Deja vu: Han Jiang

During the trip to Zhengzhou, I went away in good spirits and returned in disappointment.

When Gu Han returned home, it was already eleven o'clock in the middle of the night.When he opened the door, he found that the light in the living room was still on.

Jiang Ke curled up on the sofa, the wool blanket covering his whole body and half of his face.Gu Han walked over and touched his shoulder: "Jiang Ke?"

She didn't answer, she was already asleep.

One foot was drooping on the floor, Gu Han stretched out his hand to touch it, and it was icy cold.

Sighing, Gu Han went to the bedroom and found a pair of thick fleece socks, ready to put them on for Jiang Ke.Half-kneeling on the floor and thinking for a while, he finally put that foot in his arms, and carefully put on the socks until it was warm.

In a daze, Jiang Ke even rubbed his foot against his chest.

Gu Han thought, resigned to his fate.

All the past, just disappear.After all, he was no match for Jiang Ke's cruelty, but that's fine.As Tian Jing said, he was even more afraid that he would regret it.

Carrying Jiang Ke to the bedroom with a blanket, Gu Han hugged him from behind and curled up on the bed together.

A long time ago, Gu Han liked to sleep with Jiang Ke in his arms like this.With a gesture of possessiveness, he held Jiang Ke's wrist and locked him in his arms, no one could take him away.

However, Jiang Ke, who was sleeping, suddenly became uneasy, and twisted his wrist desperately in Gu Han's palm.

Gu Han was startled, and quickly let go of his arms, and then he heard Jiang Ke's raving in the dream.

He said, "Help me...help me, Gu Han..."

Gu Han almost jumped up and rushed towards the desk lamp, the dim light instantly illuminated the darkness of the room.Jiang Ke's furrowed brows and forehead hair wet with cold sweat became clearly visible, which was heartbreakingly painful.He touched Jiang Ke's cheek and said softly, "I'm here, Jiang Ke, I'm here, wake up..."

But Jiang Ke seemed to be trapped in a nightmare, and he couldn't wake up no matter what.The free wrists were still rubbing violently against the quilt, as if trying to break free from the invisible shackles.

"Wake up Jiang Ke, you are dreaming, just wake up. Don't be afraid..."

Under Gu Han's constant comfort, Jiang Ke finally calmed down, his wrists stopped rubbing, and he curled up like an innocent baby again.Half of his face sank deeply into the pillow, and the corner of the exposed eye was glistening with tear stains, making him look fragile and fragile.

At this moment, Gu Han really wanted to arrest Tian Jing, even if he tortured him, he must ask everything that happened to Jiang Ke in the past five years.

But at this moment, he could only carefully pull up the corner of the quilt to cover Jiang Ke's exposed back of his hand.

The moment the sheet fell on him, he saw the mark on Jiang Ke's wrist, and a dark light of doubt flashed in his eyes.

Suspicious all the time, Gu Han pulled down the quilt again, and those two white wrists were completely exposed under the dim light.There were two strangle marks as thick as three fingers, spreading across Jiang Ke's wrists respectively.It seemed that a strange creature was rooted under the flesh, and it was like a pair of heavy shackles locked his hands.

He had seen it before, but he didn't worry too much about it, he just thought it was what he left in the sex on the first night.

But if you look carefully, it is an old wound, a mark that can only be left after being brutally tied up for a long time.

Gu Han finally put down Jiang Ke's wrists, stuffed them back into the quilt, and carefully pressed the corners of the quilt.

He maintained a half-kneeling posture by the bed, slowly bent down, buried his head in the quilt, and covered his expression at this time.

From the outside, only the slightly trembling spine revealed his feelings on the verge of collapse at this time.

Tian Jing decided to end her life on her 25th birthday.

When she came out of the consulting room, she was still holding the birthday card that the doctor gave her.But she was not in the mood to open it and threw it directly into the trash can in the elevator.

There was a thin man in a gray short-sleeved T-shirt waiting for the elevator.He seemed to have noticed the greeting card he had thrown away, and looked at her again. When his eyes met hers, he didn't back down awkwardly, but showed a kind smile.

Tian Jing didn't care about it.She had already decided to die, and she didn't bother to speculate on the stranger's intentions.

The two walked into the elevator room together, and the man suddenly asked, "Hello, did you come here to receive treatment on your own initiative?"

Tian Jing turned her head slightly, and looked at the man coldly with the light from the corner of her eyes: "Yes."

"My name is Jiang Ke. I'm an intern here. I'm writing a thesis." The man smiled shyly and hid his wrist behind his back. "If you have time, would you like to chat with me? I hope you can give me The paper provides some inspiration."

This time, Tian Jing turned around and observed Jiang Ke carefully.He does look very young, and the expression between his eyebrows and eyes does indeed look like a student, but his slightly raised smiling lips are more like those eloquent liars in society.

What's more, although the man turned his back now, Tian Jing had already noticed the bruises on his wrists just now.

It was a bondage belt, a mark that would only be left when electroshock or medical treatment was performed.Men are not interns, they are patients here.

Tian Jing found it interesting, but could not feel any sympathy.Out of curiosity, she did not refuse Jiang Ke: "Then buy me a cup of coffee."

In her opinion, she is anti-social, while Jiang is mentally ill.She just wants to play a real self in this madman's world before she dies.

