execution boy

"What do you mean you don't want to live anymore?" I asked.

Xiaodao smiled: "It means literally."

I said softly, "Fool."

Xiaodao smiled again, and continued: "Father used intravenous injections of that kind of thing in the study, and then he went crazy for some reason. He ran over and started beating me, just like when I was a child."

"He beat me and said: you all deserve to die, you deserve to die the most, you bastard, why do you still live in this world? You all disappeared from me one by one, do you think I'm afraid?"

"He almost beat me to death that day. The pain in my body made me think of my mother, the housekeeper, and Aunt Hu. Every fresh life was buried in his hands. I suddenly felt that since I didn't want to live anymore, He died too."

"I stabbed him with a knife, I looked at the blood and smelled the blood, and then my stepmother came in, her name was Sara, I actually wanted to kill this woman too, but I didn't. , and eventually she ran away and I hit the wall so hard I thought I was going to die."

I now understand that Xiaodao's insanity may be caused by the blood clot caused by such a collision. It was only ten years ago that everyone thought he had killed someone.

Walking up to Xiaodao: "Why didn't you want to live?"

Xiaodao looked at me and said: "Because I don't have the courage to live anymore, my mother was locked in the attic by my father. I secretly went to help her unlock the lock and let her escape, but she jumped off the building. That was the first time I killed her." life."

"The butler was made addicted to drugs by my dad. He wanted to inject me with that kind of thing to revenge my dad. My dad shot him dead. This is my second life."

"There's also Aunt Hu. Without me, Aunt Hu wouldn't have died at all."

"My hands are bloody. Anyone who meets me will be unlucky, including my dad. That is the fourth life I killed."

Xiaodao looked at me seriously: "So Zhao Yi, I wanted you to come to see me when I was in prison, but I also thought it would be better if you didn't come. I don't want to hurt you again."

I shook my head: "Fool, which one of these is your fault? It's just that your life is bad and you were born to the wrong family."

I knelt down and kissed the back of his hand: "Xiaodao, Doctor Liu said that there is a hospital in the United States that has done a lot of research on treating your disease. Would you like to bet with me?"

Xiaodao tilted his head: "Would you like to tell me what the success rate is?"

I moved my lips and whispered, "Ten percent, or less."

Xiaodao raised his hand and touched my face: "Okay, I bet, I use all the misfortunes in my life to bet on my luck this time."

At the airport, my father and Zhao Cheng's family came.

The little baby of Zhao Cheng's family held Xiaodao's hand with his fleshy little hand: "Uncle Xiaodao, why are you so thin, you should eat more, look at me."

Said the little guy touched his belly: "Look at how round I am!"

Xiaodao was amused by him, and the sister-in-law next to him hurriedly pulled the little thing back: "You are the only one round, and you still lick your face and say, you are not afraid of your Uncle Xiaodao's jokes."

Zhao Cheng looked at Xiaodao: "Xiaodao, elder brother didn't take care of you very much when you were young. When you come back, elder brother will take good care of you."

Xiaodao looked deeply at Zhao Cheng, even though Zhao Cheng's beer belly has come out now, and his skin has become dark, but in his eyes, he still looks like his big brother as before, with a gentle talk and a very simple and honest smile.

My father was hiding not far away and didn't want to come over. Xiaodao glanced at me, and I pushed him to my father's side knowingly.

The father was startled, his eyes dodged and he didn't know what to say.

Finally, he choked out a sentence: "Go there and see a doctor, don't look sick."

Xiaodao nodded vigorously, tears gleaming in his eyes.

The Johns Hopkins Hospital in Motown, USA is an affiliated hospital of the Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine.The research on neurological diseases belongs to the world's leading level. In fact, I don't care about these, as long as he can lift Zhao Xiaodao out completely, open his eyes, and spend the rest of the spring, summer, autumn and winter with me, the rest will be fine. I don't even care.

Even if your limbs are paralyzed, your ears are deaf, your eyes are blind, as long as you live, live with me.

