Everest

Shen Biwen once worried about his sexuality, and thought about how he would come out to his family if he met someone he liked one day. He also secretly thought about how his parents would react to this matter, and they might be angry , may be disappointed, may be in pain, may sever ties with him, and may finally decide to accept him with a man, but none of these imaginings may become a reality, and the secret he was worried about became like this. forever secret.

Geng Aiqing asked him why he provoked him, and Shen Biwen also wanted to ask himself.

But just as he didn't answer Geng Aiqing, he didn't have an answer himself, whether he wanted to feel love before he died, or because he couldn't control his feelings... either answer is too selfish, Especially when he noticed that Geng Aiqing was constantly approaching him, but he couldn't calmly push him away, he knew that this was a cruel countdown, every time he climbed up, he fell deeper Geng Aiqing stood at the highest point of his line of sight.

Shen Biwen was shaken. Every time he saw Geng Aiqing, he couldn't help thinking, if he gave up, gave up on death, maybe he could really climb to the top with Geng Aiqing, and then go down the mountain together, as if nothing happened. It's like nothing happened, starting a brand new life with Geng Aiqing.

But... no...

The word death sounds very important, but to Shen Biwen, it was just a result without any suspense. On the contrary, it was the choice of death method that made him entangled for a while.For a long time after the accident, he wanted to jump off the tall building like his father and mother, and even his flesh and blood stuck to the bricks and stones on the ground. He was still at the wine table when Uncle Li called. He had already forgotten what Uncle Li said. Humming, he couldn't hear anything anymore.

By the time he rushed home, his parents had been taken to the hospital and covered with a white cloth.

In fact, he didn't see the extremely tragic scene that others said with his own eyes, but he had dreamed of it many times in his dreams. In the dream, he was standing on a very tall building, and his father and mother were holding hands. Standing on the edge of a tall building, every time he wanted to go over and drag them back, but every time he watched his parents jump off the tall building and disappeared into the darkness, and every time he wanted to jump Go down, and the moment he jumps down, he will wake up from his dream.

Such nightmares tormented Shen Biwen for nearly half a year, accompanied by severe insomnia. After the situation intensified, Shen Biwen chose to commit suicide for the first time.

Many so-called normal people think that "suicide" is a very stupid act. Many friends even brought his father to visit him and told him to cheer up. Despite such a big blow, as the only son of the Shen family , should take on the important responsibilities of career and family, and his parents have chosen to escape, so he should not escape... Every time Shen Biwen hears such a conclusion, he feels at a loss.

why?

At the beginning of the incident, Shen Biwen suppressed the doubts in his heart, and wanted to become the only son of the Shen family who could bear hardships and pains according to what they said, but soon he found that those hard work only reminded him of the once happy life. The family had no effect other than the once happy life. Every late night, he felt that every breath he took was pushing himself into a darker abyss, and finally he gave up.

After he finally made the decision to commit suicide, Shen Biwen felt unprecedented relief, and many problems that had been lingering in his mind were easily solved, so he didn't think deeply, picked a knife in the kitchen and sat in the living room. On the sofa, he cut his wrist quickly, and he had forgotten whether it hurt or not. The relaxed mood did not completely dissipate until he actively dialed 120 to ask for help. Of course, dialing 120 is not regretting the decision to die, but Because he saw his father’s climbing tools piled up in the corner of the living room. There were three sets of climbing tools. His father told him half a month before the accident that he wanted to take his mother to climb Mount Everest with him. His father's ideal can be regarded as a goal that his father never realized in his life, so Shen Biwen took out his mobile phone, called the emergency call, and then waited for rescue in a semi-conscious state.

Shen Biwen thought very clearly at the time that people are always mortal, and so is he himself. In this case, it is better to choose a more ideal way of suicide, such as fulfilling his father's unfulfilled wish, such as realizing his own mountaineering. Ideally, climb Mount Everest and leave your life there.

After waking up from the hospital, climbing to the top of Mount Everest and dying on Mount Everest became his only goal in life. He knew that this goal was very sick, but it was precisely this sickness that gave him the courage to stand up.When death becomes the only salvation, then everything else becomes less important.

But Shen Biwen never expected that he avoided Uncle Li, who had watched him grow up since he was a child, and deliberately alienated all the people he used to know, but he did not avoid the mountaineering team who regarded him as a friend, and did not avoid Geng. Ai Qing didn't avoid anything that could shake him.