my joann

Chapter 59

"I...", Joan's breath became short of breath, and the fear of being exposed made his mind go blank, "I...I..."

"Don't be nervous, senior brother told me that you went to get the medicine and took the assessment." Ren Youning smiled slightly, "Actually, I also thought about asking you to get the medicine, I don't mean to blame you for this matter, I just hope that you are willing to tell me anything, after all, I have always wanted to help you. If you have anything you want to do, I will not stop you. At most, I will analyze the pros and cons of this matter with you, and finally The decision is yours to make.”

"Just like what I told you at the beginning, in the end, the only salvation is yourself." Ren Youning said, "I hope you can trust me and let me accompany you through this time."

Joan was sitting on the chair. He wanted to run away. Kindness always makes people vulnerable. Joan was a little scared, but he was very greedy for this feeling.

He blinked his eyes hard, and then said, "I'm sorry." This sorry was for him not telling Ren Youning to take his medicine, and also for his rejection of Ren Youning's kindness all the time, and even more for not telling Ren Youning to take his medicine for so long. Apologize for the credit that can be given.

"No need to apologize." Ren Youning said, "I understand you very well."

Joan almost couldn't hold back the heat in his eyes. Understanding two words seems easy, but who is so easy to truly understand another person?Qiao An has never believed that anyone can do it, but at this moment, he believes that Xin Youning understands him.

I understand more than ever before.

"Thank you." Joan said seriously.

Ren Youning shook his head. After talking about the last layer, he believed that the communication with Qiao An would be easier than before, "Can you tell me why you chose to take medicine?"

Qiao An licked his lips. He was a little embarrassed, but he still told Ren Youning, "Because it will make me feel better and won't let people see my problem."

"But his side effects are very serious, which is very bad for the body." Ren Youning said, "Aren't you worried that the side effects may make others discover your problems when you are outside?"

"After taking the medicine, I won't think about those." Joan said, "The mood is relatively peaceful, and I may forget to think about what you said."

"Last time you said that you went to the airport and shopping mall, did you also go there after taking medicine?"

Joan blushed a little, he nodded, "Yeah." Then, as if he wanted to explain, he said, "If I don't eat, I can't go to those places."

"I understand." Ren Youning said, "I have never supported or opposed drug treatment. Personally, I hope you can stop taking medicine. In my eyes, you are not patients, you just need a little Just help."

"Qiao An, do you really think you have to take medicine?" Ren Youning asked.

Joan was stopped by the question, and he reflexively wanted to answer, of course he needed it, but he couldn't say it when the words came to his mouth.

He sat on the sofa and asked himself seriously, do we really need to take medicine?

"Our system has done a good job of desensitization. After a while, when you reach the tenth floor without any problems, I will take you outside for a walk to see the results in person. You see, even if you don't take medicine, You can do it with your own hard work.”

"Do you believe in yourself, or do you believe in those little pills? Those drugs that suppress your emotions will make you more like yourself in the end, or will you be farther and farther away from your original self? The damage caused by drugs is irreversible. Yes, it damages the self-healing ability in the brain, and over time, if you don't feel emotions, are you still you?"

Joan's nose was sore, but he found that he couldn't produce an emotion called sadness in his heart.In fact, he knew it a long time ago, and he knew all the consequences of taking medicine.

At the beginning, he quit the medicine because he found that he woke up one morning and couldn't feel anything. Before the illness, his morning was fresh and beautiful, but after the illness, his morning was restless and helpless.

And on that day, he found that everything disappeared, no pain, no beauty.

"I have thought more than once that it would be better if I was suffering from a terminal illness instead of the current one. I can take medicine, and I can actually experience the pain. I know I will die, no matter how fast or slow, but I will always know that I am dying. The finish line. I envy them, they know their future."

Joan lowered his head and spoke slowly and forcefully. His hands trembled and his voice trembled, as if saying these words would exhaust all his strength, "But I don't know, I can't see my own In the future, I obviously shouldn’t be in pain, but I can’t breathe in pain. I obviously want to die, but I know it’s not the end. Everything about me won’t end with death, it’s like hanging in mid-air, and I’ll never find it. direction."

Ren Youning didn't speak, his heart seemed to be tightly tied to the young man in front of him, so sad, so depressed, yet so unwilling to admit defeat.

"I read my assessment report," Joan said. "It says I'm depressed. Ghost, do you think I'm depressed too?"

Ren Youning took a breath, and then he answered Qiao An very seriously, "Qiao An, what do you think?"

Qiao An looked at Ren Youning and said nothing, he thought and thought, and kept thinking, thinking for a long time.

Finally, he smiled and said, "There should be, there has always been, but I don't want to admit it."

Ren Youning also laughed, "I major in psychology. I have a lot of theoretical knowledge to tell you about these things, but in fact, I don't like to talk about those theories. In my opinion, depression and fear are not diseases. , They are more like a big rock on our growth path, the more we try to avoid him, the stronger he becomes, forcing us to step back step by step.”

"But when we admit his existence, we will think about him and miss him, so we will hope to do better. He will make us more clearly aware of our shortcomings and force us to find Small happiness will allow us to find the meaning of life."

"So they are not diseases, but more like learning materials for growing up." Ren Youning said, "Joan, everything you want is on the other side of fear."

