[POI Doujin] In the Perfect World

That night, Finch finally had his first glimpse of the weird dream that had tormented him for so long.

The whole dream was quite lengthy, vague and chaotic, and mixed with some situations that he couldn't understand but took for granted in the dream, as if he had experienced half his life in the dream.But after waking up, what Finch can recall is only a few sporadic fragments of it.

The reason why he was able to identify the strange dream that could not get rid of it was entirely based on his confused state of mind after waking up from the dream, the same sadness and vague warmth as before.

The first half of the dream was relatively calm, and Finch remembered vaguely his father, Nathan, Grace, Will and others appeared in the dream.Although he couldn't remember any details of the dream, he could feel the emotional fluctuations during the period, including sadness and panic, but more of it was peace and comfort.Especially in the last part of the first half of the dream, Finch can clearly feel the kind of happiness and satisfaction from the bottom of his heart, which is a kind of peace and joy similar to his current life.

Then, in the middle of the dream, the painting style changed suddenly.

Finch forgot what happened in the dream, only that he seemed to lose both Nathan and Grace at the same time.The sunshine and flowers in life have left him, and what is left is only boundless loneliness, empty and helpless loneliness like facing an abyss alone.

This feeling of loneliness is so deep-rooted that even Finch, who is now fully awake, can't help but feel his heart tremble when he recalls it.He gulped down a big gulp of whiskey, feeling the cold liquid turn into scorching lines down his throat and down his esophagus, only then did he feel a little calm.

At this moment, Finch was standing in front of the study window in his nightgown, holding a wine glass and staring blankly at the night of New York City outside the window.Although the dream is lengthy, it does not take up too much time in reality.The sky was still as silent as ink, just like when he just fell asleep.

Even in the middle of the night, the bustling New York City shows no signs of resting.The window of the study room is facing Washington Square Park, and some cold street lights are shining from the branches and leaves of the lush trees, falling on the hurriedly walking city night returners.There are still some lights in the many buildings in the direction of the downtown south of the park, and you can still vaguely see the diffusion of neon in the distance, covering the dim starlight in the sky.

Finch glanced across the continuous reinforced concrete "forest" under the skyline, and the tens of billions of buildings stood quietly like countless giants in the night.There was a wry smile on the corner of his mouth, which was a mockery of himself.How can I expect to see the stars?There is no night in New York City, so where are the stars to look at?However, some critics have long compared the ocean of lights in Manhattan to a sky full of stars, which are more dazzling than real stars.However, Finch clearly remembered that in the second half of the strange dream, he had seen the brightest starlight in Manhattan.

It was in someone's eyes, a man whom he couldn't remember his face and appearance but had inexplicable deep trust and even reliance on.He had seen the twinkling stars in this man's eyes before.That is the brilliance that no amount of neon lights or sea of ​​lights can take away from Manhattan.

Finch closed his eyes lightly, many plots of the dream were floating and sinking in his consciousness, no matter how hard he tried to recall, he might not be able to catch the fleeting inspiration.He can only drift with the tide, letting his thoughts drift uncontrollably in the sea of ​​consciousness, colliding back and forth between countless memory fragments.

The second half of the dream is much clearer than the previous part, but it is just a lot of incoherent fragments, unable to build a complete plot line.

And that man is the most important part of the shard.

Finch can remember that men like to wear black suits with white shirts, but they always have no tie and open neckline. Finch could remember the man's short gray hair and tall build. Finch could remember the man's voice being soft and low, always with a heavy breath. Finch could remember the gentle smile in the man's green eyes and the slightly raised corners of his mouth. Finch could even clearly remember the light footsteps of the man's leather shoes on the wooden floor.

It's just that he couldn't remember the man's appearance, couldn't remember his name, couldn't remember how he met him in a dream, couldn't remember whether they were friends, colleagues or other relationships, and couldn't remember the relationship between the two. What happened to the common experience between people.

But even in such a vague clip, Finch could still feel the man's care for him, and this warmth saved him from the boundless loneliness.

Finch let out a heavy sigh, as if to express the depression in his heart.Although the memory of the dream was hazy, Finch could still vaguely realize that it didn't end well, otherwise it wouldn't explain the uncontrollable pathos that took over his mind the moment he woke up.

At the end of the dream, he should have lost something.Is someone lost, or something lost?Or have you encountered any misfortune?He frowned, unable to be sure.

Finch didn't notice that he was instinctively avoiding certain conclusions that could have been drawn easily in his subconscious.

The middle-aged professor once again raised the wine glass in his hand, gulping down the remaining whiskey in the glass.After waking up from the dream, he was troubled by the residual dream memory, and he was worried that he would wake up his beloved wife who was sleeping beside him, so he had to hide in the study room and silently sort out the pitiful sporadic dream fragments with the company of alcohol.

I have had this strange dream countless times. Every time I woke up before, I racked my brains and could not recall the details of the dream. Why did the situation suddenly change today?

Finch groped in the memory for a long time, and suddenly opened his eyes, a strange light flashed in his eyes.He salvaged another dream fragment from the depths of his consciousness. The man who liked to wear black suits once, it should be said, gave him a horse dog as his "bodyguard" in his dream.

