miss a useless name

31.

Yu Yan was a typical "pleasing" personality when he was a teenager. For example, he rarely refused other people's requests, and it was difficult to say "no".He is tolerant, preferring to twist his own will to fulfill other people's ideas.He is afraid of indifference. In front of his parents, he strives to be a perfect son, reluctantly accepts future choices that he does not approve of, refuses to communicate, and refuses to confide in everyone around him.

He works hard to fit himself into various circles, he plans to please everyone, he looks so friendly, but deep down he is so dangerous.

This state lasted until he met Cheng Shen. Yu Yan felt that he could please everyone and carry the burden of the whole world, but he was free in front of Cheng Shen, he didn’t need to pretend, he didn’t need to be a hypocritical liar, Because Cheng Shen will tell him very seriously: "You have too high demands on yourself."

He doesn't need to frantically speculate about the response Cheng Shen expects, and he doesn't need to prioritize Cheng Shen's thoughts. He can say whatever he wants, and do whatever he wants. The freedom to run wild in life.

So what is Cheng Shen to him, Yu Yan thought, the mountains are high and the waters are long, he is his magnificence, the grass is long and the birds are flying, he is his birds and flowers.Maybe Cheng Shen is nothing, he is just the whole of Yu Yan.

At the age of 17, with an impulsive kiss, Yu Yan learned to love and be loved ignorantly.So ten years later, the little changes in life can be ignored. He is not afraid of changes, but he is afraid of not having love.

Yu Yan silently reflected on himself, because it was unfair to repeatedly express resistance to Cheng Shen because he could not refuse others.Even though he still has lingering fears about the rudeness of that day, Cheng Shen has done well enough during this period of time, he can't say forgiveness, but he can persuade himself to say "forget it".

He can't always be stuck in the past, comparing Cheng Shen now with Cheng Shen ten years ago.No matter which one is his lover, he can't drag Cheng Shen to accompany him to stay where he is.

They have to climb out of the strange circle before they can move forward.

·

A few hours later, the plane landed at Haicheng Airport.

The local contact person sent a car to send Yu Yan and his party to the hotel. With the previous experience, Yu Yan basically understood the process of the signing meeting, and he could count it after listening to An Ningshun while eating in the restaurant.

After dinner, his companion said that he wanted to take the opportunity to go shopping in Haicheng. Yu Yan didn't want to go, but he couldn't stand everyone's enthusiasm. He didn't want to spoil the fun, so he could only follow.

Haicheng's economy is developed, so it's not considered a tourist city, but it's a prosperous city, and Yuyan University was studied here.

He doesn't talk much about himself, just wandering around with everyone.Until there was a wrong road, he subconsciously pointed it out, and introduced a shortcut very familiarly.

An Ning looked at him curiously: "Teacher Yu, you are very familiar with Haicheng."

Yu Yan paused, he used to come to this area often, every time Cheng Shen came to Haicheng to look for him when he was in college, they lived nearby.The main reason is that the transportation is convenient, there are several business districts around, and there are places to hang out.

He explained: "The university is in Haicheng."

This time, An Ning was not the only one who was curious. Seeing that Yu Yan seldom spoke, the accompanying coordinator thought he was not easy to get along with, so he had a chance to talk to him: "Hey, which school does Teacher Yu belong to? So, what did you major in before?"

Yu Yan is a low-key person, but he will not lie. He mentioned the name of the school and told himself that he majored in finance as an undergraduate.

This time everyone was even more shocked. An Ning yelled, "My mother, Mr. Yu, you are such a master! C University's financial score is super awesome and difficult to test! How did you switch to a magazine!"

Yu Yan lowered his eyelashes, avoiding probing eyes, and smiled lightly: "Because I like it."

Everyone expressed that they did not understand the world of Xueba.

Yu Yan walked slowly to the end of the line, the weather had turned cold, and he was wearing the windbreaker prepared by Cheng Shen, feeling somewhat warm.He doesn't care whether others understand or not. After all, even the parents who raised him can't understand him. It seems that Cheng Shen is the only one in this world who can put himself in Yu Yan's shoes.