Joan clasped his hands together, rubbing his thumbs on the knuckles of his index fingers.

After a long time, he raised his head and said to Ren Youning, "I won't take the medicine anymore, ghost, please help me."

Ren Youning finally showed the most relaxed smile today, "Okay. But because you are already taking it, let's finish this section now, otherwise the withdrawal reaction will be very uncomfortable. How to reduce the dosage, you go to the hospital every month. Just once with my senior brother, he will arrange it for you."

"Okay." Joan nodded.

"By the way, there will be a speech at my alma mater next week. I would like to invite you and your husband to attend. It is a depression patient who has been suffering from depression for more than ten years to talk about his experience. It won't take long, maybe Half an hour." Ren Youning suddenly changed the subject, "I think it's very suitable for you, I suggest you go and listen."

Joan was a little confused, "Me and him?"

"Yes, don't worry, it's just a small speech, not many people." Ren Youning said, "He will share his stories and experiences. It is amazing that he is willing to stand up for a patient with depression for many years." Ren Youning had a smile on his face. Deep admiration.

Joan looked at it and made up his mind, "Okay, I'll go, and you can send me the address and time when the time comes."

"Okay." Ren Youning smiled, "It's almost the end of today, see you in three days."

"Enen, thank you ghost." Joan stood up, "Thank you very much."

"You don't have to be so polite to me." Ren Youning said, "We are friends."

Joan left, relaxed and comfortable.It seemed that he hadn't been so relaxed for a long time, and there was still a smile on his face.

He walked downstairs, and the sunlight outside was shining directly on Qiao An's head. He suddenly thought about it and sent Lu Yihang a message.

[Joan: Let's raise a dog, big and handsome. 】

Lu Yihang was probably busy, so he didn't reply. He didn't reply until Qiao An got in the car.

【Lu Yihang: Have you figured it out? 】

[Joan: I even thought of a name. 】

【Lu Yihang: Really?what is it call? 】

Joan smiled, and he replied with two words, "Secret!"

Lu Yihang made a phone call directly, but Qiao An hung up with a sullen face.

【Lu Yihang: I'm fine in the afternoon, so I might as well go shopping in the afternoon. 】

[Joan: So fast? 】Joan was a little unexpected, he thought it would take a few days.

【Lu Yihang: I can't wait. 】

Qiao An thought for a while, and felt that this was the reason, so she replied with a good word.

【Lu Yihang: Is it over with you?Come to my company directly, we will go there after lunch. 】

[Joan: Good. 】

After changing the address with the driver, Qiao An smiled foolishly holding his mobile phone. He was very happy today, very happy.

When he arrived at the place, Qiao An stood timidly at the main entrance, and he sent a message to Lu Yihang, saying that he had arrived downstairs.

Lu Yihang didn't reply, Qiao An didn't dare to call, so he had to stand under the big tree at the door and wait.

After a while, Qiao An saw Lu Yihang coming out of the door. He watched him stand at the door and looked around, then found himself, and hurried over.

"An'an, why don't you go up by yourself?" Lu Yihang habitually wiped Qiao An's forehead, even though there was no sweat there at all.

"Uh, I can't find it..." Joan said, but he didn't dare to go in by himself.

"I'll take you in, and you'll find it in the future." Lu Yihang said.

Qiao An whispered secretly, "I won't find it in the future."

"Huh? What did you say?" Lu Yihang asked.

"No, no, let's go." Qiao An stood behind Lu Yihang and pushed him forward.

Lu Yihang took Qiao An's hand and said, "Okay, don't worry." Then he led him to the main gate.

Joan took two steps and found that the direction was not right, "Wait, let's go through the gate? Isn't there an elevator in the parking lot?"

"There are also on the first floor, and why do we have to go to the parking lot if we don't drive now?" Lu Yihang asked in surprise.

"Uh..." Joan didn't know how to answer, did he want to say, because there was no one in the parking lot? !

The author has something to say:

Lu Yihang: Ready to take my son home!

Joan: Why not a daughter?

Lu Yihang: Because my son follows his mother, I hope my son is a little like you!

Notes of Lu's Beloved Wife 59

Love is wanting to have a litter of children with you!

Whether it is a mental illness or a physical illness, it is very hard, but I want to borrow the words of an unknown person

"It's going to be like hell, but I'm going to get a lot out of it."

I hope that everyone can still accept the warmth of spring after going through the cold years =3=, ok!

Maybe this book is not far from the end, but I always write Biao... When it will be finished depends on the situation

So I want to ask everyone if there is any special episode that you want to watch, I will start preparing for QWQ from now on~

Finally found where to look at the nutrient solution QWQ

thank

Xie Guqing threw 2 mines

Throw 2 landmines with one thought

Rasheng Ryusuke threw a mine

Dropped 2 bazookas

LLJLL throws 5 mines and 1 grenade

Qiuqiu threw 3 mines

Throw a mine north of Chengguang

thank

Red head file irrigation nutrient solution 1 bottle

Suzan irrigation nutrient solution 10 bottles

1 bottle of Benchong Mountain Down Irrigation Nutrient Solution

10 bottles of autumn and autumn irrigation nutrient solution