The river is exhausted

As we approached our hometown, the weather was gloomy again, and the iron-gray sky was full of metal.The cold wind accompanied by heavy snow, humming in Shen Rujiang's ears.Standing on the soil slope outside the village and looking at it, under the vast sky, two-story or flat-roofed small western-style buildings with gray bricks and white tiles stand in forests in the village.

The asphalt road was built into the village from where he came from, and there were gusts of cold wind and smoke from the cooking.

The small village in my impression is a dirt road, and every time it rains, there will be small puddles on the ground.The houses are just tile-roofed houses that are very common in the countryside. It seems that time can not only change people.

It took Shen Jinjiang some time to find the small house they used to live in. On the fence outside the yard, the lock seemed to have never been opened since it was locked five years ago.He didn't have a key, but he easily climbed over the small adobe wall.

The crooked old tree in the yard was still there, but it was standing bare in the cold wind and snow.The door of the house was also locked, and the statue of Guan Gong and Zhang Fei on the wooden door was so broken that there were only a few edges left. He walked around to the backyard with ease.

The cages for raising chickens and ducks have been broken, and the small enclosed vegetable garden is also covered by thick snow.There was also a tree in the backyard. He squatted down, scraped away the thick snow, took out a rusty shovel from the side of the breeding cage, and began to dig the frozen ground.

His arm hadn't had any stitches removed, so it was still a bit of a hassle to move around.He reckoned that it could be removed in two days, and the wound might be almost healed.Because the temperature is low in winter, the blood flow is slow, so the cell growth is slow, so the wound healing speed is also slow.

Fortunately, the young man was brisk with his hands and feet. After digging hard for a while, he quickly dug out a small box from the ground.The box is an iron box, and some rust has developed after being buried for a long time.Open the box, and inside lies a key.

Shen Rujiang took out the key and went around to the yard again.Inserting the key into the lock, when he was about to turn it, Shen Jinjiang's hand trembled and he hesitated for a long time.Only then did he turn around abruptly, and because he didn't pick it up, the lock fell to the ground with a bang.

Only then did Shen Jinjiang wake up, and stretched out his hand to push open the wooden door, making a creaking sound, accompanied by scattered dust.It's like starting an old movie.

He seemed to see the figure of his young self running past in the tidy living room.Grandma was sitting on a wooden chair, and on the table was a bamboo basket with needles and threads in it.She was threading the cloth in her hand stitch by stitch, and her eyes fell on him from time to time.

Uncle suddenly came out of the bedroom and yelled, "Mom, I'm hungry, come here Irie, I know you're hungry too."

The young self chuckled, ran over while sucking his snot and fart.

The corners of Shen Jinjiang's mouth rose unconsciously and then collapsed, because in front of him was only the living room full of dust and cobwebs, which was gloomy and gloomy.

Turning around and walking towards grandma's bedroom, he only came back this time to pick up some things he forgot to take at the beginning.

Opening the penultimate drawer of the cabinet, a burst of dust came out, choking and sinking into the river.After coughing a few times to calm down, he saw a thick letter inside, and the envelope had turned yellow over the years.

On the envelope was written "To Irie. Quiet Letter." The letter had never been opened.

Irie is himself, and Shen Jing is his mother.After getting the envelope, he didn't rush to open it.I put it in my backpack and looked at the watch on my wrist. It was already 12:30 noon.He has to rush back.

It will take two or three hours to take a bus from here to the city, and the ticket will go back at 06:30 in the afternoon.

After locking the door of the old house again, Shen Jinjiang stood in front of the door in a daze for a while before retreating out.Now there are more active people in the village, and people can often be seen walking on the path. Obviously, they are also very curious about this young face-faced boy.

After arriving outside the village, no one was there.Shen Rujiang walked all the way up the asphalt road.The place where he grew up in the back is getting farther and farther away from him, the place full of his childhood memories.

A cry 17 years ago.A week later, the biological mother passed away.12 more years to live.And my grandmother who died five years ago.There is also the uncle who suddenly disappeared three years ago.

