You who walk against the light

Lin Yuan tried his best to behave normally, "You are greeted by the whole family, are you in a good mood?"

An Ran caught a dodging gaze from his eyes, and her face returned to calm: "How is your sleep recently? Have you suffered from insomnia?"

Lin Yuan put the pillow in his arms, avoiding An Ran's sight, and said lightly, "It's okay."

An Ran rolled her eyes: "It will be all right after a while, you see my Weibo has been slaughtered like that, I'm still living like that."

"Sister An Ran, your way of comforting people is very special, hahaha..."

An Ran walked over to Lin Yuan, sat beside him, and turned her head to look at him, "A Yuan, I'm not joking with you, your contract is about to expire soon, no matter what happens, stick to it." , she slowed down, "Kaifan has been busy recently, you have to take care of yourself."

Lin Yuan cleared his throat, his face returned to normal, "I know."

"Speak out if you feel uncomfortable, don't be the same as before, keep everything in your heart." An Ran breathed a sigh of relief, "I know that depression can only be alleviated, but it is difficult to cure it."

The smile on the corner of Lin Yuan's mouth dissipated, his face looked a little cold, and his hands around the pillow loosened a little.I don't know why, every time he sees An Ran, he can always relax a little bit, and he doesn't have to pretend to be normal.

The atmosphere was a little quiet, and An Ran was worried that he would feel uncomfortable if he continued to ask. When she turned her head, she found that the window near the balcony was full of succulent plants. She changed the subject with a smile: "Hey? A Yuan, when did you like plants?"

Lin Yuan followed her gaze, "Last time Li Meng brought it back for me," he said, his brows twisted, "My mother used to like raising it, and later Kaifan also liked collecting it. I'm bored recently. Although there is no way to raise kittens and puppies, it is still possible to take care of a few plants."

There was a gratifying smile in An Ran's eyes, "Yeah, even if you take a break, you should find something to pass the time, don't get too emotional, it's not good for yourself."

Lin Yuan's heart was pounding, it turned out that there was nothing he could hide from An Ran, although she was not a psychiatrist, she knew more or less about her previous situation.He felt a little embarrassed and caused trouble for An Ran again.

"Why don't you speak?"

Lin Yuan replied, "I don't know what to say."

An Ran sighed, palm up, "Mobile phone."

Lin Yuan asked vigilantly, "Why?"

An Ran moved her fingers, "Here, I'll delete some social software for you."

Lin Yuan reluctantly said, "I usually don't look at it deliberately."

"Delete." An Ran stared at him with a non-negotiable attitude, but her tone was gentle, "You don't have to let me see your phone, I'll watch from the side, and you delete it yourself, that's okay, right? "

"You can put it back if you delete it." Lin Yuan glanced at her quickly.

An Ran said: "No, you promised me, and you will not go back on your word."

Only then did Lin Yuan take out his phone, and in front of An Ran, he deleted several commonly used social software, except WeChat.

An Ran looked at him with relief: "Don't search for those black materials, think about something good. Didn't fans make a lot of figurines before? When you're really in a bad mood, you can take them out and have a look."

Lin Yuan nodded perfunctorily. In fact, it is useless to look at those things when he is depressed. The meaning of enthusiasm is to make people hope, not to melt those pervasive malice.

Just like the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference.

In the face of goodwill, he will not be smug, so it is difficult for goodwill to be infinitely magnified.But in the face of malice, he has been hacked for a long time, even if he is trying his best to remain dull, he still feels pain.

This kind of pain is very sharp, but it is extremely difficult to detect, like fear, palpitation, or doubt, it always makes people shudder suddenly.It's like walking on the road, worrying about where a truck will rush out and hit yourself all the time.

In fact, he wanted to see what the weather was like that day, but before he could raise his head, he was crushed into mashed potatoes.

He felt that he was housed in a closed glass jar, and he could see the colorful world. He saw Kaifan walking towards him, Li Meng was bouncing and talking, Chen Nan leaned to the side, and sometimes Anran would stare at him

.

He seems to be in the same world as them, but he doesn't seem to be.

Whenever they asked themselves with concern: A Yuan, what's wrong with you, what's wrong with you?Need some help?

Every time Lin Yuan jumped up and down twice seriously and enthusiastically, trying to prove that there was nothing unusual about him.Only he knows that every time he jumps twice, the oxygen in the sealed jar will be consumed faster until he suffocates.

He tried to get out, but he found he couldn't get out of the glass jar.

What went wrong?

It's hard to describe this feeling clearly at once, and it changes the meaning when I say it.In Kaifan's words, it seems to be hypocritical, but what exactly is "hypocrisy" that makes people so uncomfortable?In my impression, shouldn't hypocrisy be "sorry for new words"?

Thinking of this, Lin Yuan was unwilling to say more, and his breathing was a little heavy.

He only knew that he was very bad now, and wanted to find a place to hide. As for where it would be more comfortable to hide, he hadn't found it yet.

Anyway, I can't go to Beijing, and I can't stay with Kaifan, because he will be more anxious and unbearable, which will accelerate the arrival of a bad state.If it wasn't because the house was rented, the subsequent living conditions would be adjusted due to the expiration of the contract. Lin Yuan really wanted to raise a dog or a cat. Only when facing animals, he didn't need to pretend and could concentrate on nothing. any psychological burden.