Yu Yan clenched the phone in his pocket, and suddenly felt the urge to call Cheng Shen.He glanced at the time. At eight o'clock in the evening, Cheng Shen might be working overtime, and there might be a dinner.He remembered that he hadn't told Cheng Shen that he had arrived in Haicheng safely, so he found a reason for himself. After all, Cheng Shen was so anxious to find him in Nancheng last time.

At [-]:[-], Cheng Shen's cell phone on the table vibrated suddenly.He drank the strong white wine in the glass, his face turned red, but his eyes were still clear.There was a lot of noise on the wine table, cups and bowls were being changed, he looked down to check WeChat.

"I'm in Haicheng."

Five words, Yu Yan's indifferent face can be seen across the screen.

Cheng Shen traced the line with his fingertips, choked on the alcohol breath he exhaled, coughed, and put his phone back into his pocket in response to the concerned inquiries from his surroundings.

Tomorrow there will be a signing event, and they didn't dare to go shopping too late, so they went back at 09:30.

After arriving at the hotel, Yu Yan took a shower first, and poured scalding hot water over his head, which washed away the tiredness all over his body.After taking a shower, he changed into his pajamas and went to bed with his computer in his arms.

In Cheng Shen's absence, Yu Yan never remembered to blow dry his hair, the wet water flowed down the nape of his neck into the neckline, leaving a spot of water stains on his back.It has been half a month since he left, and there are still several manuscripts on hand that have not been revised. He plans to solve them on the road or in the hotel in the next few days.

It is easy to forget the time when working, and the hour hand passes zero in a blink of an eye.Yu Yan felt thirsty, and just as he got out of bed to pour water, the phone on the bedside table rang.

The caller was Cheng Shen, and Yu Yan guessed that he was probably done, so he clicked to answer.

As soon as he was connected, he heard heavy breathing from the other end, and it was still urgent.

Yu Yan frowned: "Cheng Shen?"

"Yanyan..." Cheng Shen's voice was vague, he stuck out his tongue as if he was laughing: "Yanyan, I'm home."

Yu Yan heard something wrong: "Have you been drinking?"

"Drink...drink," there was a "gudong" on the phone, as if Cheng Shen fell to the ground: "Fuck..."

Yu Yan's heart tightened: "Cheng Shen!"

"It's all right, I... no, there's a carpet here..."

Cheng Shen said nonsense, Yu Yan understood, he fell on the carpet in front of the sofa: "How much did you drink?"

"Not much, just a little..." Cheng Shen smiled foolishly, stretched out his hand and pulled off his tie: "Yanyan, Yanyan..."

Yu Yan sighed, and responded to him with a good temper: "I'm here, can you get up? There is honey in the kitchen, so make yourself some water to drink."

"Don't drink, don't get up..." Cheng Shen lay on the ground, feeling his heart beating so fast and his eyes burning, he covered his face with the back of his hand, and said aggrievedly, "Yanyan, I'm dizzy."

Yu Yan stood in front of the floor-to-ceiling windows with his waist pinched, the neon lights of the city at night were shining brightly in his eyes, but he hid his anxiety: "Don't lie on the ground, okay, you'll catch a cold." He patiently advised: " Cheng Shen, sit up slowly, you won't get dizzy, just sit on the sofa, it will be fine soon, huh?"

Cheng Shen felt as if he was in a dream, and fell headlong into a charming dizziness, receiving the care he hadn't had for a long time.He didn't dare to move, afraid that if he woke up from the dream, Yu Yan still didn't want him.

"Yanyan," Cheng Shen muttered again and again: "Yu Yan..."

He couldn't hear anything, and it was dark before his eyes, and it seemed that there was only enough to describe a Yu Yan in his drunken dream.He felt uncomfortable, the tip of his nose was sour, and the alcohol paralyzed all his senses, and all the emotions that were suppressed in the dead of night finally flooded in no one's place.

"I'm so uncomfortable..." He couldn't tell what he was uncomfortable at all, he just kept emphasizing: "Yu Yan, I'm uncomfortable."