Dreams and hallucinations in the afternoon overlapped and intertwined. In a trance, Finch seemed to see a big brown and black dog sitting in front of him, and a man in a suit smiled beside him, "Harold, he is a good boy, he can definitely do it." A dedicated bodyguard."

The sadness mixed with a little warmth hit Finch's heart again without warning, he clutched the clothes on his chest tightly, and the pain made his body twitch several times.

This can't be a simple hallucination, Finch clutching his chest finally realized this clearly, or he finally realized that he had been deceiving himself before.

Whether in a dream or in reality, when he thinks of the man in the suit, the trust and dependence surging in his heart, as well as the warm nostalgia, cannot be mistaken.And that horse dog, as soon as he thought of it, countless images immediately appeared in Finch's mind, the mischievous appearance, the foolish appearance, the brave appearance of the enemy, the frustrated appearance... If we say this Everything was out of his own illusion, out of his own imagination, Finch couldn't convince himself no matter what.

Finch hastily grabbed the wine bottle on the desk, filled the glass in his hand, and drank it down in one gulp.At this time, he needed a lot of alcohol to calm his mind and resist the fear that was slowly swallowing his whole heart.

The treatment of the cervical spondylosis went well, and it is said that the condition has gradually improved, and it is impossible for the hallucinations to worsen at this time.The previous comprehensive physical examination has already ruled out the possibility of Alzheimer's disease or other organic brain diseases.Thought content disorder does lead to delusional symptoms, but one is that he has no history of mental illness, and the other is that even if it is delusional, it is impossible to imagine a person and a dog that he has never seen out of thin air.

The empty wine glass was slammed on the desk, and Finch couldn't help shaking.Fear finally flooded his entire consciousness like ice water, and the bone-chilling chill numbed every cell in his body.

"When you eliminate all other possibilities, what remains, however improbable, is fact."

Do you really have lost memories?Did I really forget some people and some things? Finch didn't dare and didn't want to believe the only remaining possibility.

He struggled to sit in the swivel chair behind the desk, put his head in his hands, rested his elbows on the table, closed his eyes, and tried to calm down his shortness of breath due to excitement. All the past of his first half of his life was like a slide show in his mind emerge one by one.

There is no gap, no missing, especially after I met Nathan and Grace, all the memory details are coherent. Finch recalled over and over again that he had never seen anyone resembling the man in the suit in his dream since he came to New York City, let alone raised dogs himself.

The memory was complete and clear, without any flaws, but Finch's heart seemed to sink into a cold abyss. The night Nathan found himself at the gates of the World Trade Center, he had doubted twice about the reality of his life now, and now that doubt was once again gaining the upper hand in his thoughts.Everything is so perfect that it always feels unreal.

The gate of doubt was opened, and the torrent rushed out, breaking the long-standing psychological defense line, and it was out of control.It would all make sense if some of these perfect memories were false, if the strange dreams and hallucinations were actually born of masked real memories.

□□ spilled from Finch's lips, if so, it meant that the two closest to him: Nathan and Grace were lying to himself.This realization pained Finch.

It can't be like this, it can't be like this!He shook his head desperately, roaring silently in his heart.However, a voice sounded in my heart at the same time, with a cold and mocking meaning, "This is the truth, you just dare not admit it."

Finch was dripping with cold sweat, beads of sweat slid down the muscle lines of his cheeks, dripped on the desk surface, and splashed into large and small water stains.He remained motionless in such a posture, staring at the water stains with slack eyes, not knowing what he was thinking, or he didn't dare to think about anything.

After an unknown amount of time, a soft palm covered the back of Finch's hand holding his head.The all-too-familiar palm lines with the same familiar body temperature drove away the coldness in Finch's heart and brought him back to reality.

Finch put his hands down, the long hours of hard thinking and the final mental blow had consumed so much energy that he felt extremely weak now.He slowly turned his head to look to the side, and it was indeed Grace.

The red-haired beauty also obviously got up from the bed in a hurry, and the silk nightgown was scattered around her body, outlining infinitely beautiful lines.

Finch turned his gaze out of the window again, and the sky had already turned pale.It was almost dawn.

Finch looked at his wife again, Grace's bright eyes stared at him unblinkingly, in addition to full of concern, there was also unconcealable worry in the eyes.

Grace's love for him, Nathan's friendship for him, he has personally felt for so many years, he cannot and has no right to doubt these family members who love him deeply and are also deeply loved by him. Finch repeatedly warned himself, but the doubts in his heart couldn't help churning, like burning flames, sober pain.

He stared blankly at his beloved wife in front of him, with wavy and smooth red hair, a beautiful face outline, always full of gentle eyes, and slightly parted seductive red lips seemed to be waiting for the next kiss, as beautiful as an angel who came to the world .How could it be possible to be a participant in an almost perfect scam?

"Harold, what's on your mind?" Grace reached out and stroked her husband's hair, bending down to meet his eyes.

