The Records of the Library

In He Ai's memory, You Wan cried three times.

Once, when he was four or five years old, he was at his grandpa’s house in the countryside. He still remembers that it was afternoon, there was a parallelogram of sunlight in the courtyard, and the adults were eating melon seeds and chatting in the main room. Grass bugs.

Mao Ziqi chased away the orange cat raised by his grandma, and almost knocked over the hot water for making tea. His mother scolded him, and the orange cat took the opportunity to run to the roof. Convergence, ran over bumpy.

"He Ai, what are you doing?"

"Play." He Ai said, not wanting to talk to this cousin who annoys both adults and children.

Mao Ziqi flattened a worm he had made, "What's so interesting about this, let's catch crabs together!"

You Wan said that being an older brother should be magnanimous.He Ai was not angry, but she didn't want him to continue to sabotage, so she compromised: "Okay."

While the adults were not paying attention, they quietly carried a small bucket and slipped to the river behind the house. There were many strange-shaped stones on the river bank. If they were lucky, there would be small crabs underneath. Uncle once took them to catch them.

He Ai said he wanted to catch crabs, so he concentrated on catching crabs. In the scorching summer, he was sweating profusely in a short while. When he raised his head to wipe the sweat, he caught a glimpse of Mao Ziqi walking to the river, with both calves submerged. in the water.

"Maomao!" He Ai called him, and hurried over to pull him back, "Don't get too close."

Mao Ziqi excitedly pointed to a place a little farther away in the river: "Look, there is a big white fish there! It's the Dragon King of White River!"

Baihe Dragon King is a ghost mentioned in my uncle's bedtime story. If you catch it, you can make a wish to it.If they were older, they would know that this is a localized version of the story of the fisherman and the goldfish.

Xiao He Ai believed it was true, and took a closer look, it seemed that there was a big white fish not far from the river bank.

"Brother." Mao Ziqi is the same as he grew up. He only calls out to him when he begs. We, will let us make a wish!"

He Ai thought for a while, if you catch Baihe Dragon King, you can make a wish to it, so that the adults will not scold them.And he really wanted a LEGO model of the Millennium Falcon.

He Ai took off her shoes, "I can swim, I'll catch them, you stay on the shore well."

Mao Ziqi even claimed it was, and cheered him on.

He Ai walked into the river step by step, and found that the big white fish looked close, but it was still some distance away. When the water level reached his thigh, he took off his shirt and threw it to Mao Ziqi on the bank.

The accident happened at this time, he didn't look at the road, stepped on a mossy stone at the bottom of the river, slipped and fell, and was directly swallowed by the river, and the current washed him away from the river bank in an instant.

Mao Ziqi on the shore was startled and dumbfounded, and after realizing it, he burst into tears: "Mom—brother, brother fell into the water!"

Fortunately, the house was not far away. When the adults heard the crying, they immediately ran out to check the situation. They found He Ai thumping in the river and rescued him in time.

Mao Ziqi was severely beaten by his mother, but You Wan was not angry at all. He Ai ran to the river without permission, but hugged him tightly, without saying a word, and shed tears for a long time.

He Ai felt that she was making a fuss out of a molehill, and everyone was watching, so she was still a little embarrassed, so she kept wiping her tears with her wet little hands, hoping that she would be happy as soon as possible.

He only found out later that when You Wan was pregnant just in time for the establishment of the studio, she was also very busy during her pregnancy.He Ai was born prematurely and stayed in the incubator for more than 20 days before being discharged from the hospital. During this period, she went through various hardships, and You Wan always believed that it was her fault.

He Ai was her hard-won treasure, she couldn't bear the slightest risk of losing him, so she was so afraid that she kept crying.

But He Ai wrung her fingers and put it close to her ear and said, "Mom, don't cry. When I see you crying, the river in my heart will swell, and I will be overwhelmed by sadness. At that time, I will not be able to save me, and my mother will not be able to save you." cannot."

Then Youwan stopped crying.

Not long after He Ai was born, the office gradually improved, so You Wan concentrated on staying with He Ai at home, so that most of He Ai's memories were of her.You Wan will play games with him, and you can tell the name he gave to each toy. Every time he participates in competitions, stage performances, and parent meetings, You Wan is never absent.

He also became interested in architecture because of You Wan. When talking about Zaha, the light in her eyes was so dazzling, so He Ai also felt that becoming an architect was a great thing.

It was the first time for He Ai in elementary school to take the No. 1 exam. You Wan put his certificate on the shelf and was very proud: "As expected of my son."

"Is mom No.1 before?" He Ai asked, remembering that He Qishan and her were classmates in college, "Is she better than dad?"

You Wan smiled and said, "Of course. Wan Shan Wan Shan, why is it late in front?"

When He Ai was in junior high school, He Qishan won a German design award and placed it on the bookshelf.One day when He Ai woke up at night, she saw You Wan quietly wiping tears at the trophy through the glass, and couldn't help suppressing her sobs.

