【Taizhong】Fake Orthopedics

BGM: Eleni Karaindrou-EternityAndADay: 2.ByTheSea

There is a mirror in the room, a round mirror with a small surface.The angle of lying on the bed is just right to see the reflection in the mirror and the photo frame hanging on the opposite wall.The faces of the two boys in the photo frame are somewhat blurred, and it can be vaguely distinguished that they are probably smiling.

It was about midsummer, a hot and humid story.

I officially decided to move out three days ago.

Maybe this decision was made too hastily. My mother kept asking me until the day I left home: Do I really want to move out? I only need to take a tram to go to work from home. If you are in such a hurry to go out to live, did something happen?

In fact, I know that my mother is not such a caring character. She asked me so anxiously and urgently, but she was afraid that the beautiful glass shell of this family would cause cracks. The house was originally illusory, and no matter how hard she tried to maintain it, it would not change the fact that there was nothing in it.Just as she was afraid of the shattering of the illusion, I also had something to fear.

"It's okay, mom, I've been looking for a shared house with me before, but now I finally found a house. If we move there, it will be closer to the company, so we can sleep a little longer in the morning. You know, we always have to work overtime Yes." I said with a smile, lifted the suitcase from the entrance, and opened the door.Today is a fine day, the sun is shining on the body, and it doesn't make people feel hot, but it is so strong that people can't open their eyes.The house called home, shrouded in light, is also like an illusory cage woven by light.

"Have you asked your father's permission? Why are you always so selfish and don't consider my feelings at all?" The mother was a little hysterical, but suppressed her voice intentionally or unintentionally. As a result, her voice became Thin and hoarse, the result of this contradiction pierced deeply on my eardrum, making me feel for a moment that I was about to lose my hearing. My mother soon realized my gaffe, she calmed down, and asked me again, "And him, does he know that you are moving out?"

"Dad is still on a business trip. I sent him an email, and he replied to me in the email, saying that it is fine for me to make my own decision. I don't need to ask his opinion on everything. This would be an unintentional action." I turned on the phone, with a mocking tone that I didn’t recognize, as if I was imitating someone close to me, but I didn’t have time to pay attention to this, I just clicked on the phone screen a few times with my finger, opened the private In the inbox of the mailbox, pull out the father's mail and show it to the mother, "... If my brother... I will tell him."

Liar, I know I'm lying to her.I don't like lying, it's the only trivial thing I insist on in my life, and it's also a part of my personality, but at this time, I have to choose the action I hate the most to achieve my humble purpose .I want to escape from this house.And the culprit who caused me to have this idea is my dear brother.

"Tell me now, Chuya."

The voice that should not exist in the illusory scene was like a shadow in the sun, suddenly sounded not far behind me, and I turned around.There was still a short distance outside the door, across the narrow front yard to the iron gate of the fence.

At this time, who should not be here, my younger brother, Dazai Osamu, stood in front of the iron gate, in the shadow created by the house behind him, staring at me without resistance, as if to pass me eyes, broke my heart.

I had sex with my brother three days ago.

When did this relationship start to deteriorate?Ask yourself, I am relatively insensitive in this regard. If I carefully scrutinize, I will not be able to find the time node of this change-because this is not like a train changing track, there will be a heavy, loud noise of switching tracks.The matter between Dazai Osamu and I is like a steady stream of water, and it is extremely difficult to find signs-I think so, but I am just making excuses for myself.

My father was a cruel man.The first time I met Osamu Dazai was at his biological mother's funeral ten years ago.In retrospect, if I had asked my father whether he was cheating before then, my father would probably not have denied it. Unfortunately, I never asked. My mother discovered the fact that my father was cheating earlier than I did, but she chose I don't know whether it's because I love too deeply or just because of face. This cowardly and traditional woman has stronger resilience and patience than I imagined.She even attended the funeral of her father's cheating partner, and took the eight-year-old Osamu Dazai, the product of her father's cheating, into her home to take care of her as her own child.

Osamu Dazai is a very strange kid. I am five years older than him, but I have never peeped into his heart, but I am often seen through by him.I have a general blood relationship with Osamu Dazai, but no matter in terms of appearance or personality, we are not like brothers, and even our surnames are different. I changed my mother when I was not yet seven years old. surname, Osamu Dazai and my father have the same surname, they stand together, more like father and son than I stand beside my father.

When I was young, I even felt a little bit jealous of him because of it.I also showed this, like a naive child, but it is a pity that Osamu Dazai looks like a smart and obedient child on the surface, but he is not as good as the appearance on the inside. No matter how much I bullied him, he not only repaid him, but even worsened. It's like a turn-based battle where you come and go-the battlefield is out of the sight of my parents, and the battle line is stretched and lasted until I was promoted from the sophomore to the senior year of high school.

I don’t know if it’s because the pressure of preparing for the exam left me with no room for distraction. I no longer continue this childish toss with him, because I know that I have to force myself to stuff knowledge into my head. This is what my parents told me. Due to the strict requirements, I was almost crushed by the heavy pressure, and I really didn't have the energy to fight against Osamu Dazai, and even the frequency of talking to him was extremely low.

I hate seeing him even more at this time, because Dazai Osamu, who was already in the second year of junior high school at that time, had excellent grades, and he was always at the top of the usual exams. It's the first prize. Looking at him will only make me feel that I am not a generous person. The feeling of despicability will intensify my anger and make me hate this brother even more.

Maybe it was at that time that I had a vague premonition that my life was destined to deviate from the original route due to the appearance of Osamu Dazai, and even the only back road collapsed completely, making me feel like I was standing on the ground. On the edge of the cliff, once you fall, you will be lost forever.