Shen Rujiang plugged in the earphones, and he didn't know which song was played in it, but the lyrics echoed in his brain word by word.

In this old dream, life is like singing.

Who else is coming.

Memories are played like silent movies, engraving every inch of the old time.

He said to wander like this, to a beautiful place.

Who sings softly, softly.

Whose tears flow quietly.

Wish to turn into a pair of birds to fly.

Ren was crying and screaming behind him, but he couldn't catch up.

Another year, in the middle of July, the night was cool, and the setting sun gradually dwindled, only shadows grew.

In this old dream, the sound of a lone oar echoes far away.

Go away, forget.

On the asphalt road leading to the sky, a traveler with a backpack is getting farther and farther away from the village behind him.He would turn over one bumpy road after another and keep going.

At night, Shen Rujiang returned to Shanghai.The city in the night is brightly lit and bustling.He didn't return to the place where he lived, and if he wanted to go back, he would at least have to wait until after the Chinese New Year.So I found an affordable hotel to stay in and ate something for dinner.

There are still two days left before the Spring Festival, and the streets have already begun to feel new year.Shen Rujiang sat on the balcony on the 25th floor, squinting at this strange yet familiar city.

The letter that had already been opened was pressed under the wine bottle at the side, so he opened another bottle of wine and took a big gulp into his mouth.He suddenly stood up from the ground, put his hands on the cold railing, and yelled into the night, never thought that he would meet his mother in such a way.

Shen Rujiang thought he would not cry anymore, but when the cold liquid slid across his cheeks, he raised his hand to touch it, but was startled.The letter that had been sealed for 17 years was opened, and many things that Shen Shenjiang was confused or completely unaware of were poured into his brain.

He raised his hand and wiped the frozen tears with his clothes. He squatted down and took out the envelope that was under the wine bottle.He took out a photo from inside, and the yellowed photo printed the appearance of the two people in the long river of time.

The appearance of one of them was both familiar and unfamiliar to him, because it was in his childhood.Grandma once showed him a picture of her, she was his biological mother.But compared to the photo my grandmother gave me, the mother in this photo looks younger.Tied with two braids and wearing a student uniform from the Republic of China period, she is very delicate.

She looked a little shy standing next to a female classmate who was half a head taller than her. Self-confidence is also very public.

Although the mother looked shy, her affectionate and fascinated eyes were firmly fixed on that woman.He felt that the woman's eyebrows and eyes were inexplicably familiar, but he couldn't figure out where this strange sense of familiarity came from.

Shen Rujiang's hands couldn't help shaking. What could be more shocking than when his biological mother told him in a letter that she was actually gay?Even his birth was under her pain.

His hand holding the wine bottle became tighter and tighter, and the veins on the back of his hand were stretched.Suffering and confusion filled his heart at this moment. He raised his head and looked at the city from a distance. Looking at the city from this height, he squinted his blurred eyes, which seemed a little unreal.

Where is his sense of reality in this world?Shen Rujiang thought.

Putting the photos and letter back in the envelope, Shen Shenjiang pushed open the balcony door and walked into the room.His originally stiff body gradually warmed up, he put the letter on the table properly, and pressed it with the bottle he was holding in his hand, and the empty wine bottle.

No matter what, this is the only thing that his mother left for him other than life, and it is always good to stay.Sitting down on the sofa, he began to feel drowsy.

Shen Jinjiang's alcohol capacity is actually quite good, but if he drank several bottles like this, he would still get drunk.He leaned his head back on the chair, closed his eyes, and fell asleep without any worries. There was indeed nothing to worry about, because there was nothing.

At the same time, in the same city.Jiang Youpan was leaning on the balcony, making international calls with his mobile phone in his hand.His eyes, usually full of hostility, were soft at this moment, and he looked at the dimly lit city from afar.

"You really don't want me to see you?" Jiang Youpan laughed, with a complaining voice: "The old man's family, it's inconvenient to live there alone. How about I take you back to the country and come with me Come on, don't keep guarding that farm all the time, at your age, you can do something, don't show off at that time, and when I want to farm in the future, I will plant it for you."