This was the second time he saw You Wan crying, and at that moment he deeply felt that he had done something wrong, even though he didn't know where it was wrong.

After that time, He Ai slowly began to learn to take care of herself. He began to live on campus in high school, and You Wan returned to the workplace. She was very happy, so He Ai was also very happy.Even if he finally goes home on the weekend and he is the only one at home, he is also happy.

He thought family members were like this, they didn't need to see each other from time to time, as long as they cared about each other in their hearts, it was enough.

During the period of preparing for the college entrance examination, the school had a holiday once a month. He Qishan and You Wan happened to be free to have dinner with him. Divorced a long time ago, and kept it from him for three full years, until the day he received the admission notice.

It was supposed to be a celebration banquet that day, and He Ai swept all the tableware in front of him to the ground, and forgot to take his mobile phone and wallet, so he just ran back home from the hotel on foot. After running eight stops, he said in his mind, "We are all for your own good. ’ over and over, making him sick.

When he got home, He Qishan and You Wan were already in the living room, so he went straight upstairs, stuffed himself in the room, closed his eyes but couldn't fall asleep, he didn't know how long he lay there.

The door opened, He Ai couldn't see it, but he knew it was You Wan.

The mattress at hand was slightly dented, and it was You Wan who sat down on the edge of the bed.He Ai felt that she was looking at him.But he just pretended to be asleep and refused to open his eyes to look at her.

You Wan said softly, "I'm sorry."

Light as a sigh.

A drop of water fell on his hand, it was cool, and then You Wan put that hand under the quilt, tucked up the corner of the quilt for him, turned up the air conditioner by two degrees, and went out quietly like when he came up.

He Ai still kept her eyes closed until she heard a suitcase rolling by in the corridor, the dull sound of someone stepping on the carpet in front of the stairs, the door downstairs creaking open, and the sound of the car ignition.

He got up from the bed and ran to the window. Through the night, he saw You got into the car at night, but he didn't see it. He guessed it from the corners of her clothes and heels that passed by her. A strange man replaced her. Put your luggage in the trunk.

The car drove away, only the two red lights at the rear of the car drifted away.

This was the last time he saw You Wan cry, and it was also the last time he saw You Wan, but he didn't even open his eyes.

[Mom, I'm not angry anymore, I forgive you. ]

[I am going home. ]

Before takeoff, He Ai sent You Wan another message.

Once you feel like returning home, the trip is over.

He Ai did not complete his 360 kilometers in the end, he got on the flight to J City in the early morning of October 24rd.When the plane leaped into the clouds, he gradually got used to the rumble of the engine and the slight tremor of the fuselage. It can be called anxious and depressed emotions surging in his flesh and blood. He hadn't closed his eyes for [-] hours. Trying to fall asleep in the seat, the headphones are empty.He wanted to play a song at first, but his thoughts were interrupted by something, and the mobile phone was thrown in the bag on the luggage rack, so he let it go.

The light cast on the eyelids reveals an orange curtain, reminding him of the sunset when he just arrived in Qinghai, the sky was full of red and black.Random assignments, upcoming training camps, unknown riders, and partners who have not yet given their horoscopes. At that time, there were obviously many things to worry about, but it seemed easier than it is now.

What's the difference.

When he recalled yesterday, all the innocuous details lingered in his mind, and the broken frames pieced together an incomplete memory.In contrast, like a pot of warm water heated on the stove, some fragments rushed to emerge when he was relaxed, and like the gold fragments shining among the sand and gravel in the river bed, they were precious and could not be ignored.

In the past, yesterday.

Yesterday, there was a sunset as red as blood, and the wind galloping on the road. He was riding a Merida mountain bike alone, reckless, and rushing forward.He fell on the road, and the first thing he got up was not to treat the wound, but to pick up his mobile phone and talk to KL.

"Little Ai, what's wrong with you?"

"I found my mother."

He repeated the words of the innkeeper, only to realize that his brain remembered exactly what he thought was an old fool.

"They are volunteers who participated in public welfare cycling to raise funds for the two cancers. They seem to be patients, but they are inspirational."

"I only remembered it when I saw the logo on their clothes."

He Ai still remembered that he made the phone call on the official website of the Volunteer Association, and he could hear every word clearly, but he didn't know what it meant when connected.He hung up the phone in a hurry, as if there was something terrible on the other end.

Although he didn't complete 360 ​​kilometers, he did get a new start.

You Wan died.

But now He Ai still doesn’t believe it, as if as long as he denies this, You Wan, who taught him to fasten his seat belt, teach him to draw sketches, and fight with him for the Guggenheim Museum, will still be the same as long as he denies it. Go home as fast as you can, the moment you open the door, You Wan will just come out of the kitchen with boiled milk tea, wearing her slippers, she will smile at him the first time she sees him, her skin and The hair has a healthy shine and says "you're back".

Just like the countless days of returning home from school.

The author says:

Two cancers: refers to cervical cancer and breast cancer. (The next chapter will talk about that)