"Nothing." Finch lowered his eyes, turning his head slightly to avoid her gaze. Finch suddenly didn't know how to face Grace.What should he say?Asked if she is a liar?Ask if she is hiding some important truth from herself?He couldn't ask these words at all.

"Please, you always have this expression when you have something on your mind." Grace raised the corners of her mouth slightly, her slender fingers brushed Finch's cheek, and her tone was still soft and soft when the two of them were chatting.

"Really?" Finch pursed his lips and turned his head away. He didn't want to continue the topic, but he didn't know what to say for a while.

Grace was silent for a while, then sighed quietly, "I know you have something on your mind recently, Harold. Although we promise each other not to hide or lie, I don't mean to force you. If you want to say, whatever you want to say, I'll be here to listen." Grace paused, seeming to consider her words.She held Finch's hand on the table, rubbed her thumb lightly against his jaw, and continued, "And we are husband and wife, a couple who will spend a lifetime together. No matter how many puzzles there are to be solved, we can discover them together, Find answers together. You can trust me as I trust you unconditionally."

Grace's words hurt Finch's heart every word.Indeed, he had no good reason not to trust his wife.They are husband and wife, and they should treat each other honestly and face all kinds of difficulties in life together. Finch was silent for a long time, and finally said dryly, "Grace, I think I seem to have forgotten a very important memory, a person who is very important to me."

Grace's eyes widened instantly, "Harold, why do you think that?"

Grace's astonished expression did not seem to be fake, Finch secretly observed her reaction while slowly talking about his strange dreams and hallucinations during this period. Finch's narration was very detailed, and Grace showed enough shock and worry during the listening process, as if she was just a wife who was purely worried about her husband, without any guilty conscience, without any pretense. Finch saw it, and the tense heartstrings in his heart began to relax slowly.

Yes, of course Grace can't have a problem, the one who made the mistake must be himself. A voice in Finch's heart grew louder, faintly drowning out the rest of the commotion.

After listening to Finch's narration, Grace's expression gradually turned into sadness, and her originally bright eyes were covered with mist, "Harold, I can't understand. With me, Nathan, and our children, don't you feel satisfied?" ?"

"No, Grace, you are the whole meaning of my happiness!" Seeing Grace cry, Finch panicked.He never saw her being wronged, let alone today's incident was caused by him.He carefully wiped away the tears on his wife's cheeks with his fingertips, but the tears flowed more and more urgently, and each drop burned the tip of his heart, leaving him no time to think about other things.

"But why do you have such cranky thoughts? And a few days ago you thought the World Trade Center had collapsed...Harold, what happened to you?" Grace's trembling voice mixed with crying, but the words hit the nail on the head , "These are obviously not true, but you take them as real things... Even if you don't believe me, you saw the World Trade Center with your own eyes!"

The phrase "World Trade Center" hit Finch like a thunderbolt. Yes, since he would regard the fictional movie as a real event, the man in the suit and the horse dog in the dream were probably due to a similar situation, but he didn't know it for the time being. Just remembering the source, how can you suspect that your memory has been tampered with!

Finch stood up suddenly and hugged Grace tightly, "I'm sorry, honey, I'm really sorry!" Grace's head rested on his shoulder, still sobbing, and the choked sound pierced into Finch's heart like a needle. Finch panicked, "I don't know how I became like this, but I promise you, I will go to the hospital for another examination, and I must find out the cause. I will not let it ruin our happy life now!"

Finch tried to comfort his beloved wife with all the words he could think of, but there was a voice in his heart that continued to sneer: Just deceive yourself like this, isn't it what you want most to live such a fulfilling life?

Finch was slightly absent-minded, and quickly pushed the voice out of his mind, pressing it firmly into the deepest part of his heart, Grace in front of him was the most important thing!

Grace raised her head and wiped away the remaining tears on her face. Her wet eyes were red, reflecting her white and flawless skin, making her charming and pitiful.She sniffed and looked serious, "Harold, I just want you to be well, I just want us to still live a peaceful life. So I beg you, listen to the doctor's orders and don't think too much."

Finch's heart skipped a beat, as if something was wrong but he didn't have time to think about it. His focus now is to appease his wife, "Don't worry, I won't let myself think about it anymore." He paused for a few seconds, "I don't think my situation is simple. It is caused by cervical spondylosis. Grace, you know that I never like to socialize with people. My daily life is two points and one line between home and school. , Get in touch with the society more. This will reduce the time of cranky thinking, and secondly, it can broaden your horizons and relax your mind, which may be of great help to your illness."

It also helps me sort out the mystery in my heart. If the existing life is really built on lies, there are always clues to follow.This is something Finch would never say.

Grace didn't realize that Finch had other plans at all, she blinked, with tears still on her eyelashes, she looked at her husband in astonishment, and after a long time, she burst into a heart-warming smile, "As long as you are happy, anything is fine."

TBC

The author has something to say:

In the early morning of August 8th, some parts were revised, and I didn't want to drag the entire article too long.The doubts have not been dispelled, and the speed of the plot will be accelerated. It is expected that there will be three or four chapters to finish.