Baima Weiyang

With the windows wide open, the sun caressed lazily on his cheeks.The occasional cool breeze carried a rare smell of stone walls.He looked down at the Gesang flower in the flowerpot, and reached out to pinch the rose-red petals.I pulled a piece casually and put it under my nose, a fresh fragrance penetrated into the tip of my nose and reached my heart and lungs.

It's not intentional to damage it, but only in this way can the depression in my heart be relieved.

For several days in a row, I was trapped in Gadan Nang Saili again.As I expected, Tsangyang Gyatso's control over me became more and more strict.If it was just adding more guards before, these days, he almost keeps me by his side all the time.

I dare not act rashly, because I know very well in my heart that there is only one chance to escape this time.Moreover, only success is allowed, not failure.I was always afraid that if I failed, I would not be able to afford the consequences.

Determined to go, I almost took out all the acting cells.In fact, there is no need to pretend, I just need to be as usual.But the problem is that when facing Tsangyang Gyatso, I can't suppress the guilt and panic in my heart.Although I have been careful, it seems that I have exposed my feet.

Sometimes when I turned around inadvertently, I would catch a glimpse of Tsangyang Gyatso's eyes on me, and my heart would jump.Perhaps, he simply knew.No point breaking, just waiting, waiting for my final decision.

I can't remember how many times, looking at his back, I just want to rush forward regardless, and then pour out all the emotions in my heart.But, I can't.The scene on the streets of Drepung Monastery ran through my long nights like a nightmare.When I woke up from the dream, there were mottled tears on the pillow.I was crying, but didn't dare to speak out.Turning his head to look at Cangyang Gyatso beside him, he had the courage to continue.

In the past, I always felt that the best ending is for two people who love each other to be together.Such thoughts are direct and selfish.When I knew that so many people were condemned by God for me, and seeing Lhasa, whose corpses were strewn all over the field and the lives of people were devastated, I seemed to understand the pain he buried deep in his heart and never told me.

He has endured so much for me, why should I not?

The black-brown pill was pinched on my fingertips, and I stared at it blankly for a while.The sun brushed against the edge of the pill, revealing a dazzling white awn.There was a bit of pain in my eyes, and I retracted my hands in mid-air under my sleeves.

This pill is for Bai Zong.After pretending to be sick for a few days, she tossed and turned on the bed, groaning in pain from time to time.Cangyang Gyatso took the pulse for me several times, but couldn't find out the cause.Afraid of being seen through by him, I could only pretend to be more uncomfortable, making a lot of noise, accusing him of poor medical skills.Probably because he was afraid that I would really get sick, so he invited Bai Zong to look at it for me.

I know that with Bai Zong's loyalty, not only will he not help me, but he will also expose the fact that I am pretending to be sick.But this is my only chance, and I can't give up.So, the moment I saw him, I knelt down in front of him.

Rao is an old Tibetan doctor who has seen countless people, and he was shocked when he saw my decisiveness.He quickly reached out to help me, but I just knelt and refused to get up.After recounting in detail what I saw and heard on the streets of Drepung Monastery, Bai Zong began to show a look of pain on his face.I know that the doctor's parents are concerned, and he has let go of his mind.Besides, giving me this pill does not guarantee that I will escape successfully.

Perhaps it was also based on these two considerations that Bai Zong finally agreed to me, and also prescribed some medicines for my body.As for what explanation was given to Cangyang Gyatso, I don't know.Fortunately, he didn't become suspicious of me, and my "illness" gradually got better.

I got up and walked to the lacquered wood square table, I picked up the wooden bowl and looked at it carefully.This kind of wooden bowl is made of parasitic plants at the root of pole branches. The wood is black and translucent, and the grain is as thin as a hair. The outer bowl is inlaid with many carved silver ornaments, which looks very delicate and precious.Of course, the one in my hand has a wide open mouth, which is often used by Tsangyang Gyatso.I heard that if poison is put in this kind of wooden bowl, the wall of the bowl will change, I don't know if it is true.

Looking at the pill pinched on his fingertips, he couldn't help feeling a little worried.Although this is just an ordinary Mongolian sweat medicine, its main ingredient, mandala flower, is poisonous.But if this wooden bowl is not used, Tsangyang Gyatso may become suspicious.

After thinking for a while, I poured the buttered tea into a wooden bowl.I pinched a piece of the pill with my fingernail, and the powder fell into the tea, and was immediately covered by milky white.Pick it up and shake it, the wall of the bowl doesn't seem to have changed.

