To Xia Xia

On the way back to school, Bai Xia felt a little dizzy. He put the medicine Li Jiashu bought for him on the table and didn't take it away. Pedestrians passed by him.

The rest of the dormitory hadn't come yet, Bai Xia put down her backpack, climbed onto the bed and fell asleep, but just as she lay down, she felt her stomach was overwhelmed, and she ran to the toilet to vomit for a long time.

Because he hadn't eaten anything since last night, he didn't spit out anything.

In the mirror, his eyes were still a little swollen, and Bai Xia washed them with water several times to get better.

Although the afternoon class was self-study, Bai Xia still went. Asking for leave is a very cumbersome procedure, not to mention he thought he was not that sick yet.

Li Jiashu got home very late at night, and when he was texting Bai Xia, he saw the mobile phone he was charging on the bed, and he didn't take the medicine on the table, Li Jiashu sighed.

He didn't deliberately hide many things from Bai Xia, but he was afraid that he would find it hard to accept, and he couldn't bear to hurt such a pure and beautiful Xia Xia.

He had to admit that his selfishness and cowardice made him unable to resist the temptation of fame and wealth. That was the life he dreamed of, and it was also the life he wanted to give Bai Xia.

He didn't want Bai Xia to live with him in this small house of more than ten square meters for the rest of his life, living beyond his means every day.They can only hug and kiss here, and they can't even hold hands when they go out.

If it was Bai Xia, he would make the same decision, he thought.

It has been half a month since the two saw each other again.

Li Jiashu went to pick him up from school, but Bai Xia was taken aback when he saw him, and stood there without saying a word.Li Jiashu took the initiative to pick up his schoolbag, but Bai Xia's hands tightened and he couldn't let go.

"I'm going home today." He was talking about Li Jiaping. He hadn't been home to see his grandma for a long time.

Li Jiashu slowly let go of his schoolbag, then grabbed his wrist and led him through the crowded crowd.

Bai Xia's chest was pounding, even though they had done more intimate things than this, none of them made him feel more at ease than Li Jiashu holding his hand in the crowd.

"Go back with brother first, and I'll take you to the station in the afternoon." Li Jiashu rubbed his hair and pulled him into his arms. Bai Xia could smell a strong smell of tobacco on him.

Bai Xia's guess was correct, as soon as he entered the room, he saw a freshly emptied ashtray on the table, and a pile of cigarette butts in the freshly replaced garbage bag.

Li Jiashu sat here smoking all morning.

I don't know when it started, but Bai Xia felt that Li Jiashu was gradually different from before. In my impression, the big boy who was laughing and heartless, and would quarrel with Li Qinsheng over trivial matters, became more mature, responsible and self-motivated He cares about his parents, and bought Li Qinsheng a coat when he went home last time.

Bai Xia took off his heavy down jacket, breathed out to warm his frozen hands, Li Jiashu saw his hands and put them in his big palms to warm them.After warming his hands, Li Jiashu covered his frozen red ears with warm palms, rubbed his earlobes with his fingers, and lowered his head to kiss his lips.

Even though it was just a light kiss, Bai Xia also felt out of breath, they didn't talk all the way, the atmosphere was too oppressive.

"what happened?"

Li Jiashu didn't seem to have heard his words, he still hugged him and was reluctant to let go, kissing his hair intermittently, just looking at Bai Xia, the resolution he had made so hard for half a month vanished into nothingness.

Bai Xia felt that he was about to rub himself into his body.

Silence continued to stand between the two, only the unsteady breathing of the two could be heard in the small room, they hugged each other tightly and enjoyed a moment of tenderness, it took a long time for Li Jiashu to speak: "Bao, brother is leaving .”

Bai Xia raised her head suddenly, looked at him with wide and moist eyes, and asked him with a trembling voice, "Where are you going?"

Li Jiashu said: "City B."

He glanced at Bai Xia, he was more ordinary than he imagined, and added: "Tomorrow's car."

He obviously made a good decision, Bai Xia had thousands of reasons circling around his mouth, but he swallowed them all in the end, and only said: "So you came to say goodbye to me?"

"Xia Xia..."

Li Jiashu didn't want to admit it, but he really wanted to see Bai Xia before he left. If possible, he really wanted to put Bai Xia by his side forever, but he couldn't.