The previous life was too painful.She is playing many roles imposed by society, but she can't feel family affection and love at all, and imitates other people's emotions every day.Granted, she was an excellent daughter, an excellent employee, and no one knew she had been secretly seeing a therapist.

But she soon discovered that the doctor didn't even know what antisocial personality was like.So, she played the role of the patient in front of the doctor again, obediently cooperating with the treatment.

On the day when the doctor judged her to be cured, Tian Jing ended her own life, leaving a huge irony to the world.

Black tea and mocha were served.

Tian Jing picked up two bags of sugar, tore them open elegantly, and poured them into the mocha: "I liked sweet things very much when I was in college. But because the girls around me were losing weight, I also restrained myself from eating desserts or drinking sweet water." . Gradually, I developed a habit, and I don’t have any desire to see sugar.”

Jiang Ke served tea and took a sip: "Then why do you want to eat again now?"

Tian Jing stirred the thick liquid, tasted it, then tore open two bags of sugar and poured it in: "I want to taste it, is it really as good as I remember?"

Jiang Ke was noncommittal, watching the bags of sugar being torn open and poured in.In the end Tian Jing pushed the mug away: "It's not good."

"Probably not because it's not sweet enough, but because you added too much sugar." Jiang Ke said, ordering another cup of green tea for Tian Jing.

Tian Jing didn't refuse, but just showed a businesslike attitude: "Okay, tell me, what paper are you writing, what can I help you with?"

After the two looked at each other calmly for a while, Jiang Ke said slowly, "I'm researching the suicide motives of antisocial personality."

Tian Jing's eyes widened suddenly, and her voice became sharper: "Who are you calling anti-social?"

"So you haven't admitted it in your heart?" Jiang Ke tilted his head, his voice was calm and calm, "Then why do you want to commit suicide?"

"you……"

"The name of Dr. Hao is written on the greeting card you threw away. He is most famous in the field of antisocial personality research. I heard him brag before that he had a female patient who was about to recover soon. After thinking about it, It's probably you."

Tian Jing's eyes fell on the napkin, and she seemed to have returned to normal: "Then how do you know that I want to commit suicide, just because I threw away Dr. Hao's greeting card?"

"It's just a test." Jiang Ke said flatly, lacking in tone and expression, "I told you about the topic of the thesis, and the first thing you refuted was 'anti-social', not 'suicidal motive'. And, you have tried to imitate the behavior of people around you." behaviors, such as weight loss and dieting, to build good relationships with others and fit into different social circles."

"Really?" Tian Jing asked softly, and started stirring the crystallized sugar cubes at the bottom of the mocha again.

Jiang Ke sighed: "Living is tiring, isn't it?"

Tian Jing didn't speak.

"But don't die. You don't have to live for others, and you don't have to die for yourself."

This time, Tian Jing was silent for a long time.

The sun is slightly slanting, and the heat of the scorching heat still hasn't dissipated.A hazy layer of mist formed on the glass, and the faces of pedestrians coming and going outside the window became blurred, making people feel more distant than unfamiliar.

All are rushing to the same fate, death.Tian Jing didn't understand, she already knew that the final destination was nothing, why can people be so prosperous in the afterglow of the setting sun?

She tried very hard to know and tried seriously, but she still couldn't resonate with this world.

Jiang Ke had already finished his black tea, and stood up slowly: "I still have something to do, so I'll go first? I hope what I just said can help you..."

"Mr. Jiang!" Tian Jing stopped him, looking at him with a ray of eager excitement, "Maybe I can also guess your motive, Mr. Jiang."

Jiang Ke smiled bitterly: "I'm sorry, I really have something to do."

Tian Jing refused to let him go: "You are not an intern, you are a patient in the hospital, right?"

Excited and innocent tone, like a competitive child, wanting to win him.

Jiang Ke didn't regret saving Tian Jing, but he didn't want to entangle her any longer: "If you want to know, why don't I just tell you the truth?"

The logic that he just told her was not the reason for him to save her. The real motive was the moment when the two looked at each other in the elevator, Jiang Ke saw a dead silence in Tian Jing's eyes.

He also saw it in Gu Han's eyes.

"I'm here for gay conversion therapy," Jiang Ke's voice trembled, and he grabbed his wrist subconsciously, "I'm GAY."

Tian Jing called Jiang Ke before boarding the plane.

"Sorry, the call you made is temporarily unanswered, and the system will automatically transfer it to voicemail. Please leave a message after the 'beep'."

"Jiang Ke." Facing the empty airport hall in the early morning, Tian Jing took a deep breath, and suddenly tears overflowed.

She raised her hand and wiped the corners of her eyes, her tone was still calm and calm: "I'm going to Canada. There are acquaintances there to take care of me, so don't worry."

In fact, there is much more to say.

In the eternal silence on the other end of the phone, countless fragments of getting along washed up on the beach of memory like tides: she married Jiang Ke, visited Jiang's mother, helped Jiang receive treatment... and finally, divorced Jiang Ke.

Memories turned a corner and came to the first encounter again.

A man with a handsome face like a teenager invited her to drink a cup of coffee.

That day was her 25th birthday, the day she planned to end her life.But God gave her the best birthday present in her life.

Tian Jing pulled the suitcase and sat down in the departure hall.

"Thank you and wish you happiness."

She hung up the phone.

Outside the giant floor-to-ceiling windows of the airport, a piece of golden sunlight emerges at the end of the open space.

A new day is about to begin.