In fact, butter tea itself is white and yellow, so in terms of color, it is not easy to detect.I just don't know if it will smell bad.In the novels, Mongolian sweat medicine is always described as a colorless and odorless magic medicine, but Datura flowers actually have a strong smell, which requires wine to reconcile and cover up the smell. I don’t know if butter tea can work.

He stretched out his hand and pinched half a grain in, and slowly shook it away.I took a sip from the wooden bowl, pursed my lips, and didn't seem to taste any strange smell.My sense of taste is quite sensitive, so Tsangyang Gyatso probably wouldn't notice it.

Everything I can think of, I have prepared, and my heart is at ease.All of this has to be planned by myself, and no one can help me.

Because I can no longer find Danba.Firstly, I don't want to involve him anymore; secondly, Tsangyang Gyatso no longer trusts him.What's more, he hadn't been seen at all these days.In fact, I really want to ask Cangyang Gyatso about what kind of punishment Danba received. I really want to know what will happen to those who disobey.Because I am about to be the most disobedient of these disobedient people.

But without Danba's help, Ganden Pozhangwai's guards became a big trouble.Anyway, I can't beat those monks, just outsmart them.In this way, the only thing I can rely on is Tashi Puncuo.As a farewell, I still saw him.I don’t know if it’s because he is my family, but Tsangyang Gyatso seems to have no grudge against him, at least not like Ngawang Rinchen.

But in the end, he still violated the two-day agreement with Tashi Pingcuo.In addition to avoiding haste and fear of the plan being discovered, more, I also want to spend a few more days with Tsangyang Gyatso.It's just that this companionship is coming to an end today.Maybe it's the end of forever...

Another pain in my heart, I have long been familiar with this feeling, but I still can't get used to it.

If the plan fails, how will Tsangyang Gyatso deal with me?Perhaps this custody will turn into outright captivity.But he doesn't know how much I would like to stay by his side for the rest of my life, even if he is the only person I can see every day.

He grinned, but only tasted the salty taste of tears.

If successful, then I have nothing to fear.Because I made it, I'll never come back, never...

There was a sound of footsteps outside the satin curtain, and I hurriedly raised my sleeve to wipe my face.Adjusting his facial expression as quickly as possible, he picked up the wooden bowl and put it to his lips to take a sip.When Tsangyang Gyatso opened the curtain and came in, he saw exactly this scene.

After staring blankly for a while, I suddenly put down the wooden bowl.The milky white buttered tea flickered, and a few drops fell on the richly colored Tibetan tablecloth.Inexplicably, his heart tightened, he took a breath in a trance, and then slowly stood up.

After walking a few steps, he clasped the corner of his clothes habitually with his hands, "You did your morning class so late today?" Cangyang Gyatso changed the Buddhist scriptures into the other hand, and stretched his arms around my shoulders, "Some things To deal with it, I just stayed in the scripture room for a while."

"Yeah." I nodded and was led by him to the square table.Looking at the smooth milky white tea foam in the wooden bowl, he clenched his fingers unconsciously, but there was a sense of tightness in the fabric.Looking down, on the opened palm, the corners of the crimson cassock were crumpled.

"Cultivate some bad habits that you can't get rid of." Cangyang Gyatso pulled back the cassock with a wave of his hand, and glanced at me slantingly with his jet-black eyes.I couldn't help but chuckle, because of this bad habit, almost all of Tsangyang Gyatso's cassocks are wrinkled.I don't know how many times I have been trained, but every time it seems that only the three words "can't change" come to my mind.

In a blink of an eye, I suddenly leaned towards him, "You have so much money, you still can't afford a few cassocks." Cangyang Gyatso paused after hearing this, and then said with a straight face, "Don't make wrong ideas." Hearing this, "Pu Chi" burst out laughing, and gave him another dark look, "Are you still afraid that I will take away your money, you are stingy."

If this were in modern times, apart from the embarrassment of his status as a monk, Tsangyang Gyatso would be considered a typical tall, rich and handsome man.Just as he was thinking wildly, "Ouch..." the door of his head was pushed back.Staring wide-eyed, Cangyang Gyatso looked solemn, but a smile entered his eyes.

