Hey, where is my knife?

In this world, probably no one would like to see their biological parents kill each other and torture each other.

Even though, the one inside the glass window, Li Weidu hasn't called him "Dad" for many years.And the woman in the glass window has long been a complete, complete strange symbol.

The impression of her stays in the very vague memory of her childhood.

I can't even remember her appearance for many years.The black-and-white photos that were secretly collected were snatched and shredded by his father long ago; and every night when he cried because he missed her, the sound of vicious curses would penetrate the eardrum and pierce the heart.

In addition, the lingering scarlet everywhere in the memory, and the rumors about "killing his wife" by others.Gradually, I didn't dare to think about it at all.

But the little one tried hard not to think about it, but he was not let go.All kinds of relatives in the family would always walk up to them every now and then, with fake sympathy on their faces: "Oh~ If you were more obedient and sensible, Xiao Weidu, your mother wouldn't be so upset. After that, you won't have a mother , who still hurts you?"

Or, she simply showed serious malice without concealing it: "Actually, if it weren't for you, your mother would have left your father without any worries, and you are the one who dragged her down all her life."

Really, the pain was so painful that I couldn't breathe many times.

The little child is fragile, soft, unable to bear, and the heart has been cut to pieces long ago.

But there was no sound, and no one cared.The whole person was in a trance, and he was beaten and blamed, and he was said to be "mentally ill".

For so many years of dark years, his body was covered with bruises, and no one could protect him.

She had been gone for so long, and he always thought she had gone to another world, and he just felt sad.

But in fact, she has been living in this world, is it incredible?Shocked?Li Weidu felt cold all over his body, and couldn't figure it out.I always feel that everything is extremely unreal, but it seems reasonable to the point where it is almost a matter of course.

Her difficulty, her bitterness, and her accusations have been seen in blood.

That man was really outrageous and lawless when he was young, and she had enough reasons to hate him.

but.

But ah, a full 20 years.Your own child, the child who was abandoned by you and cried so sadly, for such a long time, you have never cared whether he is doing well or whether he will be uncomfortable, have you?

... To you, to you, am I just a karma, a mistake, something that should never have existed in the first place.

The heels clicked lightly, and the woman stood up.

Turning around, the four eyes met, and suddenly changed color.

During the short and long meeting of eyes, Li Weidu recalled in a trance that among the countless nightmares interspersed in these years, the weird scene in the wedding always appeared from time to time.

An incoming call, her voice on the other end.She asked where he was, and she said she would come to him and take him away.

Eyes drooping slightly, thin lips quivering slightly.Really, wish she had something to say.

Even if it's just an excuse, say something anyway, say "Weidu, I wanted to take you away, but I couldn't do it", say "I also have difficulties, I have been thinking about you all these years", Or just find a reason, even if it is to lie to him!

Really... so desperate.

I suffocately hope that that little self was once loved, even if it only exists in a certain corner of the world, even if it is only a little bit.

However, that woman finally looked away calmly.

Putting away the last bit of panic in his eyes, he regained his cold shrewdness.Stepping on her expensive high-heeled shoes, holding her expensive handbag, a faint scent of fragrance blows by, like a stranger with her chest raised and her head raised, she passed him straight past him.

Li Weidu was stunned, the world did not collapse.

Perhaps he had long been used to the fragmented blows, and he didn't even change his expression.Pull out the chair, sit in front of the glass window, and look inside quietly.

The man's face, which was buried deep in the ravine, seemed to have suddenly aged for many years after he hadn't seen him for a few months.

Li Weidu's lips trembled, not knowing what to say.

A very strange but very appropriate thought popped up - if the person inside was replaced by him at this moment, and the person outside, what would this person say to him?

First of all, you will definitely stand on the moral high ground without saying a word, right?To scold you from head to toe for embarrassing your family, knowingly breaking the law of the country, it would be good to have a long memory if you go in.

Then, it must be followed by pouring cold water to make up the knife.Look, no one outside is sincere to you, so they know that you can't do anything well. The family has arranged everything for you, and you will end up like this if you don't obey.