"You brat!" An old man's voice came from the phone, but the voice was full of anger: "I can't speak nice things when I was young, look at your mouth. How will you please me in the future?" To the daughter-in-law? Anyway, you have been visiting me in the United States every year for the past few years, and it won’t matter if you miss one year...but your mother and your father..."

Before the old man finished speaking, Jiang Youpan's originally soft eyes became sharp again, and even his tone became tough: "Don't mention them to me, it's disgusting. I don't even look at Lao Tzu even if I look down upon you. My son wants to please me to be their successor. Is it really a dream? Besides, they have been divorced since I can remember, one is in Australia and the other is in Germany. Do I have time to go and see them?"

Seeing that the old man wanted to say something again, Jiang Yousi interrupted the old man's words again: "Even if I have time, I don't want to go, let's see what they do. What a waste of energy? I guess they would also like not to see me."

The old man on the other side of the phone was silent for a long time, and then he sighed and said slowly: "It's up to you, you have lived casually since you were a child. I don't need to care about anything, and I have grown up now. I am too. You should rest assured."

Quiet suicide note:

To, Shen Rujiang:

Before I decided to write this letter, my heart was still very complicated. If you can read this letter, it means that I am no longer by your side, but I don’t know how long I can be with you.I don't know how old you are now, are you an adult?How tall are you?Is it fat or thin?How about studying?how is lifeHow is your personality?Do you have many friends?How are grandma and uncle?

I am your biological mother, and my name is Shen Jing.You were born by me by the river, and your name was given to you by your grandmother.When you were born, your grandmother told your fortune, saying that the five elements lacked water.

I don't know what time you are now, my words now.You sleep next to me, a small life, really amazing.I am writing this letter to tell you something.You should be very puzzled about me and your father.

In fact, I never loved your father, but he pursued me crazily at that time.And even ran to the house to propose marriage to your grandma. Your grandma knew about my situation at that time, so she wished that I could marry him right away.

I'm married too, because there is nothing like despair.What your grandma is worried about is... I'm somewhat afraid that you won't be able to bear it.I might be gay because I'm in love with someone of my gender.

I didn't expect that she also liked me, and we both made it clear later, of course it was she who took the initiative... If it wasn't for her, I might never have dared to say it for the rest of my life.

After we made it clear, we became together naturally, and we had a good life in the first few years.But this kind of feeling can never be blessed, nor can it be recognized by the world.We came out, but were strongly opposed by both parents.

Her family is a big family, and it is indeed not something I can climb up to.Her parents treated me hard and softly, but I was also very afraid of ruining her future.But she made me believe in her and stick to it no matter what.

So I insisted, but what I didn't expect was that it was her who said goodbye in the end.Although I don't know why, she got married quickly, and she was a perfect match for the man.

A year later she also gave birth and looked very happy.Only I have been unwilling to believe that it is true, and I have been crazy all day long.

Later I married your father and gave birth to you a year later.Your father didn't know that I was a womanizing monster when he married me.But four months into your pregnancy, he knew.

His reaction is a very normal reaction, after all, it is such an era.He was quite disgusting, looking at me like he was looking at some kind of virus.He forced me to divorce him and even beat you up, even though I never liked him, I agree to the divorce.But if I want to kill you...

sorry.I did have this thought, if your grandma hadn't tried her best to stop you, maybe you wouldn't have been born in this world.

Later, I divorced him and went back home to live with your grandmother and your uncle until you were born, until today.

Would you feel hated on me?I gave birth to you but never took any responsibility for you. I once wanted to terminate your unformed life, and let you have such a life.And I'm still a woman who likes women, so I must feel disgusted.

However, into the river.When I gave birth to you, I seemed to be relieved of everything. I will always be your mother. No matter where you are or what you are doing, I will always love you forever!

No matter what the future holds, I hope you can go on strong.Some people's lives are destined to bear.Irie, sorry.

Calm