Staring blankly at the corner of the half-curled mouth, I suddenly wanted to engrave such a face into my mind.I didn't even dare to blink my eyelids, for fear of missing some details... It's been a long time since I saw you smiling like this, it's so good, at least for this moment, I can still make you happy.In this way, I should be content...

Afraid of being betrayed by the sadness in my eyes, I hurriedly looked away.Picking up the wooden bowl and pushing it to his chest, I grinned and looked at Cangyang Gyatso, "I poured this for you." After a pause, I licked my lower lip in a concealed manner, "But I took a sip just now. "

He gave me a blank look, with a hint of helplessness in his tone, "I saw it." After speaking, he took the wooden bowl in my hand and put it to his lips.I stared straight at the wooden bowl tilting slightly in mid-air, and the auspicious silver ornaments on the rim of the bowl reflected a gleam of brilliance from the light projected from the window.

The white foam swaying in the wooden bowl immediately turned into a thick mist, entangled my eyes until it was so painful that it shed tears.His thoughts were dull, and he waited until the butter tea was drunk.I could no longer restrain the fear and despair in my heart, and my body hit Tsangyang Gyatso's chest heavily. I stretched out my hand, trembling, to encircle him.

At that moment, I only felt that warm body being shaken by me.But almost at the same time, without warning, I was pushed away by a strong force.

"What's in the buttered tea?" Cangyang Gyatso stared at me with his head down, with a trace of indifference that I had never seen before in his black eyes.

The long-suffering enthusiasm rushed into my eyes, and I looked at him with a smile, "Sweat medicine..."

"Dawa Dolma!!" The shoulders were firmly clasped, Cangyang Gyatso's figure shook, and his hands were immediately propped on the edge of the table.I was startled, I didn't expect the effect of the medicine to come on so quickly, so I quickly supported his waist.But there was a huge difference in strength, and I didn't hold him steady, so I was led and fell to the ground of Aga.

There was a "boom", followed by a series of crisp sounds.The tablecloth that Cangyang Gyatso held tightly in his hand was torn off, and the objects and ornaments on the table slipped and fell to the ground.Holding the unconscious person in my arms, I turned my head and looked at the wooden bowl that was upside down on the Aga ground. The milky white tea foam wet the edge, and it seemed to wet my heart.

This moment has finally come.

I staggered and helped Cangyang Gyatso back to the bed, and I pulled the pulu blanket to cover him.According to Bai Zong, half a capsule of Mongolian sweat medicine can last for half an hour.So, I still have time.

He stretched out his hand to caress Cangyang Gyatso's face, but his fingers trembled.Tears fell down uncontrollably until the handsome facial features were blurred under the eyes.Lifting my eyes and sniffing, I pinched my forearm hard.A dull pain came, but it still couldn't hide the pain in his heart.

Dawa Dolma!stop crying! !

Take a closer look at him, maybe you won't see him again...

I said it to myself thousands of times in my heart, but the tears still couldn't stop.The patience, depression and fear these days have poured out, like a raging flood, washing away all my reason.

Cangyang Gyatso, do you know?Until now, I am still wondering.Was it right or wrong for me to take the initiative to approach?I don't regret it, because I really got your love.It is no longer the cold paper in the history books, but the real hugs, kisses and pets time and time again.But I really feel bad, my appearance has brought you so much suffering.

These, you never mentioned to me.I'm so happy that you didn't abandon me for the sake of the world.But, I can't tie you down.I really can't live without you, but tens of thousands of Tibetans can't live without you even more.Compared with them, I am too slight.

You are not mine alone.It shouldn't be, and it can't be.But I didn't understand this truth until I fell in love with you so deeply.I love you, love you very much.But because of this, I have to leave.You must be removed from my life.Even if that would bring me heart-piercing pain and despair...

Cangyang Gyatso, do you remember?Before you close your eyes, the last thing you see of me is smiling.

It's a pity that you won't laugh for me.

When you wake up and know the decision I made for you, will you hate me?

I'm sorry, I'm sorry... I still choose to let you down.I lied to you.

But, can you not hate me.Carrying love and hate at the same time is too tiring.I can not let it go.I just want you to be well, even if you will forget me.If that's okay, forget about me...

With trembling fingers, I touched the frowning brow, and I leaned over to press a kiss on the thin lips.

The love I give you has always been selfish, so selfish that I can only accommodate your goodness, and so selfish that no one can say anything about you.I know that my strength is very weak.But thankfully, there is still something I can do for you.