Lin Yuan was a child who was well taken care of by his mother since he was a child. His shoes and socks were always clean. Even if he got dirty from playing football, his mother would not criticize him.The clothes and pants are clean and tidy, and even the pencils in the stationery box have been sharpened by my mother in advance.When he was in elementary school, he often lost things and lost his erasers within a few days. His mother would buy a lot for him to prepare. Sometimes he would lean on the sofa and watch TV, and he could even touch the erasers that had fallen into the corners.

Zhong Kaifan also treats him sincerely, although he loses his temper occasionally, but this does not affect Zhong Kaifan's cherishing him, and he is reluctant to let him suffer a little bit.Zhong Can, his best friend when he was young, was generous and kind, and treated him well from the bottom of his heart.

For a long time, Lin Yuan was a full and happy person.

I don't know when, the love and trust that he was proud of had gradually become a burden, making him unable to breathe.The more they loved him, the more he wanted to run away because he found he couldn't give them anything back.

This feeling is too bad.

Lin Yuan really wanted to say to Zhong Kaifan: Kaifan, I really feel that I am very bad. I am not pretending to be hypocritical or looking for any affirmation. Why do you not believe it?

Whenever he looked at Zhong Kaifan's sincere and firm eyes, he couldn't say anything. He guessed that Kaifan probably had a hard time understanding this feeling, and only thought him strange.

Because in the eyes of normal people, why do people live with so much self-blame?

What's more, in the eyes of others, you are a popular traffic, earn a lot, and have so many fans, why are you so hypocritical?

But Lin Yuan couldn't control this feeling. The last time Zhong Kaifan had a video call with him, he almost lost control of his emotions.He didn't want to lose his temper with Kaifan, how could he lose his temper with Kaifan?

Sensing Lin Yuan's mind-wandering, An Ran couldn't help stretching out her hand and shaking it in front of his eyes, "A Yuan?"

"Ah?" Lin Yuan came back to his senses, forced a smile, "What did you just say?"

There was worry in An Ran's eyes, and she thought for a while before saying, "If you don't want to tell me something, you can contact Dr. Cheng, she is a trustworthy person, and she is very professional in psychotherapy."

Lin Yuan nodded, his face looked a little pale, "I see."

Seeing that it was getting late, An Ran stood up, "Is there anything you want to eat recently? I'll tell Li Meng."

Lin Yuan scratched his hair, "I can take care of myself, okay? It's not good to bother her."

An Ran carried her bag: "If it wasn't for your inconvenience to go out, I wouldn't bother to care."

He was about to get up to see her off, so An Ran walked to the entrance, looked towards the kitchen: "Is there any rubbish that I need to take out for you?"

Lin Yuan's heart warmed, and he looked at the trash can in the kitchen, "It's nothing, just a few discarded vegetable leaves, which haven't been filled yet."

An Ran said: "You go

If you bring it up, I won't go in, so as not to trample on your house. "As she said, she folded her arms around her chest, as if she could not refuse.

Lin Yuan squinted his eyes, feeling that An Ran's stubbornness was very similar to Zhong Kaifan.

He went into the kitchen, fastened the garbage bag in twos and outs, and handed it to An Ran: "Hey, the little girl who collects the garbage—"

An Ran couldn't help laughing out loud: "Hey, I'm older than you, okay?"

Lin Yuan said: "A woman is a little girl all her life." As he spoke, he smiled with a very sincere look.

With a smile on her face, An Ran raised the bag in her hand a little, and found that it was indeed vegetable leaves. It seemed that Lin Yuan really ate well and did not eat junk food perfunctorily, so she was a little relieved.

An Ran was about to open the door to go out, Lin Yuan said: "Sister An Ran, next time you can just call me directly, you don't need to come and see me, you are usually busy with work."

An Ran said, "Why, can't I come over and take a look?"

Lin Yuan patiently explained: "Before you were spreading the story about the relationship between your sister and younger brother, you didn't think about it for yourself? If you really want to be photographed by Yuji, you will have to be on the hot search tomorrow."

An Ran squinted her eyes, and her smile was a bit smug, "Is it okay for me to catch the heat?" She said, seeing Lin Yuan's serious face, she quickly restrained her joke: "It's okay, the relationship between siblings is better than the matter between you and Kai Fan It's better to expose."

After talking here, Lin Yuan couldn't help asking: "How to deal with that photo?"

When mentioning work, An Ran's left eye suddenly twitched, and she looked at him with hatred: "How to deal with it? Of course it is to refute the rumors!"

Lin Yuan laughed out loud, "Hey, Sister An Ran, this matter is hard to clean up, thank you for your hard work." He patted her on the shoulder solemnly.

An Ran patted his hand, "It's good that you know!" After she finished speaking, she pushed the door angrily and went out, throwing Lin Yuan a dull sound of closing the door.

It wasn't until the sound of An Ran's high heels gradually disappeared outside the door that Lin Yuan breathed a sigh of relief.

He sat back on the sofa, raised his head, and felt that what An Ran said was right, he really had to see Dr. Cheng this week.No matter how bad it feels, he still longs to live a normal life.