The Mortal

The water in the lake is even colder in summer. "Don't touch the part you don't understand easily."

Harry looked at him fearlessly.

"I'll return this sentence to you as it is. I haven't slept in your head for more than two years, have you? When did you learn to draw conclusions so hastily? Or is this how I am in your eyes-I will always, always be like this ?” His pain was fleeting and disappeared in an instant. "Don't define me casually." He said every word.

Snape's lips curled into a sarcasm. "So you want to say that you've been through enough to finally come to your senses? Believe me, Potter, your poor experience doesn't change anything, there's far more suffering in this world than you can imagine-"

"Oh, what, do you want to come and have a more miserable fucker's life? Come on, Snape, don't be so childish." It was an interesting development. "You think you've done so much for me, so you're entitled to judge my life? You—for me—" He clenched his fists violently, "You protect me—what you do—is Because you made the wrong choice at the beginning, you are saving yourself, it has nothing to do with me, has it? For my mother... Don't deceive yourself. "

"I'll say it one last time." Snape clasped his collar, fingers tightening tightly. "Don't mention her."

Harry ignored him.

"But do you know how lucky you are?" he said softly, as if all his strength had been taken away suddenly. "You have a choice, do you understand?" And then the power came back, and his voice grew heavier, "You had a choice, whether you made a fucking piece of shit or not. But I didn't! I The Dark Lord must be defeated, I must be brave, I must be strong, I must even die."

He stared fiercely at the man in front of him, and seemed to see a further place through the blackness, where there was a boy who was obviously terrified to death but pretended to be calm, because he knew that he was burdened with too many people's expectations, he couldn't lose.He thought he was going to cry, but his eyes were dry.These words have been hidden for too long, and at this moment he doesn't even feel much anger, only a kind of dazed relief.

That doesn't mean he thinks he's right.He just had these thoughts, and they hid in his brain like parasites and gnawed at his nerves bit by bit, destroying his belief day after day.He is also a human being, either born or a shining hero who is invincible, he will be wronged, sad, doubt and need comfort, not much different from any ordinary person in this world.

And desperately, even though it was Snape who stabbed his heart, he still felt a long-lost...dependence.He can't tell anyone, but fucking trust this man who keeps uncovering his scars.

"If I were really dead at that time..." he murmured unconsciously.

Then just when Snape thought he was going to continue, Harry snapped his mouth shut - as if a word had flipped a switch, and the exposed things quickly gathered together and slid back into his head. , and with a final bang, everything is sealed and sealed.

"What if you died at that time?"

Snape pulled him closer, their noses almost touching.That gave him enough to see what was hiding in the green eyes, but it was too late, no, there was nothing.He knew he had stumbled upon something that Potter had been trying to hide from the moment he met him.

"No ifs. I don't like to assume the past." Harry had to throw his head back.

"Go on," Snape ordered.

And Harry gave him a smile back, although there wasn't much of a smile in it.He took the hand that was holding his collar and slowly pulled it away, then took a small step back to open the distance.

"Whether you need it or not, I apologize." He pretended not to understand what Snape was asking for. "But you do need to know that what you said really hurt me so much. If it entertains you, just skip the humiliating part and stop."

Snape's mouth opened and closed, looking hesitant to continue.He should have been decisive and direct, but he really hesitated now, maybe because Potter's apology came too suddenly, or maybe it was because the boy's silent body language was painfully real; more likely, because of something For one reason or another, what he said was not entirely wrong - no matter how much he hated to admit it.

Maybe he was silent for a long time, because the person across from him spoke again - it was strange that Potter was still standing here talking to him properly.

"Thanks." Harry smiled again, more or less sincerely this time. "I feel better. I mean, I didn't mean to, but you're absolutely superb at the art of being an asshole, and I think there's a valid reason why I'm always out of control in front of you."

The smell of gunpowder smoke in the air is less, but it's not comfortable, it's just... that's it.

Snape snorted noncommittally.His tensed shoulders slowly let go.

"Speaking of which, you're not too bad. I'm not surprised that you made some trouble in front of me." After saying this, Harry blinked, and he felt the parts in his head twisted and spliced ​​together. , thinking more clearly than ever - "So you're out of control. You're just trying to piss me off, aren't you?" He tilted his head, his green eyes horribly bright. "Let me think about it, your life is turned upside down and out of your control. So you need to control the only familiar thing in front of you - which, in a nutshell, is me."

Harry, Potter.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Snape said firmly.

At this moment, there was a light ding from the oven.

Harry gave you a face of denial. "You are really keen on holding me in your palm. It used to be, and it is still now." He moved a few steps to the side, bent down and took out the fragrant roast beef. "But you'll have to be careful from now on, sir. I've got you."

He looked a little smug, and Snape was a little bit behind the pace at the rapid and spectacular emotional transition.

"Can you pass me the yellow jar?" Harry said.

He held out his hand.

Snape stared at his waiting hand in mid-air, as though it had grown bristlegrass.He stared for another moment, but anyway, he finally delivered the stupid jar that was closer to him to the other guy.

Their fingers touched briefly and then parted. Harry nodded in thanks, and turned back to work on his one meat and two vegetables (traditional British home cooking), which seemed so commonplace in any household, smoothed the undercurrent of turmoil, and brought a feeling of almost tranquility .

Harry cut the potatoes into strips.

"Actually, I have several ways to arrange you to live in a safe place, but I don't." He said suddenly.

Hearing that, Snape had to be caught paying attention, "Then why not?"

Almost immediately he had a premonition that he would regret the question.

"Probably the same as the reason why you chose to compromise even though you knew this well."

As it turned out, Harry Potter really did not disappoint him.

This time Snape kept his mouth shut, refusing to answer any more.This kid has a terrible instinct.The kitchen might give Potter an effect similar to Felicia, and he planned to stay away from this strange place.

However, the nasty boy stopped him as if he had eyes behind him.

"This has been the most ups and downs of a meal I've ever had, and I hope I don't misuse the seasoning. Now please do me a favor and help set the plate, I want French fries," Harry grumbled. "Just 10 more minutes. I'm literally starving to death."

The feeling of graduation is not as exciting as imagined.He only felt that the unprecedented amount of time was like an endless black hole, and the days became so empty without the full schedule of courses, and then the emotions that had been put on hold hit his face vigorously.

He had spent two weeks at the Black House, which had been a wrong choice but he had nowhere else to go.The invitation from the Burrow had become unacceptable, and he couldn't face the tears of grief at the loss of their sons Molly and Ginny.There's enough Galleons in Gringotts to buy him a decent house, but he can't think of a decent reason to convince himself that this will be your home from now on.

He didn't know what to do with those.Endless guilt and self-blame, loss without a sense of belonging.Countless nightmares were reported on time every night. He smashed the solid wooden tables and chairs in the living room to vent something, but all he got was extra wounds on the back of his hands and soles of his feet.

Two weeks later when he opened the wretched door that had been smashed to the ground, Hermione gave him a resounding slap, and before he could react, she pulled him into a warm embrace.

"One. I wrote you so many letters, but you haven't replied to any of them." She was trembling as she hugged him. "I thought you were dead."

"I'm sorry, Hermione," he said, patting her on the back. "I would never do that kind of thing."

He tidies up the room.Fragments of tables and chairs are being restored