You have a problem with your brain. I'm not surprised you've come to this point.

You see, you are destined not to be happy just because you have the same virtue as your mother.

……

Li Wei has heard this kind of words a lot since he was a child, and he can even recite them backwards.

At this moment, he can finally get into trouble and give everything back to the person who once abused him—it is because of your arrogance, conceit, hypocrisy, and viciousness that you end up with such betrayal in the end, who do you blame?

Yes, you are feeling bad now, even crying.

But I know that you are definitely not crying because you finally understand your mistakes and guilt, but just crying that others have failed you. You are so innocent and pitiful!

You are completely hopeless.

There will be no change, no redemption.Until the day when he completely disappeared from this world and was burned to ashes.Forever, forever, forever, and still stubbornly continue to be evil to the end.

However, he didn't say any of these words in the end.Even though his fingers sank deep into his palm and blood came from pinching, he still resisted and said nothing.

In October, the weather has turned cooler.

The inside of the detention center was very dark, and under the cold brick walls, he always felt that the clothes on the old man were very thin.

"...Will it be cold inside?"

This is not out of "family" concern.

Li Weidu never thought that there was any father-son relationship between him and the people inside, but he just didn't want to make things worse in vain.And this sentence is just a comfort that an ordinary "normal person" would say in this situation.

...It is obviously so normal.

The people inside trembled violently as if they had been struck by lightning.

Then, he rolled his eyes mechanically, raised them slowly, and looked at the young man outside calmly with downcast eyes with aggrieved and incredulous expression.Slowly falling again, the tears suddenly burst across the gully on his face like a bank.

……

When Li Weidu walked out of the detention center, his stomach began to twitch and hurt.

A long time ago, the doctor said that it was mainly emotional stomach pain. In many cases, there was no inflammation or ulcer, and it was just him making himself hurt.

He really couldn't drive anymore, and Fu Bo refused to let him take him off, so he called a car directly.

On the way, I answered calls from several companies in a daze, and I don’t remember what I said, but I remember gritted my teeth and went to the supermarket to buy organic potatoes and molds.

When I got home, I pressed the sore spot with one hand, and clumsily peeled, mashed potatoes, and squeezed hash browns with the other.

When I brushed butter, put diced carrots, and used the mold to print small smiling faces, my stomach suddenly didn’t hurt as much as before, probably because I was thinking about Ji Kai’s happy and anticipating appearance before, and even the terrible mood can be calmed down a bit .

After Ji Kai left school, he was also a little lost for a while, but fortunately, he played "Prosperity" very fascinated recently, and he regained his previous cheerfulness and sunshine.

So, so, don't let him worry...

Don't think about anything else, just go ahead and get something to eat. Would you like to bake some cranberry bear biscuits? Then the whole room will smell sweet and crisp, and he must be very happy.

Then Li Weidu did it like this, and the kitchen counter was almost full, and he realized that he was crazy, and there was no way to stop.

Wanting to... grab hold of happiness.

So, read a lot of books.But the more I look at it, the more scared I feel.

The book says, "Children will follow their parents subconsciously, whether you know it or not."

The book also said, "If you want a happy marriage, try to find a partner who has a harmonious family and grew up in love. Don't try to save those who have been used to being abandoned, deceived, hit, and denied by their families since childhood."

Because, most of the hearts of that kind of people have been eroded to barrenness long ago.

It will bring potential insecurity and all the grievances and anger that have been suppressed to future intimate relationships.And those who love him can't fill the huge "expectation of being loved" in his heart after all, and finally both of them are physically and mentally exhausted.

【Nobody can warm them, nobody can melt them, nobody can heal them. 】

These three sentences were actually emphasized three times in the book.

What about well-known foreign scholars, Li Wei thinks that the person who wrote this book is simply vicious.I was also afraid that Ji Kai would turn it over one day, and he would be taken out to throw it in the trash can when he went to work the next day.

It makes it...it seems that if we are broken, we are all doomed to be dark and unable to repair, and only those lucky ones who have not suffered are worthy of being treated well.

It became like this, and it was not my choice.

……I do not want this.

