly wanted to wait until he opened them.

Probably only by confirming that he is fine with his own eyes can he feel at ease a little bit, so although it is impolite for girls to say this, he also wants to thank the princess, it is because she asked her to be a teacher that he can stay here all the time.

Heigang knew that he had always been a selfish person.

Same goes for wizards.Just because of my deformed feelings, I was constantly being forced to recall the painful memories of the past... That guy seemed to have lost weight again, I don't know if it was his own illusion, the sound of panting and panting sounds a little weak, but in the Inexplicably relieved in the ears.

Will probably wake up soon.

After waking up, it might be difficult to even guard him like this.

……

Maybe he will never be able to ask for his forgiveness, but Heigang has no regrets about saving him.The ninja was still as firm as ever, but his chest was as heavy as a big stone.

Perhaps, it was heartache, watching him tear his body like pain, wishing he could bear it for him.

But he is used to swallowing everything, carrying it alone, and then covering everything up with a smile.

Maybe it's regret, why didn't I confess my feelings to him earlier... I obviously still have so many things in my heart that I want to tell him, why I regret not telling him——

You don't have to carry it alone.

Because I'm always by your side.