i want to go home

——Xie Yuming is a child who came out of an orphanage.

There are very few people who know about this matter, and Li Qian is not one of them.

Maybe it was Xie Yuming's early wisdom, he still remembered most of his childhood clearly.When he was young, he had never seen his mother or his father.Life is a dilapidated orphanage, a group of unfriendly children, and always vicious teachers.

He didn't look good when he was a child, his small face was too thin, and his eyes were too big, he looked very scary, almost all the friends in the orphanage were older than him.The life in the courtyard is not very interesting, their daily life is just playing games and teasing the youngest, Xie Yuming, who is three or four years old and can't speak coherently - he is not lovable, and he can neither resist nor sue.

Xie Yuming thought that he had been kind for five years in his life.Before the age of five, although he was bullied by other children every day, sometimes he could not eat, and sometimes he was scolded by the teacher for being clumsy, but a big sister who came to the orphanage every week to do volunteer activities would hug him and tell stories, teaching him to recognize Speak with words and help him mend the holes in his clothes.

But then the big sister didn't come either.

Maybe because she went to another city, Xie Yuming never saw her again.He was the only one curled up crying in the dark little room, hiding himself under the bed to avoid being pushed and kicked by other people. Xie Yuming was timid and introverted at that time. He was afraid of the dark and pain, but he couldn't hide from these things. open something.He didn't even have a colorful dream in his memory, because life only gave him oppression, heaviness, and darkness.

After growing up a little, Xie Yuming learned to resist.He had escaped from being a weak cub, and for the first time tasted the sweetness of swinging his fists to protect himself, so he grew up quickly, more ruthless than anyone else, more fierce than anyone else.Xie Yuming himself said that he is evil by nature. After understanding the truth that whoever has the biggest fist is the king, he even started to take the initiative to fight with others, and finally succeeded in counterattacking as the "boss" of this group of children-of course, there was also Xie Yuming still remembered the feeling of being hit by the ruler in the palm of his hand after being discovered by the teacher. He felt pain, but he no longer cried uselessly like before.

No one in the orphanage likes him anymore, but Xie Yuming doesn't care, he can bully others at will now, just like they bullied him before.Life taught the six-year-old Xie Yuming these things, which made him strong and crippled.

When he was seven years old, Xie Yuming was picked up by his father Xie Jing. Xie's family said that he was abducted by human traffickers when he was a child and was only found now. He has an older brother Xie Xilei and a younger sister Xie Xilan.

When the life Xie Yuming never thought of came to him one day, he was pleasantly surprised and cautious, caring about his father's eyes.In the beginning, he did a lot of things really badly, but with his understanding, he quickly learned the tricks of a high-class young man. The praise is the reward he looks forward to the most.

But soon Xie Yuming discovered that apart from the little sister sitting in a wheelchair who was extremely dependent on him and always looked at him with crooked eyebrows and smiling, his elder brother Xie Xilei didn't like him at all and often looked at him with disgust. She didn't care much about him, and only told him to be nice to her sister over and over again.

In this family, he is Xie Xilei's thorn in the side, Xie Xilan's dependent brother, and in the eyes of others... a piece of air.

He thought he had a home, but the reality was not so good.

Xie Yuming started fighting secretly at school, releasing the darkness and violence he had suppressed for a long time. No one paid attention to him, so no one noticed his abnormality. Only Xie Xilan, who would be by his side after Xie Yuming returned home, felt something was wrong. During the kidnapping of time, Xie Xilan would never speak, and could only stick closer to her brother, comforting Xie Yuming's irritable and uncontrollable emotions after he left Xie Jing's sight.

Xie Yuming cherishes and never wants to hurt the only sister who gives him warmth, needs him and cares about him. He and Xie Xilei are getting more and more at odds. Instructing and teaching probably has a lot to do with it, Xie Xilan is Xie Jing's favorite child, the child he cares about the most.

Xie Xilan would go to the door every evening to wait for Xie Yuming to come back. Her dependence on Xie Yuming seemed to be an inexplicable obsession, even closer than her father and elder brother.

Xie Yuming happened to be blocked by others on the road that day and got into a fight. Xie Xilan waited for him for an hour, and then her mood became unstable. Xie Yuming, who was entangled in a fight, was brought into the car, grabbed his collar and slapped him without saying a word.

He also received a lot of punches during the fight, but Xie Yuming was still stunned by this slap, he only heard Xie Xilei yelling at him: "Xie Yuming, you are just the illegitimate son of my father, don't treat yourself as a young master, let alone discredit you!" I thank you for your face!"

Xie Yuming knew that day that he was Xie Jing's illegitimate son.