My father asked me to be admitted to a medical university and be a clinician like him, so that he would have more face, but he also knew that I didn't have this talent, so he demanded me more severely, as if It was as if I had to forcefully compress my leeway for survival to the minimum, and let me taste the taste of suffocation before I would give up.

When I failed the exam, seeing my father's expression of seven points of anger and three points of disappointment, I was relieved for no reason, as if this was the result I wanted, and I was finally able to get out of this heavy pressure. Liberation, anyway, my father already thinks that I am not good enough, I have already humiliated him, and I no longer have expectations of me, so I will no longer have strong demands on me.I randomly studied the foreign language department of a university, thinking that after graduation, I could find a job in a foreign company at will, and it would be enough to support myself.

His father's expectations were transferred to Osamu Dazai, who found him a private high school with a prestigious brand, and asked his mother to enroll him in cram schools for science. The idea of ​​training Osamu Dazai to become the next doctor in the family was obvious.Osamu Dazai seemed to be following his expectations, playing what a good son should be, falsely making me sick several times, but he seemed tired of fighting with me, and occasionally I avoided it at home My parents' eyes, when they mocked him a few words, he didn't even reply, just smiled at me.I didn't have a good impression of him in my heart, so I naturally thought that he felt that my actions were nothing more than incompetent and furious, and he satirized me with a superficial smile.

From then on, Osamu Dazai stopped calling me "brother" and called me by my first name.

"Zhongye."

The pronunciation was protracted by him, and the desire was inexplicable.

Six days ago, that is, last Friday, my father came back from get off work in the hospital, picked me, my mother, and Osamu Dazai, and the family went to the beach for vacation.

In fact, we would go there every summer. My father bought a small house on the seashore. When the summer was the hottest, we would go to the seaside for vacation, which can be regarded as relaxing.This year's summer is very long, but it also seems very short. The atmosphere at home presents a wonderful sense of tension. Osamu Dazai will be preparing for the exam starting next semester. Both his father and mother attach great importance to it. Naturally, it is more necessary to relax and adjust this situation. Tension.

"You and your brother take a picture here." My father said so, brought a digital camera, and took a group photo for us. I had to stiffen, and Dazai Osamu, who was already a head taller than me, held my shoulders, looking like a brother. With a deep look, I took a photo.My father was very satisfied, and he came over after a while, and told me to let me pamper my younger brother before Osamu Dazai is admitted to the University of Medicine. Because Osamu Dazai is the most important person in the family now.

I was contemptuous, but I didn't want to spoil my father's rare good mood now. I knew that if I refused, it would completely anger him, so I nodded my head and said yes.

The first photo of me and Osamu Dazai was taken in front of this seaside villa in the summer nine years ago. That photo was put into a frame and is still hanging on the wall of the bedroom at home.Osamu Dazai did not go into the water, but I swam twice in the sea, and got sunburned because I forgot to apply sunscreen, and there was a large red mark on my neck.The sunburn did not heal so quickly. When I returned to my home in Yokohama on Sunday afternoon, there was still a big bright red scar on my neck, as if I had put a huge collar on my neck, which was ugly and scary .

I had to go to work on Monday, so I finished my dinner early and went back to my room to lie down.When the clock on the bedside pointed to eleven o'clock, someone knocked on the door of my room. I didn't answer the door and pretended to be asleep, but I forgot that the bedroom door at home was not locked. It was so easy to open the door and come in. The door was opened, I closed my eyes, and the moment I opened the door, I sensed who was entering my room.

It's Osamu Dazai.

He said.Don't pretend to be asleep, Chuya, I know you're awake.

I pretended to lie flat on the bed again, and waited for a full three or four minutes, but Dazai Osamu didn't come out tactfully, so I grabbed the quilt and sat up from the bed: "I'm already going to sleep. I didn't allow it either." You come in."

Osamu Dazai was holding an ointment in his hand, but unfortunately the light in my room was turned off, and the street light downstairs outside the window was too dim, so I couldn't see clearly what was written on the ointment in his hand.On the contrary, he could vaguely see his face clearly, and Osamu Dazai had a half-smile, not knowing what he was thinking.

"What do you want to do?" I asked him.

He smiled again—I was a little slow in reacting before I realized that maybe I shouldn't have asked this question.

do what?He asked me back.What do you say.

He took a step forward.I also exposed my fingers to the light source, and then I saw clearly what the hose in his hand was, and where was the aloe vera gel I thought of for sunburn. At this point, I knew it well What did he want to do.

What request do I have, my brother will satisfy me.Osamu Dazai paused, then spoke again.You promised Dad.

I shouldn't fucking agree, I regret it too much, I never believe that Osamu Dazai didn't know that I was talking to my father, and it's not that I haven't experienced it before, but let me do it again Given the opportunity, I can only agree to my father's order.Compared to my mother, maybe I am the real weak and weak.What's more, the sad thing is that when Osamu Dazai said this, apart from being surprised, there was an inexplicable warmth in my heart. I didn't know what it was, and I was afraid to define this feeling. I couldn't refuse him , not because of my father's request, but my own choice.I am not a good person, I have always known that maybe I have been suppressed for too long, and my heart is extremely eager to do something that goes against common sense and is enough to usher in a storm in my life-but this is at best just impulsive, A damned impulse that I definitely regret.

The sound of cicadas continued for a long time, and Osamu Dazai and I spent the night together in the sweaty futon.

I want to escape from this house.When I woke up the next day with my pillow on Osamu Dazai's arm, I had this extremely strong thought in my head.The fact that I did something sinful that I will regret and fear for the rest of my life can never be washed away.Even if the road of escape may be a road full of thorns, I have no other way.

On this summer afternoon, the warm light enveloped me, but it didn't make me feel any heat. The eyes of Osamu Dazai, who was hidden in the shadow behind the iron gate, looked at me, making my body seem to fall into a glacier.

Biting cold.