if i could love you

Wen Jiaoer woke up from a nightmare in the middle of the night, and his eyes were still dark.The heavy curtains blocked the cold moonlight outside, and she rolled and turned on the bed, unable to fall asleep in the end. The incident that happened at the age of 16 has become a shadow in her growing experience, and it will become a nightmare to disturb her sleep from time to time.She fumbled for her phone in the dark, clicked on her playlist, and a gentle male voice slowly flowed out from the earphones.

"Inloveyoug□□e

(your love knows no bounds)

Everything up on the cross

(give everything on that cross)

Youbledforme

(you feel sad for me)

To show theme of your heart

(let me see you full of pity)

All my life is yours

(all my life belongs to you)

My life is yours

(my life belongs to you)

Take my heart oh

Lord forever more

(Take my heart away forever oh god)

Woundsforme

(The suffering I endured hurts)

Replacing all my sin and shame

(in place of all my sins and shames)

My life is deemed

(my life is saved)

AsIcalluponyourname

(when I call your name)

All my life is yours

(When all my life belongs to you)

My life is yours

(My life belongs to you)"

This has become her habit. Every time she wakes up from this nightmare, she only needs to put on the earphones to get a moment of relaxation.If she didn't, she couldn't get the 16-year-old scene out of her mind.

She forced herself to sleep, after all, tomorrow is the first day of school after military training, she must make herself in a good state.Because she knew that after dawn, there would be countless eyes and lenses staring at her from the moment she entered the school gate, even a strand of hair that fell on her clothes would not be let go.

Even so, she didn't fall asleep until the sky turned slightly pale.

The next day, Wen Jiaoer arrived at the school early, looked at the crowds swarming outside with cameras, she sighed softly, and was about to get off the car.Manager Simon stopped her and said, "It's still early, sit in the car for a while. There are so many people, don't make any trouble!"

After hearing this, Wen Jiaoer nodded, rested his head on the car seat and closed his eyes.

Simon looked at the blue color in Wen Jiaoer's eyes, and asked with some distress, "Didn't sleep well last night?"

"En!" Wen Jiaoer didn't say much.

"That……"

"Yes, I'm having a nightmare again!" Wen Jiaoer replied before Simon finished asking.

Simon stopped answering after hearing this.This is the tacit understanding between the two for many years, and it is also the secret of the two for many years.

It was almost time, Wen Jiaoer got out of the car after confirming that the makeup and clothes were correct.Today, she was wearing a white T-shirt, a blue denim skirt, and a pair of white canvas shoes on her feet. She was dressed like a student, and her high ponytail was even more energetic.After getting out of the car, there were the expected shots and flashing lights, and she, who was born as a child star, immediately showed her signature "healing smile" reflexively.She has been in the entertainment circle since she was a child, and she already knows how to please the public. For example, in today's occasion - the first day of college, she knows that she doesn't need to try her best to impress anyone, she just needs to show her identity by wearing a clean and tidy attire .If it takes a lot of trouble to toss, it will make people lose their minds.

"Jiaoer, how do you feel on the first day of school?"

"Jiaoer, do you have any plans for college life?"

"Jiaoer, are you tired from the previous military training?"

……

The flash made her feel a little dazzled, and she didn't know whose question to answer for a moment, so she could only smile apologetically.She gently pulled Simon's cuff next to her.Simon immediately understood and led her forward.Two tall assistants held back the crowd rushing towards her.

As long as Simon is around, Wen Jiaoer will feel at ease.When I first debuted at the age of ten, my mother was basically by my side.Later, as I acted in more and more dramas and had more and more fans, my mother couldn't take care of herself alone. When he was 12 years old, he had an assistant named Simon beside him.At that time, Simon was just a girl in her twenties who had just entered the society.Simon himself is a smart person. As he became more and more experienced, he gradually assumed all of Jiaoer's external affairs, and grew from an assistant to her manager from an early age.Jiaoer also trusts her very much, and basically no longer let her mother follow her in the itinerary of these few years, and Simon is always following her.