When he went to question Xie Jing, the answer he got was that his mother secretly gave birth to him without telling Xie Jing, and the Xie family only knew about the existence of this child not long before they went to pick him up.

Xie Jing didn't care much about his illegitimate son's feelings, what he cared more about was telling him not to tell Xie Xilan about it.

The collapse of all the beautiful visions made Xie Yuming indulge. He no longer cared about Xie Jing's eyes, nor did he look for the extravagant feelings in them. He squandered his youth flamboyantly and decadently—until Li Qian appeared.

Li Qian is a bright and warm accident in Xie Yuming's life.

The first time I saw Li Qian was at the bar.

Xie Yuming is a regular visitor here, and Li Qian came here with his college classmates to see and see.Xie Yuming didn't fall in love with Li Qian at first sight, but Li Qian moved his heart like never before.From smiles, words, to every move, they all draw his attention.This is a big boy who is completely different from him, sunny, gentle, and stable, which makes him fascinated.

Afterwards was Xie Yuming's deliberate contact and courtship, the more familiar the two became, the more fascinated Xie Yuming became, almost all his attention was on Li Qian.After everything fell into place, Xie Yuming confessed to Li Qian, and Li Qian accepted him.

Li Qian can give him a lot: love, warmth, home...

But Xie Yuming didn't feel at ease enough in his heart, maybe he demanded too much, maybe Li Qian was not mature enough at that time, and the sense of security given to him was not enough to fill his possessive desire.

Xie Jing was overworked in his early years and got sick all over, and he never lived past the age of 60. One year after his death, Xie Yuming accidentally learned the truth about how he was brought back.

Xie Jing has known Xie Yuming's existence since he was born.His absurd mother thought that she could rely on this child to get Xie Jing's wife, but she didn't expect that she was also pregnant, and was forced to leave by Xie Jing in the end. She gave it to the orphanage, and she told Xie Jing the name of the child and the orphanage, but Xie Jing had no intention of taking Xie Yuming back at all.

In the end, the Xie family was happy to have a dragon and a phoenix son, while Xie Yuming was silently moldy and rotting in the orphanage.

It was the kidnapping incident of Xie's family that brought earth-shaking changes to Xie Yuming's life.The kidnappers hated the Xie family so much that they took Xie Xilan and her twin brother Xie Xijun away. They wanted to create a tragedy of a car crash, but at the last moment Xie Xijun took her and jumped out of the car.The kidnapper died in the car, Xie Xilan broke both legs, and Xie Xijun suffered serious head injuries, rescue failed and died in the hospital.

Xie Xilan was stimulated too much. The only brother she could rely on in the whole kidnapping incident is now gone. She cried for her brother all day long. Xie Yuming.

The truth can hurt sometimes.

He was originally a redundant person, but now he finds that his value is just a substitute.

He lived in this family for 18 years, only to realize that the only person close to him, Xie Xilan who relied on him wholeheartedly, just recognized him as another person.

He was forced to wear the skin of "Xie Xijun". No one ever cared that this child was called Xie Yuming.

Xie Yuming desperately wanted to return to Li Qian's embrace, but his extreme self-denial made him unable to help but suspect that he was such a bad and unlovable person, a person who was not needed or cared about.And why did she get Li Qian's favor?

The more Xie Yuming hesitated, the more suspicious he became, and he began to avoid Li Qian.He was afraid that Li Qian would stay with him because of the prosperity of the Xie family, not because he loved him at all; he was even afraid that if that layer of skin was torn, there would be no possibility for him and Li Qian.

Not going to see him is partly because he is ashamed to show his wounds in front of others, and partly because he is not letting his irrational self hurt him.

But he still hurt him in the end.

Three months after Li Qian left, when he finally realized that this person was not going to want him anymore, Xie Yuming came to his senses. He thought he had lost enough, but after losing Li Qian, he realized that he had always had What you desire and cherish the most.

But by then he had lost him.

Xie Yuming hated himself for understanding it too late.He started looking for Li Qian everywhere, asking his friends one by one, but they were all turned away.He searched for half a year, but did not find any trace of Li Qian.

Xie Yuming's temper became more and more irritable, he locked himself in a world of one person, refused to communicate with anyone, only when he dreamed back at midnight, he remembered the little things with Li Qian, it was the most peaceful and peaceful time in his heart.

Xie Yuming was angry and hated, and later cried, begged, prayed and despaired.He ran across the palm of his hand with a knife to find a little stimulation to the empty heart, and used cigarettes and bottles of spirits to numb his perception of pain.

Finally one evening, he woke up drowsily from the pile of wine bottles, and saw Li Qian standing at the door, walking towards him with a smile.

——He said in a gentle voice, "Drinking again. Xie Yuming, I'm back."