·

Cheng Shen was woken up by the ringing of the phone. When he woke up, he felt a splitting headache. He took a painful breath and fumbled for the phone with his eyes closed. It took him a long time to realize that the phone was in his palm.

"Hello." Cheng Shen's voice became hoarse, and his voice was deep, obviously impatient.

The person opposite paused and said softly, "It's me."

Cheng Shen was also stunned, and glanced at the caller in disbelief.Is it... Yu Yan?It's been a long, long time since Yu Yan took the initiative to call him. In their call records, the most recent one that Yu Yan called in seems to be half a year ago.

"Yanyan?" Cheng Shen's scattered drowsiness fell away on the spot. He sat up and realized that he had been lying on the ground all night: "Why do you..."

"You called me last night," Yu Yan said, "I fell asleep in the middle of the call, I...ask you."

Cheng Shen drank too much last night, when did he get home, how did he get home, and what did he do afterward?He thought that Yu Yan took the initiative to call because he missed him, but it turned out that he was looking for the other party first, and he probably said a lot of nonsense.The joy in Cheng Shen's heart faded away, he got up and sat on the sofa, leaning his head back on the cushion: "I don't remember."

He told the truth: "I drank too much and forgot."

Yu Yan pursed his lips, the tissue in his hand was slightly wet.He hardly closed his eyes all night, worried about Cheng Shen's condition, he got up early in the morning and made a long mental preparation before dialing out the call. He was afraid that what he said would offend Cheng Shen, so he didn't dare to reveal all the things on the phone last night, so he could find a lame excuse. I wanted to ask that person if he was okay, but he said "forget" and beat him back to his original form.

"Then you..." Yu Yan bit his back molars, and the tissue was smashed by him: "Are you still feeling uncomfortable now?"

Cheng Shen's eyes were a little cold, and the headache after a hangover pulled his nerves: "Yeah."

Yu Yan said: "Next time..."

Cheng Shen held his breath, and said to himself, if Yu Yan told him not to drink so much next time, or not to go to that kind of desperate drinking party next time, he immediately put down his work, went to his uncle's to make money, and immediately bought a plane ticket to fly there Accompany Yu Yan to spend the Mid-Autumn Festival.

But Yu Yan said: "Drink so much next time, let the driver take you upstairs, at least don't sleep on the floor."

Cheng Shen didn't want to say a word anymore.

After hanging up the phone, Yu Yan breathed a sigh of relief.He has a stupid mouth and can't speak. He has been like this since he was a child. He probably inherited Lin Qiuhua's genes. After all, the most disgusting thing his mother said to him was "hug by mother". Yu Yan felt that he was better than his mother, at least he said " I love you".

Yu Yan bit his fingertips and clicked on the ticket booking app. Cheng Shen fell asleep after talking about his discomfort last night. He waited until the other party was breathing calmly before hanging up, and then immediately went to check the ticket back to Beicheng.

Today, October [-]th, the signing will end at [-]:[-] pm. The original plan is to leave for Hangzhou after the end, and there will be another signing at [-]:[-] pm tomorrow.Yu Yan bought a five o'clock plane ticket, and if he was quick, he would be home by ten o'clock.He can stay at home all morning, have a reunion dinner with Cheng Shen earlier, and then catch the high-speed train at noon, and he should be able to arrive at the venue by four o'clock.

He didn't tell Cheng Shen, but planned to surprise him.

·

"An Ning, I'm going back to Beicheng after the autograph session. Arrange a car to take me to the airport."

The hotel corridor is covered with thick carpets, and An Ning's high-heeled shoes step on it without making a sound: "Ah? Why is Teacher Yu going back to Beicheng? Tomorrow, I'm going to Hangzhou!"

Yu Yan stretched out his hand to press the elevator, straightened the cuffs of his jacket: "My family is waiting for me to go back for the holidays, are you going back? I'll reimburse you for the travel expenses."

An Ning smiled awkwardly: "My hometown is not in Beicheng, it's far away. Teacher Yu, are you in a hurry?"