"Is there a better job there? It's okay. Anyway, City B is not far away. It takes two or three hours to get there by train. I can visit you when I am on vacation. If my brother has time, he can come back often. It's a good thing..." Bai Xia didn't realize that he had started talking nonsense at all, and tears fell down his cheeks almost instantly. At this moment, his heart was in a bad mood. Li Jiashu was leaving tomorrow, and he only knew now .

"I signed a contract with an acting company in City B. It happened two days ago." He never wanted Bai Xia to know about this. Bai Xia was too dependent on himself. They grew up together, and they rarely separated. Not to mention, if he didn't have himself, he really didn't know what would happen to Bai Xia.

Li Jiashu took a deep breath and continued: "Signed for three years, during the period you can't break the contract, you can't fall in love, and you have to pay liquidated damages if you break the contract."

Bai Xia never felt that he had much understanding, but he immediately understood what Li Jiashu said, "So you didn't come to say goodbye..."

He could hardly bear to continue, "It's here to break up, isn't it?"

Even though this scene has been rehearsed thousands of times in his mind, the affirmative answer at this moment is choked in Li Jiashu's throat and he can't say it.

Now he only dares to hug Bai Xia and not let him go.

"Baby, brother, I'm sorry..."

Bai Xia wanted to push him away, but he felt warm liquid falling on his shoulder, drop after drop, Li Jiashu cried, he had never seen Li Jiashu cry, even when the matter was at its worst, The time when their affair was discovered by Li Qinsheng.He was covered in bruises and did not shed a single tear.

Li Jiashu kept kissing him with red eyes, repeating again and again: "Brother, I'm sorry..."

Bai Xia thought that he could pretend to be calm and unrestrained, just like in TV dramas, without any emotions, but he overestimated himself too much, the moment he called his name, he was already defeated.

He is Li Jiashu's weakness, so why isn't Li Jiashu his weakness?

He bit Li Jiashu's shoulder hard in retaliation, with unprecedented strength, and Bai Xia could taste the taste of blood through the sweater, but Li Jiashu didn't say a word, allowing him to vent.

He will never lose his temper or be self-willed anymore, he will be very obedient, can Li Jiashu not leave...

But he didn't dare to say it, this opportunity was too important to Li Jiashu, it was his lifelong dream, and how could he become a stumbling block in his life?

He doesn't let himself be a burden to the other party.

Bai Xia raised her head to kiss Li Jiashu again, with the determination to bid farewell and full of courage, she nibbled his lower lip with bloody teeth, teasing him in every possible way.Li Jiashu responded to him with unprecedented enthusiasm, he wished he could tear Bai Xia into his belly, but he was also reluctant to let him get hurt a little, he was as careful as a treasure in his palm.

He unscrupulously left hickey marks on Bai Xia's neck, kissed his immature Adam's apple, kissed his white and thin collarbone, and clasped his well-articulated ten fingers.

His Xia Xia——his dear baby.

Bai Xia's swollen lips and bruises on his neck showed the madness of the two of them, but he was not satisfied at all, it seemed that every second he could clearly feel that the person he liked was moving away from him.He was trembling all over his body, choked up several times, and it was difficult to make a sound. Li Jiashu's familiar and heavy breathing was beside his ear. Finally, when the hug came to the end, he allowed himself to regain the ability to speak, his eyes sparkled Looking at Li Jiashu calmly, he said, "Do you want it?"

Li Jiashu looked down at him in surprise, the corners of Bai Xia's eyes had a pink blush, it was a longing that had never been revealed, innocent and alluring.

With just one word from him, Li Jiashu wanted to abandon his own rationality, as well as the world's fame, vanity, ethics and morality.

They went from the small living room to the bedroom. Bai Xia and him sat on the edge of the bed with their fingers intertwined. The heating here is much warmer than the outer room. Li Jiashu stroked Bai Xia's back with calloused hands. The bone pinched against his arm, and Bai Xia stared at the tooth marks she left not long ago, feeling distressed and sad.

"I can."

Li Jiashu knew what he was thinking, and there was no way to confirm the existence of the other party more than this.

But rationality made him reject Bai Xia.

Neither of them said anything, but both of them knew that three years was neither too long nor too short, and there were too many variables.No one knows what will happen tomorrow, he can't gamble on Bai Xia's future with his selfish desires.

"Baby, I can't." He kissed Bai Xia's fingertips reverently, "Maybe you will meet someone better."

"No more!" Bai Xia covered her face with her hands and shook her head desperately.

"There is no one better."