Stomach pain started again, Li Wei didn't care, he burned hot oil, bent over and endured the hot eye sockets to continue frying potato cakes.The oil pan was gurgling, and he didn't hear the door opening.

"It smells so good!"

Even when that person hugged him from behind, he still didn't have a particularly real consciousness.

I just wondered what to do... The hash browns were about to burn, but my hands were bound and I couldn't lift them up.Then he turned around and met Ji Kai's handsome smiling face full of expectation.

"Actually, I just said it casually, and I really did it for me. Is there anything in this world that you can't do? It's really super happy to have this kind of boyfriend. I saved the galaxy in my previous life. Bar!"

In my last life... I saved the galaxy.

Gentle, tolerant, especially easy to satisfy, love to laugh and appreciate.Mature and stable.Rational, strong, doing things in an orderly rhythm, charming and trustworthy.

Li Weidu really felt that this was... the type who would be liked and admired by many people, who would want to spend a lifetime with him.He always wanted to be as strong as him, but he couldn't do it no matter what.

But what if you can't do it?

Even hash browns know how to smile.

Because after all it's just an average fried potato.Who would want to eat it if it wasn't so cute?Even the little cakes in the store are so delicious that they need to be decorated, covered with beautiful layers of frosting.

...the world is a grim arena.If you want to get enough love, you should adapt to the rules of the game and put on an appearance that most people will like, so that the loved one can accept it more and last for a long time.

So try to keep smiling.

If you continue to be dominated by the shadow and the anxiety of lack of love, those endless demands, begging for hugs, text messages, and phone calls will one day consume all the love.

……

"Guo Mao Mao, look at your father's face, does it seem that something unhappy has happened again?"

Ji Kai turned around, took the little hedgehog out of the nest, and put it on its favorite small stove: "What? Maomao, you said 'definitely'."

"Maomao can see it, that's it."

Before Li Weidu had time to say anything, the next second, he lightened up: "Say it to make your brother Kai happy, otherwise I won't let you down."

He was raised high...Of course, the posture is very handsome, and the lines are also very smooth. What Ji Kai didn't expect was that Li Weidu's bones were really heavy.As a result, he suddenly lost his balance and staggered a few steps. Fortunately, there was a bay window, and he finally put the person safely on it.

He just stuck to his legs, hugged his waist, looked up at Li Weidu's face that seemed a little pale because of exhaustion, and the moisture in his eyes implied warmth.

"I'm fine."

"..."

"Really, I'm not unhappy, I'm just a little tired. It's good to go to bed early at night."

As he said that, he was about to go down from the bay window.Ji Kai directly blocked, and he was hugged into his arms.Li Weidu obeyed for a while, but only felt that the sadness in his heart was flooding even more. After struggling a few times, Ji Kai continued to push him into his arms persistently, and hugged him tightly.

"Don't, I'm...really fine."

It's really all right.As long as there is you, as long as there is you... His lips trembled, as if he wanted to laugh, but his eyes became more and more red, and his voice was hoarse and unable to utter.

"Okay, it's okay, it's okay. It's better to be okay, come and give me hugs."

Then, Li Weidu suddenly couldn't hold on anymore.

Feeling the warmth of the contact parts of the body, resting his chin on the man's shoulder, hugging the man's back, he let out a moan-like cry slowly and slowly.

Really... sometimes, almost hating the world, hating myself.

But I really love you.

I'm not normal, maybe I'm sick, it hurts.Please, continue to pamper me.

In the suppressed sobs, he heard Ji Kai take a deep breath.

Kissed the top of his head, then kissed his forehead.As if afraid that his back would be stained with the coolness of the glass, he buttoned his whole body into his arms again, and hugged him gently.

It's obviously a broken thing, but why... doesn't he dislike it?

It suddenly occurred to me that when I was a child, I was taken by school to a paper factory during my spring outing.The old, worn-out torn paper was rubbed by workers, drained, filtered through a sieve, flattened and pressed on a board, and then sprinkled with pink peach petals.

Little him, like watching a miracle.

The sun shines on it, and the paper slowly dries up, and then becomes white and smooth, like a newborn.