If I leave, no one will criticize you anymore.You are still the aloof VI Dalai Lama, worshiped by the whole Tibet.He is also the most cherished guru in the history of Tibetan Buddhism.Also, the most beautiful lover in the world who doted on me in every possible way in the past.

These, I will never forget.

"Cangyang Gyatso, goodbye."

I slid my fingertips over that handsome face one by one, beautiful eyebrows, dark eyes, straight nose bridge, thin lips... I closed my eyes and let two lines of hot tears fall down my cheeks.My vision suddenly became clear, I stumbled to my feet, and looked down again with nostalgia.He leaned over and pressed a kiss on the corner of the tightly closed lips, turned around and was about to run wildly... Suddenly, his left wrist was caught in the air.

The steps under my feet stopped, and I turned back to my body in a daze.The person on the bed was half-supporting his upper body on his elbows, his dark eyes were half-closed, and his eyes were blurred.Hearing the sound of some heavy breathing clearly, I shook off the hand on the wrist like an electric shock.

"... Dawa Dolma!"

A shout of anger rushed from behind me, and I ran two steps frantically, only to hear a violent crash.A sob choked up in my throat, my knuckles turned white from clenched hands, and finally, my body turned back uncontrollably.Watching Cangyang Gyatso fall down beside the bed, I just felt that my eyes were scalded.Dazed for a moment, I leaned on my forehead, and my legs were so stiff that I couldn't move half a step.

It was just two or three seconds of being absent-minded, and the crimson figure had already rushed in front of my eyes.The arm was clamped tightly by a strong force, and the unsuspecting pain pulled me back to my consciousness.Pale cheeks, eyes carved like splashed ink, enlarged in front of my eyes, like a thin and ruthless sword, piercing through my heart.

He bit his lower lip with his teeth, and a string of blood beads oozed out.The smell of rust and blood diffused in my mouth, which gave me the courage to resist.I waved my arms and beat me, I tried my best to push the crimson cassock, but I couldn't do it, so I could only cry softly, "Let me go, let me go, I beg you! Let me go..."

But Tsangyang Gyatso seemed to have never heard of it, and his cold eyes grabbed me painfully.Not daring to look directly, I covered my head and shook my head to block my sight.In a panic, he felt his body stagger.The restraint on the arm loosened a bit, without giving myself a chance to think, I pushed him to the ground with my backhand.There was only a muffled "boom", as if a hole had burst open on the apex of my heart.

Turning around and running wildly, I exhausted all the functions of my body.Running completely recklessly, brushing against the auspicious knotted satin curtain head-on, his face was numb from being thrown.The wind in the aisle came suddenly, blowing the pain and loneliness that had accumulated in my heart for a long time, and the sound roared and fell to the ground.Let the hot teardrops be carried into the hair by the wind, until there is a hysterical cry from Gadan Nang Saili.

Pa...as if the strings controlling all sensations in the body were torn apart.My feet were soft, and I slipped down the ash wood steps unconsciously.Sitting down on the ice-cold Aga ground, he rubbed his back all the way, but he didn't feel any pain.It was as if a pair of cold hands had firmly twisted a knot on my trachea.Nai He's chest rose and fell violently, and he was gasping for breath, but he couldn't breathe a single bit of air.

So tired, so tired that I just want to close my eyes like this, regardless of it... Looking up in the direction of Gadan Nangsai, the wet eyelashes have already dried up, leaving only wrinkled and stiff.His throat was burning, as if he had been nailed into the bones by two sharp fangs, and there was a sharp pain when he pulled it.Standing up against the wall covered with murals, I lifted my fluffy feet and walked downstairs without knowing the severity.

Secretly told myself to remember, this is the feeling of being poached from the heart.Perhaps, this is only experienced once in a lifetime.

The corner of my mouth twitched. With my psychological quality, I'm afraid I can only bear this one time.

I can't remember what kind of strength was supporting me, which made me run out of Ganden Pozhang in one go.The only thing that is clear seems to be the will from heaven.On that day, there were no guards or acolytes above the second floor.

When I turned out of the corridor, I saw the familiar figure on the Square Square.I rushed over like crazy, grabbed his arm, and shouted in a hoarse voice, "Tashi Pingcuo, I'm done with him! We..." The words were still stuck in my throat, and I felt the whole body With a surge of energy and blood, the last thing that came into view before the coma was Tashi Pingcuo's furious and frightened eyes...