Yu Yan stepped into the elevator first: "Yes, I will take the high-speed train directly from Beicheng to Hangzhou at noon tomorrow. You send someone to pick me up at the train station, and I will go directly to the scene."

"Okay." An Ning wrote down Yu Yan's flight number and high-speed train schedule, and started to arrange a series of matters after getting out of the elevator.

Arriving at the signing event, Yu Yan still put on his hat and glasses as usual, and he signed out his experience even faster than last time.Just in time for the Mid-Autumn Festival, Yu Yan prepared a gift box of mooncakes for each of the readers present, each box contains two, not many, the focus is on the heart.

The signing session ended at about the same time as Yu Yan predicted. He took the arranged car and felt a little sorry for leaving early to go home for the holidays. He gave each of the remaining few people a big red envelope as a festival fee.

Yu Yan was sitting in the car, seeing countless scenery hastily regressed, and he felt a little bit like an arrow.He opened his backpack and took out a beautifully packaged cardboard box from it.

I bought this when I was shopping last night. Yu Yan caught my eye. It was a pure black dark twill tie. He originally planned to give it to Cheng Shen when he returned home half a month later, but now he wants to give it away tonight.

A few hours later, we arrived at Beicheng.Because it was a temporary private trip, Yu Yan didn't arrange for someone to pick him up, so he took a taxi home directly after leaving the airport.

On the road from the airport, there is no light on both sides, only the shadows of trees mottled by the moonlight, occasionally shaking with the wind. In autumn, the grass and trees are withered and yellow, and the leaves are withered and flying down. Just looking at it makes me feel desolate.

The temperature in Beicheng was a few degrees lower than in Haicheng, Yu Yan's forehead was cold from the wind, and he reached out to close the car window.

The taxi stopped at the gate of the community, Yu Yan scanned the QR code to pay, and had to run to get in.It has been seven hours since the signing session ended, and he has traveled more than 1000 kilometers, saying that he will not come back, but he still rushed here on the eve of the full moon.

Yu Yan stood downstairs and looked at the window of his house, it was pitch black and there was no light at all. At this point, Cheng Shen hasn't come back yet?

He took the elevator all the way up to the 18th floor, and he had already begun to imagine, whether Cheng Shen was at home or not, what kind of expression that person would have when he saw him.

Yu Yan is not romantic, and Cheng Shen is not romantic either. There are not many surprises in their lives, and the rare few times are always impressive.

Yu Yan looked for the key to open the door, and the door lock opened after a turn.He was slightly taken aback, Cheng Shen is at home?The lights were turned off after ten o'clock, and Cheng Shen went to bed so early?

Subconsciously, Yu Yan stepped lightly, entered the room and closed the door, blocking the bright light of the aisle.Afraid of the sound, he took off his shoes and socks at the door and put down his bag, and walked barefoot on the cold floor tiles without making any sound.

Will it scare Cheng Shen? What if that person treats him as a thief?

Thinking of this, Yu Yan stepped on a ball of cloth.The room was so dark that he couldn't see anything clearly, so he reached for it, stretched his hands and found that it was Cheng Shen's tie.

This person used to have this problem, throwing things around and not being able to find them when needed.Later, when the two lived together, Yu Yan insisted on letting him learn how to return things to their original places.He had only been away for a few days before Cheng Shen's old problem started.

Yu Yan sighed softly, clutching the tie in his hand, it was only a few meters from the door to the bedroom, and there was a string of mist-colored footprints on the porcelain-white floor tiles.

Finally at the door, Yu Yan straightened the collar of the windbreaker seriously.The journey was full of dust, the clothes were wrinkled, the hair was messed up, and the face was tired.

Before departure, I asked several times whether it was true that I would not come back during the Mid-Autumn Festival.Yu Yan knew that he had expectations in his heart, and he was already wavering when he bought the tie, but he completely lost his mind when he received a call from Cheng Shen.Yu Yan put his hand on the doorknob, and decided to have a good talk with Cheng Shen after seeing him.If Cheng Shen wanted to hug him, he would hug him, if he wanted to kiss him, he would kiss him, and if he felt uncomfortable, he would seriously comfort him and stop making him as helpless as he was on the phone.

