you are my lungs

It was difficult for Qin Baichuan to figure out whether he liked He Qi or not.

It can't be said that he has low emotional intelligence, but he has been avoiding feelings for too long.

When he was in elementary school, he realized that his family was unusual. There were five people in his family: father, mother, sister, him, and Uncle Zhao.

Uncle Zhao is five or six years younger than his parents, and he is very close to his father.

Qin Baichuan didn't understand too many things at that time, but every time he saw his mother's sad face, he knew that it must be his father who did something wrong. It was his father who brought Uncle Zhao into this family as he wanted, which caused his mother to cry.

And Uncle Zhao didn't seem very happy, because his father often didn't come home all night.Many nights, the sound of dropping a needle can be heard in the huge house, after all, no one wants to talk.

When he was in junior high school, his mother finally made up her mind to divorce. She refused to take any property from the family, and only asked her father to send tuition fees to the two children every year.The mother took the two siblings back to grandma's house. From then on, the three of them lived in one bedroom of the grandma's house, and the expenses of the four were maintained by the mother's salary alone.

At that time, the mother often worked late at night, and before going to bed, she would quietly go to the two children's beds, watch them silently, and sometimes shed tears.

Qin Baichuan was usually not asleep at that time, and hearing his mother's slight sighs, he also suffered from insomnia.Because he was aware of his orientation.

At first he was unwilling to admit it, refused to accept it, and forced himself to like girls.

Later he discovered that it was all futile, how could it be possible to reverse it when he was born like this?

He accepted the fact that he liked this boy, but he didn't dare to like anyone, he was afraid that he would hurt his mother, and he was also afraid that he would hurt other people in his future life like his father.

In his cognition, his orientation is sinful.

In the years of junior high school and high school, he had a very difficult time. He forced himself not to have much contact with people, and even the conversations were not lukewarm, and he did not observe others, so that he would not be tempted by anyone.

However, he still didn't escape. Someone fell in love with him, and that person was just that.

Although Qin Baichuan has been shutting himself up all the time, he is not slow. The two seats are only separated by an aisle, and He Qi's eyes following him are like warmth, getting hotter day by day.

Qin Baichuan tried his best to push He Qi away time and time again, even sometimes, he was startled by the indifference in his words.

Once he became stubborn, Qin Baichuan realized that he could be such an indifferent person.

And everything he did was just to hide in his own shell, not so much for not hurting others, but rather because he was afraid of being hurt himself - when he understood this truth, it was already the third year of high school.

The third year of high school puts a lot of pressure on people. The atmosphere in the class is not good. Everyone seems to be living in a powder keg. Qin Baichuan is tired and lonely.

When he treated him indifferently, the gloomy look in He Qi's eyes, for some reason, became clearer and clearer in Qin Baichuan's mind.

... In the end, I still hurt others, Qin Baichuan thought, escape and indifference are also hurt.

On the day he turned 18, he went to change his name to Qin Baichuan, who accepts all rivers and rivers. First, he must learn to tolerate himself in order not to hurt others.

From then on, I will be whoever I am, and if someone loves me, I will love him.

Accepting oneself is difficult to achieve overnight, Qin Baichuan has tried stumblingly for ten years, and has been in love twice, but it is a pity that he was too timid to achieve a positive result.

His superficial personality has changed, and he is more and more jovial. Others think he is optimistic, but in fact, he knows in his heart that he is still in a prison, and he has not taken a few steps at all.

His grandma and mother left early, his sister got married, and Qin Baichuan still stayed at home. He wanted family members more and more, but he still didn't dare to take the initiative to look for them. He just stood there and waited, hoping that one day, he would be able to Wait until someone like He Qi...

In a few years, he waited for Chu Chu, and in a few years, he waited so much.

On the day when he met He Qi again, Qin Baichuan was sitting in the consultation room, and saw the name that popped up in the registration system: He Qi.

He was shocked, and turned to look at the door. When He Qi walked in, he couldn't be sure. After all, He Qi had changed a lot in the past ten years.

He Qi didn't recognize him, and he didn't dare to act rashly. After hesitating for several days, he finally made up his mind and asked He Qi where he went to junior high school.

He once hurt He Qi, now he wants to do something, make it up,

There may be no hope of falling in love, why don't you remember much about junior high school now, Qin Baichuan feels that all he can do is to take him out for a walk, relax his mind, let him stop being so negative, and let his body recover well. faster.

And, if you get a chance, apologize to him.

I was too selfish in the past and hurt you, sorry.

Qin Baichuan was not in a hurry when he couldn't apologize. After all, the future is long, so why don't he dislike him now, and he likes Chuchu quite a bit.

When he returned home that night, he saw Chu Chu and He Qi falling asleep on the table, and his heart suddenly softened.

He knew that what he had always wanted might just be what he was seeing.

He also knew that He Qi didn't have that affection for him now, but he was still blindfolded by a momentary delusion, He Qi slept with a calm face, like a child, as if he was waiting for him.

He leaned over and kissed He Qi lightly on the face, just for a moment, something seemed to sprout in his heart.

In a short time, he still couldn't tell what it was, but now he felt very complicated about He Qi, including guilt, appreciation, and concern.

The past matter is still stuck in his heart, and new feelings are growing rapidly, Qin Baichuan shrinks back a little, and wants to take it slowly.

Fortunately, He Qi has a good sense of proportion, neither avoids nor speaks out.

Qin Baichuan thought, this matter should not be rushed, let me take it step by step.

During the lunch break, he sent He Qi a WeChat message: I am on duty tonight, can I trouble you to pick up Chu Chu?

He Qi: Good.

At six o'clock in the afternoon, He Qi appeared at the kindergarten gate on time. The weather was getting warmer and warmer. Chu Chu put on a small skirt and walked among a group of children. When she saw He Qi, she waved her hands and shouted, "Uncle He!"

He Qi also waved to her.

Back in Mantingyuan, He Qi found a key: "Look, your father gave me the key to your house."

Qin Chuchu: "Oh~"

He Ji didn't understand her calculating expression, opened the door and entered the room in confusion, and suddenly heard movement in the bathroom.

The people inside also heard the door rang, and came out: "Baichuan?"

He Qi couldn't help being surprised, the woman in front of him had short hair and looked... very similar to Qin Baichuan.

Qin Chuchu didn't even change her shoes, so she ran over and hugged her thigh: "Mom!!"

He Qi understood that this was Qin Baichuan's sister who had returned.

The other party didn't see him either, and cut straight to the point: "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought it was Bai Chuan who came back. Are you... Bai Chuan's boyfriend?"

"Ah??? I..." He Qi blushed immediately, "I'm not, I'm Baichuan's classmate, I live quite close, come and pick up Chuchu for him."

The other party also knew that he was too reckless to ask, so he hurried over to shake hands: "I'm sorry, Baichuan has never had a companion, I was thinking about it... I am Baichuan's older sister, and my name is Qin Xiang."

He Qi also smiled and replied, "I am a junior high school classmate of Baichuan, and my name is He Qi."

"What's wrong?" Qin Xiang raised his eyebrows, "What's wrong with you?"

He Qi became confused again: "Bai Chuan mentioned me to you?"

Qin Xiang hesitated to speak, Qin Chuchu was pulling the corner of her clothes, raised her index finger to her mouth and told her not to speak, she knew that this matter must not be easy, weighed it, and finally said only one sentence: "Yes... ... Baichuan has a deep impression on you."