When I walked into the classroom, most of the classmates had already come, and they greeted her warmly when they saw her coming in.She guessed that her classmates probably already knew about the situation outside the school gate, so she felt a little embarrassed and responded one by one with a blushing face.Then I searched for a seat in the corner of the classroom, not wanting to attract any more attention.She sat alone in the corner, silently watching her classmates laughing and playing.very nice!She thought so much, making friends without any scruples, sitting in the classroom chatting and joking with her classmates.But she can't, her every move is magnified under the camera, she doesn't want to cause trouble to herself, let alone trouble others.

There was a girl like her who sat alone in a corner and read a book silently.Her long black hair was randomly tied in a bun behind her head, her white shirt was hanging loosely on her body, and her lower body was a pair of blue jeans.Jiaoer looked at her face, after all, he had already gone through half a month of military training before school started, and Jiaoer was almost familiar with the faces in the class.Because of being in the entertainment industry since she was a child, Jiao Er has always been taught to be cautious in her words and deeds.Even more so in a new environment.Although Jiaoer didn't talk much, she silently looked at the people around her, which was her habit since she was a child.Only this girl, Jiao Er thinks she has never seen it before.And Jiao Er felt that she was very different from the girls around her.After all, this is the Acting Department of the Drama Academy, and all the female students in the class are beautiful.The more this is the case, the more everyone will work hard, and no one dares to be careless about makeup and clothes.How could there be such a dull person?

While Jiaoer was thinking, the counselor entered the classroom. "Okay, students, stop making trouble. We are going to class. First of all, I would like everyone to introduce themselves..." There was booing all around, and the counselor clapped his hands to signal everyone to be quiet, and continued, "I know everyone in military training I already knew almost all of them when I was there. But I still have some classmates that I don’t recognize, so just let me cooperate with my work, okay? Please everyone!” The counselor’s words elicited laughter.

According to the order of seats from front to back, the students who introduced themselves stepped onto the podium one by one.Wen Jiaoer was the second to last.When she stepped onto the podium, the classroom was quieter than before.Obviously she is the person everyone knows best, after all, she grew up in the public eye, but everyone is also most curious about her self-introduction.

"My name is Wen Jiaoer, I am 18 years old, and I am a native of Pingcheng. I usually like listening to music and watching movies. I am a bit introverted and not very talkative. I may cause trouble for everyone in the next four years. I hope everyone will bear with me." After Jiao Er finished speaking, there was applause as usual.Her heartbeat actually accelerated a little.How can this be more stressful than an audition?

The last one is the girl in the white shirt, "My name is Li Li, my father's surname is Li, and my mother's surname is Li, so my name is Li Li. I am 18 years old this year, and I am from Acropolis. I did not participate because I injured my leg. Military training. I hope I can get along well with everyone in the days to come."

Li Li stood on the podium, and Jiaoer could see her face clearly. She had an oval face, a high nose bridge, thin and tightly closed lips, and her eyes seemed to be looking at everyone below when she was talking, but they seemed to be looking at other places. People are unpredictable.When she spoke, there was almost no expression on her face, without the enthusiasm and vitality of other students when they introduced themselves.When she introduced herself, it was as if she was reading a press release, her tone was very flat, without any emotion in it.

Jiaoer suddenly remembered that during the summer vacation, Li Li had been on Weibo trending searches, as a freshman of Pingcheng Drama Academy with a score of nearly [-] in the college entrance examination.To be picky, the college entrance examination score of nearly [-] points is regarded as a middle-level academic master among ordinary candidates, but it is a top academic master among art students, and it is the kind that is rare in a thousand years.When the results first came out, it was inevitable that Jiao Er, who lived in the public eye, would not be compared.

Jiaoer hadn't been to serious school since she debuted at the age of ten, only a few months before the college entrance examination, and her college entrance examination results were barely passable.Although the cultural achievements are mediocre, the first place in professional courses can be regarded as a perfect answer for the public - they have watched the children who have grown up not regress, and have not disappointed them.But who would have thought that Li Li, who scored nearly [-] points in the college entrance examination, would jump out?At that time, Simon was worried about being tied up and hyped, but he didn't know that there was no news about her on the Internet except for a few photos of her and an account that hadn't posted a few Weibo accounts.She herself was extremely low-key after that, and she didn't even post on Weibo.