Yu Yan took a breath, prepared everything and planned to open the door.

Suddenly, there were small noises in the room.

The sound insulation effect of their house is very good. Unlike this way, the station close to the door can't hear the wind at all.

Yu Yan paused, and subconsciously stopped all movements.

Immediately afterwards, Cheng Shen's voice came vaguely through the heavy door, and he seemed to be asking, "Are you comfortable?"

Yu Yan raised his head abruptly, he was too familiar with that tone, how many times he had been tender and emotional, Cheng Shen squeezed one side of his ear, and asked softly while being ruthless.Yu Yan couldn't speak every time, and the crying was broken away by brute force, intermittent and fragmented.

Just like now, those ambiguous, sticky, wet, impulsive and excited collisions, strange yet familiar panting, they pierced Yu Yan's eardrum like steel needles, pierced him, nailed him to death, let him experience What is truly fragmented.

Yu Yan stood stiffly at the door, the bone-chilling chill spread from his feet, he rolled his eyes a little slowly, and slowly confirmed that this was his home, and inside was the bed where he slept day and night, and the person on the bed was his man who was working hard .

He retracted his hand like thunder, as if he had touched something dirty, and the back of his hand hit the solid wood door frame hard, with a dull sound, like a hammer hitting the center of the head.

He turned around, and after taking two steps, his legs began to tremble, his mind and body were not balanced, as if he couldn't accept such a big change, and he fell to the side uncontrollably.He knocked down the flower stand next to the closet, and on the top was a transparent vase, inside which were red roses that Yu Yan had cut out by himself.

The crisp sound and the mess are not enough to describe. The rose has been placed for nearly half a month, even if it is nourished with water, it cannot help but decay. In mid-air, the petals fell to pieces.The flower stand fell, and the glass bottle was naturally shattered, and the splashing debris was everywhere, and the water in the bottle burst into Yu Yan's trouser leg.

He leaned on the base of the wall to stand firm, feeling cold, with his fingertips pinching into his palm, and feeling embarrassed.

He wanted to leave, to escape, his body and mind were in such a state of confusion that the only thought left was to leave.

The bedroom door slammed open.

Yu Yan stepped on the water stains, on the withered roses, and on the glass shards, and felt that the sharp tiles were not cut on the feet but in the heart.

"Speak!"

Cheng Shen seemed to be more panicked than he was. He grabbed his arm and forced him to stop and turn around, but he couldn't button his shirt.

He hastily put on only a pair of trousers, and the pajamas of the same style and color as his were left open, revealing his entire muscular chest.

It was so dark, but Yu Yan could see the kiss marks on the other's chest.

So ugly.

It's really, really ugly.

"Yanyan, listen to me..."

Yu Yan pushed him away forcefully, and ran out desperately.

Cheng Shen froze on the spot for a few seconds, with tears streaming down his face.In his more than twenty years of life, there has never been a moment when he was more at a loss than he is now.

The elegant and noble woman was already fully dressed, Qin Yun fiddled with her curly long hair, and let the high heels crush the glass under her feet into slag.

She looked at the mess on the ground, the light from the corridor passed through the open door, severely bending the spine of the man beside her.But she didn't care, she put her arm on Cheng Shen's shoulder, her eyes were half seductive and half innocent, and she spoke frivolously, all gloating: "I said you will get rid of it one day."

Cheng Shen froze and pushed the person off of him.

Qin Yun smiled indifferently, and stood up straight: "What I said before, you should think about it carefully. If you marry me, you will only earn but not lose."

Then she proudly walked into the light with her head held high and her chest held high with the attitude of a winner.

A few minutes later, Qin Yun drove away, locked onto a figure on the side of the street late at night, her sexy red lips curled up, and she made a kind phone call: "Your little kitten who ran away from home is squatting on the side of the road , Remember to bring a pair of shoes when you come down."

After finishing speaking, she sneered without any waves: "It's so pitiful."