I was fidgeting outside the operating room. I hadn't taken a drop of rice for [-] hours, and my body was already showing symptoms of dehydration.

But I was not willing to leave the operating room for a single step.

The blond nurse next to me looked at me pitifully, so she gave me a bottle of water, and I slowly pecked at it.

The lights in the operating room went out, and I unconsciously threw the water bottle on the ground, spilling water all over the floor.

The attending doctor came out and watched me speak a long list of English, probably the operation was a success, but whether he wakes up or not depends on fate.

He said that some people with this disease were paralyzed, some people became vegetative, and few cases were truly cured.

Since the knife was pushed out of the operating room, I have been guarding him every day.

I don't know if he can hear me, but I keep talking to him every day.

People, I always believe in some gods when I am desperate. At that time, I believed in everything, Eastern and Western, as long as it worked, I wanted to try it.

But people's hope is often ignored by God. After staying in the hospital for a month, I finally realized clearly what the doctor meant by "wake up or not depends on the fate of God".

Those patients with successful operations will have some signs of waking up when they are in a coma, such as moving their fingers or frowning.

But I have never seen these signs on the knife.

I even regretted coming to take him for this surgery, I started to get manic and then depressed.

The nurse next to me looked at me every day, and finally said one day: "Pretty Chinese boy, if you don't care about yourself, you are not qualified to care about others. Your current appearance is very suitable for the psychiatric department next door to take a look. You have signs of depression."

I know she's right, I just can't change myself.

I read a book the other day, saying that it is better to make lamps than ten miles of spring breeze, and it is said that rolling red dust is not as good as bronze bells.

I smiled wryly, if people could think about it so easily, there would be no more troubles in the world.

One month after I was hospitalized with Xiaodao, I returned to China with Xiaodao.

Zhao Cheng and his father would sometimes come to the house to visit Xiaodao, and brought some supplements every time they came, even though they knew that Xiaodao was useless at all.

Every time before Zhao Cheng left, he said to me: "Brother, Xiaodao won't like you to be decadent like this. This is definitely not his original intention. You also have to have your own life."

I suddenly thought of the scene I saw in the elevator on the first floor of the hospital with a knife that day. The husband's life and death were uncertain, and the wife wailed: What will I do if you leave...

I think, it's not that I don't want to have my own life, it's just that there is one person in every life I envision, and that is Zhao Xiaodao.

This has become my only appeal in the past ten years. Only this appeal will cheer me up to work, buy a house and pay the monthly payment, and do all the things that normal people should do.

Without this appeal, I don't know what I live for.

But I will never say these words to my father, Zhao Cheng, or anyone, because I know how scary such words are.

Slowly, I started to work normally and go to work as usual.

Sometimes I naively wondered if one day when I got home, Xiaodao woke up, rushed to the door to help me open the door, and said to me: "Zhao Yi, I'm back."

This became my only hope, my only remaining claim.

But there are no fairy tales in life. Several years have passed, and the knife is still lying on my right side, sleeping peacefully, motionless.

But I'm used to this kind of life.

I would tell him about my troubles at work every day, and when I went out, I would tell him when I would come back. I also used to hug him when I went to bed at night. I didn’t have him on several business trips, and I found that I couldn’t sleep at all. .

I know that I am sick and unhealthy, and everyone says so, but every time I see me and the knife, there is a little pity and sympathy in my eyes.

My father has changed a lot. He doesn't care too much about my affairs, and sometimes he will come over to help me look after the knife.

I went on a business trip to Beijing two days ago, and these two days I felt so miserable, it was already twelve o'clock at night when I got home, and when I saw Xiaodao's face, I let out a deep breath, like a migratory bird returning to its nest.

After taking a shower, I hurried to bed, lifted the quilt and held the knife, listened to his steady breathing, and fell asleep peacefully.

Dimly, I felt someone pushing me.

The man whispered in my ear over and over again: "Zhao Yi, Zhao Yi."

I open my eyes.

The exhaustion of the past dissipated all of a sudden, and the misty spring breeze and the entangled billowing red dust were right in front of my eyes.

Everything is clear.