After she introduced herself, a boy below said, "Are you the one with the highest score in the college entrance examination? You got more than 600 points!"

"It's not that high, just 598 points!" Li Li's face remained calm.

But everyone gasped when they heard it, there should be no need to add "just" after 590! ?

What follows is a series of precautions for freshmen from the counselor, such as "don't be late, don't leave early, and ask for leave if you have something to do", which is boring and tasteless.The students who heard it below had little interest.But Jiaoer is very fresh, this is the campus life she has almost never experienced!But the counselor dismissed the get out of class without saying too long, and just asked Jiaoer to stay after class.

"Teacher, what do you need from me?" Jiao Er waited for the students to disperse, and went up to talk to the counselor.

"You won't stay in the house in the future, will you? Jiaoer!"

"Well, that's basically the case. But I hope the teacher can reserve a bed for me, because occasionally I may live in the school." Jiaoer felt a little embarrassed when he said this, because after all, it was the first day of school, and it was convenient for me to travel.

"Well, good! I see. The bed should be reserved for you." The counselor seemed easy to talk to.

"Then thank you teacher!" Jiaoer smiled cutely.

After class, the reporters outside had dispersed, and the campus returned to its original appearance.Simon accompanied Jiaoer to the dormitory to pack up the things he had stayed in before.During the military training before, Jiaoer lived in the dormitory provided by the school considering the inconvenience.The dormitory conditions at Pingcheng Drama Academy are pretty good, basically a dormitory for two.She was alone in the room she lived in at the time, and it was said that the other person had not participated in military training, so she hadn't come yet.This is quite convenient, but thinking about it now, wouldn't her roommate be Li Li?

Pushing open the bedroom door, I really saw Li Li sitting on the empty bed before.

"Hello! Li Li!" Jiao Er greeted her with a smile.

"Oh, hello!" Li Li in front of him seemed a little shocked, and put down the book in his hand, probably because he didn't expect his roommate to be Wen Jiaoer.

"I'm here to pack your things. You can use this dormitory alone most of the time in the future. I don't come here often." When Jiaoer said this, she felt a little regretful, after all, she yearned for university campus life.But due to her star status, she can't even live in the dormitory.

While talking, Simon had put her quilt in the box.She wanted to go to help, but was blocked by Simon.Bored, she could only sit in a chair in a daze, helping Simon when it was inconvenient.

Li Li looked at the book with a blue cover in his hand as if no one was there.The two of them had nothing to say, she would not initiate a conversation with Wen Jiaoer like other students.

When Simon was almost done cleaning up, Jiao Er and Li Li said goodbye, saying, "We're leaving first, I won't disturb you, goodbye!"

"Let me take it down for you!" Li Li put down the book at this moment, stood up and said to Wen Jiaoer.

"No need, it's too troublesome! We can do it ourselves!" Li Li's enthusiasm exceeded Jiaoer's expectations.

"There are so many, how do you two take it? Auntie the dormitory manager probably won't let your male assistant come in to get it?" Li Li said looking at Jiaoer's two big boxes and a small box.

Wen Jiaoer looked up at Simon, and after obtaining her consent, said, "Then I will trouble you!"

"It's okay. It should be between classmates!" Li Li still couldn't see the expression on his face.Talking about taking the big box in Jiaoer's hand, Jiaoer smelled the aroma of burnt pine branches on her body, which smelled very good.

Jiaoer remembers filming in the mountains one winter, and it was rainy in the mountains in December, so cold that Wen Jiaoer wanted to break the contract and run away.The conditions in the mountains were harsh, and the crew found pine branches to light a fire to keep warm. The faint scent of rosin rushed over the humid air and warmed up their bodies.Later, Jiaoer never smelled the smell of rosin again.Smelling it on Li Li today, she seems to have returned to the cold winter warmed by a ball of flames.